How should i protect myself?

till now in this forum we used to read different query from husband who used to say that wife is harassing and threatining to commit suicide for many reasons

1. In your case is very clear that you in laws are not interested in you and they want divorce from your end but your husband is not interested in divorce but he has a thought to keep marriage a chance which will takes his own shape means he is not daring to take any step against his parents but he is loving you and he is not in a state to show it before them 

2. about your parents they have totally broken financially and after divorce means you have to depend on your brothers think about this even if your are working for many reasons you have to bow before them

3. if you and your husband are working then make a chance to take a bold step to convince your husband to seperately near their parents house so that no clashes and no arguments with your in laws and your husband may visit them daily 

4. if he really loves you for the above reasons then it is in your hands to change his mind from the thought of suicide 

and legally you have many options to take but try out some thing different to save your marriage life happy

Your husband must be under great pressure and in dilemma. You both should go through marriage counselling.Threatning of suicide is a mental cruelty on spouse.Giving dowry is also a crime.

It will be advisable to make the husband to be brave enough to  protest against the conduct of your inlaws and start living with you separately , or get divorce.

Originally posted by : megha jha
	Dear Members, And he is now threatening me that he will commit suicide.   I am working now and earning my living.  You wont be able to claim maintenance. A few days back my family members started getting calls from my relatives stating that my in laws are calling them and asking for divorce and also saying that we dont want that girl.I am also fed up in all this. I told my husband to give me back my things and money and part ways. But at times he shows love and affection ..that too all drama nothing real and says he will die if i lieave him. he says u stay in ur parents house and i will stay with my parents and we will be good frineds and meet outside without anyones knowledge. I told the officer that i dont want to see myself or my parents in any kind of trouble. I just want to move on in life. And i am ready to leave him but atleast he should give me my things. My family is not in a position to get me married again because we are financially drained out. and my dad is retired now. I need to look for my future.   Please suggest me what should i do. I told the police that my husband is threatening suicide. He told me madam he is not timid to commit suicide. And he has told this infront of us and it will be recorded and i wont be in any trouble in future. But still i want to safeguard my interest. My lawyers suggested to give a formal letter again saying so and so person is giving suicide threats. They will councel him and take care of such threats.Is it correct?

This guy wants to wash his hands off of you. That is very clear from what you have told about your problem.

First things first, if you are 25 somethings and you want to move on in life, well go ahead, file for divorce.

If you are 30+ something and keeping in mind that your parents would not be able to get you married the second time around, then you have to think hard.

First you should decide as to what you want, divorce or married life with this guy.

Only after you come to a decision, other things can be suggested.

As far as his suicidal tendencies go, it is a result of immense acting, and you have done the right thing by going to the PS.

in hathon ko pathar kar le phi tu bhee kam nahin hai.

If you want to bid farewell to the marital relationship, there are umpteen number of ways and advocates who can suggest you what to do to get back your things.  Just approach some good advocate who is well versed with matrimonial cases.  But do not go and ask them what to do.  Decide first what to do, yourself because yours is a sensitive case where husband is threatening to commit suicide.  After deciding what to do, tell the Advocate this is what I want you to do.  Weigh these options. Some may not be relevant for your situation, but go through for your understanding the subject.

I want to remain his wife and be part of his house :  Then file RCR petition or Residence orders under DV Act.

I want justice, I am angry about their behavior they have beaten me up :  Then file 498A or S.3 of DV Act.  But then you have to remember once the legal proceedings begin, there is no way marriage is going to work for you.  So before initiating legal action, you should be clear that you lost your husband and be mentally prepared for it.

I want only maintenance    :   Then file for maintenance under S.125 Cr.PC. or under DV Act or under HMA.

I want divorce :  Then file for contested divorce or if he is ready for mutual consent, go for mutual consent divorce. 

I want divorce along with recovery of dowry amounts and streedhan :  Then file for recovery of Streedhan under Sec.406 IPC along with Sec.357 Cr.PC. and also compensation under Sec.22 of DV Act along with Divorce petition with Section that is applicable for your case.

I want only mediation, they shall be forced to come on to table for discussion :  Then file 498a, before filing FIR police will arrange for mediation.  But remember if the intention is to re-unite never use this option.  Nobody having discussed family matters in the presence of police will accept a DIL or wife, that too when DIL or wife forces them to come and mediate.

These are all the options for you or for that matter for any woman whose marital life is at cross roads and comes to seeking legal opinion when marital relationship is not working.  Depending on what you choose Advocate decides about the legal proceedings to be initiated. 

Never listen to what Advocates suggest because whatever they do they do in their business interest .... I add the word..."generally" to avoid causing hurt to genuine ones.  You don't allow them to decide on your behalf, you decide what you want and tell the Advocate this is what I want.  Otherwise, he will decide, "this is what you want now" and he will spoil the relationship if there is any possibility of reconciliation.  Most of the marital relationships, which may otherwise have the possibility of reconciliation get spoiled by Advocates because parties unknowingly give them sweeping powers to decide on their behalf.  That over-dependence is exploited by them and they decide, "this is what you need to do now".  It is always better keeping the options in view the party decides what he/she wants rather than Advocate deciding on party's behalf. 

Many Advocates know that if party files 498A the experience of husband with Women’s cell or mediator appointed by police will be rude and that will spoil the relationship further and reconciliation will become extremely difficult once the husband’s family has the taste of counseling by mediators arranged by police.  But parties do not know about it.  Knowing their ignorance some Advocates encourage people to go for mediation via 498a method, and spoil the relationship and when relationship is spoiled they have plenty of cases in hand for maintenance, divorce, DV Act, 498a etc.  They want the relationship be spoiled.  That is why, it is for the parties to decide what they want by gaining knowledge about all options and how things turn out at personal level between spouses when they avail each option.

Ranee madam,

I know he is in great pressure. He says that he will leave me and my family also. Actually my in laws have only one son and i have tried my level best to take care of them, U wont believe my MIL use to make faces at me and also talk in indecent manner. She says i should not go in my bed room during day time and never allowed my husband to spend quality time with me.

She knows all the tricks to hurt others and create misunderstanding. Even if we both go for seperate accomodation she wont allow us to live peacefully there. My dad is a very sensitive person, i am the only daughter they have. Everytime i take them to doctor i go blank about my future. My mom is having high BP . My dad is also having heath problems. Now i am very clear that i cant see my parents in pain they will die if this torture continues. My mom stops eating whenever she thinks about me and my future.

My husband cant be soo insensitive towards me and my family. On top of everything my in laws strongly feel that girl will only suffer after divorce and not the boy. Let them go to hell with this thinking. I asked him in police station to give me divorce he is not giving. He thinks i will get married again. But now my emotions are dead and i am living only for my parents. My brothers also love me a lot , but they are married and having kids. I dont want to depend on them. They take care of me like anything.

I told my husband only one thing he has two options either to stay together or part ways. Becoz i need to think about my life. He is not giving me anything not even a rupee and earns a whooping amount. Police officer told me madam we gave him good warning not to torture you. He is not able to think independently and take decisions. He told the officer that he can take me home but his parents will not accept me and torture me again. He was the one who stood on one leg to get married to me his parents wanted to sell him for 30 lakhs dowry and car. But he wanted to marry me becoz he loved me and found his soul mate in me. But that is all gone now. Now he thinks of parents. His father uses bad words for me and his mother makes faces at me.

My husband is aware of all this things and thankfully he accepted this in police station that his family tortures me. I am only worried about his suicide thing, i am repeatedly calling police and informing them to safeguard me. I married my husband becoz he was a good friend before marriage and i shared lovely memories with him. I always had many good alliances but i choose him becoz my friendship. And i never knew his family before marriage ,otherwise i would have taken a wise decision.

I am in my late 20's nearing 30. Me and my husband both wanted to get settled in life before getting married. But now i dont see any future from here. All this police station and court cases are sucking. I hate going to PS also. Wait wait wait till the officer is free to talk and he wont remember anything, no follow up i am pissed offf. I want this misery to end. Either this way or that way. If is not going to stay with me then i want divorce becoz i want to come out of this clutches.

Atleast my family will be peaceful. They will feel bad but i cant do anything about it. And second marriage and all is crap. Its like getting married again to show the world that you were right in the first place. My husband will torture me again if i get married and he is really a emotional person, he cant see me with anyone.

I want to know if there is anyway to resolve this problem. I want a solution. Without any tactics and any fights or arguments. Just one plain solution to live together or part ways ASAP.

Thank you every one.

Hi ChandraSekhar sir,

I have read your options. I dont have the courage or will power to go around court cases and file dowry case or domestic violence cases. I love my husband even today and even after all that happened. He was a friend before becoming husband and i can never hurt anyone even in my dreams. I dont want to know about court cases and police cases. The only reason i appoached police is that after this jiah khan case i think prevention is better than cure. Now my parents have taken soo much of sh*t that i dont want them to get hurt becoz of my husband and in laws any more.He sends me sms 's at odd hours in the night and sometimes sends shayari also.

The first option of rcr many people say is useless. Even my lawyer said its useless. I am not having any knowledge about divorce laws. But please let me know one thing. If wife wants to live with husband and in laws peacefully or part ways with them. And they are not agreeing for anyone of this two things and i dont want to use harsh ways to get divorce. Then what should i do? And the fact is i was tortured mentally for dowry and they have taken dowry from me after marriage also and i have all proofs for the same. But i dont want to file case and spoil my marital life. Becoz these demands were made by my in laws and my husband is never like this. He dint demand anything from me. And he is equally tortured by my in laws. He loves me a lot and i can see the pain he is going through now.

My father in law is going and consulting a lawyer and he is taking advice from him, and this cunning fellow has drafted a divorce petition which my husband throwed in dustbin becoz he said he never like to see me in court getting insulted infront of 100 people with the crap thing that he has mentioned about me to get divorce.

The content of the petiton says they are seeking divorce under mental cruelity and desertion. Myself has left in laws house without informing and i went multiple times to my mother's place without informing them. My in laws are old and they need care and respect which i dont do. I am not like a female , mujhe tareeka nahi hai jeene ka, mein sirf aapni mummy ki baat sunti hoon, mujhe ghar ke kaam kaaj nahi aate, kahana banana nahi aata, room clean nahi karti hoon, Meine mere patni hone la role nahi aada kiya. Shaadi ke initial 5-6 months honey moon period hota hai aur meine aapne husband to physically satisfy nahi kiya hai. Mein ek ziddi adiyal and batameez ladki hoon, mujhe badon ka respect karna nahi aata , chote baache ko pyaar karna nahi aata. Mein aapne in laws se unka beta alag karna chahti hoon, meri demands bahut hai..jaise naya mixer, naya fridge aur naya gas stove. aur nahi dilane par mein moo phula kar baith jaati hoon , khana nahi khati  aur hamesha beemar rehti hoon.

Mein weakness ka bahana karke mere husband ko physical relation nahi karne deti hoon. Mein ek saddist hoon aur shaadi ko mazak baana kar rakha hai.

Mere saaas sasur ab bude hogaye hai ..where as there are within 55 years of age. Mere in laws ko meri wajah se diabities aur BP hogaya hai. Mujhe unke ghar mein rehne ka koi hak nahi hai. Mein drama queen hoon, saare din tv deeklhti hoon dopahar ko ghoode beech ke sooti hoon aur husband ko emotional black mail karti hoon.

After looking at the draft my husband got furious and he told all this things to me personally. What shoud i do sir, not even a single word in all this is true. Its all dirty comments on me made by them. I am not at all like this. I told my husband to add few more things and file for divorce. He will get easily. But he is not thinking about it at all. I told the police to please give me a solution either to stay with him or divorce i dont want to be like a cat on the wall.

@ chandrasekhar.7203@ gmail.com,
@ k . mahesh
@ Helping Hand !

nice summing up with pros & cons of situation.
 

Hi, 

Though It has already been suggested that what are the possible ways to cope with the situation however my suggestion is a bit different. People have replied to that which you have mentioned but a marriage doesn't have just these all things.

Its made of feeling, expectations and love. Remember that time when you got married and think how things where. how happy everyone was. but what are the things which came in between and your relationship became like this.

Your laws won't have treated you the same as they treated you when you got married so what are the things which you did/ didn't do and managed/ didn't manage so think about them. Its you who actually shifted to their home and you needed to adjust with them. but somewhere you probably could not accept the conditions and you had your term and conditions.

Your husband is a mam's boy and because he is her son and this statement " mama's boy' states everything that how much you hate your mother in law ?? and how cooprative and understandable you are with your laws.  

Anyways Just think about above. Now when talk about the court case so "THINK 1000000 TIMES " before you could take the step because Its really really difficult. If you earn well then don't not put your parents in trouble anymore. Simply talk with your laws and husband and go for mitual divoree. Forget about money and all that stuff. Its because the court case lasts for years and its not as simple as we think. Its your life and this time has to be the best time of life so if you have decided to end the marriage then leave everything behind and go away. leave the crual people behind and go and get married with a good and nice guy and don't spoil your life.

All d best.

Megha ji, 

One more thing which I forgot to tell you as per your horoscope and habits. You want everyone in this world to live as per your terms and conditions, which is not at all possible.  Respect your elders and don't think that people around are just fools. Thanks.

Megha, it seems your husband is emotionally attached to you still.  You should try to repair your marital relationship and find ways to fix errors.  Life is not like a option to choose from multiple choice answers...if not this the other will be chosen.  Do not think if you cannot unite with husband peacefully, divorce is other option.  Life is not like that.  If you both are attached to each other at emotional level, find ways to cement the relationship further rather than spoiling it.  Do not think of divorce when he is on your side mentally.  Being on your side mentally....this is most important aspect of a relationship.  Many people live with two bodies in same room but they do not remain with each other mentally.  But wherever they are, let bodies be thousand miles away from each other, two lovers can be one soul when they are mentally with each other.  Love is one mind and one soul in two bodies....no matter the bodies are separated by a thousand miles distance. 

It is evident, your husband does not want to follow his father's advise and he confides with you what his father wanted him to do and had been open enough with you saying I do not want to follow what he wants me to do.  That shows he is on your side.  That is enough for you as of now.  Rest of the things should fall in line.....they are not priorities.  Rest of the issues are temporal. Temporal matters should not take front seat in considerations relating to the destiny of a marital relationship nor should they dictate the course of a marital relationship.  You can enjoy life even by chatting and sending emails to each other if your souls are one. 

God bless you.

Love doesn't fail human beings.  Human beings fail love.  Be with it.  Love "love".