Family problem
harish
(Querist) 22 December 2014
This query is : Resolved
I am Reddy and this is regarding a question about justice.
I have taken some personal loan of about 5lakhs & also was paying a chit in a chit fund company.
Both of these i gave to my parents for their financial needs, in construction of house.
Lets say, i use to get some 55000 per month. In that Personal loan & Chit EMI was about 35000 Rs per month. I was left with only 20000 Rs for my expenses.
BG of my family: My father is a business man. We are 4 in our family. My mother, father, myself and one Younger Brother.
My father has assets and he doesn't have cash that is flowing, because at one point he lost some amount in the business. Currently, there are no earnings from his side.
BG of my in-laws family: There are 3 in their family. My father inlaw, mother inlaw and ONLY one daughter. No Brother or No Sister.
Both my in-laws are employees.
In 2012, i went to see an alliance and they asked me "how much are you getting in hand" . I said 55000 Rs per month. I didn't say about Persoanl loan & Chit.
When i asked my father, should i say 55000 (OR) 20000 Rs, he said say 55000, because my father thought 35000 Per month is given to his family only right for construction of house.
And also, he said , "Those who are incapable of paying back loan or who are in very poor condition will say the correct figures", and morever while going for alliance no one will say " i have this much loan or that much expenses and all".
My father initially thought, i will be left out with 20000 per month and Since my Wife is also getting 20000. Both combined they will have about 40000 , which will be enough to run a family.
In Sep 2012, i got married to the same girl and i said to my wife after marriage that i have a personal loan & chit of 35000 Per month.
My Parent in-laws, asked me about this and they asked my father to clear all the loans immediately.
My father was not having money that time. Moreover, my father said to my inlaws before marriage only that " i dont have anything in cash, i have fixed assest only".
In 2012, when my in-laws asked my father to clear the loan and chit immediately, my father said give me some time.
But, he didnt tell any time frame of whether its one month or two months etc.
From then onwards, my inlaws are saying below to me:
1. It seems i have given whatever i have earned to my Parents right from the begining of my job. But, Since i know my family condition, i have taken personal loan & Chit and gave to my father for constructing the house. IS IT WRONG?
2. And also, they are expecting my father to sell some land and give some amount so that i can buy a house. But, my father is saying, pls wait for some time because i have one more child to get married. My in-laws are saying what is the relation between " giving some amount" & " other child getting married". I said to my in-laws that Since you
have only one Child (My wife) you will not know it. My father, is thinking to split the properties after my brother marriage.
Also, after hearing my in-laws words and all, my wife also thinks that i & my parents have done something wrong .
I say always to my inlaws that "you didn't teach your child how to help or behave" because you have a single child and they will be SELFISH only.
My in-laws wanted to keep money with us only, with out helping my parents for any small financial needs. But, at the same time they wanted properties of my father.
Now the questions are :
1) Should i have said "35000 Rs was going for loan and chit " before my marriage to my in-laws?
2) Shouldn't i help my father if he is not having enough money for his purposes?
3) Also, shouldn't my parents think that " both combined can run the family". My in-laws say" how can you depend on your wife salary" . Ultimately, what my in-laws wanted is to ensure my full salary and my wifes full salary is with us only .
4) My in-laws say "before marriage you can give whatever you want to your parents. But, after marriage you need not give. How far is it valid?
5) Are my in-laws correct when they say" pls sell some land and give money for buying a house" eventhough though my brother is yet to be married?
6) Also, i said to my in-laws that " you are so greedy, because you have only one daughter and you wanted to not help my parents for their financial needs." ?
7) Also, my father in-law says that " you need not give anything amount for your brother's marriage" .How far is it valid?
8) Can my in-laws interfere in our home affairs, unless we do physical harm to their child? We are treating their child(My wife) with out any quarells and my parents behave friendly alsowith my wife also.
Pls let me know on whose side the justice is there.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 22 December 2014
TOO LONG A PROBLEM TO GO THRU
shorten it. in few lines
harish
(Querist) 22 December 2014
I have taken some personal loan of about 5lakhs & also was paying a chit in a chit fund company.
Both of these i gave to my parents for their financial needs, in construction of house.
Lets say, i use to get some 55000 per month. In that Personal loan & Chit EMI was about 35000 Rs per month. I was left with only 20000 Rs for my expenses.
In July 2012, i went to see an alliance and they asked me "how much are you getting in hand" . I said 55000 Rs per month. I didn't say about Persoanl loan & Chit.
When i asked my father, should i say 55000 (OR) 20000 Rs, he said say 55000, because my father thought 35000 Per month is given to his family only right for construction of house.
And also, he said , "Those who are incapable of paying back loan or who are in very poor condition will say the correct figures", and morever while going for alliance no one will say " i have this much loan or that much expenses and all".
My father initially thought, i will be left out with 20000 per month and Since my Wife is also getting 20000. Both combined they will have about 40000 , which will be enough to run a family.
In Sep 2012, i got married to the same girl and i said to my wife after marriage that i have a personal loan & chit of 35000 Per month.
My Parent in-laws, asked me about this and they asked my father to clear all the loans immediately.
My father was not having money that time. Moreover, my father said to my inlaws before marriage only that " i dont have anything in cash, i have fixed assest only".
In Oct 2012, when my in-laws asked my father to clear the loan and chit immediately, my father said give me some time.
But, he didnt tell any time frame of whether its one month or two months etc.
Also, after hearing my in-laws words and all, my wife also thinks that i & my parents have done something wrong .
I say always to my inlaws that "you didn't teach your child how to help or behave" because you have a single child and they will be SELFISH only.
My in-laws wanted to keep money with us only, with out helping my parents for any small financial needs. But, at the same time they wanted properties of my father.
Now the questions are :
1) Should i have said "35000 Rs was going for loan and chit " before my marriage to my in-laws?
2) Shouldn't i help my father if he is not having enough money for his purposes?
3) Also, shouldn't my parents think that " both combined can run the family". My in-laws say" how can you depend on your wife salary" . Ultimately, what my in-laws wanted is to ensure my full salary and my wifes full salary is with us only .
4) My in-laws say "before marriage you can give whatever you want to your parents. But, after marriage you need not give. How far is it valid?
5) Are my in-laws correct when they say" pls sell some land and give money for buying a house" eventhough though my brother is yet to be married?
6) Also, i said to my in-laws that " you are so greedy, because you have only one daughter and you wanted to not help my parents for their financial needs." ?
7) Also, my father in-law says that " you need not give anything amount for your brother's marriage" .How far is it valid?
8) Can my in-laws interfere in our home affairs, unless we do physical harm to their child? We are treating their child(My wife) with out any quarells and my parents behave friendly alsowith my wife also.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 22 December 2014
it is your duty to help your parents in their hour of need . however you should have disclosed loan facts before marriage .
both husband and wife have to contribute for running the household if both are earning
in laws cannot dictate what you do with your money after marriage . you are free to help your parents monetarily
DR.VEDULA GOPINATH
(Expert) 22 December 2014
mr Harish Reddy
1. You have done your duty as a sincere son.
2. Whatever asset created out of the amount given by you to your father, you will have beneficial interest as well as future possession.
3. Both and your wife supposed to run the family jointly apart from keeping some amount towards savings.
4. Your father in law cannot interfere with your own affairss.
5. You should convince your wife and not your father in law.Ask your wife to be patient till the loans and chit emi are cleared.
6. Younger brother marriage expenses need not be spent by you.
take care. good wishes
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 23 December 2014
Consult a local lawyer, too long story.
