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freemanoneday   19 June 2016

Advice needed on matrimonial issue

Dear Members

I got married in 2013 and we have 2 year old daughter. Due to work commitments aborad, me and my wife stayed together for only for few months . Now I got transfered to india and we both living together in india chennai since march 16. From the beginning of the marriage my wife,in-laws expectation is always money they always ask what did you give to your wife and my wife and MIL treats me very badly. Their expectation is to give salary to her and she should have control of my finances.After 6 months they talk about divorce but my parents convinced not o go for seperation. They always use divorce as a trump card to threaten me and treat me badly. Recently I had a argument with my wife and she said leave me and I had enough of it already so asked to leave if you want. But she didn't leave since she was not expected i will say this. since she just want to use to blankmail. we are living in same house in different room no talking sine 1 month and my daughter taken by MIL. Wife sister engagement is in progress so they are waiting for the function to get over to proceed with divorce or whatever in their mind. But definetly she donesnt want to continue the marriage since she already said many times.

I am working as IT professional and she is working as doctor and each of us earning 1L per month.BUt I am the one who pay the rent she doesn't contribute anything to household expenses. She cooks her own food and i eat outside. I am thinking of moving away from the house and stay near to my office, but not sure what will be the implications. So I request advice what should I do?

 I had enough in this 3 year and since my elder brother also re-married after divorce my parents think if i go for divorce will give bad name to our family. But everyday I am living my life like hell with abusive wife /MIL and she is not talking anymore as she is waiting for her family function to get over. So living together is not an option and even she doesn't want but i heard from mutual friend they are looking for money to settle things.

I am not sure will they just ask money or will file false cases but they started to bad mouth about me saying i am not taking care of the wife.  she is earning well so will not get maintanence so will pressure me wby filling false cases. I have her Salary slips as proof.

I have 1 home bought before marriage and few lakhs of savings/mutual fund/share in my bank account. I am happy to contribute monthly or brought up my daughter but she will not leave the daughter to me.

I am thinking of vacating the house and ask her to find some other place or she can continue living in the house with new rental agreement. I am worried if in future court or someone will ask why did you desert your wife. I am in a difficult situation and don't want to take decision in a hurry

Please advice what should I do?  How should i prepare myself to protect my money/propoerty from her.

 

 



Learning

 13 Replies

Dana Kayoni (Expert Humanitarian and Lawyer)     19 June 2016

Originally posted by : freemanoneday
Dear Members

I got married in 2013 and we have 2 year old daughter. Due to work commitments aborad, me and my wife stayed together for only for few months . Now I got transfered to india and we both living together in india chennai since march 16. From the beginning of the marriage my wife,in-laws expectation is always money they always ask what did you give to your wife and my wife and MIL treats me very badly. Their expectation is to give salary to her and she should have control of my finances.After 6 months they talk about divorce but my parents convinced not o go for seperation. They always use divorce as a trump card to threaten me and treat me badly. Recently I had a argument with my wife and she said leave me and I had enough of it already so asked to leave if you want. But she didn't leave since she was not expected i will say this. since she just want to use to blankmail. we are living in same house in different room no talking sine 1 month and my daughter taken by MIL. Wife sister engagement is in progress so they are waiting for the function to get over to proceed with divorce or whatever in their mind. But definetly she donesnt want to continue the marriage since she already said many times.

I am working as IT professional and she is working as doctor and each of us earning 1L per month.BUt I am the one who pay the rent she doesn't contribute anything to household expenses. She cooks her own food and i eat outside. I am thinking of moving away from the house and stay near to my office, but not sure what will be the implications. So I request advice what should I do?

 I had enough in this 3 year and since my elder brother also re-married after divorce my parents think if i go for divorce will give bad name to our family. But everyday I am living my life like hell with abusive wife /MIL and she is not talking anymore as she is waiting for her family function to get over. So living together is not an option and even she doesn't want but i heard from mutual friend they are looking for money to settle things.

I am not sure will they just ask money or will file false cases but they started to bad mouth about me saying i am not taking care of the wife.  she is earning well so will not get maintanence so will pressure me wby filling false cases. I have her Salary slips as proof.

I have 1 home bought before marriage and few lakhs of savings/mutual fund/share in my bank account. I am happy to contribute monthly or brought up my daughter but she will not leave the daughter to me.

I am thinking of vacating the house and ask her to find some other place or she can continue living in the house with new rental agreement. I am worried if in future court or someone will ask why did you desert your wife. I am in a difficult situation and don't want to take decision in a hurry

Please advice what should I do?  How should i prepare myself to protect my money/propoerty from her.

 

 

 

IF you had to stay abroad on work why did you have to get married?

You could have waited for sometime to get transfer to india and then married.

Each marriage takes minimum 2-3 years time to settle, in that you sleep with wife, now kid you have, in that 2-3 years fine tuning, adjust etc, if not adjust then go for divorce, at least if there is no kid, it will be spared from future trouble.

You should not allow neither your parents to interfere nor hers, that’s the GOLDEN RULE FOR MARIAGE.

Parents and parent inlaws should also not interfere in their kids married life, that is DIAMOND RULE FOR MARRIAGE.

 

You can,

File divorce directly based on mental cruelty, summons will be served at your house where she is staying, she will take summons and move out automatically.  Once you file divorce she cant file dowry case etc etc case on you and your parents.

If they want settlement withdraw the petition and file MCD petition.

Child custody will be with mother, if it is with MIL then you need to let know the court about it and ask for custody at age 5.

You will have to pay maintenance for kid till age 18.

Other way to protect yourself is, go for anticipatory bail for all the members of your family.

Transfer your house to moms name.

Withdraw deposits and put in brothers name.

Mean time vacate the house, join some PG or friends house, give from address of PG or friends house and to address of house where wife is staying like that she wont be able to file DV case on your mom and you.

freemanoneday   19 June 2016

Thanks for the reply. I just want to clarify on reason why not staying together. After Marriage I took her with me to abroad and we stayed for 6 months and then I had to come back due to work commitments. She get pregenant so in 2016 i went abroad alone and she was living with her parents house.

I agree parents should nto interfer and its my in-laws who want to make my finance decision and always poking their nose in our life. My wife is also very rude and we don't have any love/understanding with us.

I am not sure whether filling divorce will protect me from false cases - so i will not take any legal action first.

Anti-Bail - I can only apply if the case is in CAW or police FIR registered.

Can I gift the house to my mum instead of transfer to her?

Can I transfer to my dad's account of all deposits?

If I leave her and move to friends place will it not be considered deserted?

Kumar Doab (FIN)     19 June 2016

Approach avery able counsel and understand under what charges you can seek divorce.

Build irrefutable evidence of all claims that you have posted.

You may get in touch with LCI Expert Mr. Shonee kapoor. He has initiated a new drive for such cases.

Born Fighter (xxx)     20 June 2016

  1. Gather as much evidence as possible which will be helpful later. Transfer the house to your mother's name. Remove money from ur bank.
  2. Before the wedding in her family takes place, you take a flat on rent and ask ur wife to move out with you. 
  3. For the wedding she will go to her parents house for few weeks atleast, during this time send her the divorce papers OR talk of mutual divorce with one time settlement
  4. Before initiating the case, check for settlement (best option)
  5. From legal perspective, ur wife will not get any maintenance as shes earning in lakhs. Be ready to pay atleast 20L as one time for your childs maintenance. Your wife as she is earning will also have to contribute towards childs welfare. Forget childs custody if you want to end the case fast and anyways ur wife will oppose the same and there being a daughter ur wife will get custody of ur child till she turns 5yrs
  6. Your wife can file any case in retaliation to harass you (irrespective of merits/demerits) so prepare urself accordingly.

Also there is no guarantee that the above plan will succeed, if ur wife decides to make ur life miserable she can put claim of 10 crores as one time settlement by hiding her employment or showing less income and drag you to court under false allegations. In which case you need to have patience and fight the case on merits. After a year or 1.5yr your wife will realize her blunders and the case will also turn out in your favour once the interim maintenance stage is over. You also plan your financials carefully anticipating claim of hefty maintenance/alimony. All the Best !!

freemanoneday   20 June 2016

Thanks for the advice. Below are my thoughts please comment.

I am not ready to pay one time settlement but happy to contribute monthly basis and 20L is too much or me and maximum i go for 7 to 8 L if there is a 1 time settlement.

By paying monthly i get the chance to visit my daughter quite often and ask for child custody after 5 years also, if she remarried there is a chance that she won't bother my money.

I will not surrender for huge ailmony demand and will fight and will not give her divorce.

I understand contested ones are ugly and will not initiate any legal options first and look for mutual settlement if there demand is huge will not bother divorce and let it run for years.

I don't think court will order to pay more than 10L since she is working well and I have salary slip. Child support is both parents responsibility and monthly i assume something around 10K

will be awarded.

 

both parents

 

Kumar Doab (FIN)     20 June 2016

It is reiterated that: First of all :::::Approach avery able counsel and understand that charges you pressing are a ground for divorce or not!

Build irrefutable evidence of all charges that you want to press.

You may get in touch with LCI Expert Mr. Shonee kapoor. He has initiated a new drive for such cases.

freemanoneday   20 June 2016

please let the message open to get views from other  memebers. as well

Kumar Doab (FIN)     20 June 2016

@ Querist,

The thread is open as long as you and admin of LCI want.

 

 

Born Fighter (xxx)     20 June 2016

when you are earning 1L PM do you think its fair to give just 7 to 8L as one time settlement for your daughter ?  Im on firm view that your wife deserves ZERO maintenance/alimoney for herself.

Getting child custody is not that easy. Thre are disadvantages of paying monthly maintenance to wife lifelong as well please note and its beneficial to pay her onetime and get free from the headeache.

You are new to world of divorce and things dont happen as per husbands wish as laws are in favour of women. Imagine you file for divorce and wife says she does not want to give divorce to you .....forget money...........what will you do ?? You will have no option but to fight the case for good 5-7yrs anticipating divorce. If you have evidences then its fine but if you dont ,your case may get dismissed also. You will loose 5-7yrs of ur career and the court chakkars will drain you.

 

 

The money that you will pay to ur wife is not coming to my pocket, please know that my suggestion is aimed towards early and decent settlement so that you can move on in life ... Im not saying u r wrong in stand you want to take ..........You can definately aim for all that you have mentioned above to teach the lady a lesson / prove your point but in return you will loose time/money/health

 

Its just one life ...........think about it n Choice is yours !!

freemanoneday   20 June 2016

@kumar I mean don't give a conclusion of the query

freemanoneday   20 June 2016

Originally posted by : Born Fighter
when you are earning 1L PM do you think its fair to give just 7 to 8L as one time settlement for your daughter ?  Im on firm view that your wife deserves ZERO maintenance/alimoney for herself.

Getting child custody is not that easy. Thre are disadvantages of paying monthly maintenance to wife lifelong as well please note and its beneficial to pay her onetime and get free from the headeache.

You are new to world of divorce and things dont happen as per husbands wish as laws are in favour of women. Imagine you file for divorce and wife says she does not want to give divorce to you .....forget money...........what will you do ?? You will have no option but to fight the case for good 5-7yrs anticipating divorce. If you have evidences then its fine but if you dont ,your case may get dismissed also. You will loose 5-7yrs of ur career and the court chakkars will drain you.

 

 

The money that you will pay to ur wife is not coming to my pocket, please know that my suggestion is aimed towards early and decent settlement so that you can move on in life ... Im not saying u r wrong in stand you want to take ..........You can definately aim for all that you have mentioned above to teach the lady a lesson / prove your point but in return you will loose time/money/health

 

Its just one life ...........think about it n Choice is yours !!

@born fighter

thanks for ur advice. My strong belief is if men go for divorce first then obviously women demand huge amount and i don't think my life problem will be solved if i get divorce. As you rightly mentioned contested divorce goes for 5-10 years so i am not going to file anything, but just wait and make her frustrated. My strategy is not to be desperate for divorce and i know abt my wife & family they obviously go for remarriage because there belief is men  to take care of wife and give money but wife earn/ own everything. For women age is big disadvantage so if my time/health/money is wasted without any family , it is for her also.

could you elaborate why its disadvantages to pay by monthly ? My view is that way i can be close to my daughter can stop to pay if i don't get enough visitations. If she remarry chances of she may not need the maintanence amount. Even after I pay the one time payment she can always come back to get more maintanence for education/marriage expenses.

 

A walk alone (-)     26 June 2016

You both are well educated. Both of you only worried about money and property. No one worried about your own daughter future after divorce. Great! Things which can be sort out in four wall you want to roam court. Try reconcile if it fail try mcd pay one time amount. Otherwise you both will run 4-5 years in court waste your time money. As she is already qualified you only have to pay maintenance to your daughter.

manindersingh   21 July 2016

hi dear

 

dont worry, be brave. Start living seperte, gather bills of resurants where you eat, gather slips of rent, household expenses and record conversation with your wife while arguments. Buy spy pen and record the misbehave of your wife/mil. 

If you have decided that you no longer wants to live with your wife, make sure you be on this decision, think twice and in coming time, no turning back.

You will win the fight. Don't try to settle the relations who have become bitter, dont make them last long.

Ask your wife how much she wants. money is not a big deal if you will be tension free by giving it.

 

You re earning good and you can earn gain. Dont live in hell. We all are with you. Make sure you taake good care of your kid, its your main responisbility. May god bless you.


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