nimesh shah (dir) 15 February 2011

Ve given up now...what next..a Divorce !

Hi..past 12 yrs v ve been married, kidded with 2sons, 10yr n 5yr old..things were fine first 2 yrs but it started..with time she became dominating abusive, banging the doors n flinging things around..doesnt care a dime for parents either..not a single job of house is under her responsibility..stays like a guest..not a good mother as far as imbibing value system is concerned...without a doubt she loves them beyond her life..she just shouts 24x7..ve started leaving house early n return late...several discussions during early years were organized jointly with her mom in law..n everytime..they hugged n cried n apologized n swore to start a new life...JUST 4 days it lasted everytime..after several attempts parents too drifted away from her..slowly things began to b very sour between us...i gave myself n her a lot of chances wherein we can change..but no.......today we just stay under same roof, we discussed that we shall communicate only for topics relating to children..past about more than 2 months theres no intimacy between us, but a liberal acceptance of respect, ve decided to satisfy ourselves, by doing things with the partner dressed. on a very mature discussion we found out that we cannot connect to each other anymore and both of us ve accepted this.. i cant live without my kids either..n she n me cant live together...is there any legal arrangement that may direct our children to a boarding school, and she n me may live seperate legally...want them to ve the best of education n values..but both kids living now are always under psycological pressure n fear..they sense it...it shows....just want them to breathe free..its affecting their minds..all these shouts n !!...ve given up....just imagine..i am writing this !!!!!!!!!!!!

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3 Replies

nimesh shah (dir) 15 February 2011

everytime either of us open our mouth.......we end up in a messed up fight !!

(Guest)

From what you have told,she seems to have some psychological problem.

But you are seeking advice on LCI !!!

Why don't you take her to a psychologist or psychiatrist?

If she has a problem,get her medicated and counselled....Aisi problems aati rahti hai life me

Else live a lonely life,and be prepared that your kids will be emotionally disturbed to see you both living separately,even if you put them in a hostel...Kids' minds are v.tender and sensitive this age.

(Guest)

Mr Nimesh Shah

In a marriage , that too after 10-15 years turbulence & rifts are very common. 10-15 yrs of marriage is a crucial period. And such fights are common, personal ego's burst out .

As you have writen that you and your wife cannot live together anymore but you both are worried about your children . If you want an LCI advice legal one, then yes their is a way that you both go for a mutual concent divorce, and can plan about your kids & their future. If you have a proper drafting certainly you will get a legal relief, and you & your wife will be free from eachother.

But what next, your kids are already scared and are going through mental trauma, they can guess that their parents might get separated, and after that they will have to go to a boarding school which is more pathetic. Both the brothers will not be able to stay together , & completely alone no mom no dad. A hostel, can they go through all this ?? just imagine first they will lose their family, their mom and their dad, and then a strict boarding school, where nobody in going to understand their feelings & agony. Think about their mental statement & feelings, this might have a huge impact on their tendor hearts & mind. Parents are everything to their children , think 1000 times before you take this huge step.

Mr Nimesh you and your wife are adults , you had a clear discussion regarding ending your marriage. Thats fair, atleast its not that bitter. But when you both can sit together to break this marriage why can't you sit together to give it a chance just for the sake of your children. I understand that nothing is left, but atleast you both can give eachother some time to rethink. Atleast you both can talk about the things which are lacking in this marriage. Give some time.

In case if both of you are looking for other partners , then i cannot say anything. Because that is your personal choice . but whatever you do think , because you both love your children alot, and your decision is very crucial, this can shatter them or make them happy ever after. If you both can try to give a happy & healthy life to your kids, then i think that will give you immense peace.

Think & then decide

All the best Sir,