How do i stop domestic violence from my husband

Originally posted by : swapna
	Hi, I am married for 8 yrs and have 2 kids. My husband is a central govt employee. I work in an education sector. My husband has uncontrollable angre problems where in he beats me when we have any fights. this is since our marriage any quarrel and i back answer him, he raises his hand immediately on me. This time, ie., on october 19, 2012  again i was beaten up by him though his mother was there she never came and stopped him and i had to dial 100 and at 10 o clock night the 2 constables came and what he told them the reason for beating me was that i go to my parents house which is in the next lane itself and they also asked me back when ur husband does not want you to go to ur parents house y do i go. Since i leave my kids with my mother and go to work thats y i go in the evenings to pick them up. Next day i went to local police station and i was asked to write a complaint which i did and since he is a central govt employee i dint wanted to be FIR as it will harm his job. Since then my kids and i live with my parents its been 4th month and he has not bothered to come and speak neither called. Please suggest me what i have to do. I donot want to go for Divorce. I love him but his this abusive behaviour is what makes me really upset.   Kindly suggest if i will have to take any legal options.   Thanks n regards

There should be some reason behind this erratic behaviour.

Have you spoken to your husband about this?  It should be due to work related issues or something. Why dont you sit and talk.

If possible try getting hubby to a counseling session. Like that you might as well find the cause for his behaviour and thereby plan accordingly about future.

Send elders of your family to discuss the matter with them...if it is fruitful then talk to lawyer..I think filing a Domestic violence case will work for you as he will not be arresetd .

You hav eto file DV case before appropriate authroity.  By the way why you do not want him to be suspended ?

Dear Querist

You should filed a complaint u.s 12 of Domestic Violence Act, 2005

12. Application to Magistrate.-

Hi everyone,

thanks for your replies.

1. No he does not have any work related tensions which are the cause of his behaviour. Basically he is very egoistic in nature. On top of it his mother add fuel in complaining about why i am not giving him my salary, however i contribute part of it to buy groceries to home everymonth. she showcases it front of him as though she does all household chores and i jus go sit in my mothers house which is not ture as she is there with us since 10 months only.

2. when we have any arguments she takes his side and supports him for all his behaviours. whether if he boozes and comes also she says he is man he can booz .

3. Yeah i dint want to complain as FIR as if he gets suspended or it would lay black mark on his career records.

4. Making elders sit and speak my mother says let their people come first and discuss and not we take the initiative she says.

5. the land is given by my mother where as we have constructed the house, but now my husband and mother in law are enjoying in that house.

Do i have to take the initiative in calling him and talking to him and asking him to come for counselling sessions. kindly suggest

if you file dv then you will be sent  for counselling...DV can give you your home back.In Whose name the property is now?

Contact a good lawyer.Before filing a case try to go home with kids yourself.If they resist then file case .

property is in my mom's name only. No no they are not resisting me in going to my home, infact they are waiting for that only that i go on myself without  their image not being hurt. but however i want him to come and take me as the mistake was from his side. If i go by myself i feel i become small in front of them.

that is your house..you should go there and stay there ignoring him.This ego will not work I think..assert your right over that property.

It is just becuause of your attitude that you have been facing problems. Typical house wives have to suffer domestic violence just because they worry about their relationships and family bonding. But I believe that you should not be weak. Being citizen of India, you are entitled to exercise your right to freedom.

Rather than going to police station or a lawer, you must prefer a women cell/ Women Social welfare organisation or any concerned NGO because they give best counselling with legal advice. Then only you should plan a step. BUT I must say that you do not sit

Kapil.

U said it right. Yes ofcourse its my attitude of forgiving him (as i love him and looking forward for a positive change in his behaviour) that has brought the things and situation this far. and also my family background where in we are well settled in this locality and taking any strong steps would hamper my family's good name in society.

My mother and father are just keeping quiet and saying that let his relatives come and speak first to us and we need not become small by approaching first. Also they are not willing me takin any legal measures thinking that my future gets affected as i have two kids. Its been 4 months now i donnot know what to do. I am with the help of my parents managing the kids expenses.

One of my friend's told that making wait wait if its more than 6 months the weight of my case becomes null. Is it so.

Also i would like to bring one more point here. when i complained in the local police station after the issue, the police people had asked him to give a written response to my complaint in which i stated tat i have been facing physical and verbal abuse since my marriage. in return he has said that "my wife is not s*xually cooperating with me" which is not true and just to say something about me he has told that. Having 2 kids and 2 abortions (he himself got me done) will support his above statement???

Can i alone approach the Women's Cell and narrate them the situtation???? pls suggest where is bangalore is this Women protection cell.

thanks

Going to a police station or filing a complaint U/s 12 of the Protection of Women domestic violence act will only aggrivate the matter .

As you have 2 children you can very well keep a maid to look after the childreem and the both of you can share the expenses of the maid .  Most of your issues would be settled as the maid would be doing most of the work which i presume is getting youll worked up . When neeed be you can very well convince him that you wish to visit your parents like on weekends etc  which he would very well consent to it . You should try to avoid back answering and wait for his anger to cool down and next day convience him with love about his wrongs . As you love him and dont want  go for Divorce hence it would be better to avoid complaining to any authority since it would break up your marriage . your kids require the love of both the parents else they would suffer should a divorce take place  . People will instigate you to do this and that but its your life and it would be you who would be running around to courts which is a long legal process and takes year and years to come to a conclusion and both your time as well as your money would be wasted rather than the same can be spent for the children  . Till than your marriage would turn out dead if a court process starts . Leave aside your egos and talk it out with him and come down to a amicable solution . 

Stanley,

i agree to what you say. but this was not the first time i have been physically abused. it is happening since last 7 yrs and i have not taken any strong action. but if i continue to keep quiet wouldn't you think this will keep repeating in future as well.

Sharing the expenses which i really do by providing for every month's grocery expenses. inspite of that i will be blamed for i dint do anything in life, he has done so much, he keeps condemning me and my family for all silly reasons.

All these years my love for him and also my kids future that i kept in mind and never took any strong steps like reaching to police station or women's protection cell. He even takes advantage of my goodness and says what could you snatch of mine when i hit you for four or five time what could even your parents do he says.

Ok if i think let me give this as a last chance and go back to him, he has not tried to reach me since 4 months. Now even i hesitate to call him up and i dont know some kind of fear and some tension is holding me back to call him and talk to him.

Shall i wait for one more month and shall i reach to police and ask them to get him called to police station and give him a counselling and then and i go back home or what to do.

See if i go on my own i become more cheap to him and his parents. they again will have reason to laugh saying i went back.

Ok i will see how many of you here would recommend me to go on my own by taking the initiative and call him and speak to him.

thanks n regards

swapna

@ Author .

It would be better to involve elders and arrange for counselling and than you go back to him.Going on your own  too is good and  it does not make you cheap  as a matter of fact it shows the sacrifice you are making for the sake of your family . In most of the families petty quarrels take place can you name a family where they dont quarrel ??. If you wish too can you narrate the experience of your children they are going through when quarrels take place between the spouses . Dont you find them distrubed and it shows on their faces and their entire life is affected . its the children who suffer the most . 

yours is a problem which can be easily resolved keep law aside or complaining to authorities to take action since you have a sensible nature . Follow your instinct and achieve your goal .

You have no choice. Either you forget and forgive and get physically abused for the remaining part of life or you take shelter of law. Law tames many perons.