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XYZ (XYZ)     07 May 2013

Threatening wife

 

Dear Esteemed Members,

 

I am faced with a situation where my wife is forcing me to chose between herself and my mother. My father has passed away recently and i work around 2000kms away from my native place. I have applied for a transfer, so that i can be near to my native place (not live with my mother, but the nearest possible place). After i discussed this with my wife, she threatened to destroy me and my family and press charges in court. She dosent want me to go. All i proposed her is that she can apply for a transfer and after a brief period, she can join me at the new place. I really really need to be with my mother as i am the only son, and keeping my wife's behaviour with my mom in the past, i dont want to spoil my mother's life by asking her to live with us.

I also dont want the wonderful relation with my wife to end, but she does not understand my point. Also i need to protect my family from false charges and inconvenience.

 

Kindly advise.



Learning

 35 Replies

Srinivasa Rao Yaramati (advocate)     07 May 2013

still now your wife  did not taken any legal action aginest you (false charges) so it is better to sit together and talk  

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     07 May 2013

Your case is not ripe for legal advice.  Law has become a tool of extortion in the hands of unscrupulous elements to prevent good people to do the good they wish to do.  My view is mother is more important than wife.  The very purpose of institution of marriage is to facilitate the process of taking care of old aged people.  If that purpose cannot be served there is no point in being part of institution of marriage.  Their words may be pungent.  But old aged people are physically weak.  As we grow older we understand the need for the services of young people, when we realize that the body is not supporting us to do things the way it did when we were young.  Hence whether their views are pungent or not whether they are harsh or not becomes irrelevant when viewed from the angle of whether they are really that strong to attack us.  Kuch bolenge....bade log....we have to bear and serve them thinking, they are physically weak though their words are pungent. We also get to that stage when our body no more cooperates and we rely on children.  Keeping that in view, I feel it is our religious duty (as Hindus) to support the old rather than worry about carnal pleasures with wife.  Our natural tendency is always to remain with people who attract the attention of our bodies.  To reign in and be with old and support them is a great cause.  It is duty of every Hindu. Only problem is Hindu law is not in tune with Hindu dharma.

1 Like

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     07 May 2013

I disagree to @ Chandrasekhar whereupon he says ‘mother is more important to a wife’. I also differ to opinion of @ Need Justice. 

I say wife is more important to once parent. No matter today’s metro wife donot realise the importance a husband gives to her but that is what it is core of it if one looks around.

In my opinion once a person becomes major he lives-works for posterity wherein having getting married followed by children out of wedlock are all continuous process of evolution of a persons presence in planet. Nature helps in removing sick and dying and the process is continuous till it reaches respective full circle and for the same in presented brief two options remains to cherry pick if queriest is bold male.

Option1: Wait based on allocating some time limit and watch developments and meanwhile balance your life between once mother and wife. Herein one can contentiously remain silent for a period and thereby relocate and visit both persons in his life equally.

Option 2: Apex Court itself said that wife not joining husband where he works / shifts for a living is cruelty hence if all social talks fails then transfer to mother’s (nearest) place and file for divorce on the grounds of cruelty.

Any relations remains beautiful till both partners to the relationship understands each others and thus give space / time to grow. Once one partner agitates it is better to carry on and the moment one takes a pause all hell breaks free.

Manish Udar (www.Mehnat.IN)     07 May 2013

This is cruelty and you can file for divorce on this ground.

Ranee....... (NA)     07 May 2013

Mother and wife both are equally important.It is the husband's duty to manage and keep balance with the two ladies in life .
1 Like

Manish Udar (www.Mehnat.IN)     07 May 2013

Mother is irreplaceable. Mother is sacred. Ask anyone in this world if he or she would like to have the same mother in the next life, and the answer will be yes. I am not sure what will be the percentage which wishes to have the same spouse in the next life, or even the same father.

XYZ (XYZ)     07 May 2013

Dear Esteemed Members,

Many thanks for your inputs. However i have following followup questions:

1. Assuming my employer approves my transfer request and asks me to relocate in 10 days (just an assumption) and my wife does not allow me to go, what should i do? I need and want to take transfer, but i have no intent of deserting my wife forever.

2. What should i do to protect my family from any false allegations/legal proceedings initiated by my wife.

I have some voice recordings where she is threatining to commit suicide and implicate my family and threatining to destroy me and my family.

ragz hyder (PM)     08 May 2013

you should pack your bags and move.

Sent copies of those recordings and submit a wriiten doc as NCR to local polica station...i dont know wxactly how and never done it but point is either court or police or bothe need to have a record of what you have gone through

move...if ur wife is hell bent on her wish of punishing you folks make sure you are close but not in your mothers place

and TAJ

guess responses change with age. after 15-20 years of married life wife becomes important with kids etc but yet even then per hindu scripttures parents always are given highest poistion of honor and respect.

 

in the end wife comes for what she sees as a benefit to her and her kids from a finished product. Mother makes that product 


(Guest)
Mother is mother and wife is wife. A successful man is the one who knows how to balance mother, wife and sister in such a way that all three of them do not override each others space in a man's life. And a successful women is the one..who can find such a husband. Author...you should tell your wife that she has come in your life a couple of years/months ago whereas, your mother has brought you into this world. She must realise that she cannot make such vows. Please dont file for any case.....stay put for sometime and tell her only one thing, that you should matter to her and not your mother's behaviour. Let her be at her parents house for some more time. She will understand things herself and also, try to engage your mother in religious and spiritual activities.

deepak (Web designer)     08 May 2013

but if wife is not understanding husbands situation. Then what to do.


(Guest)
Originally posted by : XYZ

 

Dear Esteemed Members,

 

I am faced with a situation where my wife is forcing me to chose between herself and my mother. My father has passed away recently and i work around 2000kms away from my native place. I have applied for a transfer, so that i can be near to my native place (not live with my mother, but the nearest possible place). After i discussed this with my wife, she threatened to destroy me and my family and press charges in court. She dosent want me to go. All i proposed her is that she can apply for a transfer and after a brief period, she can join me at the new place. I really really need to be with my mother as i am the only son, and keeping my wife's behaviour with my mom in the past, i dont want to spoil my mother's life by asking her to live with us.

I also dont want the wonderful relation with my wife to end, but she does not understand my point. Also i need to protect my family from false charges and inconvenience.

 

Kindly advise.

 

One should not put elders/parents in trouble.  Its you who has gotten married, not your parents.  So the burden lies on your head, not your mother's.. try keeping her out as much as possible.  In old age you should be supportive to your mother rather than being a headache for her due to your wife.


What you have thought is best.


Stay near, keep in touch with your mother.


It is in your hands as to how you convince your wife.  Not going to meet mother, that condition is unacceptable that too in the situation your mother is in and the situation you are in after losing a precious family member ie your father.


If she is so very adamant even after you trying to convince her as to agree to what you want to do ie keep in touch with your mother.  Then no use playing the flute in front of her.


Better get an anticipatory bail as wife's usually file a false complaint under dowry act ie 498a and that is the current trend now.  Keeping the current trend in mind, its better to get a AB.


(Guest)
@ Deepak. You should put some efforts in talking to her and clear the clouds from her mind. The people who are contemplating for divorce think that its better to get rid of the person and get a new life. Believe me the chances are very minor. You can change the spouse ...but these days everyone is impatient and they lack values and culture. Try to be in touch with your wife. If i would have been her friend then i would have definitely help you out.

Ranee....... (NA)     08 May 2013

@need justice, i have two daughters and going to have 2 son after their marriage. @author breaking relationship is nt the solution.Be firm and take transfer.Also be dutiful to wife

(Guest)
Originally posted by : XYZ


Dear Esteemed Members,

Many thanks for your inputs. However i have following followup questions:

1. Assuming my employer approves my transfer request and asks me to relocate in 10 days (just an assumption) and my wife does not allow me to go, what should i do? I need and want to take transfer, but i have no intent of deserting my wife forever.

Take transfer then get wife at new place sometime later when you get settled.


2. What should i do to protect my family from any false allegations/legal proceedings initiated by my wife.

Take AB.

I have some voice recordings where she is threatining to commit suicide and implicate my family and threatining to destroy me and my family.

 

Immediately got to PS/woman cell, file a complaint that she has been threatening to commit suicide.


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