“What joyous discoveries lie ahead when we disclose our true selves, with no purpose other than to understand and be understood?” The human relationship is purely based on the power of communication. If only we can understand each other well, it would have served the purpose of human welfare and well being without any conflict of interest and misunderstanding. We are living in a shell created with our fears and all apprehensions about another. But we may be eager to go to such length and more, just to be heard and understood to come out of our little island of separateness. We long to speak out of our loneliness and sorrow, and also to speak, too, out of joy and wonder and discovery. From the childhood onwards, the need for caring and sharing is imbedded in our mind that some one must see as we see and marvel as we marvel and share the moment with us. What joyous moment it brings to us when we truly come out of our shell and communicate truly with others just for the sake of knowing them well and sharing and caring for each other? The life is at its best when our thoughts and deeds bind and unite us with our fellow human beings without any inhibitions and with pure love and affection. But this happens very rarely.
The basic problem with human behaviour is that we all have our own experiences of life and that of others and the pent-up feelings kept inside our own self without expression. For us, that becomes the comfort zone. But we forget the fact that we are much more than we know about ourselves. We do not understand the power that is dormant in us and that is why we cannot communicate well with each other. We are what we can say and think about. “We become fully conscious” says psychiatrist Paul Tournier, “only of what we are able to express to someone else.”
But we do not understand the importance of release of our innermost feelings to some one who can understand us. There is a limit to our capacity to hold on to our emotions and if it is not released at some point or other, it will burst out, perhaps, it will prove to be detrimental to our health and welfare. Science has already proved the importance of “a sound mind in a sound body”. The need to express ourselves to another in an atmosphere of trust and faith is more felt in the present environment of distrust and hatred, pride and prejudices, and the desperateness surrounding us. We have to cut across the barriers of race and nationality, caste and creed, bigotry and nepotism, to reach out to people nationally and globally, to bridge the widening gap and to extend a hand of friendship and understanding. In spite of being amidst people, we feel lonely.
Why we cannot communicate effectively with others? The reason is the gap, distortion and a veil which we have created ourselves in our communication. The differences found in our background, our experiences from the child hood, our bringing up, our heredity, our beliefs, all create a barrier to understand each other. There is lack of communication between a husband and a wife because of the divergent bringing up, difference in perceptions and awareness. The cultural background, social background widens the nearness because we cannot think beyond our experiences however we try. We cannot go beyond our narrowness.
If we perceive our behaviour, we may find that what we intent to speak are about ourselves because we want to be heard. At the same time, we also are confronted with the fear what if we are rejected? What if we are ridiculed? What if we fail? What may the other person think about us? In fact we are pushing our selves to satisfy our ego which the other person does not care. This is not communication.
The problem with us is that we do not want our sensitivity to be touched upon. We do not want our ego to be hurt. We do not want our ignorance to be exposed. We do not want our flaws to be revealed. I short we try to project an image which is not there with us and instead we try to show a different image which we think that the other person may like. The other person also carries the same limitations and apprehensions with the result there is complete distortion of images. The communication completely breaks down there. This happens in every field of human relationship, be it politics, trade union, Social dialogue, community issues, inter personal relationship etc.
It is said that we should have the qualities of a child. But why child like? A child has no inhibitions and fear. They do not know what is caste, creed, colour, nationality. They do not know what discrimination is. They are absolutely pure and simple and ever loving and lovable. But as the child grows up, the impact of environment and the people around him and also the media to which the child is exposed creates the change in him and he too becomes like any one of us. How to arrest this trend? The only way is to accept the realities of the situations and try to change our own attitudes towards others by removing all our inhibitions and fears about others by accepting the people as they are with all their faults and frailties. Nobody is perfect in this world. By accepting the others as they are, we will remove the barriers that separate from one another. At the same time, we must also project our true image without any distortion. We have to express our feelings openly without any restrain so that suppressed emotions will find a natural outlet which will lead to a better understanding of our relationship with others. How we feel if there is someone to talk to freely? How we yearn to love and be loved? How we long to be heard and to be understood?
What we need to day is love, affection and understanding. When we are able to feel the emotions of the other person and feel the way he feels, and when we talk the language of love and understanding, then it opens up a new beginning of an endearing and enduring relationship. When we are honest with ourselves and with others and are genuine and candid, then the true communication begins and we will be making our own contribution to create a better world of understanding, love, and tranquility and the life will be at its best. “An eye for an eye will make the world blind.” Hatred begets hatred and love conquers hatred. Love is the ever pervading human necessity for a tranquil life, for creating a peaceful environment and for breaking the barriers created by us for inducing a spontaneous feeling of brotherhood which is the mark of human maturity.
T.R.Radhakrishnan,
Banking & Management Consultant,
Facilitator: DRT & SARFAESI CASES,
H.R.Trainer; Corporates, Colleges & Schools,
17, Morya Gardens, Kanadia Road,
Behind Karnataka Vidya Niketan,
Indore. 452016.
Madhya Pradesh
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