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Bhargav001 (NA)     09 February 2017

Advise me please

Hi Experts,

Please help on my situation. I stay in US and my wife left me 3 months back along with our kid and staying in India in thier parents home. She neither interested to come to US nor go to my home.

She always poke me for money for no reason and she does not want me to take care of my parents who are in India and speak to them. My life is not happy with her due to following reasons

She says that I am not my baby's father, she wanted my death, she does not allow me to talk to my parents and relatives, Asking lacs of rupees for no reason. She says that she got baby just to take revenge on me. She talks like she will complain to my company/Police and remove my job and put me into prision.

Basically her intention is to take control of me 100% of my activities and my money, and don't want to help my parents. since I oppose, she does all that noice with the help of thier family.

As she is in India now, she sent an email asking to add her into my accounts as joint account holder and she is demanding me to buy a home and register jointly. She also demands money for her & baby to stay in India though she is at parents home. She also blackmail me that she will go extent if I don't do. I am just keeping quite for now. Kindly advise what I can do now?. Money that I have in my accounts is my hard erned money and her part is '0' apart from WIFE status, more over that money is earned from before marriage. If I say NO to her, is that illegal? as she is staying in India without my aggreement, should I have to pay for maintenance ? Even if she goes for any false cases, will my cash be shared to her like house property? Kindly advise

 



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 12 Replies


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Bhargav001
Hi Experts,

Please help on my situation. I stay in US and my wife left me 3 months back along with our kid and staying in India in thier parents home. She neither interested to come to US nor go to my home.

She always poke me for money for no reason and she does not want me to take care of my parents who are in India and speak to them. My life is not happy with her due to following reasons

She says that I am not my baby's father, she wanted my death, she does not allow me to talk to my parents and relatives, Asking lacs of rupees for no reason. She says that she got baby just to take revenge on me. She talks like she will complain to my company/Police and remove my job and put me into prision.

Basically her intention is to take control of me 100% of my activities and my money, and don't want to help my parents. since I oppose, she does all that noice with the help of thier family.

As she is in India now, she sent an email asking to add her into my accounts as joint account holder and she is demanding me to buy a home and register jointly. She also demands money for her & baby to stay in India though she is at parents home. She also blackmail me that she will go extent if I don't do. I am just keeping quite for now. Kindly advise what I can do now?. Money that I have in my accounts is my hard erned money and her part is '0' apart from WIFE status, more over that money is earned from before marriage. If I say NO to her, is that illegal? as she is staying in India without my aggreement, should I have to pay for maintenance ? Even if she goes for any false cases, will my cash be shared to her like house property? Kindly advise

 

There is no case yet.  Why are you worried?

If she is unemployed and uneducated you will have to give her alimony.  You will have to give alimony to your kid too till it turns eighteen.

For rest of fears no use breaking head.  Face as they come your way.

whatnot   09 February 2017

If the child is US citizen, she will have to reach out every 5 years for passport renewal.

Stay in US as long as possible. Keep humane communication as she is lawfully weded wife and take care of baby and her basic needs. Keep this record.

 

The rest engage a lawyer. If she had PR card and still valid, contact local US lawyer and see if you can get a exparte divorce. If so, apply for same and also include child custody just in case.

The longer you keep quiet and stay away from India, the sooner amicable solution comes.

Bhargav001 (NA)     09 February 2017

Thank you Helping Hand and Whatnot.

My wife is BTech graduate and right now unemployed, she is searching for Job. I am worried because of her behaviour that I observed from the day one, she does not have the basic funda of familily, she hates everyone. My parents are uneducated innocents, as I am staying away, if she does something on them, it will be difficult for them to handle. With her current behaviour and they way she treats us, I don't think we can stay together for long time. This is second time she is doing the same, 1 year back she did the same, she left to India and after 5-6 months we supposed to talk to her give some money to bring back.

Yes, Baby is US citizen and 2.5 years old. Myself and wife having non immigrant visa.

My wife already taken 2.5 lacs when she left to India, she should be able to survive with that money for some time, but the way she poke is, I am not sending money to her and she is bringing in the child education now.

so, I don't need to add her into my bank accounts as Joint account holder right? Kindly advise.

If I have to go for divorse based on the 1 year seperation, if I keep communicating to her, will it be taken as relation? even if she goes for  false cases of DV/4988a. kindly advise

 

whatnot   09 February 2017

Your money . Your perogative. You don't have to. If you don't want to.

 

Your parents will be firing line pretty soon. Look at US option and keep some legal work

stanley (Freedom)     09 February 2017

@ Author .

1. you worry too much about the future hence stop worying and live life to the fullest .

2. if she files DV in india with false allegations you can easilt win the case as your pasport details will show that you are aboard . How is she going to prove that these incidents have taken place in india the false allegations if she files any . 

3. If she files the false allegations like incidents took place  aboard . Than her case would get dismissed as you can always state that why she never filed DV in the US . And as the incidents took place there in the US her DV would get dismissed .

4. Even by mistake do not buy a home in joint names . Even if you buy a house in india never disclose that you have one . Take a reneted place and stay when you come to india . Or else she will drive you out of your own brought out house with the DV act of right to residence . 

5. As she is not working you have to send her money for maintenance and also for the child and transfer the same to her account so as to maintain a record .which would be necessary during court trial to produce . 

1 Like

(Guest)
Originally posted by : Bhargav001

Thank you Helping Hand

My wife is BTech graduate and right now unemployed, she is searching for Job. I am worried because of her behaviour that I observed from the day one, she does not have the basic funda of familily, she hates everyone. My parents are uneducated innocents, as I am staying away, if she does something on them, it will be difficult for them to handle. With her current behaviour and they way she treats us, I don't think we can stay together for long time. This is second time she is doing the same, 1 year back she did the same, she left to India and after 5-6 months we supposed to talk to her give some money to bring back.

Yes, Baby is US citizen and 2.5 years old. Myself and wife having non immigrant visa.

My wife already taken 2.5 lacs when she left to India, she should be able to survive with that money for some time, but the way she poke is, I am not sending money to her and she is bringing in the child education now.

so, I don't need to add her into my bank accounts as Joint account holder right? Kindly advise.

If I have to go for divorse based on the 1 year seperation, if I keep communicating to her, will it be taken as relation? even if she goes for  false cases of DV/4988a. kindly advise

 

Ardha tikklu Ardha pukklu is a saying down South.

Stay put. Just fcuking her and producing kid does not make you a man.

You are already father to the child.  Behave like one.

What your wife does, that is left in your hands.  Run behind her, convince her.  Women are fools of sorts.  Emotinoal fools.  You strike the right cord, they will keep wagging their tails for the rest of their lives.

Nothing wrong in wife expecting share in property. etc.

Once you die you wont even nkow who spit on your dead body.  So dont think so much about property and money.

Throw money on her face, she will wag her tail. 

Its the art of controlling via love and affection.  Your wife sees love in money, give it to her.

 

Going to court for matrimonial pupose is utter waste of time.  In court what you get is Date, nothing else.

 

Take her into confidence.  Enjoy family life.  Pull her with you, you stay alone... you stay alone for ever.  

Bhargav001 (NA)     10 February 2017

Thanks Helping Hand, understood your words as a father. With one bull we can not run bulluck cart and with hand we can not clap. I am telling this based on my situation. Here money is secondary, behaviour and character is important in life. How long a person can give money for no reason and no return(love and affection towards family). If the person has intensions to dry us, how long you will bear. if you read my case clearly above, it is pakka pre-planning to pull out money and assets, as I mentioned above she cleary says she got kid just for making her as weapon on me, she also says that she will take me to the position of drinking Congee, what else we can talk to her. will there be any guarantee that she will stay with us after no money in hand? defenitely not.

A walk alone (-)     10 February 2017

Have you ever try to find out reason for her behavior? Your thinking is wrong "she got kid just for making her as weapon on me". No mother can do this. You are father. can you use your kid as weapon? You are just thinking about money. Have you ever think about reason behind her behavior? Or have you ever think about future of your kid after divorce? Your one step towards court will spoil your own child life. Dnt you notice this behavior of her before child? Money can earn in life later but if your child future spoil because of divorce it can't rebuild. You will ruin your own and your child life. You will file one case she will file many false cases. You will roam court waste money on lawyers for decades. After divorce you both will remarry but what about your child? Kid need both parents original.

(Guest)

" I am just keeping quite for now. Kindly advise what I can do now?. "

Nothing. Just keep quiet and make efforts to reconcile (if it is possible), or at least be a good parent by visiting your child and also giving maintenance amount for the child. That is your responsibility. Depending on the circumstances, you also have the responsibility to maintain your wife unless she is capable to work and just sitting at home lazily.

Money that I have in my accounts is my hard erned money and her part is '0' apart from WIFE status, more over that money is earned from before marriage. If I say NO to her, is that illegal?

No it is not illegal to say NO to her, but if she files divorce or DV or Crpc 125, you will have to provide maintenance to her and child. Like I said that is your minimum responsibility and you shouldn't cribb about it. When you are married, you can't say "IT IS MY HARD EARNED MONEY AND HER PARTI S '0'". It is BOTH of your money. Simply because wife is a house wife doesn't mean your income is 100% yours. It is always 50-50. Of course, this is not legally, but morally.

as she is staying in India without my aggreement, should I have to pay for maintenance ?

Like I said, yes, legally and morally. You should be proud to maintain your family, especially your child and not cry to give maintenance.

Even if she goes for any false cases, will my cash be shared to her like house property? Kindly advise

If she goes for 498a, no cash of yours need to be shelled out. If she files DV or divorce cases, interim maintenance will surely be awarded to her. If you don't pay, a non-bailable warrant will be waiting for you so that when you return to India, you can either pay all the arrears immediately or go to jail until you do.

Read more at: https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Advise-me-please-146871.asp

1 Like

Bhargav001 (NA)     11 February 2017

Originally posted by : A walk alone
Have you ever try to find out reason for her behavior? Your thinking is wrong "she got kid just for making her as weapon on me". No mother can do this. You are father. can you use your kid as weapon? You are just thinking about money. Have you ever think about reason behind her behavior? Or have you ever think about future of your kid after divorce? Your one step towards court will spoil your own child life. Dnt you notice this behavior of her before child? Money can earn in life later but if your child future spoil because of divorce it can't rebuild. You will ruin your own and your child life. You will file one case she will file many false cases. You will roam court waste money on lawyers for decades. After divorce you both will remarry but what about your child? Kid need both parents original.

Thanks Walk alone for your comments and questions. I know you are trying help us but the situation is different. What ever questions you highlighted, those statements given by her, not by me. To answer your questions, when she left me first time, I asked the same question to her "what is your problem", her first answer was that I have to transfer money to her and make deposits on her name, I strongly opposed for that, then she brought up my kid into picture, after so many discussions I supposed to bend just becuase of kid and family sake and I supposed to transfer money. Yes I thought about my kid's future and that is why I compromised first time, but every time I will not be able to do as she is taking that as advantage and repeating the same and it is dangerous for me and for the society, she will become role model for others, just not for others even for my kid also. I know every one think about money in my case but it is not because of me, it is from her side. Atleast if she is sharing love towards me and family, i don't feel about losing money. Even after taking all the benefits from me, at the end she says that I did not do any thing for her, not only that, she is trying to sepearte me from my parents, at any cost I am not going to allow that. She has already kept my child away from me, what else example we need for justifying her statement " Using kid as weapon on me", every father knows the pain when a kind is seperated from father wantedly. Any how I am not ready to lose my baby, definetely she will be back to me when she understands us. Thanks


(Guest)

" Your thinking is wrong "she got kid just for making her as weapon on me". No mother can do this. "

Actually, most mothers do this. In a matrimonial dispute situation, mothers usually use kids as tools and weapons to exact revenge and money from husbands. 

 

A walk alone (-)     12 February 2017

@sarma "Actually, most mothers do this. In a matrimonial dispute situation, mothers usually use kids as tools and weapons to exact revenge and money from husbands. " it wrong . I dnt say it's 100% wrong but 70% wrong. After child women life completely change. Her first priority becomes child. 70% women sacrifice in matrimonial dispute situation because of child.

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