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CS Sandip (ILO)     20 January 2012

Think before marriage/ divorce!!!

After a Marriage every person knotted in the very important and sacred relationship in the World.
There are so many responsibilities automatically comes on his/her shoulder i.e. Financial, Family, Friends, Relations etc...
In a other way Divorce opens the important and good knot by distroying the all i.e. Family, Friends, Relations etc...

You have to think before going to marry or/ and divorce, both are opposite sides of the life.
So live happy & let live happy!!

Dear friends your view/ suggestions about Marriage & Divorce are solicited. Please comment on the matter, it may help peoples to make their life happy & enjoyful with anyone good solution.



Learning

 16 Replies


(Guest)

i think after introduction of 498A and other gender biased law, marriage will become a criminal offence.

1 Like

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     20 January 2012

if one looks around, situation has already worsened; beyond control.

1 Like

Democratic Indian (n/a)     20 January 2012

In olden days the social "control" was extreme to the point of oppression. If someone was cheated into marriage to a psychopath, one had to live(rather exist)) with him or her no matter what. Another extreme example of this social oppression was practice of Sati and child marriage. Now people are free to invoke their choices and free not be under burden of the dictates of others. Therefore people should exercise their choices carefully and wisely.


(Guest)

Thus enjoy live in relationship.

gaury..fight to win (Education)     20 January 2012

what about babies and if separation is due to one partner's fault only..?


(Guest)

 

I don’t know why but we are heading to western culture. 

No matter what you try; in next 20-30 years, we will be what western countries are right now.

It’s about personal freedom and independence. 

There was time when people used to talk about roti kapda aur makaan but now time is changing and why shouldn't it... 


(Guest)

Dear Sandip Ji,

While your post is quite noble, it may help to take a moment and try to understand the audience on LCI, especially the LCI Family Law forum.

This forum has broadly, three categories:

1. Victims of family crime. 

2. Perpetuators of family crime.( Offenders)

3. Lawyers giving free advice and wisdom and also soliciting business from Category 1 and Category 2.

This is a highly charged form where the views of the audience may be tainted because of their past negative experience.

If you truly wish to start a general discussion on Marriage and Divorce, perhaps a Sociology or Pschology forum may be more apt.

Most audience here are trying to develop **Strategies to Win**. Whether we as Indians are going towards a western culuture or no, no one cares- neither the government, not the public. Its the time for the lawyers. With over 30 million pending court cases, it is the time for the legal proffessionals. 

This is a very sensitive and flamable forum. Your post, in part states, "  your view/ suggestions about Marriage & Divorce are solicited. Please comment on the matter, it may help peoples to make their life happy & enjoyful with anyone good solution."

You want to start a discussion with terminally ill Cancer patients, harassed by the hospitals ( Court System comprising of property, child custody, alimony, 498 et all )   on how to be healthy and not fall sick. No one wanted the Cancer and now, everyone wants to feed on the cancer. I submit the above respetfully and with no offense. 

Now that I have vented, in the spirit of an intelligent discussion, I am in, as a first instinct response, in the camp of  Advocate Shantanu (Amit)- The situation of Marriage and Divorce are out of control. India is undergoing a serious transformation and neither the government, now the legal or social system nor the public is ready to accept the reality. 

Democratic Indian has articulated it beautifually but the "Free Society" will come with a price. Live in relationships will need a different form of social and legal protection. For e.g in US, even live in relationships can file "498" on each other even if they are of the same s*x. Whether two people who live in  the same home are gay/lesbian or whether they are just two individuals like room mates,the legal and social structure first needs to accept it and then needs to protect it.   

Someone will pay for the freedom of living in, free society, if not the currental generation, then the seeds they have sown. 

Raj kumar (Manager)     21 January 2012

Citizens are quite unaware that while the greed of dowry has become quite large,  changes in India society have made women break away from their shackles of slavery to husbands. The parents in law are more to blame for not infusing the right sentiments into their children of earning by themselves rather rthan sucking the in laws. Who dosent know that huge amounts have to be invested in marriages  by parents willingly or unwillingly. No proof can be kept for the amount spent. If husbands have to be made to learn to respect their wives as equals and earn for themselves, 498a is the right law. Look around how many girls have separated from their husbands and then only will you realize her anguish and her parents anguish.

Shashank Kumar Mishra (Student)     21 January 2012

I was going through a survey few days back which stated that the divorce rate in india is less than 2% whr as in US its more than 54%. If this is believed to be cole to reality then I guess there is not much need of worrying.

apart from that its my peosonal observation that where women are financially and socially as strong as men, divorce rate is more. This is a trasition period in countries like India where women are becoming independent and strong which is not readily accepeted by the stronger s*x (as we call us) and that'll in future make condition worse. There is no solution to it that I can think of. I don't call it  'heading to western culture' It's just that we are advancing in our own way

Raj kumar (Manager)     21 January 2012

It only ratifies my point. Social moorings made stronger by 498a type laws make the divorce figure as low as 2% if it be correct. Women in India are advancing much faster than husbands realizing they are his equal partners. Again, besides this women continues to remain a much weaker s*x in India and need legislative support.Yes Dowry is more prevalent than we can imagine impregnating all castes in its malicious form.Remember, there is still not much rejoicing when a girl is born and if a third or fourth girl is born, people pity the plight of the parents.

Vippagunta Rajagopalarao (nil)     23 January 2012

In olden days relationships were bound  or cemented with traditional values.Now values are eroded.The welcomable  women liberation  movement has created in value free persons ,women  a false sense of superiority and greatness which  became nonconducive for honourable relations between the huaband and wife .The well meant laws for the women's protection like 498a etc. are now misused to frighten husbands and kins men in a sadistic way and in certain cases for extraction.The important purpose of institution of marriage for both personal and family as well as societal advancement and to achieve purushardhas - goals of life  have given place to narrow , selfish and sadistic desires of some un scrupulous wives encouraged by the one sided  and gender biased protection laws for women.  Hence a lot of thinking , introspection and soul searching is necessary on the part of the so called fair s*x who sometimes threaten the foundations of family by resorting to unfair methods.Nobody will criticize them if they make use of the laws where ever they are justified .In  this connection the sister lawer community and women welfare organizations can educate women who misuse the lawsand thereby jeapadise peace in family.Hence either a man or a woman should think that marriage is not to break but to live toggether, and flourish.  Jhonson , the English writer said " A good friendship needs constant repairs". Similarly a good marital relationship requires constant adjustments.

Vippagunta Rajagopalarao (nil)     23 January 2012

 

In olden days relationships were bound  or cemented with traditional values.Now values are eroded.The welcomable  women liberation  movement has created in value free persons ,women  a false sense of superiority and greatness which  became nonconducive for honourable relations between the huaband and wife .The well meant laws for the women's protection like 498a etc. are now misused to frighten husbands and kins men in a sadistic way and in certain cases for extraction.The important purpose of institution of marriage for both personal and family as well as societal advancement and to achieve purushardhas - goals of life  have given place to narrow , selfish and sadistic desires of some un scrupulous wives encouraged by the one sided  and gender biased protection laws for women.  Hence a lot of thinking , introspection and soul searching is necessary on the part of the so called fair s*x who sometimes threaten the foundations of family by resorting to unfair methods.Nobody will criticize them if they make use of the laws where ever they are justified .In  this connection the sister lawer community and women welfare organizations can educate women who misuse the lawsand thereby jeapadise peace in family.Hence either a man or a woman should think that marriage is not to break but to live toggether, and flourish.  Jhonson , the English writer said " A good friendship needs constant repairs". Similarly a good marital relationship requires constant adjustments.

 

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Shashank Kumar Mishra (Student)     24 January 2012

Mr. Rajgopalarao,   the olden days' traditional values that you are talking about were, in my opinion, but an outcome of false belief of male supremacy. I still wonder what could be the reason of ghunghat pratha; I hope it was not that people did not have faith in their own family members. Pardon me if it sounds offending.

you talk about false sense of superiority and greatness among women. well I guess they have just claimed their much deserved status in society. however, it eventually hurt the falce belief of supremacy of the so called stronger s*x.

You talk about protection of law to women. you gave the example of 498a. well I guess generally men are not victim of dowry costom. So, if you call if biased, I have nothing to say on that.

you talk about misuse of it. Tell me which are the those laws which are never misused. courts are taking preventive steps towads it and thats all that can be done as per now, you can not take those rights away from them.

Finally, I admire you observations in the last part. just a wish that we should be appeciative and helpful in advancement of women and should also accept it as a change for good.

Aishwarya (Teacher)     24 January 2012

 

This is something i believe about the said topic..

If u keep thinking about marriage as in Before or After and things like divorce ...then relationships become non existent..the strong bond may diminish because every day after marriage the positive or negative side of the male or female gets evaluated in light of the relationship that happens to be in the major topic that is Being Married.

   If we drop the issue of being judgmental and rise above to accept each other and take pains in helping each other to rise above their own "self" and acknowledge the fact that together they now have to be like a single entity..
 for a good relationship one needs to FEEL the pain or happiness of the other one and to stop deriving pleasure or happiness only by inflicting pain or blackmailing the other one emotionally for sufficing some self oriented goals..it should be major concern that only those goals need to be pursued that become the harbinger of social, mental, financial, emotional, and psychological happiness of the two

Though a marriage is not easy as it may seem, The honeymoon period will last for not more than a month. The euphoria of getting married and having a partner lasts for not more than 6 months and then comes reality. Everyday reality.


We all have problems since childhood , with our parents, friends, school , college, workplace and almost the stupid rickshawalla, and the chai wale bhaiyya ji.. anyhow as per me the major problem of many people is the feeling of loneliness that they may feel when they are in relationship with their spouse even then one can feel alone and when one is out of a relationship one needs to fill the gap soon . and when it doesn't
 happen one may consider living life as it is, and makes certain notions that help him her to be strong or happy even without the other man or women..

 Most of us have faced many problems or may be having a good life . And we feel for the problems or  those gaps in life may be covered up when we find our soul-mate. We look for a partner and think that the partner will be our soul-mate (god sent) and he/she will solve all our problems and fix up all our weak points..we may tend to think as we are brought up that marriage is wow end of all worries and life is going to be mast mast without hassles and problems..we would have this one hero /heroine for us only , we shall open our heart, life and everything to them.. ...
Hello a! It is in a way unjustified to feel that way the reason being - we use the initial euphoria of getting married - the initial excitement and initial notions to cover up our own problems that may surface due to emotional, mental or psychological weakness in life and it could be anything.

Therefore We start blaming each other because they are not able to solve our problems.but the actual thing is both came this way, both had this similar points and both felt at some point of time that he / she would be there for us..in a way BOTH CAME DEPENDENT AND BOTH ARE DEPENDENT FOR HAPPINESS AND RESOLUTIONS ON EACH OTHER.  We are angry on them because we were expecting them to solve the problems which existed within us since childhood or cropped up later on , that we are incapable to handle ourselves... We wanted them to solve the problems which we could not solve on our own.and the daily issues add on to the overall process even more..do we know that we actually don't know what the other wants..?
if we become more giving and demand less from the other one things may become more simple..like we think about ourselves our needs, lets begin to think of the spouse in similar lines..this way things can become really wonderful..

to blame for our own miseries and the general problems of life is not a good option..or can it be..?

A feeling of revenge , hatred accommodate us with our own emotions coz we are so much stuck with ourselves..
My life is ruined, u damaged it, it is because of u..this that..wait for a moment..in every fight a single word is repeated.
.I ,Me ,meri , mera .
.its time u must get out of this highly inflated self and think about the overall feeling both have and sit down to talk about the problem..
Make a motto that we ain't going to bed without resolving the issue..how long may it take.but have this that u gotta work on solving not adding or multiplying the problems...

 It also may happen that people say that no one understood them and that's why they tried suicide ,take revenge when there is divorce or breakup. Because for them having a partner is like the only thing in life. The only achievement after many failures. It gives a sense of success - though completely false as they never think about the other people involved..they pain themselves and love to give pain to others too..
 
For this one should first resolve not to blackmail or get blackmailed for any kind of emotional stress the other may give us..if someone has to go , then he she will go definitely ..no one can stop ..we can only give them signs or beg of them..like even god shows the signs..but still some people don't understand they have to play god of everything..then let it be..
learn to live good and do good to others even whom u know not . develop positivity in yourself and look things objectively to resolve them..if u stick everything personally or to self..again such things may happen..

 

Regards

Aishwarya Rajput


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