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SK (None)     01 October 2014

Pre marriage harressment

Hi Experts,

I am a software engineer and was engaged to another software professional from my community which my parents had come across via a matrimonial site.

Before engagement , there were no issues and the guy and his family kept saying that they do have any demands. Only the marriage should be held at their home town instead of the usual practice of conducting the wedding at bride's place. After engagement however, the groom and his family started putting pressure on me and my family to give different articles in the marriage in cash and kind. The groom used to call me up and ask me to convey his displeasure on the way engagement was conducted to my father. And that the way ceremony was conducted was not as per their customs.

For the engagement , only he , his younger brother and parents had come down to our place quoting that their other relatives are reluctant to travel this far..And later we came to know that they had not informed any of their relatives about the engagement.

Along with that, he and his family put pressure on me that post wedding , I would be required to wear Saree only, cook for entire family and visitors for whatever duration i stay in my marital home and do parda (ghoonghat/veil) when they have visitors. And if I do not abide by these terms , they will keep me inside a room and tell the visiting relatives that I am not well.

The person was in talks for marriage with another girl before meeting and getting engaged to me and he had told me and my family that the previous alliance did not work because the girl's family in that case were not ready for an early marriage.

But , after we were engaged , he started telling me that his parents always wanted dowry from marriage , and he insisted on marrying without dowry and the earlier alliance also broke because of this nature of his parents.

I have a flat and the groom has a plot on which he intends to construct a house some time. He said that if I do not put his name in my flat, he would also not register my name in the property when he constructs. And he also insisted that after we get married , he would take care of all expenses and my salary would be saved , which he can use later to construct the house. 

Along with that his father asked my father to give away a car in the marriage and if it is not possible to give car, give the equal amount of cash.

I called off the engagement , but cannot get over the way they behaved with me and the mental trauma I have been through in last 3 months for which I was engaged. I feel that I am cheated because they started showing their true colors after the engagement. I also do not want any other girl to suffer what I have gone through given the history if this family.

Please let me know what legal rights I have on this matter.



Learning

 7 Replies

K.K.Ganguly (Advocate)     01 October 2014

1. Lodge a police complaint for demand of dowry from you for which you called off the engagement,

2. Inform the police about his breaking of earlier negotiations for not getting adequating dowry,

3. You should do it not only for you but to irradicate the social evil of dowry demand,

4. Once you lodge a police complaint for dowry demand, it is sure that they will hasitate to torture his future bride for dowry.

.

2 Like

Sunil Kumar (IT)     01 October 2014

Hello SK, Better move on in ur life.. be happy that you came to know about their true colours before marriage. Don't go to police station and waste ur precious time and energy.. Good luck and god bless u

SK (None)     01 October 2014

Hi Mr. Ganguly and Mr. Kumar,

Thanks for your reply. I see there are 2 different opinions on this matter. While I agree with the first one and that is the reason I took trouble to actually register to this forum and post this incident , I totally do not understand why this advise of moving on. Why do I or for that matter any one should wait for something bad to happen to take action, or start a candle march or take out a procession?

As far as I have understood , this behavior of people asking for dowry how so ever subtle is a sickness which needs to be cured. I did my best by talking to the person to make him understand whatever is happening is not correct socially, logically or morally. 

When you are diagnosed with a disease, would you go to a doctor for early medication or wait till you reach advanced stages of that disease? In my opinion , such people are a disease till the time they are not treated we cannot get rid of this disease. 

I am well educated , settled and have a social status. My heart goes out for fellow girls who do not have any say in the matter of their marriage and about the horse trading which happens on the name of their marriage.

So, Mr. Kumar, while I appreciate your advise on moving on and not waste my time and energy, I would still want to do my bit against such people so that no other girl falls victim to their wrong doing.

Thanks!

Adv k . mahesh (advocate)     01 October 2014

its good to hear that before itself you have called off the marriage with him rather then facing more trouble after the marriage 

may be you family can afford what all the demands the bride family had put but what next if that demand exceed and if they take violent act then who is responsible

so it nothing but giving a formal complaint in the police station about the incident occurred in this three months time if any proof also will be useful 

may say they may call you couple of times for investigation purposes and also in past i seen in telugu news channel where same incident was occurred the bride girl has called off the marriage and also take the initiative to present in the news channel and with photos she had given all the details the media had not shown the bride girl face 

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     05 October 2014

@Querist : You are absolutely right that such greedy people are to be taught lesson properly. Though you have called off your engagement with the guy, in order not anymore girl falling prey to their greed, you may lodge a complaint with the police and simultaneously with some women NGO or NCW etc,so that the culprits do not escape the clutches of law. However,be prepared for the onslaughts as repercussions resulted by provocations. Safeguard yourself first and then plan the strategy to teach them lesson.
1 Like

SK (None)     05 October 2014

Hello Mr.Mahesh and Mr.Kalaiselvan,

Thanks for your reply. Such messages and advises encourage me to proceed ahead more determined.

Regards!

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     05 October 2014

You are welcome, proceed with your mission and come out successfully.

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