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dear members, seniors and friends,
Your help is highly appreciated.
Marriage 2008, son 2yr old. inter caste marriage. Wife & child staying with her parents past 7 months.
ok..
Marriage Issues,
1. Wife not willing to follow our relegion, adamant to follow her relegion and strictly follows all the rules of her relegion. Does not follow or perform any of our relegious duties, nor shows any interest in them. Past 7 months as son is with her, he is learning her language, her relegion and culture.
Seems to be a lovey marriage, should have made yourself clear about her responsibilities towards your family [in your case, you and your kid and your parents] before tying the knot. Or was there love in the first place is a totally different question! Her language, perhaps she is a muslim and you dont want your kid to learn urdu [just assuming as you did not specify her religion] Let him learn whatever language it is, let him follow whatever religon he wants to, all this had to be thought before you took the first step, now no use thinking and wanting things to be your way!
2. Wife does not go well with my parents, has frequent fights with them and shows disrespect.
Obviously, or else why would she leave your house and go stay with her parents.
3. Does not want to do household duties such as cleaning, cooking. Does only with great displeasure and will do it only for herself, child and husband (coking)
Man, what did you want a maid or a wife? You cannot ask all that now, this is the 2013 who on earth would give respect to elders, who would do household work etc the way your mom did for your father and you? Its a sin to expect her to do all that, the least you could expect is that rare plastic smile as a gesture of appreciation when you slide down that diamond ring onto her finger is what you are worth for!
4. High tempered and gets violent, abuses in public, has even complained in police (abroad) against husband for fighting.
Should have gotten CCTV cameras installed, bugs all over the place as if your are the NSG monitoring terrorist activity in your own home. Record all those things her violent behavior, abuses in public [carry a handy taperecorder] all would help you in court later. And what did you say? She has already complained to police abroad? How did you get out of that mess man?
When requested to let my child soend some time with me, she threatned that she will take law in hands, suicide if the child is taken without solving issues.
Should have recorded such statement that she'd comit suicide etc.
Have tried counseller and negotiations in past, she agrees to follow our relegion, says she will do all our relegious duties, will take care of home, kitchen, in laws. This nerver happens even for few days. She gets back to her original self.
Looks like a complete psycho. She needs professional help. If you've taken her to the doctor, then get all those records, all will come handy for you in case you opt for diviorce.
I want her to be back, this will be good for the child as well. However, I do not want her to make fake-promise, or return and start the same behavior as original.
Such a novel Idea !
Can I file an RCR with conditions that she has to follow only our relegion in our house, independently manage the home and kitchen and live peacefully and respect others in home.
an RCR is not a 498a where one files such a application, if not followed will be put behind bars. Its merely a request letter asking her to return to back to base, which she may accept or may not accept. No court has powers to make a wife come back to you and behave properly with you.
If there comes a time when men can file domestic violence case against women, till that time good luck.
I am ok, if she is following her relegion when she visits her parents. Also, she has mentioned that she wants a busy career so she can excuse herself from all household duties, how can this prevented. I wanted her to demonstrate that she can independently manage the house and kitchen and after that she can do a job of her choice.
My heartfelt opinion on your case is,
1. Engage the services of a maid, a cook.
2. Dont be too bossy with a bossy girl, it will only end up in a mess.
3. Your dreams of making or having a aadarsha patni have turned futile, so please stop trying to change her. Women of this age and time, have different opinion about household activities etc. Stop looking for your mom in her.
4. You've got a kid out of a intercaste marriage [am still very doubtful that it is intercaste marriage, it should be a inter religion marriage, hindu weds muslim etc.] Intercaste of inter-religion marriage itself is a compromise in the first place. When you have compromised in the first place, you will have to keep compromising for the rest of your life, without a sigh.
5. Become that JEE HUZOOOR husband, and all will be well. Ask your parents to follow your newly adapted style of JEE HUZOOR OR JEE MEMSAAB, and everything else will fall in place magically.
Appreciate your opinion in advance.
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