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Asrivastava (IT)     06 November 2014

My wife left home

Hi I am married from last 2 years and 4 months. It was an arrange marriage and we also enjoyed the great courtship period before marriage. me and my wife home town is same but i have settled in Delhi and working in MNC. At time of marriage she was doing her Post Graduation and her internship was going on so she stayed back at the home town at my parents place though she used to visit her parents frequently and whenever me or she gets time and leaves we used to stay together. Things were good but soon she starts blaming my parents that they keep upsetting her. I used to advise my mother and her not to fight and live peacefully but these small small things keep happening as this is part of every family. i Helped her to get complete her internship and she moved to Delhi and start living with me. Also i helped her in-laws in their bad and good time like their son. 

Things were fine between us and i loved her and help her doing the study for her banking sector as she wanted to get training for the same. I always love her, supported her in every means be it household things or showering love on her. Taking her out for vacation.

Some time usual fights happens between us just like any normal husband and wife but it gets over after some time or couple of days. Though she used to stay bad about my in-laws,i always used to ignore this and always advise my parents to keep quiet and they were content that her daughter in law is at-least happy with their son. Whenever she used to get home town she hardly stays at my home and soon move to her parents home but we always try to keep this simple as we never wants to make situation bad.

Some time back my father got minor heart attack and after the diagnose it was found that open heart surgery was require to change the heart valve and we decided to done it at Delhi. Me and my younger brother who is also living with me make all arrangements to get this done. Though she or her parents does not said directly to me but they always though why we are spending so much money on this Surgery as my parents were bot financialy dependent on me and my brother . But we decided to go ahead with this surgery as it was matter of my father health. So on the date of the surgery my in-laws visited to delhi to see my father but they initiated the fight with me saying my mother has said some bad things about their daughter and that fight become worse as my wife and her parents and her brother say very bad things about my mother which make me angry and i decided to slap my brother-in law but didn't as i control myself. Just imagine the condition that my father was in ICCU post surgery and on the ventilator and they fight with me.however she went away with them as my bother in law lives in Gurgaon. Next day my wife come along with her brother and father and took away all her belongings with her, Though i tried to convince them that they should try to solve any matter once my father will come after the surgery but they never listened and went away saying really bad words about me and my parents and said that they will make me go to Police station in dowry case. I decided not to call her or resolve the matter as my father was in the hospital and i did not want to make situation worse for us. Soon he gets discharge and come back to our home in Delhi. few days later he had an heart attack and he passed away. 

She came at our home along with her parents but i asked their parents to leave the house as i was very angry with them. She lived with us during the ritual which went around 10 days but never spoken to my mother and never supported me emotionally but she did all the ritual which required. My mother is devasted so did me ant brother with this sudden loss of my father and we decided to keep my mother with us.After 10 days she left home again saying that she will never returned to my home again.

Please advise what steps should i take as i Love her a lot and always loved her from bottom of my heart but it also important that i take care of my Mother and my brother as i am elder son and now after my parents passed away its my responsibility to take care of them



Learning

 9 Replies

Kapil Chandna (Lawyer at Supreme Court of India)     06 November 2014

Dear, Involve someone to whom she.listens and settle the latter. Otherwise file an RCR as soon. Adv kapil chandna, 9899011450

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     06 November 2014

I suggest you if you are in good financial position, take a nearby flat for your mother and younger brother and provide them emotional and financial support to them and bring back your wife and stay with her separately. Asking your wife to stay along with ur mother and brother is a great harm you are doing to your bereaved widow mother who is in dire need of mental peace, which she can't get in the presence of belligerant DIL.  Your wife requires to amend herself that can be done only with you and not without you.  You also should learn to deal tactfully with your in laws. 

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     07 November 2014

This is another trivial matter which needs patience and understanding on  both the sides and atleast one side should understand the gravity of the situation and act positively.  Now allow the time to roll on for few more months, hope she will realise her mistake if you maintain dead silence during this temporary separation and would attempt to contact you upon which you should shed your ego and take her back into your fold and may be as suggested by learned advocate Mr. Chandrasekar, you may arrange for a separate home to live with her atleast to pacify the issues temporarily.  Do not think of initiating any legal process including notice or RCR, this may provoke her more and the possibilities of reunion will remain a dream.  Try your best to save the sacred institution of your marriage.

Asrivastava (IT)     07 November 2014

Thanks a lot for your reply Mr Chandrasekhar and Mr T. Kalaiselvan. I am also not in favour for any legal process as i want this situation to get solve peacefully. Only thing which has hurt me that she did all when i was in great tragedy from last one month.My father was in hospital and then he passed away. You can just imagine what state of mind me and my mother and brother was going through. 

My priority at this time is to take care of my Mother who is in great emotional trauma after my father passed away and my wife left home. But i also want them to teach a lesson what mistake she has done and if i go to her now to solve this issue it will make her having an upper hand which i don't want now as this will be an issue for forever. 

Please suggest.


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Asrivastava

Thanks a lot for your reply Mr Chandrasekhar and Mr T. Kalaiselvan. I am also not in favour for any legal process as i want this situation to get solve peacefully. Only thing which has hurt me that she did all when i was in great tragedy from last one month.My father was in hospital and then he passed away. You can just imagine what state of mind me and my mother and brother was going through. 

My priority at this time is to take care of my Mother who is in great emotional trauma after my father passed away and my wife left home. But i also want them to teach a lesson what mistake she has done and if i go to her now to solve this issue it will make her having an upper hand which i don't want now as this will be an issue for forever. 

Please suggest.


Nobody can teach anybody a lesson. Its a false notion that one can teach a lesson to anyone.  Your wife has to understand on her own the value of married life.  You try to teach wife a lesson, you will end up learning a few lessons yourself.  Dont meddle with wife, enemity with wife is the worst thing a husband can do.  Dont screw up your life.

1 Like

Adv. Santosh K. Dubey (Advocate & Lead Attorney.)     07 November 2014

Dear Asrivastava,

I Fully Agree with Advocate T. Kalaiselvan, best advice is not to initiate any legal proceeding untill and unless you find that all the possible ways to settel up this matter are closed, because maybe gradually with passage of some time she might think of coming back to you but once you do any thing legal she may get provoked, give haer some time and concentrate on your work.

Asrivastava (IT)     07 November 2014

Thanks All for your reply and suggestion.I am ready to wait patiently for the same as i think over the period of time she will come back and then we can pacify the matter. But my concern is what if they claim any false things or take any legal actions against me. What steps should i take if that will happen. Please suggest. Also i do not want to get involve any unwanted legal situation as i want this top resolve peacefully and want everyone to remain happy as one family.

SuperHero (Manager)     08 November 2014

·       This is my view...I am not a lawyer nor advocate…

·       As Adv Chandrasekhar Sir advised take 2 houses which are nearby. You and your wife can stay there and your mother and brother can stay in a different house.

·       I really pity your situation and sad to hear your story…Hope all will be Well….

·       Have Patience, Tolerance, Faith and HOPE..

·       I think you are on a double edged sword.

·       If you don’t go and talk to your wife then the Mother in Law and Father in Law will corrupt her mind, especially relatives will corrupt her mind which is already corrupted; see He is not coming to take you. He doesn’t love you….

·       If you go and try to request her to come back then they will ridicule you…

·       Misunderstandings do happen, even after many years of Married life..

·       As long as YOU or ME is identified which is caused by EGO, then only 1 person will remain….

 

·       If Our Family comes in the hearts of the husband and wife then there is Oneness( This is Our Family and we are One), what may come we will handle it...

Never shout or yell at others...Try to maintain good behaviour, Words Once Spoken can't be taken back.

SuperHero (Manager)     08 November 2014

To add

DUTY...

Matru Devo Bhava

The Vedas say "Matru Devo Bhava," Revere your Mother as God. You must revere your mother, who has brought you up with love, care and sacrifice. However famous one may be, if he/she does not revere their mother, they do not deserve respect. A person whose heart is so hard that it does not melt at the pleadings of their mother deserves nothing but ridicule. This principle of adoration applies to the country which gave birth to you too. You must revere the country and follow its culture.

 

Sri Sathya Sai Baba, Divine Discourse, March 25, 1980.


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