UK (TXT) 06 July 2011

What to do in this marriage?

Hi,

I got married 3 months back. The place of marriage was the place of the girl which was a hill station in kerala. After marriage we came to our place which is in Delhi. At the time of marriage itself we made it very clear that we are just interested in the girl and not any kind of dowry. But they just as part of show off put lots of gold to the girl which is very common in Kerala. It looked like lot but in real it was all very thin.

After 1 month of marriage my wife said that she got some interview and went to Kerala. I booked the tickets for her in flight. Her mother told me that since the marriage was not registered if I also come with her we can get that registered. She insisted that I get all the gold when I come there. So I accompanied her for 3 days. I took some gold but not everything as I was travelling at night and felt it was not safe to travel with that much gold.

But reaching there they gave me lot of reasons and did not show any interest in registering the marriage. Both me and my wife came back and we thought of getting the marriage registered in Delhi. Then at 2 months her mother suddenly came home without any reason and stayed there for 3 days. She wanted to take her daughter with her for a month or so. I told her that it is not even 2 months of marriage and it will not be possible to send my wife with her at this point. Then at 3 months her brothers enagagement got fixed. So my wife had to go to her place. Again I booked the flight tickets for her for both directions. Again my MIL insisted on getting all the gold with her. Again I felt it was not safe to send my wife alone with so much gold and she also agreed and took only the neccessary stuff. But after she reached there my MIL called my parents and was shouting about the gold. She did not allow me to talk to her daughter/ my wife. She said get all the gold then only I will think whether to send her or not.

I am totally shattered. Half the gold is with her and half with me. But even if I return everything to her what proof will I have that we gave everything to them. I have not seen anyone behave like her mother. What if she lies that we never returned it. Again what if she gave any dowry case against us.My father has not even accepted any dowry in his marriage as he is completely against it. My wife is very attached to her mother as her father is not alive. So she will not do anything against her mother's will , though I know that she wants to come with me. I am in Delhi and the hill station in Kerala is very far. It is very diffcult for us to commute there every time for any case issues. Also what if she says that I had hit her or anything as that lady has lied so many times before. Please guide me of what to do in such a situation.

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13 Replies

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate) 06 July 2011

It is better to inform the behaviours of your mother in law to the elders of your society and who helped you get marry the girl from Kerala.

UK (TXT) 06 July 2011

I met this girl in matrimony site and elders just met and agreed.

**Victim** (job) 06 July 2011

@ Author

U r very lucky tht u visited LCI right away.....here u will find lot of experts to advise u well......it seems ur MIL wants to control u i suggest u take each and every steps carefully jst try to be nice with ur wife......keep posting ur experience on daily basis here @ LCI u will get nice advise frm experts

Saurabh..V (Law Consultant) 06 July 2011

@Author

In my view, you are stuck in a tug-of-war between your love for your wife and apprehensions about false case of dowry coming up.

In my view, you should return CASH in place of gold. As this gold must have been purchased specially for the girl, this might not hold any antique emotions like grand-mother etc. So better to transfer money which is worth the gold to them. Also write a letter in your hand-writing that you have already returned half of the gold earlier and remaining you are transferring in the form of cash.

Certainly before sending/transferring cash, get their consent.

All the best

//peace

/Saurabh..V

A. A. JOSE (LAWYER; LEGAL ADVISER/CONSULTANT& TRAINER) 06 July 2011

You have not disclosed as to the attempts made by you to bring back your wife to Delhi and her reactions thereto. You have married the girl and not her mother in law. Therefore, if the girl, viz. your wife, is really willing to come and live with you (as has been stated by you), it would be proper for your to initiate concrete steps to facilitate her return to you. However, it appears somewhat surprising to note that while you have squarely blamed your MIL and the gold, you have not touched the issue as to what exactly is your role and desired future course of actions, i.e. whether you really want to save your marriage or proceed for divorce. Merely throwing questions to this Forum without disclosing one's own mind, may not be proper.

Arif Iqbal (Advocate) 08 July 2011

Mr. A.A. Jose is reight... You should be more transparent and let us know.. what do you want now....

(Guest)

My advise is to get your wife back and you have full right on her after marriage legally.

Be a MAN and get your wife back with you and explain her that her mother is spoiling your lives,, You need to Love her so much that she lose over attachement with her mother, who I guess wants to dominate your lives.

SInce your wife wants to stay with you, hence take the firm stand and live together and maintain distance with her mother, Make sure that your wife meets her mother every 4-6 months and not before that.

Win her heart and get her back with you.

Ms Liberal (others) 17 July 2011

RETHINK OF WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN WHICH IS NOT 100% CORRECT

WOMEN ARE VERY SENSITIVE AND YOUR DUTY IS TO CONCILIAATE HER WISHES NOT BY FORCE BUT BY AFFECTION. FAULT LIES ON THE HUSBAND AND THE WOAMN FACES DOUBLE TRAIL IN EVERY PHASE

**Victim** (job) 17 July 2011

RETHINK OF WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN WHICH IS NOT 100% CORRECT

WOMEN ARE VERY SENSITIVE AND YOUR DUTY IS TO CONCILIAATE HER WISHES NOT BY FORCE BUT BY AFFECTION. FAULT LIES ON THE HUSBAND AND THE WOAMN FACES DOUBLE TRAIL IN EVERY PHASE

Originally posted by Ms. Liberal

Can you tell me how fault lies on husband in this case ?

Let's have debate between me and you one on one

(Guest)

I THINK MS LIBERAL IS ONE OF THOSE BITCHY WIFE'S WHO WANTS TO DOMINATE HUSBANDS AND ARE ONE OF THE REASONS WHY HUSBANDS NEEDS TO DIVORCE THERE WIVES.

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity) 18 July 2011

even i dont understand Liberal's viewpoint.

How is the husband squarely to be blamed for this?

Ms Liberal (others) 18 July 2011

You have not mentioned about the gold (whether its yours or she has brought to her matri home) which was at your posession. You maya sked her to return jewellery if same is not the part of Istridhaan. Otherwise she has the full right to claim the property and for this she may take legal action against you for breach of trust and wrongful confinement of her property

If she has left the home with out anay reasoanle cuase you may send notice and also file the Restitution Application in Family court/Civil Court and if she refused to comply then its also as tong ground of divorce

It may be possible that girl is acting under the wishes of her mother and mother was sensitive for the security of her future

its better to fgo for some mediation center opened at various courts for proper counselling