An abusive & threatening wife

@author

clearly ABNORMAL behavior by your wife. For no reason whatsoever, a respectable wife would create a scene in front of HER own house. She is a drama queen, selfish and a control-freak. She is crazy man !! You may not have realized it while you were 'falling in love' - because she didnt expose all her sides during that time. She also wanted to WIN you. She is very, very smart. Too good for you actually. Or you may have noticed something unusual but ignored it. It is no mystery now my friend.

As advised by many, it could be a case of mental disorder. And to rub salt to wounds, it may also run in her family ( I mean maybe her mother, father or someone may have the same disorder) which means chances of her recovery are NILL as she will be influenced by her family.

If her dad is agreeing to give it in writing - its good for you. But hello ! what is to guarantee that he is also not doing drama now ! vo ladki ka baap hai, usko sab kuch pata hai aur vo bhi isme shamil hai. usko ye bhi pata hai ki uski ladki phir se vahi drama karegi - ya phir koi naya drama.

If it becomes a court case, his statement wont have any value  (he can easily say to save her daughters marriage he was forced to give it in writing).

you DONT have much choice

 - either convince her to go for counseling and cooperate with the treatment. the counselor/doctor would keep all records and share with you. If she AND her family cooperate with a good heart, you may be able to save your M. You need EXTERNAL influence - like counsellors, relatives, friends etc. you need to find out WHAT is influencing her first.

 - if you dont want to give another chance, go for MCD... as u have experienced she may not agree.

Totally seoncd Harsh. It might not be her immiedaite parents but there is a bloodline usually involved. She is a control freak just checking your limits of decency. Have a hunch she wants every wish of hers fulfilled slightest whim and will create huge drama if not

Your mother is a figure of authority/love respect in your house. She has got to challenge it and dominate you over her.

@ Helping Hands:

Agreed that it was a love marriage. And was looking for a partner for all my life. But even if there are adjustment issues, they could be always discussed and ironed out. However, inspite of me trying so, she still did not change her attitude and behavior.

Even if she did, it was shortlived and she would get back to her abusive and possessive behavior.

Now she's threatening me that either I stay with her in the rented flat else, she'll come and stay @ my parents house.

What do I do?

Originally posted by : Marc K
	@ Helping Hands: Agreed that it was a love marriage. And was looking for a partner for all my life. But even if there are adjustment issues, they could be always discussed and ironed out. However, inspite of me trying so, she still did not change her attitude and behavior. Even if she did, it was shortlived and she would get back to her abusive and   possessive behavior. Always remember one thing, each wife is like this, possesive, they want husband to listen to them only. They want full attention of husband all the time.  They dont like husband to be a mamma's boy.  The more you try to be mamma's boy, the more she will get irritated and start hating your mamma and start creating scene's.   Now she's threatening me that either I stay with her in the rented flat else, she'll come and stay @ my parents house. What do I do?

Until unless one of the parties enters a police station, everything can be solved by just simple, calm and cool talking.

Talking is very important.

Even if your wife has called you a b-a-s-t--a-r--d in public, yelled at you etc those things can be talked out.

One more thing what you have to keep in mind is, certain traits wont change, it wont change means it wont change ever, not you not a psychiatrist or a psychologist can do anything about it.

You just have to take it in your stride.

Now coming back to the issue that she wants to join unless you accept her back to your mother, that is a dangerous thing to do.

Even if she does not have any intent to file a police complaint against your mother and you, the way she creates scenes, someone/some neighbor would intimate the police and you all will be in trouble.

So my advice here would be, dont let her join your mother.

Make separate house like before, talk it out.  Remember its just you and her.  If her father pokes his nose, kindly ask him to stay away from this matter.  And if your mother starts poking her nose, tell the same thing to her.  

You are a grown up man, and a head of your family, it is time to take lead now, take a decision, make your wife understand what kind of trouble you will both be into if she continues with her scene creating skills.

THe change in behavior wont happen within a day or two, but it will take a lot of time for the change to be seen in her.

Your patience will be the only solution for your scene creating wife.  Be patient, if you want counselling you may contact me and I would be glad to help you both out.

Keep in touch, and you can call me too.

@ Helping Hand

Good advice to Marc.

Everything if husband does, what will wife do? create a scene?

Certain traits wont change is a wrong perception. How come suddenly all guys have changed their stand and became so soft after learning about 498a law? Is it not because of force and pressure?

Similar force should be applied on wife and then that works. In older generations there was societal pressure and that used to work to an extent. Now there is absolutely no pressure on women,be it legal or societal, so they just play with these laws like toys.