Civil Procedure Code (CPC)

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(Guest)

Motto:save my marriage

 

hello members,

 

              iam 28 yrs old man.my parents expired 10 yrs back when i was 18..from then i was staying with my grandmother and my uncle n aunt.

              on 21/06/2010..i got married to a girl..it was an arranged marriage and all ceremonies took place at my grandmothers house..i married her without taking or demanding any dowry..after marriage my wife 

              was witholding s*x by saying that she needs some time for it...i respected her and gave her time for it..we lived for 5 days at my grandmas house..then we went to honeymoon but the

               same problem also persisted there...i tried my best to explain relationship of husband n wife to her and to gave her more time as she demanded but the tension n frusturation started to build in me which 

               started small fights between us...but whenever i tried to talk to her to solve the problems she used to speak loudly n create a scene which used to embarasse me and further lead me to frusturation..

               any how we returned from honeymoon after 10 days..we went to my grandmas place as our all cothes n stuff was there..she was still witholding s*x for unknown reasons to me...so i disclosed this problem to my family...

                next day she had a fight with me and called her father who took her to her house without talking to me or asking me whats the real problem..i was really pissed off by this...then her father arranged a panchayat/biradari and called me there...

                 my wife was already there and was blaming me for many false reasons like i use to beat her,im a drug addict...it made me mad but i remained quiet bcs i wanted to save my marriage as  i loved my wife...at that meeting my wife n her family demanded that the girl wants to live seperately

                 with her husband and not with my family...i told them that it has nothing to do with my family and whtever the issue is its between me n my wife..but they forced me to leave my grandmas house...so i took my wife to a different city and we started living there...still she was witholding s*x 

                  for unknown reasons ...by this time one month have passed since our marriage...i was depressed,tensed and mentally disturbed bcs of all this sh*t...due to this there used to be fights between us..she also used to have problem if any of my relative used to call me on phone...one day we had a fight over a small issue and again she called her father and her brother to our house..

                  they without talking to me took her with them and also took all her stuff including clothes n gold n everything...i was very disturbed..i went to my grandmas house...next day their whole family came outside my grandmas house n started abusing me n my family with very very bad words..and also threathened me

                  me with false 498a case and several other cases..i was going through a hell ride at that time..i was ready to go to jail n fight as i knew that i never did anything wrong..but my wifes family again formed a panchayat and demanded 6 lacs rupees..to save my old grandmother n my uncle n aunt i gave them this money and we were

                  divorced by signing stamp papers on 06/08/2010..so in total i lived with my wife for 40 days..i loved my wife so much but was forced for this seperation n forced to give money...

 

                   anyhow a big sh*t happened with me but on 12/01/2010..i recieved a call from my wife in which she abused me and my family...but she told me that she had love for me in her heart but she doesnt wants to live with me...i saw a ray of hope in it and since then till today i had sent a lot of relatives n friends to her house for 

                   reconciliation..but everytime they refused...iam under a huge mental tension n depression..i cant understand whts the real problem and why r they doing this sh*t to me...i even told them to accept their all demands whtever they want bcs i want to save my marriage...now one yr period of after marriage is going to get completed on 21 june 2011...

                   but i still dont wanna divorce my wife..i want to live life with my wife with love n respect...so i need advice regarding many things....is that divorce which panchayat did is legal???secondly the money i gave to them i have its reciept..in which the amnt is not mentioned but its mentioned that i have given all streedhan back to my wife...now i paid 

                   alimony before courts divorce...is it in my favour or in their favour????thirdly...should i file rcr????wht should i do...pls suggest a way to save my marriage..pls.



 17 Replies


(Guest)

Chankya has said:

He who runs away from a fearful calamity, a foreign invasion, a terrible famine, and the companionship of wicked person is safe.


(Guest)

rocky sir,

                 u r right but should i also run away from my marriage like my wife???then whts the difference between me and her??

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     01 May 2011

@ Author

1.
I think you are trying to save your back instead of your marriage having already got a glimpse of 'gender biased laws".


2. You say you love your wife who has not consummated in 40 days the marriage. That is the key to your love, once it is consummated by anyhow I suppose the goal will 'evolve' is it not right, let us face the men’s world truth and why shy away saying about it explicitly instead of reverse calling it 'frustration'!


Tell yourself what makes you love your wife about whom you have said all that you wanted to in your message, is there a single line in your message which says that she loves you and or believes in sanctity of this marriage but bze of xyz she is not expressing it? You tried everything including gifting her and/or her side 6 L to ‘consummate’ the marriage?


Tell yourself you created a aka name <torturedindianhusband@..........> and with this aka you write a brief and claim you love your wife……...I mean how on Indian matrimony paradigm shift that is possible that one side husband wants to save his marriage but simultaneous likes to be called as <torturedindianhusband@..........>???


The panchayat signed document may or may not go against you if she files 498a as private settlement without a Court endorsement is null and void. Anyhow it will be treated as secondary evidence and meanwhile legal damage could be done to you and your grandma's reputation hence it is suggested to file Divorce case based on cruelty of "not consenting for s*x in 40 days of marriage" Courts have granted divorce on this ground and about 498a / 406 if she wants she can file even if there is one side "I love my ........." statement which you can't escape. Better to remove the illusion and get over with abusive wife sooner than later now that 6 L is already gone with the un-consummated marriage. 

1 Like

Rajesh Kumar (Manager)     01 May 2011

@torturedindianhusband - I read your complete story from your point of view as Husband and also assumed your wife of point from your case descripttion:

Root of cause of your issues:

  1. S*X
  2. Missing to understanding and respect each other
  3. Interferrernce - Family member of both yours and your wife & other 

Here are my suggestions to save your family / marriage and get rid of mental tenses to both you and your wife (of course your family members and their family) can be resolved, if you do the following:

  1. S*X  - S *X  is not end of life...but Single soul dwelling in "two bodies". Wife & husband are like true friendship is one soul in two bodies, first of all understand the problem of her rather forcing her and spoiling your life and her life....

There may be many reasons that she is avoiding the S*X may be because of fear of it see the website to overcome the fear or other reasons, You may talk to her to understand what could be real reasons for it rather than behaving like an 'animal' for want of it (Sorry, if my words hurts you) and talk to her with "empathy" if needed take her to get medical counselling etc.

 

2.  You both should understand each other and respect each other.. It will come by mature it... both should have a same voice or agreement rather than telling it to your family or friends about family problems, because women comes to our life leaving everything and however they are rich, educated still feel they insecure and depends up on thier hubby, so we need to respect their feelings and provide them a support they are wanted from us.. 

 

3. Avoid talking about your "PERSONAL" (YOUR WIFE AND YOU) problem with your family and others. Same applies to her, THEY WILL INTERFERR NOW, WHEN YOU BOTH LIVE TOGETHER HAPPILY THEY WILL SUPPORT (MAY NOT SOME TIMES AND THEY WANT TO TELL THAT YOUR FLASH BACK AND MAY INSULT YOU LATER, WHICH YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING)... .......

I hope you will change if your mindset from "S*X" m/c to TRUE husband.... an Husband means... lot of things... not just 'S*X', please execuse me if my words are harrash, all are with good intention and suggestions to save your marriage.

 

It's all in your hand... don't spoil your marriage..


Best of luck... Regards,
Rajesh

1 Like

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     01 May 2011

@torturedindianhusband

 

 

very sorry to hear your story...i admire ur love towards her,despite her callousness.

 

however i feel this situation has not been handled well......instead of telling ur family members abt ur no-s*x-life,u shud have simply visited a s*xologist jointly to know wots wrong...and take necessary therapy if required

 

maybe she was subjected to s*xual harassment in her childhood and therefore developed aversion to s*x.

 

there cud be many other reasons why she acted likewise.....which i cant mention in a public forum here...

 

 

please dont think i am siding with her....

 

i am just saying that personal issues b/w husband and wife must be sorted out b/w themselves only....even after taking professional help,if there was no change in her,then u cud have share wid wid ur family.

 

well if u feel like,u can talk to her in privacy,and ask her to visit a s*xologist or psychologist who deals in such kinds of issues.....and dont share this wid ur or her family

 

if she agrees to visit....it'll be v.nice 4 u both


(Guest)

dear members,

                                  i really tried to keep this issue personal and also tried out to know the root cause of why this is happening????if i had only married for s*x or s*x is  only important for me then i would not have tried so long to save my marriage....my wife knew that whtevr the problem is..it was in her mind only..i tried a lot but she never disclosed it to me...i even took her to a s*xologist with her consent but the doctor told me that she has a lack of confidence....wht does it means...???i even told her that whtever the issue is i love her but then why she took a big decision????

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     02 May 2011

your s*xologist said she lacks confidence......and u r unable to understand it.rather asking members on LCI wot it means.how can members guess the meaning?

u shud have clealy asked the s*xologist wot it means.i am sure he must have explained u properly.no doctor or s*xologist will send u back home with a one liner "she lacks confidence".

 

 

did u take any joint counselling and therapy from him,or came back after hearing the above statement?

 

 

 


(Guest)

we didnt took any counselling but i took her to doctor...then i thought may be its her lack of knowledge rather than lack of confidence...so i tried my best to make her comfortable and take her into the confidence...but she resisted it till the end...plus she had very uncoperative behaviour towards me....on the other side she was creating hatred in her parents heart towards me...i never understood wht she wanted...but i really love her fr4om the bottom of my heart and want to save my marriage...can u pls suggest me wht can i do legally bcs...now her family n she herself r trying to avoid me..they have shifted their residence and not giving me address as im trying to call them n talk to them...wht should i do???

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     02 May 2011

Chankya has said:

He who runs away from  a terrible famine, is safe.

---   his days are gone.

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     02 May 2011

his means Chankya.


(Guest)

pls its an request...pls give me some legal advice to save my marriage...pls

zimmerzapper (student)     29 May 2011

dear torturedindianhusband, have you checked yourself, like your breath, taste in your mouth, etc. which could be causing her not to have s*x with you


(Guest)

dearest zimmerzapper,do u know one thing????lawyersclubindia.com is not santabanta.com.....go and use ur jokes there...it will be a better option...thank you for ur valuabel advice...and ur invaluable response...

syed (Branch incharge)     30 May 2011

Dear Torture,

 

What Zimmers said is correct,

have you checked your breath, body swell smell, freshness in mouth, take bath before you touch her etc,

as i have a friend he face the same problems in his life and wife left him

1 Like

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