I’m Nikhil from Delhi aged about 36 years. I got married in October’2017. It’s almost 1.4 years and I’m facing many small issues from the first month of marriage. Now, those small issues have become so serious that my wife is not living with me and staying with her parents. I’m writing down some of those issues for the clarifications:
After Roka in April’17/Before Marriage:
- My wife was very concerned about what and how we are going to do the functions and what kind of gold times we are preparing for her.
- My family asked her many times to come along with us for wedding shopping. But she didn’t not come with us. Every time she had an excuse for not coming with us for shopping. Finally she told us “Aap Didi(my sister) ke sath chale jao and apni pasand se Suits/Sarees lelo”. And we did that as per our choice and limitations. But when we handed over the Suits to her, she was not happy with the kind of stuff we had bought and said “Hum apne relatives ko yeh cloths nahi dikha sakte, humari to insult ho jayegi. I don’t like the cloths and will not wear these suits”. We again said you come with us we will get the suits changed as per your choice. But again she denied and said “rehane do ab, but I won’t wear these suits”.
- And there were many small issues she had with all our stuff and functions.
- She started sending her stuff back to her maternal home. She sent her gold neckless back just after 3 days of marriage, saying “yeh set bahit halka bana hai, thoda heavy karwana hai”. And it never came back till today.
- She informs each and every thing which happens in our family. And calls her mother and her mother calls her 10 times a day.
- Her salary goes to her mother’s house. I have never ever asked her about her salary. I didn’t even know how much she earns till she applied for maternity leaves. Her salary is approx. Rs. 17000/-PM. I came to know when I did all the formalities for her maternity leaves.
- No one from her family had ever spoken to my family members except when it’s a completion. They only speak to her daughter and pass messages through her only. Also, no one from my family had ever been invited or visited her house after marriage.
- She conceived after 1.5 months of marriage and my mother had given all possible care to her during pregnancy and till the time she was staying with us after delivery.
- She had many issue making food for me and my family. And we didn’t force her to do so in this 1.2 years(till 18th Nov’18) time. As per the Punjabi rituals, after marriage 40 days new bride never ask to step into kitchen. After conceiving she was on extra care and obviously didn’t touch any household work at home. After we got blessed with a lovely daughter on 31st August’18, again as per the rituals she was not supposed to step up in the kitchen. And then on 18th Nov’18, she went to her mother’s house to spend some time there and never came back. So, the moral of the story is from day one of marriage till she left her house, she never touched any household work or prepared food except when my Mother was not well twice in 1 year’s time. Here I would like to mention that there are two maids who are doing jhadu pochha and bartan, my mother washes the cloths and what left is only preparing food. Which she doesn’t want to.
- She along with her family members always insult me for my financial condition, as I have a loan running for which I’m paying half of my salary. Then even I have doing everything for her. But she always insult me in front of her family by saying “muje aaj tak kuch nahi leke diya, kitchen mein pura ration nahi hota, muje khane pine ko nahi milta, etc.”. But I know these is all false allegations.
- She wants every respect for her family and relatives cousin etc. but she never respects my family.
- She always wanted a baby boy and wanted a baby girl and she along with her family were not happy when our daughter was born. When I first meet her after the delivery she said “ho gayi tumhari wish puri, mil gayi tumhe ladki, main to soch rahi thi ek bar mein hi free ho jati”.
- We had heated arguments twice in last one year, when she called up her Mother and brother for talk. Where her Mother and Brother didn’t give any attention to her unkind behavior but put entire allegation on me and threaten me by saying “Hum dekhlenge, Koi kisi ko kam na samjhe, bache ki shakal nahi dikhayenge, bache ke liye tarsa denge, etc.”. On the other hand my parents were trying to solve the matter.
There are so many incidents can’t be written here.
As I mentioned above, my wife wanted to spend some time in her maternal home after our daughter is born. So after the naming ceremony of my daughter was done. We planned to visit our Guruji’s Ashram in Dhaulpur, Rajasthan to get blessing on 17th Nov’18. Her brother accompanied us. And on very next day e. i. 18th Nov’18 her maternal home visit for 10 days was planned.
On 18th Nov’18, I went to drop her to her maternal house for 10 days stay. I told my wife to do video call at least twice a day so that I can see my daughter and talk to her. But she never called and messaged me at her own until I called and messaged her. Till 2-3 days everything was fine. After that her attitude got changed and she again started toting me on financial matters and on my care for my baby. She said “Baby ki tension lene ki zarurat nai hai, wo apne nani house hai or use extra care mil rahi hai, Muje pata hai baby ka baap kitani care karta hai, etc.”. I ignored.
She tried to poke me on every moment by putting several status on whtsapp and by send tonting messages on whtsapp group of her side where all her cousins are the part on the whtsapp group. But I ignored.
After ten days, on 28th Nov’18, I told her that after office I will come to pick-up you as ten days were over. But she denied by saying “Mere paas cloths nahi hai, abhi muje shopping karni hai or tailor one weak ka time lega. Uske baad aungi”. Then we had a little heated argument and I said “tum humesha apni mother house jake aise hi karte ho, bolte 10 din ho or fir mann nahi karta wapis aane ka”. After that we were not talking to each other for 5-6 days.
On 3rd Dec’18, my elder sister called-up my wife to invite her for birthday celebration of my niece on 5th Dec’18. After that my wife messaged me “didi ka phone aaya tha, muje bata dena kaise karna hai”. I said be ready I’m coming after office to pick-up you. She again denied by saying “aaj nahi aa sakti, mere suits nahi mile abhi tailor se, wo raat kal afternoon mein suits dega. Aap kal ajana”. I accepted, because I and my parents were dying to meet my daughter.
On 4th Dec’18 at 11:30pm, I went to her house, where I was not allowed to see and hold my daughter in my hands. My wife said “mujhe aapse baat karni hai”. And then my wife, her mother, her brother and her father started yelling on me and repeated all the previous incidents which I mentioned in before and after marriage like “Aapne mere liye kuch nahi kiya, muje khana acha nahi milta, muje pehanane ko ache cloths nahi milte, Humne shadi mein itana kharcha kiya aapne kya kiya, aapka venue acha nahi tha, aapne pehle kyu nahi bataya ke aapka loan chal raha hai, aapne humse fraud kiya hai, etc. etc.”.
I replied them as I had done during past incidents. From 11:30pm till 2:30am four of them insulted me and tortured me.
After all this, my wife was still ready to come with me but on her terms. She said “main ek time hi khana banaungi, or koi kaam nahi karungi, etc. etc. I refused to take her along on her terms and came back alone.
Next morning I felt some doubts and opened the locker in our room. I was shocked to see that all gold was not there. She packed her bags in closed room while going to her mother’s house. But we ignored that time.
On 8th Dec’18, my brother-in-law called up on our landline no. and said “Hume baby ka vaccination card chahiye aaj baby ko injections lagane hai”. My mother picked-up the call and said ok. After some time my wife, her mother, her brother and her cousin brother came with empty bags. They didn’t bring my daughter along and left her in the hospital with my father-in-law. They started picking-up her stuff. Actually they came to pick-up my wife’s stuff(cloths, make-up kit, and daily use items).
We told them, you take away whatever you want from our house, but give us in writing that you have taken so and so stuff along with gold. Which they denied and started yelling and misbehaving. We were forced to call the police after which they got ready to give the writing. And they left our house.
Later we gave a compliant/information in the local police station about the incident. For which we have a receiving copy.
We thought they will complaint in women cell against us, but they have done nothing. It’s almost one month this incident happened but they have done nothing. We have no contact with them. However, they are trying to show us that it doesn’t matter to them by putting whtsapp status. Sometimes put my daughter’s photo to show me and make me jealous. I’m concerned for my daughter and can’t live without her. Even my family is very depressed due to they have snatched our child from us.
- Is there any way of getting my daughter back from them? I’m even ready to live with my wife for the sake of getting my daughter back.
- What are the legal implications, if we go with a legal way?
I request you to please show me the right way. Please help me bringing my daughter back. I will be really thankful to you.