Amit (Proprietor) 21 May 2014

Separated for 7 months, seeking mutual divorce

I was married in April 2012. Ours was a love cum arrange marriage. She used to visit her parents on almost every weekends (Sat & Sun) apart from staying there on every festival and her family function days, sometimes for 4 to 5 days. Her all other relatives stay in the same locality as her parents. My mother disliked this very much and used to tell her that if she does not give sufficient time to her in-laws, she will never get the sense of ownership and realize her responsibilities. Her parents also supported her frequent visits, in fact used to call me and my father to let her. If not allowed, she used to start crying, and somehow managed to go. Also, her parents used to interfere at times. It became a daily routine. My parents started feeling very disturbed, even I was finding this annoying.

To avoid, I shifted with her to Delhi/NCR and got a job soon. But, being the only son, I could not run away from a son's responsibilities. After 4 months, I started to convince her to get back to Kolkata, but in vain. However, after 6 months, I decided to get back without her consent. She preferred staying with her uncle (her father's childhood friend). However, she returned after 3 weeks, but left for her parent's place after 1 month in the pretext of job in their locality, although it is a 40 mins journey from our place. She used to visit us on weekends, but not every. It was very irritating. Since Nov'13, she does not stay with us, visited us twice only. After Jan'14, we are no longer in touch. I asked for divorce with mutual consent, but she declined. We also involved a family friend to know her opinion - she will not stay with my mother, I have to stay away from my parents, also she says that she married me only b'coz I was a topper in my MBA class, and now I have started my own business, she is doubtful and regrets her decision to marry me. She will not give me divorce as well.

I consulted a lawyer, who opined me to avoid contesting for divorce, as she might revert with false allegations of DV, dowry and many more. Asked me to persuade her for mutual divorce, which is not willing to.

Kindly advise.

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8 Replies

Laxmi Kant Joshi (Advocate ) 21 May 2014

Amit i have gone through your post as i understand you are spoiling your married life only because of ego , and unnecessary interference of your parents , in the starting some newly married wife does it they feel uneasy with their in laws house , they take some more time to adjust herself in a new family , as i said you both are wasting/spoiling your precious time in quarelling , don't think about any divorce mcd or contested , don't make your life hell by your own , take help of your elders and bring your wife back to your home , settle all your differences amicabily with her ,don't listen only your parents listen your wife also your some duties towards her also , think wisely and act accordingly.

Amit (Proprietor) 21 May 2014

Thank you for the reply. However, my father had tried to call her father 4-5 times to resolve the differences, but unanswered. It seems that they are not interested in any resolution. If our objective was to end this marriage without trying, we would not have arranged the meeting between her and our family friend, where she clearly mentioned that she can stay with me, but away from my parents. But this not my way, I cannot leave my parents, irrespective of anything. I also cannot stay with someone, who hates my parents.

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate) 22 May 2014

This ego which is going to ruin your life and also will invite troubles for you which will prolong for a longer time and result into bitter most experiences leaving ugly scars to remain for ever. Hence if possible try for an amicable solution through a meeting with elders of both the sides or else remain silent for a period of another six months by then it can be hoped that she will realize and come for a negotiable platform for either way. Have patience.

amitabh5656 (Business Analyst) 22 May 2014

Dear Experts, I have a very similar situation like Amit except for the fact that i do not have a kid and it was an arranged marriage. All negotiations and talks have failed. What are the legal aspects as a mentally tortured husband? I mean come on if you love someone you just need one reason to stay with that person and if you do not want to stay with someone there can be a million reasons you can come up with . I have always downplayed my ego in my case. But how long can i suffer . So seeking legal advice .

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate) 22 May 2014

You do not want to leave your parents, but she should. She accepted to leave her parents and went all the way to Delhi, demurely, but that did not satisfy you. If she accepts for Mutual consent, it is o.k. otherwise, if you put the facts in divorce case, what you put in your post, you will never get divorce, because the whole fault is yours. Serve your old parents and allow her to serve her old parents so that you both can live blissful married life. If you get divorce with this girl either by any way, then marry an orphan in your next marriage, so that you will not face the same predicament.

Amit (Proprietor) 22 May 2014

I fail to understand that where is my ego. I have supported her in every possible way - helping her during MBA semester exams, preparing her for interviews, helping her start classical dancing again (her passion), helping her in household chores in Delhi. And I am sure, she cannot deny these.

My father arranged a good job for her in a reputed company through his contacts in Kolkata before leaving for Delhi.

As per your replies, it seems I am left with 2 options:

1) Either listen to her and her parents and move separately with her, deserting my parents

2) Or let this separate living continue for the rest of my life.

It is like choosing between my parents and her.

Adv k . mahesh (advocate) 22 May 2014

Adv Chandrasekhar as given very beautiful answer

here it is not ego as you understood

why cannot you understand that even she loves there parents and if you want to to have a good life then cooperate with her first give her freedom means as you said you shifted to delhi

I shifted with her to Delhi/NCR and got a job soon. But, being the only son, I could not run away from a son's responsibilities. After 4 months, I started to convince her to get back to Kolkata

but you being a only son you again shifted to kolkata and she left you and she went to there parents house. here you can understand that even she loves her parents and nothing so give her freedom to some extent and also cooperate with her go you in laws house stay there enjoy there welcome and talk to them do not force her to come to you let her decide

why all this answers for your query is we lawyers not only give advice how to take divorce also give you advice to save you married life and if does not work only we go for last resort

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate) 22 May 2014

@Amitabh: It is not necessary that you should take everything lying low for ever, see her pulses, if she is not able to live with you the desired matrimonial life, you may ask her to give her consent for a mutual consent divorce if that is what is in her minds, or you may try other options. How long you have been married?