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Anonymous1 (Research)     03 July 2012

Divorce and sole custody without visitation rights

I am a victim of verbal abuse and would like to divorce my husband. i have minor child. please advise on following issues:

1. is verbal abuse a ground for divorce? there is no proof except daily mental torture. how can i proceed in this case?

2. my child's welfare is of utmost importance. under no circumstances do i want my husband to get even visitation rights. It would defeat the purpose of my separating from my abusive husband and carrying on my life with my child.

please help.



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 10 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     03 July 2012

@ Anonymous,


1.
Verbal Abuse as such is not ground for divorce.
2. However, verbal abuse if proved to be detrimental to life and limb danger under mental cruelties then you have a case.
3. Child visitation is between Court and natural guardian in the best interest of child rights. You cannot deny ‘child rights’. You may play maximum three tricks in Court which most of the mothers apply usually in child visitation / custody cases but ultimately he will get it even if he has to go all the way to SC (if that is what he wants). Verbal abuse to you by your husband has no relationship to denying visitation to a child to his natural father. A father may be alleged to have committed murder but such father also gets visitation.
4. Suggest segregating your issues and visitation issue separately during contest. The moment you mix up your divorce will take a back stage and visitation he will still get be it supervised and or in court premises. 

1 Like

Anonymous1 (Research)     05 July 2012

@rajeev, @ashish, thankyou for your responses. I agree that my issue with my husband should be separated from his relationship with his child. but his actions as a father have also been 'questionable'. i do not want to discuss that here.

His verbal abuse has been consistent over a period of time and he has also used threats of snatching mychild from me or threatening me with physical abuse. But this was conveniently done behind closed doors. What can i do to build a strong case against him. I've spoken to him about his behaviour on several occasions but things have been getting worse. 

If i leave the house with my child and live separately (till i figure out the legal process), can he legally force me to make him meet the child while the case is under process?

Please advise.

 

Anonymous1 (Research)     05 July 2012

@rajeev, @ashish, thankyou for your responses. I agree that my issue with my husband should be separated from his relationship with his child. but his actions as a father have also been 'questionable'. i do not want to discuss that here.

His verbal abuse has been consistent over a period of time and he has also used threats of snatching mychild from me or threatening me with physical abuse. But this was conveniently done behind closed doors. What can i do to build a strong case against him. I've spoken to him about his behaviour on several occasions but things have been getting worse. 

If i leave the house with my child and live separately (till i figure out the legal process), can he legally force me to make him meet the child while the case is under process?

Please advise.

randomethic (Professional)     05 July 2012

Statistically, verbal abuse often preceeds physical violence. I also speak from experience and it is true that abusers are likely not to change because they have no incentive to, as long as their tactics work towards getting them what they want.

 

The advice on the forum in right, proving verbal abuse is difficult and I can understand where your concerns lie. Alienating a normal person with whom your marriage has not worked is not the same thing as dealing with an abuser who is likelier than most to use anything, especially children to cause you hurt and trouble and even use the children as a means to keep tabs on you, manipulate you and threaten to take them away from you to keep you from leaving, with utter disregard to the damage such behavior causes the children. An abuser often holds their loved ones to horrendous standards and children are not spared. It is an unfair fight to begin with.

 

At the same time, the courts in India will not see this the same way and in that, the learned members here know more than I do. 

 

I hope you can find the kind of lawyer who understands the aspects of verbal abuse amounting to mental cruelty and has established themselves as someone who can take the right view of things. Your best bet would be to look for a lawyer who can truly understand the nuances of such a situation and build your case accordingly.

 

This will be a hard fight, he won't be willing to let you go as easily  because abusers need someone to abuse and your leaving will prompt tears, begging and promises of change etc. The honeymoon period will end and the abuse cycle will restart, with time the honeymoon period will grow shorter and the periods of abuse, alienation and degrading you will lengthen. Keeping a child in this scenario would mean the child will bear witness and also likely be subjected to abuse and grow up with an unhealthy view of relationships and the world.

 

If you are open, I would suggest that you seek counselling for overcoming the resulting trauma from the abuse. Also, should the courts grant your husband visitation, please monitor your child carefully and see if they show any signs of being treated badly or being assaulted verbally. A counsellor will be able to help you understand these signs.

 

Right now, though, I think you are doing the right thing by moving away from your husband. Your child deserves to grow up in a healthy and abuse-free environment.

Anonymous1 (Research)     06 July 2012

@randomethic, your reply reads like an exact descripttion of my husband. If only you were a lawyer!

@ashish, thankyou for your clarifications and comments.

could anyone advise on the following points:

1. Is there any precedence of 'verbal abuse amounting to mental cruelty' case in India?

2. If I move away and seize all forms of communication with my husband, can he legally force me to make him meet our child?

randomethic (Professional)     06 July 2012

I hope you find the right help. If you need to just talk to someone, please feel free to send me a PM. Wish you luck through this battle.

MRRpersonality (Knows very little about Indian laws)     06 July 2012

Hello Anonymous author:  Rajeev Rakheja aka tajobsIndia has already answered your two questions very clearly.

 

1. If verbal abuse is repeated and can be interpreted as cruelty, then it is a valid reason.

2. You can not deny him visitation rights.


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