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Discussion > Family Law > Divorce > Please advice - Seeking divorce on ground of impotence   Unanswered Threads Post New Topic

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Member (Account Deleted)


Customer Service Executive
[ Scorecard : 26]
Posted On 03 October 2009 at 18:21 Report Abuse

I am 24 yrs old, working in a MNC. I got married on 24 June 2009, its an arranged marriage and not yet registered. My husband is 29 yrs old and he is in marketing division - telecom

I belong to a bit conservative middle class family and I am not much inspired by the modern and trendy city culture , meanwhile I do believe that women should be well educated and should be earning so that she can be independent.

My husband is very good in convincing people with the way of his speech, especially when it comes to argument he is very aggressive and also has the tendency to divert the topic in order to win the argument.

We actually have extreme characters and attitude. Most of the time we find difficult to communicate clearly or come to a solution whenever we discuss about any problems.

From the day 1 I find him having health problem related to intercourse. I was unable to come to a conclusion as he was going on conveying that newly married couples find it difficult initially and there are couples who took almost 6 months time to come out of the difficulty, Also he insisted not to share this with the elders from both the sides as they might worry unnecessarily. He explained in such a way I was unable to confirm my doubt about his impotency and I literally believed that this will take time.

One point of time (say after 2 weeks when we were in honeymoon) he cried and accepted that "he might have some problem" and he will consult a doctor after going back home.

Things got settled later and He was avoiding consulting a doctor, problem was still persisting, after almost 1 month my doubt was confirmed and I started loosing my patience, as a result of which more arguments and more misunderstanding arose between us.

In-laws gave the "typical" daughter-in-law treatment, No concern were shown in terms of food, there were situations where i had to take breakfast continuously almost for 1 week  in hotels and None of them asked whether I ate or what I like or what I don’t like, On top of it they made me to do maximum house hold work (before starting to office and after coming from office), Daily night mother-in-law made sure that I get free only around 11 pm and somehow or other I was made to go to sleep only after 11 pm.Sundays will be worst and no leisure time would be there to spend time with my husband and I never found him taking initiatives to go out or spend time with me as well.

These things made me to think whether the in-law family knew about his problem already and that’s why they were not giving space or chance for me to think about anything else apart from cooking and doing household works.

I am brought up in a disciplined way and my family doesn’t believe in nuclear family concept, I wanted to be an obedient daughter-in-law and was ready to be flexible so that I can adjust to the new atmosphere and take up responsibilities. But I felt that just because I was quiet and listening to them I was exploited more and more.

Later I informed it to my parents and they were shocked about his impotency and the way I was treated at his place. My dad told me I was cheated by my husband and he has wantedly guided me wrongly so that I will not have any doubt on him. I was asked to speak to him firmly about consulting a doctor immediately. I did the same and he was not reacting to it properly. I went ahead and fixed an appointment with a recognized dr and conveyed him that we had to go together in order to sort out his problem.

My parents asked me to speak to his mother regarding his problem and I did the same, the moment I conveyed about his problem and the Dr's appointment, it was very shocking that she reacted in a very casual way as if they were aware and for the name sake told me that this could be sorted out. Even after telling her about her son's problem they never had any sympathy on me and was still treating me in the same way.

After the Dr's consultation, he was asked to take some basic tests and wanted him to come back with the results so that he will be adviced for the next set of tests after seeing the results.

The tests were taken and the reports confirmed that the Testosterone level is low.Instead of proceeding further he told that these english treatments might be costly and they might charge in Lakhs so he has decided to go to auyrveda treatment and the Dr what he mentioned was not a registered or authorized Dr. I felt strongly that he is trying to cheat me again by telling some other false facts , still thought I will go ahead with him and see the place and the Dr.

We consulted with the ayurveda dr as well who just asked what the problem was and gave chooranams and leghyams for the problem, didnt ask anything else to the patient. It was clearly seen that the dr is not good. On the way back home I conveyed him that I am unhappy with this Dr's treatment and I want him to go back to the next level of tests.

It bursted out into a major fight and went on for 1 week.His mom and Dad never showed any care about his problem and didn’t even ask in what stage of treatment we are in.

On sep 13 morning he told me cut and right that “No one is getting married just for physical happiness, this is not the only important thing in life and if you feel that its so urgent you can take any hasty decisions and go out , proceed with your work". I was broken by these words from him, called my dad informed him whatever happened. My dad and my mom came spoke to the entire family but the in-laws behaved very cheap, my husband almost put the blame on me that I was always fighting and that’s the reason he was unable to perform, when it was asked why he was unable to perform initially say first week after marriage and in the honeymoon he didnt have answer to it but kept on complaining about me, his mom instead of discussing her son's problem diverted the topic and told that I had to ask sorry and then they will think about treatment and all. After heavy argument he accepted that he is not perfectly all right but he was able to perform at times(Actually in 2 and half months of total married life only once that happened , that too i caught him taking tablet for the same and blasted him for doing it without my knowledge) and he should be alright after ayurveda medications. But the attitude the family showed was very cheap and was not accepting for any proper decisions.

My dad took me back to my native, right now i am at my place, In-laws are not showing any interest now. i got in touch with him yesterday and asked what exactly he wants me to do, He says its an arranged marriage so whatever the elderly people suggests he will go by that, he was very rude and told me almost that I was the one to spoil everything.Even now he is not accepting any mistakes happened in their side and promising that whatever I mentioned that he told was never told by him and I am adding wantedly to create bad image about him.

I was ready to accept him as it is and wanted to live together but I am deeply hurt now and I could see that my life will be miserable and I will not be happy in any aspects if I am going to continue a life with him and he is not worth for a relationship. I would like to come out of it legally. I have the following doubts. Please clarify

1.How smooth and fast can I get a divorce mentioning all these?

2.What kind of test will be taken to prove his impotency?

3.Is it possible to take any tablets before the test and prove that he is fit and he has no problem so that he can drag the divorce process and torture me more?

4.Should I produce the test reports taken already which confirms that he has low Testosterone level or should I get any certificate from the Dr we consulted inorder to safe guard me?

He never wanted this problem to be known to any one in the family and he is very furious that his problem is known to everyone now.He is not willing to live with me anymore but in order to take reveng he might go to any extent and drag the divorce process. I am deeply hurt and lost hope in life already. What I want now is, to legally come out of it so that I can lead rest of my life peacefully.Please help me.

 



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raj kumar makkad


Advocate
[ Scorecard : 131468]
Posted On 03 October 2009 at 18:38 Report Abuse

1. No much tim ie required for getting divorce is such cases.

 

2. Tests told by doctor which was consulted by you with your husband.

 

3. No. there are specific tests, the result of which cannot be effected.

 

4. yes. You whole case is based upon the opinion of  doctor, the docuemnts of which are already in your possession.

 

I also suggest you to keep patience and accept reality. better u have come out with the real problem at very initial stage and there is no much loss. You can settle your life with perfect person and can have a happy married life again. You should also file criminal case under section 498A/406 IPC against them as well as an application under section 12 of DV Act. engage a competent local lawyer and discuss all facts with him and act according to his consultancy.



Total thanks : 1 times


Prakash Yedhula


Lawyer
[ Scorecard : 23423]
Posted On 03 October 2009 at 18:43 Report Abuse

If you are sure of his impotency and wanted to separate, first issue a notice seeking divorce by mutual consent. In case he accepts, the proceedings wont take long.

 

 

In case he wanted to contest (which I have my own doubts if he is really impotent), then the proceedings will take a minimum of 1 year in Family Court, Chennai to get a divorce. Chances of getting it soon are there if he agrees for a divorce in the conciliation proceedings. 

 

 

Regarding the medical records, certainly the earlier tests records can be used. If he disputes the same, he can be subjected to tests before an independent medical practitioner who will file his report to the court. 

 

 

With regard to taking tablets to prove potency, I think it is not possible. 

 

 

I am not in favour of filing any criminal case in the absence of any such facts as suggested by Sri. Raj Kumar Makkad. 



Total thanks : 1 times


Member (Account Deleted)


[ Scorecard : 2749]
Posted On 03 October 2009 at 22:51 Report Abuse

Both Mr.Rajkuamr ji and Mr.Prakash ji were given a very good suggestion.



Member (Account Deleted)


Advocate
[ Scorecard : 5659]
Posted On 04 October 2009 at 18:49 Report Abuse

As he is worrying and trying to keep his deficiency under wraps, there is every possibility if with correct tactics he is approached, he may,instead of drawing you into long divorce proceedings, silently accept the "mutual consent" of divorce, which may not take a long period.  It may be noted that in mutual consent petition, you both need not to throw mud at each other or wash the dirty linen in public.  These things can be explained to him as you are suggesting that he is master in convincing the people and argumentative, which indicates the rationality is playing part in his life.  By the way, I also would like to say the low level of testosterone does not indicate the impotence.  There may be other reasons for non-performance.  But if you feel that you have got sufficient medical reports and personal experience to hold your point before the court of law, you can proceed ignoring my comment about non-performance.



Total thanks : 1 times


RAKHI BUDHIRAJA


LAWYER AT BUDHIRAJA & ASSOCIATES, SUPREME COURT OF INDIA
[ Scorecard : 10735]
Posted On 06 October 2009 at 13:14 Report Abuse

I do agree with both of my Ld. friends.



Rajan Salvi


Lawyer
[ Scorecard : 2305]
Posted On 20 October 2009 at 16:05 Report Abuse

Confront husband.................File for divorce by mutual consent [ use intimidation if necessary].................get yourself free.......start life anew.



raj kumar makkad


Advocate
[ Scorecard : 131468]
Posted On 20 October 2009 at 17:13 Report Abuse

I do agree with Prabhakar.



R.SWAMY


ADVOCATE
[ Scorecard : 32]
Posted On 21 October 2009 at 22:47 Report Abuse

In this case u should maintain and good hope with both the families.

Nobody accept as man of impotency unless the wife only can proove.

At first the mediation with yelders is most important.

You have to use tactics and pressures on him to accept the situation facts.

Then try to get medical evidence. by way of yelders involvement will give half support to get ride of this issue.

then finally mutual consent is best step to choose.

Unless u may have long way to go with legal fighting.



Simp


Engineer
[ Scorecard : 73]
Posted On 30 October 2009 at 23:09 Report Abuse

Dear friends, I need advice on my Annulment case which is just opposite what have been discussed here. My wife filed for Annulment on my impotency within one year after marriage. Actually I'm not impotent but how can I prove it in court? I'm not interested to ask the court for medical tests as the whole process will take long time. So, Can I get a test report from private doctor and sumbit the same in court at the initial stage? As far as I know private doctors would not give test report for submitting in court as they would have to come to court in later stage. So, How could I get a report from private doctor certifying my potency, and which specialist should I consult for that? please help.




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