infidelity by wife and attempted suicide- URGENT help needed

Head- Operations

I got married in 2004 and our life was okay.

2007, my son was born. My wife's behaviour changed gradually as we were facing numerous financial challenges one after the  other due to which we were under contant strain and our fights increased with each passing day.

In Feb'11, I lost my job and my wife took up a job to sustain and help during this hour of need, we moved residence also during this time.

In May'12 I found that she's involved in an extra marital relationship with our landlord's son. I do not any further details about the extent of the relationship between both of them.

In Dec'12 I suggested separation to her as things were not working out and she was far from her normal behaviour with me,

The next day she took 10 saridon tablets in one go as an attempt to suicide. 

My son is 5.5 years now.

She is defiant and is still in touch with boyalthough a little less

Now we are talking of separation again and she's adamant to keep my son with her.

What are the options I have to ensure she doesn't further damage anything?

Kindly help !!!

 
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Senior Partner

Without entering into acrimonious litigation zone for years read with no further drain in finances towards one time alimony to her if both of you agree and then approach jointly to jurisdiction Court for granting decree in Mutual Consent Divorce based on a jointly registered Agreement then opt for her suggestions of keeping the child with her as separation would then happen in 6 months without resorting to multiple cases on each other in future.

 

Here I am suggesting a sacrifice model for saving three lives and somebody has to make a decision since two adults persons could not come in harmony from last about 5 years or so and resident doubt is still hanging large on horizon hence it is always better to weigh catchy long term options and sacrifice for happy tomorrow just for three peoples happiness.

A catch is always there in such sacrifice agreements that is; if she allows daily 1 hr. tel. conversation with child + every weekend overnight custody barring school examination dates + PTM + sports – cultural school meets of you + your say in which school child will study in + no surname change till child attains majority age + 50% summer and winter vacation time sharing + no objections to meeting grandparents / relatives from your side + no caste (religion) change of minor + important National Holidays few hrs. meeting rights + pick-up/drop from door to door + she will not leave jurisdiction of Court with child without permission etc. etc. she should agree to since she says she wants to keep the child with her.

 

In lieu of above you can always offer regular payments towards education expenses till child wants to study + yearly premium for a Mediclaim policy for the child + higher education insurance policy for the child + some amount in F/D for next 12 or so years in child's name under guardinaship of you then these thoughts are better deal for all three persons is my social view when I failed to find reasonable grounds for divorce from facts presented here by you.

 

As another view the other option is to keep silent and somehow pull matrimony till it lasts. But what is that matrimonial life for you, for the growing up child and for a young wife who already had some extra marital taste developing, nothing but after few months coming back to square one and search for yet another options and may be yet another.....!

Otherwise also many metro couples go through presented ups and down in their matrimonial lives and it is not that the life of next door couple with a child out of their marriage is rosier than that of yours.

 

Usage of family law is to be avoided and kept as last resort option only after due calculations and that also after gaining basic knowledge of various matrimonial laws and before that if one uses it then it turns more or less as just an expensive time + cost + health wise experiment getting self serviced by adversial family laws of the land is also my view on your facts.

It is also whispered about contemporary Indian Marriages that, “the wedding garland today’s couple exchange do not come with life time warrantee, now THAT is a ugly fact but becoming very true.”


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Practicing Advocate/Legal Consultant/Legal Process Outsourcing 08427414792

There is no pre-emptive legal measure available with you to negate the consequences of the legal liability which you may have to face tomorrow due to any act of her. If she makes a successful attempt to end her life you may have to face the trial for abetment to suicide or dowry death, as the case may be. Equally possible it is for you to be entrapped in a false dowry case and a host of other long drawn legal battles which she may file against you. Your rights under the legal system include the right to seek divorce from her on the ground of adultery and the right to seek the custody of your child by filing a petition for child custody.

 

Be careful!

 


Ashish Davessar

Advocate

Supreme Court of India

Punjab & Haryana High Court


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Learned member Mr.Ahish Davessar just said it all. I guess he didn't allow any room for further advice. I am explaining what he is saying - not that you wouldn't understand what he said, I just feel compelled to think about what he is saying:

It is in your best interest to seek divorce right away on the grounds of adultery because:
1. she might makes another attempt of suicide - in which case you are in deep trouble

2. she might file a false dowry case in which case again you are in trouble


quit delaying and take action dude!


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Advisory/Advocacy

If she is ready to give a MCD, grab it!!...You may contest a Divorce too, beware of the unending litigation....

 

 

Regards

Chetan(dot)7679(at)gmail(dot)com

 


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Head- Operations

Thank you for your valuable insights and provide a possible solution.

I would like to give you a little more background, her parents are separated and I lost my parents at a very young age. No relatives on my side and on her's a younger sister married. Our's was a love marriage. My wife earns about 18K per month and I a little above twice her salary. 

The solution we are talking about is separation from each other while I continue to fund child's education along with support for child's other expenses and save/invest money for his future. This coupled with full access to the child i.e. I can meet him anytime, stay overnight with him and bring him to my house after separation.

This is to start with and then if six months later we still are happy about the way our lives turn out we may re-concile (looks a remote possibility, however can't negate it as a possibility), or we can go towards mutual consent divorce. 

My only concern is during the period of this entire arrangement, if:

1. She does something like attempted suicide or files a case against me.

2. She brings home men to stay with her and it's impact on the young kid.

3. If she runs away with the kid and/or gets married to someone else.

The young kid will be traumatised for life and am trying to find ways within the legal system of our country to safeguard my son and myself from any false accusations/litigations that our law has give her as her birth right on her being the female.

Kindly advise and oblige.

 
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Advisory/Advocacy

Sounds a bit intellectually hyped!!!!..I do not hold a view that a relation at this juncture can sustain in probabilities and where the insecurity can extend to calling radom men at home. If the child custody or the dvorce is not disputed then It would be better to declare it ' not workable' instead of letting the child grow up with a set of confused parents!!!!

 

If you give it a ' give it a shot' period then she may if she wishes comeup with unexpected nightmares.

 

 

Regards

Chetan(dot)7679(at)gmail(dot)com 

 
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Head- Operations

It has taken me 21 days, 3-4 rounds of intervention from friends who thought they could break the log jam of communication between us and make us reconcile, all the attempts failed. Now I am looking at divorce Currently as the situation stands, she's hell bent on taking the kid with her, however I have my reservations and I believe emotionally as well as financially I'll be able to give the child a better future and if the child stays with me, she'll not be able to use him as her pawn to emotionally haunt me forever. Considering the kind of woman she is she'll not leave any stone unturned to harm me, she's already driven me half crazy. Is there any way that you lerned members can suggest that she leaves us alone in peace and goes after her dreams/money or whatever that she thinks she deserves rather than spoiling the child with her. Right now as it stands she does not have any emotive connect with the kid, she does not even get him ready for school or feed him. But she's not going to let the kid stay with me. Considering am alone and do not have any friends or family to count on for support, she's trying to extract the maximum juice from me interms of the money or benefits on the pretext of child. It's like an emotional blackmail on the pretext of the kid that I am faced with every day and the kid has been the sole reason of me not able to take a decision which I should have taken long long back.

pls help with your valuable inputs and advise.

 
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Head- Operations

Hello Learned Advisors, 

I come to you today seeking your valuable inputs, after the last post from me, we still tried to save the marriage and give it another chance, however the incidents that followed are opposite of what was expected:

1. Wife constantly shouts on the child,  I asked her not to do so, as the kid gets scared and is always confused.

2. She does not spend any money on the kid, for example kid's tuition fee of Rs.600 was to be paid, and even after she knew that my salary for the month has been less due to the financial year end deductions. She still hasn't paid the amount. 

3. Let the kid alone outside the house neighbors called me and I rushed back home from work to take care of him.

4. when I suggested separation mutually leaving the kid with me as I would be able to do better for the kid, emotionally, financially on long term basis. She was out of the house without any information about her whereabouts for 1.5 days, when she came, there was no conversation between her and me.

5. Today she took the child from his school and has apparently gone to Ghaziabad. All her belongings and clothes and that of the child are at home only. she's not taking my calls, called police helpline and they only told me that your wife says she's informed you.

She earns 18k per month along with the attempted suicide in Dec'12 along with an extra marital affair to which she has accepted, there is no visible emotional connection between her and the child. She's only hungry for money.

What are my options as I am looking to file for divorce immediately and seek custody of the child ASAP. your prompt responses on the current situation and help would be greatly appreciated.

Kindly help

 
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Bangalore

Originally posted by : Vishal

Hello Learned Advisors, 

I come to you today seeking your valuable inputs, after the last post from me, we still tried to save the marriage and give it another chance, however the incidents that followed are opposite of what was expected:

1. Wife constantly shouts on the child,  I asked her not to do so, as the kid gets scared and is always confused.

2. She does not spend any money on the kid, for example kid's tuition fee of Rs.600 was to be paid, and even after she knew that my salary for the month has been less due to the financial year end deductions. She still hasn't paid the amount. 

3. Let the kid alone outside the house neighbors called me and I rushed back home from work to take care of him.

4. when I suggested separation mutually leaving the kid with me as I would be able to do better for the kid, emotionally, financially on long term basis. She was out of the house without any information about her whereabouts for 1.5 days, when she came, there was no conversation between her and me.

5. Today she took the child from his school and has apparently gone to Ghaziabad. All her belongings and clothes and that of the child are at home only. she's not taking my calls, called police helpline and they only told me that your wife says she's informed you.

She earns 18k per month along with the attempted suicide in Dec'12 along with an extra marital affair to which she has accepted, there is no visible emotional connection between her and the child. She's only hungry for money.

What are my options as I am looking to file for divorce immediately and seek custody of the child ASAP. your prompt responses on the current situation and help would be greatly appreciated.

Kindly help


Vishal.. What were you doing until now, you are literally siting on a time b-om-b, she is got suicidal tendencies, she is adultrous..

She does not take care of kid, she is money hungry.. she is working too [ means no need to pay maintenance]


You should have already filed for divorce on basis of adultery.


 
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