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Discussion > Family Law > I don't want a divorce, my husband does   Unanswered Threads Post New Topic

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There are 11 Replies to this message


manno


owner
[ Scorecard : 130]
Posted On 05 May 2012 at 03:45 Report Abuse

Hello,

I got married in dec2009. I left my job because it required me to work long hours which weren't acceptable. But a month after my marriage, my husband started to insult me for not having a job, in spite of me trying to look for a suitable one. They wantred me to get a well paying job which allows me to come home at 5pm and help out at home. I obviously cannot find a job which I have no qualifications for. Meanwhile we stayed with his parents. 

He earns well but we didn't have many costs except for his expenses for when he went out with friends, drinking. We didn't go anywhere after our marriage- I was ok with that. In spite of this- he didn't save up anything. I have worked for 10 years and have saved up money and have invested it . So a few month's delay in job hunt is not a problem for me.

 

I don't have the experience of his mother at looking after the house, but I was willing to learn. I don't have a mother and have lived in hostels most of my life. However, I made small mistakes now and then- like leaving the bathroom light on one day or not using clothes-pin while drying clothes. But my husband screamed at me badly for this. I started staying in my room most of the time- I was afraid of making any more mistakes.

I wasn't thin enough for them, my father didn't give me enough gold or spend enough money on my marriage. Every now and then I had to hear disguised taunts like this. Mostly while my husband was not around. Also, his mother is fanatical about cleanliness. She cleans after the maid leaves. 

 

I don't have the experience of his mother at looking after the house, but I was willing to learn. I don't have a mother and have lived in hostels most of my life. However, I made small mistakes now and then- like leaving the bathroom light on one day or not using clothes-pin while drying clothes. But my husband screamed at me badly for this. I started staying in my room most of the time- I was afraid of making any more mistakes.

He doesn't have any responsibilities at his home, didn't even know where to pay the electricity bill. He is pampered there like a little boy while I am expected to do all the work. Once his father started screaming at me in front of the neighbor and i told him that we'll talk a little later- I didn't want the neighbor to hear what goes on in their house. It hurt his ego so much that he asked us to leave home. 

Since then I have been blamed for the separation. Everything that goes wrong is now my fault. we have shifted to another place- far away from his parent's home. I had wanted to shift somewhere close so that I could at least visit his parents, and they- us. I joined work with a reputed company after asking my husband. He seemed to be okay with the fact that it involved travelling.

But once I started my work, I could not be around for family gatherings or card playing nights, which happen in his house almost every weekend. I was travelling and between 2 trips, I just had a day or two to recoup. I did this job because it paid well, which pleased my husband. But because I could not be present at family gatherings, I was sounded off by his mother. This made my husband dislike me even more. Every month he would find an excuse and tell me he wants to end the marriage. So, I gave up my job. But nothing I do, makes him happy. I asked his friends and family for help but they turned on me.

Finally after two and half years, the situation is such that my husband has no valid reason for a divorce. So he wants me to agree to it mutually. But no one should be allowed to ruin someone's life by marriaging them and then leaving because they're done with them. Use and throw.

I do not want a divorce. I just want my husband to come to his senses. He has been toturing me mentally, sometimes physically.He calls me a home wrecker and mostly stays at his parent's place until my father calls him up and tells him to return. 

He said that he will need to find allegations against me to get me to divorce him. Is that possible?  Can he force me to divorce him. He can allegate anything- adultry or theft or anything. How am I to protect myself against this? 

I don't want my husband to divorce me. I just want a happily married life. I don't want anything from him except for him to be sensible and save for his future. I have been running the house at my expense for most of the last 2 years- thinking atleast he will be able to save up. He is a stubborn and egoistic person- but can I ask for a mandatory marriage counselling?. How do I deal with this?

Please help. 

 

 

 

 



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bhima balla


none
[ Scorecard : 760]
Posted On 05 May 2012 at 06:11 Report Abuse

Marriage counselling is a great idea. It is a fact that nobody wants to hear anything bad about themselves. A good counselling can rectify behaviour , hopefully, for the better. Perseverance and counselling is far better than divorce etc. However one cannot live under stress perpetually.



Total thanks : 1 times


SAINATH DEVALLA


LEGAL CONSULTANT
[ Scorecard : 3627]
Posted On 05 May 2012 at 08:15 Report Abuse

Dear Querist,

Realisation and reconciliation is the best antidote in human lives.For every family matter we need not run to the corridors of the courts.For every case I prefer initial councelling,which may sometimes yeild positive results.Hence its better both of you attend a family councelling at the earliest and sort out your problems amicably.Good luck.



Total thanks : 1 times


Kamal Grover


Advocate High Court, Chandigarh M:09814110005 email:adv.kamal.grover@gmail.com
[ Scorecard : 2118]
Posted On 05 May 2012 at 08:35 Report Abuse

you may approach women cell and they will call your husband and made counseling.

or send me your location and contact me at 9814110005

Good luck.
adv.kamal.grover@gmail.com



Ranee.......


NA
[ Scorecard : 4068]
Posted On 05 May 2012 at 10:13 Report Abuse

Author if possible join the job again.Be calm and confident, if you dont do any adultary or any misbehaviour to him and his family then no need to worry.Divorce is not a  thing to buy in the market.You get afraid when he threatens of divorce , so he is taking this as a tool  to torture you mentally.Dont take any legal step now from your side.

You said.."He calls me a home wrecker and mostly stays at his parent's place until my father calls him up and tells him to return. 

 

R u living separately from your in-laws?



Total thanks : 1 times


Member (Account Deleted)


Banana Master
[ Scorecard : 649]
Posted On 05 May 2012 at 11:09 Report Abuse

apart from legal ways, your "rona-dhona" may work. try to return to your in-laws. follow Ranee's advise.

All the best. you will get back your husband, wait for few days.



Total thanks : 1 times


v.sreenivas sivaram


senior civil judge CUM ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICER
[ Scorecard : 150]
Posted On 05 May 2012 at 14:57 Report Abuse

TRY MEDIATION CONTACT THE MEDIATION CENTER OF THE COURT



Total thanks : 1 times


SUNIL KUMAR


apprentice
[ Scorecard : 41]
Posted On 05 May 2012 at 15:25 Report Abuse

marriage is a very pious ceremony in india unlike in abroad. every marriage has some problem. in your case what i see is only difference of views nothing else. just try to make him understand and you too try to see things as your hubby wants you to see. when he is angry feel sorry and when things are in control then point out your view in this way i hope he will understand upto a large ext. mere blaming some one in court doesnt prove anything so dont worry just have a counselling family counsellers



Total thanks : 1 times


bhima balla


none
[ Scorecard : 760]
Posted On 05 May 2012 at 18:07 Report Abuse

Marriage is pious, sacrement, sacred, made in heaven etc is absurd. It is a delusion, clearly unsupported by today's picture. It only smacks of delusion of grandeur that Indians and Indian system is superior to others. The reality is it is the most cruel system of all-powered by this delusion of the government and the legal system.

Marriage can work only when the two involved together want it to work. One party cannot make it work alone. The notion of the government and judiciary that they somehow can/ want/ must try to 'save' marriages is most offensive and cruel. Only when such delusions are cured can we have saner laws.

(However pertaining to this case my earlier opinion stands that the couple should/can try to find ways to save their marriage).



Total thanks : 2 times


manish


cdsdfasd sdf
[ Scorecard : 302]
Posted On 07 May 2012 at 23:04 Report Abuse

the day you try to involve women cell, your marriage will be ruined for sure.. try to sit and discuss with yoiur husband and dont try to compete with his mother. she has a place in his life and you have yours. Dont try to compete and outdo her.



Total thanks : 1 times



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