What to do big question??

Hi Richa, This is very typical of a girl who is facing this difficulty. Generally men face this kind of problem with false cases by wife and in-laws. I empathize what you are going through. But if you don't mind can give us the background of the issue between you and your husband. It will help the members in this forum to give you unbiased views.

1. Try to find out why your husband and your in-laws are so annoyed with you and from your family . 2. Try to sort out all your problem amicablly , if any problem then collect your respected relatives from both sides of your families and find out a mid way whom you and your husband have follow as well as your parents also. , 3. Both of your families set aside their ego and then talk each other and create friendly atmosphere. 4. Don't think about divorce or any other legal cases.

Why are you two living in two separate cities? Is marriage not sufficiently important for the two of you to have one of you, traditionally the wife, unless she is earning significantly more than the husband, to quit and find a new job close to her husband? In today's day and age, staying away from each other, presumably a long time, is bound to create problems, from within or through external effects. External effects  here means developing relationships with others or suspecting that the other party has developed extra-marital relationships. Problems from within could mean that the emotional attachment or the physical desire for the other person has diminished significantly.

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You need to get to the root of the problem first. If you approach an advocate, his eyes will start twinkling. He will see a new bakra approaching. He will advise you to file a host of notices and proceedings and soon you will be on the divorce path. I suggest that you first exhaust all remedies through intermediaries without even talking to any advocate. Then, come back to this forum and describe the outcome of your attempts in detail. You will get some good advice from NON-advocates and stupid advice from advocates. The later you can use as source of amusement because in such trying times it is important to maintain a good sense of humor! Good Luck!!!

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Brief about the situation:

- We have been staying together in Banglore since we got married.  Husband left me 6 months back. That too when I was out of station for office work.

- husband has problem due to which we could not have child yet. Came to know about the problem 2 years back and since then he was getting treatment from doctor. but no improvements and we were loosing hopes. This has caused major problem in our relationship.

- He lost his job.Was jobless for 1.5 years almost. I took care of home loan, car loan and all the household expenses during this time. Before loosing his job also I was paying EMI for flat, rent for the flat where we were staying as our own flat was under construction. Flat, car is on his name.

- He took all savings certificates, all gold from locker when he left without telling me.

- One day on call he mentioned that he had decided to take divorce since last 1 year. And was just waiting to get job.

- Reason for divorce as per him:

1. I give money from my salary to my parents.(this is not true, my father earns very well. My parents never took money from me not even before i got married. So there is no question of me giving them or they asking me for money post marriage).

2. I have an affair: As per him I was having an affair with one of my childhood friend before marriage and it was continued for all 4 years after marriage. (this is just bullsh*t.)

3. As per my in-laws and my husband, my husband's medical problem never created any problems in our relationship. But because I am highly educated/well earning I am creating chaos out of it.

- We contacted one of our common relative. My in-laws and husband after insisting by the relative were ready to meet. But suddenly they cancelled the meeting saying as my husband needs to travel coz of some urgent office work, not getting leaves etc. this has happened twice and our attempt to talk to them failed.

I think he does not want to continue this relationship from his behavior. I was just hoping that things would improve once he gets a job.

Now after explaining the situation can anyone help me out. How can I approach him? I dont know which company he is working with? Even not sure if he really is in Delhi now?

Hi Experts,

Is my situation so bad that I cannot do anything about what my husband has done to me? No law to help me to save my marriage? I m looking for

genuine advice here.

Richa, Let me first say that you are not going to get any "expert "advice here. Just some basic guidelines, which 50% of the time will not have a firm legal footing, if given by advocates. So, just use any advice given here as a basis to do your own research. You certainly appear to be well-educated. Here is my two cents advice on your situation:

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He does not want to be with you. Well, then, you need to move on. Legal aspects can only force people to do things but cannot force them to enjoy the outcome. You can file a RCR which is basically a petition/application to seek restoration of conjugal rights (read on the net for details. See relevant section of the Act). Assuming that it is granted, what are you going to get out if? He will be forced to live with you. He already has some form of s*xual problem as I gather from your post. As a woman you will have some natural urges and if they are not satisfied you will be looking outside anyway. Ordinarily, love and affection or emotional-bondings can overcome these problems but here there is none of that. So, first, make a decision of what you want out of this marriage?

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If you decide to hang on, well file a RCR with genuine intent to remain married.

If you decide to go in for a divorce, then be patient and plan on how you intend to file your divorce petition, the basis and the evidence you are going to produce. Advocates do not have the right amount of greyness or sharpness (or whatever is required) in their brains to do this. You need to do it yourself.  I would suggest that then too you file a RCR but with the hope that he opposes it. Wait till he opposes the same under oath. If two years pass by in your separation, with him refusing to be with you, you have solid grounds for divorce under "desertion." Do not discuss your intent to divorce even with your advocate, because these RASCALs have no ethics. All your secrets will be given to the other party by your own advocate, either out of stupidity or with the hope of getting something in return. In your RCR hearing, when he is in the witness box, get all kinds of statements from him that he does not want to stay with you. Also, collect all doctor's medication and other details of his s*xual disfunctional problems or inability to produce children and present it to him. Let him respond. Then analyze all the evidence and file a divorce petition based upon cruelty, desertion, etc. and be done with him. You are educated and apparently earn well. You will find another good man. Move on... Life is too short to keep fighting with the past.

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Your advocate will try to drag your case, on and on and years will pass by. So, please, do your own reading and take your own decisions. This is my last post in this thread. GOOD LUCK!

Need of the hour:

1.  Dog belt.

2.  First buy a dog belt.

3.  Reach some local newspaper and one national newspaper, give photo of your dog, they publish, missing, finder will be suitable rewarded.

4.  Contact muncipal corporation in Dehi and give one photo of your dog which does not want to come back and ask them to find it for you, tell finder will be suitably rewarded. Give one dog belt to them and one big dog chain.

5.  Contact BBMP bangalore, and repeat procedure number 4.  Give dog belt and dog chain there too.

6.  Am sure if your dog is in bangalore BBMP will put efforts to trace your dog, contact local tv channel TV9 kannada, they will also search your dog for you.

When they find your dog, tie him properly to the cot where you sleep this time around, remember dogs running away shows owner did not feed dog properly, so moral of story, feed dog properly so that it will lick your feet properly and keep wagging its tail.!!

And dont forget to reward the finder, or else if dog again escape, then... nobody will help you find your dog :-))