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swapna (hr)     29 July 2014

Maintenance without filing divorce is it possible

Dear Experts,
 
Pls guide me in resolving my issue.... what should be done
 
just a breif over view of my story....
 
i am married for 10years now and have 2 kids of age 9 and 4 yrs. some time back i was in this lawyers club forum seeking advice for my husbands physical abuse on me. However we reconciled in March 2013. Few months were fine. but then again he started showing up his colors but this time it was not physical abuse, but a verbal abuse and a mental torture. he started accusing me saying i flirt with everyone, though its a vegetable vendor, milk man, or any neighbour. he says i jollyfy men. when we both had been to one of the wedding receptions of our neighbour he accused me of staring at men. anywhere we go he always verbally abuses me of seeing other men. the very recent incident is 9months back ie., in december 2013, where he says that he got a call from one tata docomo customer care number and that person told that ur wife has an affair with her boss. this incident happend when he was in his office and he least bothered to check if that call was a genuine and immediately rushed in to my office and started behaving very aggressively with me. the way he was creating a scene there was seen by many of the staff, security, drivers, ayahs etc. by the ways i work in one of the reputed educational institutions as HR. and then i sent him saying i would come home and we will sort out the issues. and started immediately. as he confirmed that i was on the way to home. he again went to my office and behaved very aggresively with my superior asking him directly "Do you have affair with my wife","I will get people (rowdies) and kidnap you and dont mind even killing you, if the call wat i got is true", "my wife is not satisfying me in s*x since 2 yrs, may be she is enjoying here with you tats y she is doing this to me". after reaching home i tried calling him, his mobile was swiched off, i dint know he had been to my office and after he came home we went to police station to complaint about that number. and meanwhile my brother confirmed that its a TATA Docomo number 8951055098, and google has many complaints on this number. i took my husband to cyber and showed him all the complaints on this particular number. even then he dint trust me, he started saying me that if you happily enjoy with him and come home should i close my eyes and sit. you want more of s*x so you go to anyone.next day they asked(office heads) asked us to come together to discuss and sort out the matter. but even with them he talks the same. he says them that my wife should not work here. they made me resign on the spot. i was jobless till last month. i lost a very dignified career in a good place. i am from a very decent and disciplined family and my parents and we have a good name in the place we live as we are living here since ages. he always suspects my character. speaks vulgar language. if i have password to my mobile it means i have p*rn in it, if i wear saree to office he says do i go to pose for blue films. i am fed up of this. please advice me what should i do. since this incident i am in my parents house(since 9 months). the house which me and my husband are staying the land is given by my parents however he has invested 15Lakhs to construct the house. he is not even bothered to take care of us since last 8 months. he is enjoying alone in the house give by my parents. he is not regretted on what he has done. instead he speaks like she has gone like dog and will come back like dog.
not bothered to come to the terms and settle the issue.
 
i donot want to go for divorce as i have 2 kids. please suggest if i can file a case on mainteneance for me and my kids with out asking for divorce or wat other options available for me to proceed further.... plllssssss help sir....
  any other helpful suggestions plsss welcome....
 
regards,
Swapna
 


 13 Replies

AAK (Advocate)     29 July 2014

You can surely file Maintenance petition u/s 125 of Cr.P.C. You need not have to seek for divorce. You can also file petitions under D.V.Act. Local lawyer will surely help you in this.

 


(Guest)

Hi,

Long time back i have seen a movie called chalte chalte starring sharukh and rani mukherjee in that movie the same problem as of yours were shown. 

A husband was over possesive for his wife and wife was over possesive for her career. Both couples love clashes on ego. One say that don't do this and other say no i will do this...

The husband love her wife like anything, he had never thought that his wife would left his home and will never return, he cried, he wept, he went to past and realised and wished for her return but her wife was in no mood to return as she was leaving india forever.

 

And when he had lost his all hope , he see that his wife has returned with more love.

 

Moral: sometimes love needs extra love to determine the true love.

 

Suggestions:

 

1. Your marriage doesn't need any court battles, it needs some xtra love with time and space to regenerate the same feelings.

 

2. After some days, again go to your husband and without saying anything give a warm hug and then say you love your husband more than him, you are made only for him, plz don't suspect on your character. This action from your end will definitely give a healing medicore to your relationship.

 

3. Try your love with more inclination towards him than past. Let him believe that he was wrong what he was doing to you.

 

4. Don't go for maintenance, this will only create a bitterness in your relationship. Try to sort out amicably for your child. Even you are a working lady , so, no maintenance to you. But yes, he has to equally contribute towards the child maintenance.

 

5. My sincere advice to you don't backfire your relationship on mere say of anybody. Plz try to rebuilt your relationship as you have many scope in your marriage.

 

Good luck))

ESIS

swapna (hr)     30 July 2014

Saviour...

 

Thanks a lot for your advice... but things are not as easy as you think here. this is not the fist time i have gone through all this.... i have been the victim of his mind tantrums... and every time its a fresh and new situation so the only excuse he gives is ""this will not happen again "" so even for the recent action of his barging into the office chambers and humiliating me in front of every one he says this is the first time he experience such calls so he was more irritated and lost control.

for how long should this go on like this.... wr is the end to his behavioural actions, abuses, suspecting talks, critisizing and humiliating words upon me....

 

Thats y planning about Judicial seperation.... experts there.... please throw some light on this.... how to procede with this.... will this be a right option for my case.... step by step procedure..... cost involved.... duration of this... what other counter cases case he file against this on me.... etc

thanks and regards,

Swapna

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     30 July 2014

Your husband is a mentally sick person.  He requires psychological treatment.  Till he gets cured he will torture you in the similar fashion.  Not just you, if you try to find out, his behaviour might be as irrational against his collegues - seniors and juniors, neighbours and other relatives.  He is not just character assasinating you, but he must also be gossiping with his male collegues about other women, who come within his gaze either in office, bus-stand or other public place etc.  Do not try to find out the rationality of the acts of this mentally sick person and do not try to justify yourself.   Life with those persons is like living in hell.  But, I equally wonder even then with the excuse of two children, you still want to keep the matrimonial relationship in tact.  That is upto you.  Your children also might not be happy to be under the gaze / care of a sick father who denigarated their loving mother in her office.  The solution to your problem is divorce.  But if you do not want to take it, it is O.K.  Your question is particularly to get maintenance.  You can get it by filing Section 125 Cr.P.C. Maintenance Petition.  In this petition, you specially mention that how he created such an atmosphere in your earlier office, which forced you to resign  and become unemplyed.  You will get maintenance for your self and your children, if they are living along with you.  If you want to go back to that house, where he is living and live there under the roof but without having any matrimonial relationship, that also is available to you under domestic violence Act, by filing a case seeking residential rights and protection orders.

Msk-need -nuetral- laws (self)     30 July 2014

Swapna,

The advocate chandu is very correct in this instance, your husband lacks self-esteem terribly and need immediate phychriatric evaluation, definitely something would have gone wrong in his life. If you cant take him to evaluation, this is bound to be repeated. The problem CrPC 125 is criminal, and it may backfire if you are trying to save the marrigae. Unless he is cured of completely, it puts future of your children very very risky.. 


(Guest)

@chandu the gr8 dva advocate,

I know you know domestic violence act as good as nobody. I guess since 2005 you would have suggested every sita, geeta, rita, etc etc to file dva only. You seems to me as such doctor who had fortunately learnt a medicine name by luck which was for general fever and the cult is that you are using same medicine on each patient. I wish your patient would not die..

 

@swapna,

In marital dispute law has no role to give you remedy rather than only pain and sufferings. All laws are made to give relief but in my consideration marital laws only prolong the sufferings of couple. If one is not satisfied with his of her spouse then try to sort out the problems first or else go for divorce and no other solution. Having two side thoughts will only linger your suffocation.

 

A/t your second reply It is well settled that you have given your every bit but all went in vain. So, in this situation if you have made your mind to get seperated then go for that because every individual is his own judge and he or she knows what will be the best judgement for him or her.

My endeveour was to give your marriage a chance through my first post but seeing your reluctance it's not competent to do so.

It's better to get permanent solution and move on in life if his company kills you.

PS: are you afraid of any adultery case or what? 

What was the reason to ask such question that what cases he can file.

Madam, it is india, here male ask such question that what cases can her wife file on him?

By observing your reluctance and the above asked question , any good lawyer will smell your other side of the cause.

In pshycology it is settled law that wherever there is smoke their is fire. So, plz put your both sides of story. If you are not happy with your husbsnd then straight away go for mcd or else if he would be having any evidences against you then certainly it is going to backfire, you know what I want to say.

 

Best of luck))

ESIS

Amit Gupta (Advocate)     30 July 2014

Dear Swapna Maam,

u can apply for maintenance from ur husband without opting for divorce also. just file application under section 125 of CR P C, or Domestic Violance act.

regards

swapna (hr)     31 July 2014

Dear members who have given honest replies to my query (chandrashekar sir, pradeep, msk neutral, amit gupta sir...) thanks a ton to each one of you....

aside to Saviour: i have not given any doubbled edged sword queries here (which you claim to say that the other side of the story).... people come to this fourum in the hope of getting a genuine solutions, suggestions and advices to their problems which they will not be able to get anywhere else.

 

so please stop putting them down and considering every queriest has some hidden factors.... atleast in my narration everything i have mentioned is true and still i am continuing on this relationship is only to hope for a change in his behaviour which literaly hurt any moral women like me who has been brought up in a very good conservative hindu family with full of moral values and discipline.

 

by the ways you have mistook me in asking a question like can he file any case against me for the judicial separation was to clarify that if has any rights to file for restitution of conjugal rights case as i had read through in the google somewhere. so please stop assuming and exagerating on your presumed comments.

 

i fear of the divorce in lieu of my children's future as they like their father very much and thinking of the societal pressures that i have to face as i am only 28yrs also i have younger brother who is yet to get married... also i love him and his astrocious behaviour is what disturbs me mentally and emotionally.

 

and the evidences which you said he would be holding against me... for your kind information... i have stored all the evidences of his physical abuse on me.. medical docs for the treatment for the hurts..... emotionally balckmailed letter which he has written.... and the office people who are the live witnesses to his agrressive actions which made me loose my job....

 

ten long years is not a small time to any women to have patience and tolerence levels to bear this person.... only the reason was  that my upbringing culture which thought me  to respect and have faith in the hindu institution of marriage.

 

so in wat other terms are you considering my query i dont understand... sorry drop your irrational thinking to blaming a women when she has some genuine queries to know the anwers for....

 

regards,

Swapna....


(Guest)

I hope you remember what I had told you long back.


All of them have told same advice as i had suggested few months back.


You dont have much option.


Court is not a good place to reconcile/ask for mainteanance.  Once you knock doors of court, you will have to forget your marriage.  Its as simple as that.


You cannot ask both, want maintenance and want husband to be proper and you want justice.  Either ask maintenance via sections of law, file dv etc kiss goodbye to marriage.  Want marriage want husband to be proper, forget court kacheri.


Stop weeping and help yourself is another option.  Find a job and be respectably independent, lead a respectful life.  As, I dont think your husband will ever change and  is a good for nothing fellow.


Good luck.

swapna (hr)     31 July 2014

  

Dear Helping hand

  

these below line were from you when last time i had approached this forum.....

 

{{{{People will misguide you regarding how to create problems for yourself as well as your husband and kids.

Dont go by the above persons suggestion.

Its a trap which nobody can get you out of, its a one way, once you enter womens cell, police station, filing that complaint, this case that case, all will come back to you with double interest some day.

Instead of that, a one on one discussion with your husband would be fair enough to solve things between you both.

Now that he is calling, he is in need of you, this is the chance to make him [almost} dance to your tunes.

Love will change any human being, everybody deserves a second chance.

GIve him one more chance, you wont lose anything by giving him another chance

Between a couple there should be love, forgivness, acceptance, faithfulness and not police.

If all were to be set right by police, what is the point in marrying, one could as well married a police.

I wish you good, in your effort. Go back to your husband.

Talk it out, if same thing repeats, then I would be more than happy to give you suggestions to deal with such a husband.}}}}}}}}

Now what?????? have given him enough chances.....

listen to the instances situation wise:

1.... we were in car... a biker passes by our car.... there is a signal and so he is just next to us. he looks into the car so my husband says to me stop staring at him... you are fondof gazing at men

2..... we had been to neighbours wedding reception.... a stranger looks at me in the life.... my husband gets wild on me and started a fight saying you stare at men you jollufy them

3....if i wear a saree to office... he says you wear it to show blue film to them or wat

4..... if i have a password on my mobile... he says you have p*rn in tat tats y you have given password

5......for any festival if i take home made sweets to my colleagues to office he says you took it to give it to your male colleagues did you sit on their laps and fed them from your hands and came.

6..... if i am tired and say no S*** today then he says i have enjoyed having S**  with my male colleagues and come

This point no.6 he directly asked my boss when he barged into the office chambers claimng he had got a call from some customer care no. asked my boss that does my wife have S*** with you as she is not sleeping with me since 2 yrs.... this is how raw he asked this

7... if i look happy and smiling he says with which man have you talked you look so happy

8.... if i wear new dress then he says who has called you today... wr r u going....

Now you suggest me what to do......


(Guest)

https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Requesting-genuine-advice-on-divorce-on-verbal-abuse-grounds-95261.asp#.U9nYu2ZX5cs

https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/How-do-i-stop-domestic-violence-from-my-husband-74294.asp#.U9n7OmZX5ct

 

https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/My-husband-is-calling-me-back-home-74978.asp

 

@querist 'swapna',

 

1. As going through your older posts which i have posted the link as above, shows that you are hovering without purpose.

 

2. According to your statements which are differing by east post regarding your marital life. In one post you have stated that you have send divorce notice to him and in other post you are seeking no divorce. I astonished what you want exactly?

 

3. In this current post you have stated your age is 28 years and ten years ago you got married that means you were only 18 at that time. By taking this fact it shows that you were quite immature during your initial marriage stage and since the time had progressed you got your mba, adapted the metro culture you become a different lady which your husband had not tollerated, he has gone for a suspicious note.

 

4. In current thread only have posted that your children love their father I.e your husband thats why you don't need divorce. If this is the fact then let me say "your husband is a normal man " who loves his childrens thats why his children doesn't want to go away from him. Certainly you are hiding something which is the main cause of arrogance.

 

5. Last one year you have got more than 75 replies which is similar to my suggestions that " go for divorce if you are not adjustable with him" , if he is doing cruelties to you. But, i still searching a bonafide reply from your post that why you are still hovering inspite of 1000 of allegations on your husband. Let me tell you, even animals also leave such forest where they are afraid of their peace and being. So, you are human being , why you are only complaining and not taking freedom.

Ahaa you will say you are indian lady, you can't do this but yes you can publickly flassh your bedtime stories, your personal vedanta stories, your husbands ill activities in very cheap language but can't take divorce from him, its enough you are sick , who only needs fight and nothing else.

 

6. I give you a narcastic solution even more effective than chandus dva 2005, file murder, rape, unnatural s*x and threats FIR , sure you will get more fun and vengeance delight in doing so but sorry to say even you file IPC whole 511 sections also on your husband but then also you will not feel relax and peacefule, the reason is simple , you don't know what exactly you want.

 

7. Any naive gentleman can suggest you in two simple words GET DIVORCE as soon as possible if you realy have so much pain from your husband. You are just 28 , you have chances of getting settle ahead.

 

8. Iam not hatring you but warning you, ,,, plz don't ruin your life, life is very precious it is not made for wasting in stupid court cases.

 

9. MCD is the best solution if one is not happy in his or her marital life with each day suffering.

 

10. Learn, Earn and have Fun this is the basic three rules of life, plz follow that.

 

With cheers))

ESIS

 

 

 

swapna (hr)     31 July 2014

1.    As going through your older posts which i have posted the link as above, shows that you are hovering without purpose.

 Stop judging people MR. Saviour.... no one want to hover in the forums like this without a purpose... may be u r unable to understand anything from my perspective.

 2.    According to your statements which are differing by east post regarding your marital life. In one post you have stated that you have send divorce notice to him and in other post you are seeking no divorce. I astonished what you want exactly?

My posts are not differing you failed to get into the details of it... yes i had sent him a divorce notice just from a lawyer which he denied and after that nothing went through the court procedures.... neither he has taken any actions to save our marriage... its been 8 to 9 months now.... and the notice which i sent from an advocate was just to make him understand if he behaves like this i will want to look for such options.

 3.    In this current post you have stated your age is 28 years and ten years ago you got married that means you were only 18 at that time. By taking this fact it shows that you were quite immature during your initial marriage stage and since the time had progressed you got your mba, adapted the metro culture you become a different lady which your husband had not tollerated, he has gone for a suspicious note.

I am born and brought up in Bangalore. So metro culture in nothing new to me. Its him who is from the outskirts of Bangalore... basically a village and its he who is unable to adapt to the Bangalore culture. I am no ways a different lady beccos i am born here got my education from here from a well reputed institutions and ofcourse have been working and staying here through out my 4 to 5 generations....

4.    In current thread only have posted that your children love their father I.e your husband thats why you don't need divorce. If this is the fact then let me say "your husband is a normal man " who loves his childrens thats why his children doesn't want to go away from him. Certainly you are hiding something which is the main cause of arrogance.

 Will you just reconsider your words and opinions before posting them... i am not here to reply and justify to every stupid and nonsense opinion of yours... i have no reasons to hide anything and have not come to this forum for time pass. Plsss understand they are kids they are not of an age to understand what is happening between parents so its natural for them to love their father.

 5. Last one year you have got more than 75 replies which is similar to my suggestions that " go for divorce if you are not adjustable with him" , if he is doing cruelties to you. But, i still searching a bonafide reply from your post that why you are still hovering inspite of 1000 of allegations on your husband. Let me tell you, even animals also leave such forest where they are afraid of their peace and being. So, you are human being , why you are only complaining and not taking freedom.

Ahaa you will say you are indian lady, you can't do this but yes you can publickly flassh your bedtime stories, your personal vedanta stories, your husbands ill activities in very cheap language but can't take divorce from him, its enough you are sick , who only needs fight and nothing else.

 Yes only animals dare to leave their habitat as they are animals.... but human beings have to consider so many other options as well...

And just shut up... i am not flasshing any bed time stories to entertain anyone here. I am conveying the fact what is going on in my life within the closed doors.... and that too to the people whom i have not seen nor they have seen me but tat was not the same thing what my husband did... he publicly accused me before the whole society....

 Please mind your words before you put them here.

 5.    I give you a narcastic solution even more effective than chandus dva 2005, file murder, rape, unnatural s*x and threats FIR , sure you will get more fun and vengeance delight in doing so but sorry to say even you file IPC whole 511 sections also on your husband but then also you will not feel relax and peacefule, the reason is simple , you don't know what exactly you want.

I am not here to get fun to know what all cases i could file against him...if that had to be done i could have done long back....  i am only looking for my future, kids future and solution which could be as taking a judicial separation which i have stated earlier as well...

 6.    Any naive gentleman can suggest you in two simple words GET DIVORCE as soon as possible if you realy have so much pain from your husband. You are just 28 , you have chances of getting settle ahead.

 I have no plans for divorce....

 7.    Iam not hatring you but warning you, ,,, plz don't ruin your life, life is very precious it is not made for wasting in stupid court cases.

 Thanks for this i too understand that tats a reason i have been patiently waiting from there 8 months to see a hope of joy for me in this relationship... but ?????

 8.    MCD is the best solution if one is not happy in his or her marital life with each day suffering.

I even discussed with him this we go for MCD, but he is not agreeing to anything... he says u do whatever you want... you initiate the procedure... i will come and sign...

 To be very honest I strongly feel that he is suffereing from some mental sickness which needs a supervision and someone to tell him or guide him to go for a counselling or a therapy but the sad part is that he himself would not agree to tat he is mentally sick nor anybody would be able to convince him...

So i was on this forum to know if there are any sections in the leagal terms which could get him treated for his behaviours and actions and make him become a normal man. Hence the strong opininon that I don’t want to go for divorce...

 10. Learn, Earn and have Fun this is the basic three rules of life, plz follow that.

 Yes I do believe in this.... thanks....


(Guest)

Aahaa, now stage by stage you are revealing your other side...

 

1. You said you were born n brought up in high culture and society of bangalore, your 4-5 generations well settled and educated family then my dear swapna what went wrong that you have to married at the age of 18 years where a girl of this age hardly cross a higher secondary school and start for graduation. Don't your esteemed educated family not guided or restricted that this is not right time to marry?

Something is fishy my dear, a well honoured family who are settled at metro city like bangalore will never marry their daughter at too young age of 18. Either you have done a love marriage by eloping with your belove or you have done something that your parents have to marry you at that age.

This is the catch from your statement only from my above para no. 3.

 

2. You are such lady who wants to enjoy her metro culture by getting independent and just blaming her husband but not taking divorce. You just want to enjoy his maintenance and be as a fake married wife to just please the society.

 

3. Animals are more sensitive than human beings, make a note. They know better than you who loves them and who hates them. But you are really sick just shouting like a mad woman that my husband is my husband my husband is bad...but when it comes for taking action she shut her mouths and brain.

Now, iam sure you are enjoying this marital condition thats why you are not moving out from this debacle.

 

4. Children are the most innocent creatures they only need love and affection which their father had provided them. You cant say that he is wrong here. This is the fact taken from your own statement that children love their dad I.e your husband. Now, you cant say that this is by force because you only accepted that your children doesnt want to go away from their father.

 

5. The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over.

 

6. Get well soon......

 

 

PS: I NEVER COME Across A WOMAN WHO ENDLESSLY CURSED HER HUSBAND , BLAMED HER HUSBAND about HIS MENTAL, PHYSICAL CRUELTY ,BUT WHEN TIME COMES TO GET DIVORCE , SHE SAY'S NO I WON'T TAKE DIVORCE BUT YES I WILL TAKE MAINTENANCE.

THE DOUBLE JEOPARDY BY HER...

 

May be She must be enjoying in this...because Issme Kick hai...woh jeena bhi kya jeena jisme kick na ho pagali..!!

  

Good, do what ever you want, its your life.

 

A tail of a dog and stubborness of a woman can't be handled..khataak

 

Best of luck))

 

 

ESIS

 



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