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raj malhotra (M.D)     08 December 2011

Better off alone....right or wrong??

DEAR members and friends...

                                          im going to face my second motion within few days...got married last year and been thru hell ride for the last 2 yrs approximately....faced cruelty,domestic violence,harassment,financial crisis and financial harassment from in laws and wife...been in depression and suicidal thoughts for a long time...also got alcoholic for a long time in between...in a nutshell have been thru a nightmare and all types of pain in this last period of approx two years after my marriage...now as my divorce is abt to get over...im again feeling family and social pressure to get married again...people say to me try ur luck again..but truly speaking iam now empty from inside...i dont feel charm of marriage or married life...im very much afraid of cruel girls who use law to spoil other pupil life...which i have encountred once....

SO I THOUGHT IS IT BETTER OFF ALONE???i just wanna ask all respected members and my friends who have gone thru or going thru same dilemma in life....wht shuld be done???i get goosebumps by listening the name of marriage...im totally afRAID OF IT....should i think or marriage or is it better off alone???

IS THERE ANY WAY BY WHICH I CAN BE LEGALLY PROTECTED AGAINST THE CRUEL INTENTIONS OF MY WOULD BE WIFE TO USE 498A OR DV ACT AGAINST ME IN FUTURE AGAIN...CAN I SAFEGUARD BY ANY MEANS RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE SECOND MARRIAGE????

KINDLY ADVICE.

RAJ MALHOTRA.



Learning

 19 Replies

Shivaji Rao (worker)     08 December 2011

 

options...

1. if you want a wife go for second marriage (only after clearly checking their family background) and pray GOD

2. if you are interested in social service...go for it

3. you can adopt a kid and bring him/her up with the help of your parents or brothers or sisters, you need a lot of patience though  - all with out getting married

4. do what you like or love more and more

....lot of options buddy....

NEVER EVER COMMIT SUICIDE ...DO NOT EVEN THINK ABT IT

Jo daraaa wo maraaaa..be brave...be strong...face everything

 

1 Like

**Victim** (job)     08 December 2011

Brother as we all made a mistake before we jumped into a well without even checking girls backgroud properly. I suggest you need a bit of time before you step into another relationship just spend 2 years atleast with your friends and family before you get remarried and this time better check everything before even jumping into anything.

 

Unfortunately there is no way you can safeguard yourself from 498 (a) or DV act or Crpc 125 once you get married in india. No matter what country you go DV and maintenance issues will be there but if you look into western countries Dowry doesn't exist therefore if you plan to get married abroad then you can safeguard yourself form 498 (a) else it will be same old same old.

 

Plan you future well, reconsider your options such as where you are going to live post marriage ? Try concentrating on career it will take you miles away which you weren't able to pursue during two years of your first marriage.

1 Like

Sanjeev (Lawyer)     08 December 2011

If anything bad happens in life that doesnt mean that it would repeat itself so its always good to move ahead forgetting the bad past but taking lessons from the past. Whatever happened there would be some self introspection that should be done by you before starting again to analyse that there would be atleast some mistakes from your side though not so grave to attract 498A and other cases but still there are always lessons to learn so if you start thinking that there were no faults of yours that would be a mistake.

Life is too big and there will be times ahead when you would feel need for a partner and a family so keep looking and once you find a suitable match whom after many meetings you are of the opinion that you can live together then settle down. 

1 Like

Aishwarya (Teacher)     08 December 2011

Dont be afraid..And u shud never be of anything ever in life except for god..

"Bhaya bin hoi hi naa preet.."

Living life with all struggles and hardships is next to being courageous , while trying suicide and running away from it is being coward and an escapist..

Its best to die figting rather than giving up all at once without a struggle.

And if any case bhagwan ne socha hai dukh ke saath hi sara jeevan hai toh aise hi sahi..accept it as it is..But dont give up ..kab tak hoga kabhi naa kabhi toh sukh ayega hi..Bas us sukh mayi jieevan ki kalpana karna kabhi mat chodo ..and the more u be positive and think positive u will have all events and people who are positive with u..never bring negative thoughts ..u think abt life and the choices u make its pros and cons ..but not in a negative light..

Anyhow don't let the life go amiss just that some people, events or situations take all the emotions out of us..and we feel afraid not to indulge in such kind's ever again..because we tend to generalise easily, that it was bad and it will always gonna be that ways..

Who are we to think like that first of all ..we are meant to do our karma here , dont act like god just do what u shud do ..get married, settle down have kids, help others, take care of old parents, carry all the responsibilities , grow old ...n more... Dont doubt everything in life..itll ruin ur mental peace..be normal and sometimes be naive and observe everything..even the worst of things pass by us not affecting us if we put a lil restraint on ourselves..

There is nothing like safeguard or background check..U can never predict about a person his her behavior ..what to expect and what not to ..that will be controlling and then again a complete source of disaster..

Acceptance is the key word..try to adjust and give space for adjustment and give a lot of time to make those adjustments fall into habits..this is how relationships work..

.be patience and just move ahead in life., 

1 Like

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     08 December 2011

Engross yourself in prayers and spirituality very deeply.

If you wana settle again,look only for a simple,homely spiritual partner after thorough checking of the match and its respective family.

 

simply focus on the girl's attributes because they count the most after marriage.a girl who gives a "decent" marriage or gets good dowry may/may not turn out to be good.

 

lastly,ensure that your horoscopes match well.u may not like this particular piece of advice.but it's true.i did not botrher to get my husband's horoscope checked as people around me advised me against it,saying that these are "puraani baate".

 

now i regret this decision.his personality and ill behavior that i faced on every single from him is v.v.well explained in his horoscope.i wish i had got it checked before my marriage.

 

good luck..

1 Like

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     08 December 2011

I wish there was a perfect formula to avoid 498a and DV, I would have sold it for million bucks with people queuing up to buy it.

 

Go ahead in life with open mind, trust and respect.

 

May God Bless You

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

2 Like

cm jain sir (ccc)     08 December 2011

@Roshni mam

Horoscope???

Our horoscope was perfectly matching, 28 Gunas were matching, Taken girl from Teaching proffesion, enjoyed initial phase of married life, I never knew and thought what is 498a and divorce etc. God has given everything what i wanted.

But one day suddenly twist came in my life and it has gone up to divorce, 498a, DV etc. etc.

So what will happen tomorrow nobody knows!


@Raj Dear

Why you are depressed yaar! Forget her and Enjoy life, Start second phase of life, All girls are not same. 

Life is a cycle of Sukh and Dukh so dont think what will happen tommorrow , enjoy todays life.

Best wishes!

2 Like

(Guest)

IT SEEMS YOU ARE AFRAID OF THE FUTURE..

One should learn to completely live with himself...be one with aloneness..without desires..and thoughts..in the STILLNESS..If you are "ONE" with aloneness..only then good things start happenning....

Live in the moment as if there was no past and future..but only this moment...and be a part of it...

Meditate..at least an hour a day. Objective of meditation is to read your mind....there is not bigger and stronger jail in the world than the human mind...if you can break free...then noting can imprison you..you are free...you are imprsioned by your negative thoughts..you are afraid because..you completely believe your negative thoughts to be true....( or may come out to be true in the future).

Human beings are split..there is the mind and there is the consciousness....the mind will think, it is the job of the mind to constantly think..look for the space from where thoughts are coming or are being generated...the silent space which is the Consciousness...once you have access to this silent space...you need nothing else...this silent space is the consciousness...and in its most pristine form...it is "YOU"

after you start meditating..you will see that...you have your thoughts (generated by the mind) and there is you...The thoughts are generated and they are in front of you like a movie...but you are not there.

Now the situation is that...you see a movie in the mind..in the movie you are the hero..and whatever happens to the hero..you "think" that it is happenning to you...later..after meditation..you will see that...you will be still there in the mental movie..but you will think that...it is just a movie and not true....you will be separate from your thoughts.

Remember you are not your thoughts (you will no longer derive a sense of self from the thoughts)..the thoughts willl no longer give you an identity (now you are sad because you are COMPLETELY BELEIVING YOUR THOUGHTS about the future...

Nothing is there in thsi world to fear...becuse.fear is in the future...and you are NOW..we are never afraid or tensed about the NOW..but only about the future...

When the future comes..and you take it then and there..there is no fear...once it comes...there is no fear...you will not be afraid..but you will struggle to come out of it..it will not be fear..but struggle..and dont bother for the struggle either...it is ingrained in you (humans and all living creatures)..to struggle..it happens automaticly...so there is nothing is fear or be tensed about...

Try to understand that...here is no past..no future...but only the present..this moment is all you have..once you are clear about this..you will have no fear..no tension..NO QUESTIONS...BECAUSE ALL QUESTIONS ARE ABOUT THE PAST AND THE FUTURE....

TRY TO REMAIN SILENT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE...BY REMAINING SILENT YOU WILL MORE BE AWARE OF YOUR THOUGHTS...

REMEMBER..THE MIND IS A GREAT LIAR....NEVER BELIEVE IT..

REMEMBER..THE SECRET OF LIFE IS - TO DIE BEFORE YOU DIE  - AND FIND THERE IS NO DEATH..

Gautam


rajiv_lodha (zz)     08 December 2011

Different ppl react 2 given situations differently. There is no set formula. Human nature is is very complex. U will come across some ppl who never married, but achieved hights in life. Some ppl say "behind evrey perfact man, there is a woman". Some openly admit that their life was totally changed after 2nd marriage. Some have adjusted with cruelties of the 1st one & one fine days she herself changed a lot....so & so.

No set formula. One has to decide about 2nd marriage as his own thoughts go. No apprehansions, take life as it comes!

Gud Luk

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     09 December 2011

Strictly NO from my side.

 

I am already planning second marriage. Koi Achchi Ladki ho nazar mein to batana. :P

 

 

Regards,
 
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
4 Like

Dr J C Vashista (Advocate)     10 December 2011

Think and Be positive, there is lot more in store for you. need not get bothered about what had happened, except just to take a lesson from history/what ever happened with your past married life since there is "no life without a wife" , which is generally on your "own" luck. I wish you the best of your luck.

No one can get escaped from the clutches of Section 498A IPC, 125 Cr.P.C. and/or PWDV Act during hard days in India.

1 Like

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     10 December 2011

God gives agonies only to those who have enough strength to face them.

 

                                                                                             ..... Baba Amhi Maharaj.

**Victim** (job)     10 December 2011

Mr. Kapoor you are going to inspire lot of victims who suffered in past. Especially you are very popular in india i am sure most of the girls must be scared of you before they trigger any false cases on you again.

1 Like

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     10 December 2011

@**Victim**

 

you are going to inspire lot of victims who suffered in past

This is like - road accident = stop walking

So, be +ve dude !!

most of the girls must be scared of you before they trigger any false cases on you again.

false is always associated with fear.

                                                                    ........ Baba Amit Maharaj.


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