Filed 498 against my husband

Let us come to a logical conclusion by giving some positive advice.

The author herself agrees that she is too sensitive and let us not make her more sensitive to the issue.

@Author: 1. If you have not filed complaint under 498a, please do not resort to it as in your entire query there is no dowry harrassment.  Supreme Court came heavily recently on misuse of this section. 

2. It is just 3 years old marriage and you have kid and living separately for more than one andhalf years.  Marriage is such an event in the life you can not go back that easily unless you have no option to live respectfully.  What is the root cause for this trouble?  Why did he balem you on the grounds of chastity?  What is your role in creating doubt in his mind to this aspect.  Nowadays, younger generation do not attach much importance to it, but at least they expect, once married the spouse will confine to him/her.  Some people are very sensitive on this issue.  What is your role in this particular aspect.

3. Already some panchayats are conducted.  You have not given particulars of outcome.  

4. Your husband does not have father.  You did not say anything about his mother.  You are pointing out at his brothers-in-law.  Where do they stay?  Where your does your stay?  Where you do stay?

5. You are not in a position to pull-on with him bearing all the abusives on you, at the same time you want that your son should not loose his father.  How this is possible unless you reconcile yourself.  His offer appears to be reasonable - that come back and join - it is his conjugal right - otherwise ready for MCD - this is also reasonable - so that both of you can come out of marital tie and live as you wish. 

6. Decide yourself.  He will not agree for any treatment.  Even if it is a fact that he is suffering from some psychic problem, at this stage he will not co-operate with you for treatment.  Living with him for some time and share love and affection, will make him to agree for treatment.  You should have lot of patience for this.  You can not afford to be too sensitive. 

7. What about your parents?  You did not say anything about them. 

Final decision is yours - either to reoncile and live with him for some time so that you can expect some change in him - at the same time some change in you also - second is go for MCD.  Even if you go for MCD, with a child in your arms who will welcome you in his life?  It is not that easy.  There also you can find partner if you are not too sensitive and you are loveable women.  You can try with your husband with love and affection. 

Many girls feel that they lost freedom after marriage. 

Please look into the quote by Bhagwan Sri Sathya Sai Baba about freedom:

In three situations, you do not have freedom: the discharge of duties (karthavyam), actions done under compulsion (nirbandham) and obligatory actions arising out of certain relationships (sambandham). If a poor man, unable to get food, resorts to stealing, he cannot claim that he is exercising his freedom to appease his hunger. Even if, for his own selfish reasons, he may try to justify the stealing, his conscience will tell him that he is committing wrong. Any action performed against one’s conscience is not an act of freedom. True freedom happens only when one is free from the impulses of the mind. Freedom (Swechcha) is made up of the words: Swa + ichcha. ‘Swa’ means Atma. Only when the will of the Atma prevails can there be real freedom. God and you are not separate. This oneness should not be a mere intellectual concept. It should be a living reality. Then you will experience true freedom - the freedom of the Spirit.

- Divine Discourse, May 31, 1990.

My family  supports me in this regard because they also got insulted many times by him and his family members. After marriage he demanded gold chain we gave it to him after my brothers marriage again after my delivery his mother demanded 2 wheeler even though he already have one and he has also demanded me to get bike for him from my dad and always querreling for petty reasons and asking me to sell off the land which my parents have given as a stridhan at the time of my marriage. All this I have beared silently but when it came to my self respect I could not handle and I came to my parents place. He used to harass me by sending sms or verbally. I dont have the sms now as my phone is not working now. But some puplic drama done by him was seen by my neighbours. In panchayat it was decided that wife and husband should respect each other and he should come to place and take me to his place.If not done as per their decision they are liable to face consequences. My father called him for asking as when he is planning to come he never picked up the call and moreover he changed his mobile no and even his relatives are saying that they dont have his mobile number. and some said we will check with them but they never called back.

My husband my mother in law and sisterin law has abused me on road in front of my house. My neighbours are the witness. They can go to any cheap level complete family.

 I dont have to lie because at the end it is my life and I have bear the consequences

I reiterate my conclusive remarks :

Final decision is yours - either to reoncile and live with him for some time so that you can expect some change in him - at the same time some change in you also - second is go for MCD. 

Married life is a compromise of two souls. If no compromise is possible, the best way is to part with each other with mutual consent without caring for some minor monetary loss.

Dear Original Poster,

The problem is in the mindset which has been aggravated by crazy laws.

Firstly, what you have written appears to be false and one sided however for a moment lets believe it is true - why do you want to take REVENGE.

He is abusing you, you do not like it.

You are educated professional - talk with your husband and separate amicably, and think about the future of the child.  Driven by strong desire to take revenge which was given "tremendous Air" by people like Renuka Chaudhary - you are taking wrong decision purely based on ego.

Just understand that things are "NOT WORKING OUT" so separate amicably that way you both have good life and career to focus on and your kid still has chance to have a good father.

Otherwise, 498a is a weapon for shortterm "vindicative feeling".  Based on what you have mentioned you may be able to cause initial harm in the form of "false Arrest" but in the long run you are going to loose the case.  Being a criminal case both of you will spend tons of money on lawyers which can be placed in a fixed deposit for your son's future and eventually you gonna loose.

If he wants to marry another woman he can either change the religion and marry or just live with her without any marriage registration  

On the other hand "single female particularly after divorce" is not viewed well in our society - everybody see them with lustful eyes.  All these talks of fighting for rights and struggle looks good on TV and movies but when you endure it, it is great pain.

For a moment, close yourself in a room, sit in front of your GOD, close your eyes and think if you are doing this out of ego or because he really committed "torture".  Also ask your soul if you ever did anything wrong.

If you think there is a scope of resolving dispute talk to him, if you need to apologize take the initiative.  I have seen when one side rest the arms otherside is more than willing to surrender.  Indian men are actually far better compared to men across the world.  I have visited many countries and I am telling you the truth.

If you did not file 498a, you still have chance at repairing your matrimonial life or at least get separated amicably and be good friends for the sake of your only kid.

Otherwise, let your ego clash and make your lawyers lots of money and destroy your kid's future.

Btw, once you filed 498a you are no longer a marriageble girl as any reputed person from decent "khandan" would not be willing to accept you.  Your choice would be less than half decent folks who may or may not appeal you.

This is true advice based on seeing number of cases including my own where my wife is acting strangely. 

Also your family may support you now but what about the rest of the life.  "Self Respect" is a good word but introspect if it is a "self respect" or your "Ego".  You should definitely not succumb to his dowry demands and if he still asking for it just go for mutual consent divorce, keep your stridhan with you and leave happily but filing 498a is nothing but "REVENGE"

If you go to any lawyer they will ask you to file a case because that is their job and livelihood.  You got to think about your future and your kid's future.  In the beginning everybody is supportive but as time flies your father, mother, sister, brother everybody will get on with their own life.  

As much as you think that it was all your husband's fault - we all know that you may have contributed some.  It is never 100% on one side.

Wish you all the best - but remember in war there is always damage to both sides regardless who wins and at the end of war you realize that a "win"  is not a "win".

Good luck

@Visnol

very well expalined by visnol , nothing left to add, just to say that fool women never listen/follow these lines and wise women not need to listen such type of word/sentences.