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(Guest)

Why only girls' parents bear wedding expenses?

Of so many other unfair practices in our society, this one bugs me the most.

Why is it that the onus of arranging the entire marriage event goes only to the brides' parents, while the grooms' parents simply walk in proudly,enjoy and get back with the bride (a handy housemaid, so to say). This in addition to all the jewellery that has to be done as per the wishes of the boy's side. 

Is it not foolishness that the bride's father sometimes has to give up his property or retirement benefits just to be able to host a wedding - a one day event ....Will not simple wedding do?

The other day I visited a relative's house whose son's marriage is round the corner.She has 4 sons and you should see how proud she is about it. I was watching her in awe when she was telling everyone with pride that she has "dictated the terms" clearly to the girl's mom - about their expectations et al. They have not spent a single penny except for dresses for the family. I have seen that this feeling of an 'All-boys' family, seems to give her an extra edge in the midst of the friends and relatives. She looks down upon all others as though she has the super power of Gods.

 

there are some families that boast that they dint take a single penny as dowry but "expected" the bride's parents to atleast give a lavish wedding...

 

so..........is a lavish wedding not costly? and again the question arises.y only bride's parents have this responsibility? r they doing a favor to the bride's family by taking their girl,that they expect such a compensation from them?

check any farmhouses,banquet halls,hotels etc...and see for urself the costs involved in arranging even a lavish wedding.

and who benefits the most in a grand wedding?

not the bride,groom,bride's parents or even the groom's parents.all of them are busy welcoming guests,collecting presents,in marriage arrangements,etc.

its the guests who benefit the most as they come,eat,chit chat and go away....in how many weddings have u seen guests waiting till the bride's vidai?nobody.becoz their area of interest is not really seeing the entire marriage ceremony ,but to make merry...only v.close relatives stay back till the ceremonies last..

when the bride and groom face any personal problems in life....these guests are nowhere around...rather they gossip (as in divorce cases,etc)as they get a good topic to laugh over and spread around...so shud they be given so much importance that the bride's poor retired father has to spend his life's earnings,just to please such people?


Can anyone ever pass a law that commands that both sides should host a simple wedding in a temple,spending not more Rs. than 20,000 in the entire affair,bearing 50:50 marriage costs?

 

or

 

 go in for a court marriage

 

if people still dont listen and continue demanding or giving lavish marriages,though it may sound weird,laws shud be passed for annulling such marriages.....only then this show off and extra burden on bride's parents will end..

 



Learning

 79 Replies


(Guest)

i wud add one more thing

 

if such laws are passed,they will automatically end female infanticide,....becoz this bias followed towards the bride's family is mainly responsible for the same

 

so lets focus our energies into eradicating the root cause of female infanticide..

 

 

R.Ranganathan (Advocate)     10 September 2010

There is no law which has made this condition of spending by bride's family. It is our own making and the people relish in showing off to the society. That is why the problem is spreading. It is the girl's who have to take the initiative to stop this practice. Further for your information there are also communities where the expenses of the wedding are share between the bride and bridegroom. Also there are communities where only the bridegroom's family is spending on marriage occasion. Anyway this practice to burden the bride's family has to be curtailed and stopped.


(Guest)

@ ranganathan

bride's parents are compelled to spend.............becoz of societal norms.....if they start asking for equality or start protesting while fixing matches,their daughters will remain unmarried always.and if they get married,they will face abuses becoz the marriage was too "simple"...so laws are reqd.

 

i m talking of general scenario.dont bring a few communities in the picture....

if girl's parents want to show off  by overspending,why are they also killing females wen they are born...is it not becoz of the burden that they will have to overspend in marriage?u have not answered this....

Bhartiya No. 1 (Nationalist)     10 September 2010

Yes what Author has described is a hard reality. They (Bride's parents) parents compelled to go thru the terms and conditions set or dictated by the Grooms parents. Even after going thru the condition, some unusual demands appear from the groom party at the eleventh hour and they make it an status issue.

But time is changing, we must discourage such type of traditions and people. We must go for simple, sober marriage.

Jebaraj Jasper Jacob (Advocate)     10 September 2010

Hai Aish its ur own opinion.The govt has enacted a law prohibiting giving and taking of dowry. But is the menance of dowry is curtailed or the parents of the bride stopprd giving dowry for marriage of their daughter. The answer is NO. Like that no law can be enacted prohibitng marriage expenditure.It's in the hands of the parties to the marriage.The bride grooms family cant alone be blmed.


(Guest)

First of all  your statement that only girl side bears marraige expenses is wrong. In part of the coutry I come from,  marraige has at least functions

 

1. Faldan or Shagun - people from girl side goes to boys side and boy side  welcomes them and bears all expesens in their agaat swagat?

 

2. Marraige : people from girl boy goes to boys side and girl side  welcomes them and bears all expesens in their agaat swagat?

 

So what are you talking.? Check the facts before opening your mouth.

 

Let me ask you a basis question because it affects above  - when some guests come to your home do you start thinking that why you will have to bear all expenses in their agaat swagat?

 

If above is beyond  you let me ask you some more direct  question

 

 

Does the practices of   girl's  leaving all  of  parent  wealth for his bhaiya  at her father house and not bother  you? Do you feel distured about it?

 


(Guest)

Tomoroow, you will say - Why girl goes to stay at Husband's place? Husband should come to Girl's home after marriage. Isn't it?

 

One person trying to change thousand years old tradition. I like that.

 

If somebody is so much against marriage expenses then why not go for LIVE IN relationship for own physical needs?


(Guest)

Question reframed

 

Does the practices of   girl  leaving all  of  parental  wealth for her bhaiya  at her father house bother  you? Do you feel disturbed about it?


(Guest)

@J.Jasper jacob ponraj


it's not my opinion.....it's observation.....
dats y i said such laws must be passed.

if u disagree,its ur choice..i will still stand by wot i believe in is right

 

Democratic Indian (n/a)     10 September 2010

Question by Aishwarya: "Of so many other unfair practices in our society, this one bugs me the most. Why is it that the onus of arranging the entire marriage event goes only to the brides' parents, while the grooms' parents simply walk in proudly,enjoy and get back with the bride (a handy housemaid, so to say). This in addition to all the jewellery that has to be done as per the wishes of the boy's side."

Answer: I support your opinion and it equally bugs me too. It is absolute nonsense to waste so much money instead of investing it for future of people who are marrying. Main purpose is of rich people to "show off" their money.  As far as question of creating laws to prevent social problems is concerned, I disagree. These problems are of our own making. We are a society that has foundations based on discrimination and subjugationfrom from day one, most glaring is the caste system. This will gradually change with education and mordernity.

Freedom also means having very few laws, most laws should prevent mala in se acts and not be targeted at creating malum prohibitum cases. If laws are targeted at creating malum prohibitum cases, we will transit from democracy into tyranny of laws. If we create enough laws, we can create a criminal out of every citizen in the eyes of law. This is exactly bereucrats and politicians love all over the world. We should never fall into this trap.

Question by Cool: "Tomoroow, you will say - Why girl goes to stay at Husband's place? Husband should come to Girl's home after marriage. Isn't it? One person trying to change thousand years old tradition. I like that."

Answer: Taking refuge by justifying a social cancer in the name of tradition or religion etc. cannot be justified. Sati was also a "thousand year old" tradition. If everyone kept on supporting it using your logic it would never have ended. We as sane and rational people should always question the so called traditions if they are harmful. We are a society that has foundations based on discrimination and subjugationfrom from day one, hence we always try to justify every form discrimination, subjugation and inequality by one or the other means. Let us not try to control the freedom of others under pretext of tradition, culture, religion etc.

"Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire." -- Robert Heinlein

For Aishwarya and all freedom loving people, never give up or loose heart, there are many people who love their freedom, I would mention the following quote for inspiration:

"The price of freedom is the willingness to do sudden battle, anywhere, ... and with utter recklessness."-- Robert Heinlein

2 Like

R.Ranganathan (Advocate)     10 September 2010

Mr. Democratic Indian, Well said in good and simple language. My opinion is, this can be changed only with the help of the girls who have to take bold decisions in this regard.  


(Guest)

@Democratic Indian

 

thanks for ur enlightening views......i appreciate u for reading my post and finding time to answer in gr8 detail

 

however on one point,i digree a bit...if u may allow

 

since the practice of burdening bride's parents is an old one and also is responsible for female infanticides,we shud pass v.strict laws....else these 2 menaces will continue....we have not been able to completely eradicate female infanticide....in many families where all children are females,the parents feel so burdend just getting them married that they have to sacrifice their professional education or allow them to pursue only cheaper courses which may not of be their choices......suppose a girl wants to do MBA on which few lakhs have to be spent....she wont be able to.and if they can get her educated abroad,that dream is also sacrificed only for this one day ceremony

till now there has been so much freedom to indians to spend  as much as they can in marriages.only becoz the relatives of both sides expect the same........so this show off is spreading like a wild fire and those who cant afford still take loans etc just to host this ceremony...wen people misuse this freedom,evils arise....so something has to be dun about these evils..


(Guest)

Democrat !! it is you here so no need of me here but your are here so I should be with you so I am here.

 

40 crore Indians are corrupt as they give and take bribe for there shortsighted  selfishness.  It is not me but it is said by now retiring Chief Vigilance Commissioner Mr. Pratyush Sinha.  If one girl's family is ready to give one lac the other girl's family offers two lacs for the same boy.  There is life imprisonment for murder but everyday murders are going on.  Police takes bribe and judge also takes bribe.  What will you do Aishwarya with strict laws as per your draft if there is self organised CWG is going on between families of girls to buy the boys ???  Who will lodge the complaint and who will entertain that ???  Yes ! another source of income will be available for police, advocates and judges.

 

I am sorry it is first time I am giving opinion in this family forum just because you are disagreed to Democratic Indian.  And I want to be clubbed with him for whatever it is a consideration or rejection.  

 

Anyway, hats off for rising a very important & sensitive issue.


(Guest)

Ghar Jawaii. Start from the West.


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