I am 24 yrs old, working in a MNC. I got married on 24 June 2009, its an arranged marriage and not yet registered. My husband is 29 yrs old and he is in marketing division - telecom
I belong to a bit conservative middle class family and I am not much inspired by the modern and trendy city culture , meanwhile I do believe that women should be well educated and should be earning so that she can be independent.
My husband is very good in convincing people with the way of his speech, especially when it comes to argument he is very aggressive and also has the tendency to divert the topic in order to win the argument.
We actually have extreme characters and attitude. Most of the time we find difficult to communicate clearly or come to a solution whenever we discuss about any problems.
From the day 1 I find him having health problem related to intercourse. I was unable to come to a conclusion as he was going on conveying that newly married couples find it difficult initially and there are couples who took almost 6 months time to come out of the difficulty, Also he insisted not to share this with the elders from both the sides as they might worry unnecessarily. He explained in such a way I was unable to confirm my doubt about his impotency and I literally believed that this will take time.
One point of time (say after 2 weeks when we were in honeymoon) he cried and accepted that "he might have some problem" and he will consult a doctor after going back home.
Things got settled later and He was avoiding consulting a doctor, problem was still persisting, after almost 1 month my doubt was confirmed and I started loosing my patience, as a result of which more arguments and more misunderstanding arose between us.
In-laws gave the "typical" daughter-in-law treatment, No concern were shown in terms of food, there were situations where i had to take breakfast continuously almost for 1 week in hotels and None of them asked whether I ate or what I like or what I don’t like, On top of it they made me to do maximum house hold work (before starting to office and after coming from office), Daily night mother-in-law made sure that I get free only around 11 pm and somehow or other I was made to go to sleep only after 11 pm.Sundays will be worst and no leisure time would be there to spend time with my husband and I never found him taking initiatives to go out or spend time with me as well.
These things made me to think whether the in-law family knew about his problem already and that’s why they were not giving space or chance for me to think about anything else apart from cooking and doing household works.
I am brought up in a disciplined way and my family doesn’t believe in nuclear family concept, I wanted to be an obedient daughter-in-law and was ready to be flexible so that I can adjust to the new atmosphere and take up responsibilities. But I felt that just because I was quiet and listening to them I was exploited more and more.
Later I informed it to my parents and they were shocked about his impotency and the way I was treated at his place. My dad told me I was cheated by my husband and he has wantedly guided me wrongly so that I will not have any doubt on him. I was asked to speak to him firmly about consulting a doctor immediately. I did the same and he was not reacting to it properly. I went ahead and fixed an appointment with a recognized dr and conveyed him that we had to go together in order to sort out his problem.
My parents asked me to speak to his mother regarding his problem and I did the same, the moment I conveyed about his problem and the Dr's appointment, it was very shocking that she reacted in a very casual way as if they were aware and for the name sake told me that this could be sorted out. Even after telling her about her son's problem they never had any sympathy on me and was still treating me in the same way.
After the Dr's consultation, he was asked to take some basic tests and wanted him to come back with the results so that he will be adviced for the next set of tests after seeing the results.
The tests were taken and the reports confirmed that the Testosterone level is low.Instead of proceeding further he told that these english treatments might be costly and they might charge in Lakhs so he has decided to go to auyrveda treatment and the Dr what he mentioned was not a registered or authorized Dr. I felt strongly that he is trying to cheat me again by telling some other false facts , still thought I will go ahead with him and see the place and the Dr.
We consulted with the ayurveda dr as well who just asked what the problem was and gave chooranams and leghyams for the problem, didnt ask anything else to the patient. It was clearly seen that the dr is not good. On the way back home I conveyed him that I am unhappy with this Dr's treatment and I want him to go back to the next level of tests.
It bursted out into a major fight and went on for 1 week.His mom and Dad never showed any care about his problem and didn’t even ask in what stage of treatment we are in.
On sep 13 morning he told me cut and right that “No one is getting married just for physical happiness, this is not the only important thing in life and if you feel that its so urgent you can take any hasty decisions and go out , proceed with your work". I was broken by these words from him, called my dad informed him whatever happened. My dad and my mom came spoke to the entire family but the in-laws behaved very cheap, my husband almost put the blame on me that I was always fighting and that’s the reason he was unable to perform, when it was asked why he was unable to perform initially say first week after marriage and in the honeymoon he didnt have answer to it but kept on complaining about me, his mom instead of discussing her son's problem diverted the topic and told that I had to ask sorry and then they will think about treatment and all. After heavy argument he accepted that he is not perfectly all right but he was able to perform at times(Actually in 2 and half months of total married life only once that happened , that too i caught him taking tablet for the same and blasted him for doing it without my knowledge) and he should be alright after ayurveda medications. But the attitude the family showed was very cheap and was not accepting for any proper decisions.
My dad took me back to my native, right now i am at my place, In-laws are not showing any interest now. i got in touch with him yesterday and asked what exactly he wants me to do, He says its an arranged marriage so whatever the elderly people suggests he will go by that, he was very rude and told me almost that I was the one to spoil everything.Even now he is not accepting any mistakes happened in their side and promising that whatever I mentioned that he told was never told by him and I am adding wantedly to create bad image about him.
I was ready to accept him as it is and wanted to live together but I am deeply hurt now and I could see that my life will be miserable and I will not be happy in any aspects if I am going to continue a life with him and he is not worth for a relationship. I would like to come out of it legally. I have the following doubts. Please clarify
1.How smooth and fast can I get a divorce mentioning all these?
2.What kind of test will be taken to prove his impotency?
3.Is it possible to take any tablets before the test and prove that he is fit and he has no problem so that he can drag the divorce process and torture me more?
4.Should I produce the test reports taken already which confirms that he has low Testosterone level or should I get any certificate from the Dr we consulted inorder to safe guard me?
He never wanted this problem to be known to any one in the family and he is very furious that his problem is known to everyone now.He is not willing to live with me anymore but in order to take reveng he might go to any extent and drag the divorce process. I am deeply hurt and lost hope in life already. What I want now is, to legally come out of it so that I can lead rest of my life peacefully.Please help me.