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pupu (Mgr)     18 January 2015

I guess unusual case, pls ehlp

 

BACKGROUND

Registered marriage without her parents consent, 2008. Later there was a social marriage @ my place, 2009. Later in 2011, there was a social marriage (small gathering @ her family) done by her family to accept it.

We have a boy of 3 years old. 

She did not stay with me for 4 months immediately after our registered marriage 2008. Thereafter she stayed in Bangalore for almost 1.5 years while I worked in Hyd. Started staying together from 2010 in Bangalore. Again stayed in two different rooms for 4 months. After child she went to her parents house without informing anyone and stayed there for 5 months. Basically we did not stay together for almost 2.5 years of the 5 years of marriage.

There are host of other problems like her irresponsible attitude towards marital responsibilities, towards the kid, disrespectful behavior towards guests (especially from my house) and yes off course a denial of s*x as and when she feels good. Sometimes it continues for 6 months.

RECENT FIGHT

 - In Nov'14 we fought over 'usual stuffs' and later it escalated to such a level that both the families got included. I did slap her. But nothing major or any hospital report or proof which can be used in court. After couple of days her brother took her to her parents forcefully and also threatened to beat me up. She is there since then. She also took all her jewelry (mostly given by my family members during wedding as the wedding took place in my place), documents of my son, all medical and other important documents.

VIEWS

 - My in-laws called my parents couple of times to resolve it but none of them are ok to agree her irresponsible attitude or erase the core issues with her. They are more bothered about cohabitation rather than resolve the issues. Her family does not want divorce. She and her family threatened me to put me into 'trouble' if I file a divorce.

 - She has this habit of leaving for her parents house as and when she feels without anyone's permission.

 - As of now I'm 50% firm to file a divorce case on grounds of cruelty, denial of s*x, leaving marital home most of the time etc. ....as mentioned above.

QUESTION

 - My Advocate advised me to file a RCR. But the confusion is, if she returns based on the court order and continues her behavior then it is wastage of time and money. Advocate is of the opinion that we may be asked to go for mediation is she comes to resolve it, where things may improve. What do you suggest? But the court will not order anything on the issues mentioned above right? So how does it help?

 - In such a case I guess I'll not be able to file a divorce case later, if our fight continues and the above mentioned problems keep occurring? Contradictory stand of RCR and then when it is accepted by Wife, husband files a divorce case?

 - My Advocate if of the opinion that if she does not entertain the RCR then we will file divorce and it will be a strong case.

 - Can the RCR petition be transferred by her family to her hometown? In which case they can very well manipulate the case and my new advocate (my Bangalore advocate will not go there) from her home town?

- Does it make sense to file for a divorce directly rather than RCR?

 - Should I give another chance to this marriage just for the sake of my Son?

Please inform me if you need any other information on this.



Learning

 8 Replies

sandykrish (Interested in Family LAW)     18 January 2015

I would rather file no RCR or Divorce. Cut all communication channels with her. Let her make the first move. Your lawyer doesn't know the phschy of wife's.

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     18 January 2015

 - My Advocate advised me to file a RCR. But the confusion is, if she returns based on the court order and continues her behavior then it is wastage of time and money. Advocate is of the opinion that we may be asked to go for mediation is she comes to resolve it, where things may improve. What do you suggest? But the court will not order anything on the issues mentioned above right? So how does it help?

 

RCR is all time useless

 

 - In such a case I guess I'll not be able to file a divorce case later, if our fight continues and the above mentioned problems keep occurring? Contradictory stand of RCR and then when it is accepted by Wife, husband files a divorce case?

 

file for divorce only

 

 - My Advocate if of the opinion that if she does not entertain the RCR then we will file divorce and it will be a strong case.

 

wrong

 

 - Can the RCR petition be transferred by her family to her hometown? In which case they can very well manipulate the case and my new advocate (my Bangalore advocate will not go there) from her home town?

 

yes, can be transferred

 

- Does it make sense to file for a divorce directly rather than RCR?

 

100 % yes

 

 - Should I give another chance to this marriage just for the sake of my Son?

 

100 % no, since they have threatened to file false cases.

Rama chary Rachakonda (Secunderabad/Telangana state Highcourt practice watsapp no.9989324294 )     19 January 2015


Show interest in your mate's life. Too often, you live in the same house but know nothing about each other's lives. It would be great if the husband and wife could work together for the same cause for your welfare of your son. forget all your differences for the sake of your child and try to live together.

Jayashree Hariharan (Advocate)     19 January 2015

Since it is a typical story of a married couple, you can go in for settling the issues. take some time off atleast one to two hours, and discuss as to what is the core problem affecting you both and how you both can resolve it together. I don't think this type of a case calls for serious action on your side or her side. Kindly try to understand each other and come to terms,   atleast for yourselves, peace of your family...........

pupu (Mgr)     19 January 2015

Thank you for your response, dear learned men/women. 

What if she is unwilling to adjust to the bare minimum expectation? I have had a detailed discussion with her on the problems, and she clearly appears to be adament. Not that I was expecting that she will behave differently.

I guess discussing and resolving issues works only when both the parties are willing to understand the differences and accept their mistakes and work to rectify them in future. But here the situation is different.

I certainly dont want to end up moving ahead with a person who insults my parents and family members or avoids usual family responsibilities (including her responsibilities towards the husband).

saravanan s (legal advisor)     20 January 2015

if after filing rcr  from your side say you got a decree in your favour then if your wife refuses to follow the decree of rcr upto a year you can file a decree for divorce based on the non compliance of rcr decree

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     22 January 2015

In all the probabilities, it is better to decide about giving a chance to save your marriage atleast for the sake of your son,who is innocent and should not suffer for the sake of elders conflicts.  Ego are to be set aside, one has to come down while one is going up, it is not that you have take everything lying low always, you may get a chance to prove your mettle and she will realize and may cooperate but time has to answer, patience is the need of hour.  Give a final chance.

pupu (Mgr)     22 January 2015

Thank you all for your suggestions. 
I've delayed filling the RCR till mid Feb'14. Post that depending on the situation, I will file divorce (not RCR in any case) or live together.


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