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goldsurfer (abcd)     29 January 2012

Kind help-its a prayer

 

Got married 2 years ago, and since initial days there were lots of fights. Everytime i let go thinking she needs time to adjust and gave her support. Problem is she took that as my weakness and she became more and more rough, threatening me with divorce and suicide!!!  In all this she got pregnant tellling her female family members have history of conceving problems so we needs to try conceving and not delay it.

Once her pregnancy is confimred and is past 21 weeks beyond which there can be no medical terminmation of pregnancy she starts becoming even more acidic. Says i earn money, i will stay alone with child and raise the child, If i had not married i would have adopted a child and done the same thing, but now i have my own flesh and own blood, my own biological child. Every 2-3 day she will do some stunt and fight with me. In all this my 70 year old mother would cry and beg her to not to behave like this atleast with she being pregnant. Thne she went to her parents place for delivery, and from there is telling me that she is in 2 minds whether come back to my home after the child is born or not!!! On day of delivery i was just smsed and called, my mother was not told. Her siblings and her parents used to motivate her more against me rather than give right advice or try and solve this. Infact her father is not wanting my wife to come back, becasue he doesnt work and my wife earns 80-90000 per month-he is interested in her income, but sadly my wife is not realizing all this right now. She is blindly getting influneced by them.

Daughter is born and still she is on her major overdrive of lying and creating more and more mistrust. Infact she started her work from her parents home within 15 days of child's birth eventhough i had requested her not to and wait for atleast a month or two. She keeps on saying lets separate says 1 parent is better than 2 fighting parents for a child to grow up properly, say for sake of child why should we kill our individuality by trying to make a bad marriage work etc etc.

Finally i lost it and said lets take a divorce and that was the moment where she took a U TURN. Now says she wants to comeback, says she wants child to have love of both the parents, that she is willing to change-now she has put on a mask of abla nari in all the joint meetings we had with elders and other well wishers, in her smses to me, but now i am decided on divorce. Once a trust is lost its not possible for me to continue with the person for rest of life. I know its all a drama to enter my house again and then harass me and my family.

Now she is staying with her parents since 12 months and her family saying that they will consider MCD, but 1st give her jewellery, money in the bank (cheque book is with me) and other sundry articles back. Me and my family are very sure that once they get their stuff back they wont even take our phone calls. 

My wife has already our 11 month old daughter with her, and she is self employed person earning substantial money in cash, with income tax returns being filed for a minimal income, while i am salaried :(

Am at such a stage of not knowing what to do, whether to wait for them to REALLY agree for filing MCD or file a contested petition right now. Please please please help and tell me what do i do?



Learning

 21 Replies

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     29 January 2012

she took a U TURN. Now says she wants to comeback

her family saying that they will consider MCD

 

inlaws are just fooling around.

MCD is always better. 

return her belongings at the time of filing MCD.

seems that, if u file for divorce, she will contest & bring long lasting series of troubles to u .

goldsurfer (abcd)     29 January 2012

i dont wanna keep her belongings, but my worry is moment i give her belongings then they wont respond for filing MCD. They are not even taking the draft to read it, which i requested them. 

1 Like

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     29 January 2012

moment i give her belongings then they wont respond for filing MCD

 

wife is earning 90 K pm - not returning - not divorcing

 

Immediately after conceiving, ladies playing such tricks = a very sorry state !!

Aishwarya (Teacher)     29 January 2012

u can give all her stuff back during the mcd proceedings itself..convince them that itl be made all documentary proof where she would recieve all that but she need to comply with the divorce agreement..

Apart from legal issues..id suggest u may give her a chance in light of ur child and for the sake of giving ur marriage another chance..if at all u want to make things work out

..u said she agrees now to be with u alas !..so why not give it a shot once..afterall divorce is an option open every time..but reconciliation and opportunity may not come again and again in life..

1 Like

goldsurfer (abcd)     29 January 2012

how do i send u a PM? Its not allowing me to do so-says i need to be a freind to send a PM

1 Like

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     29 January 2012

just click the button -   Send PM   located at the bottom of profile pic.

Aishwarya (Teacher)     29 January 2012

yeah u need be frnds first to send a pm to anyone here..

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     29 January 2012

Aishwarya, 

its not required to be friends.


PM can be exchanged by any 2 members - try it !!

1 Like

goldsurfer (abcd)     29 January 2012

Now she says she wants to come back, but i know her true intention is to get inside my home and from inside my home harass me and my mom with various cases

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     29 January 2012

with due concern to the welfare of the child, its worth to take a chance as advised by Aishwarya.

1 Like

goldsurfer (abcd)     29 January 2012

Yes , the child's future was in our mind when he had 2-3 meetings with family elders from both sides. There i wanted to give he a graceful entry back in house rather than grind her to dust and then bring her-hence we did not speak irreasonably or even repeated my complaints eventhough i was a victim and she was ther abuser. But both times they came with all guns blazing telling more and more lies hoping thaty they will have a upper hand when she comes back. Till then i was not asking for a divorce. But after that i made up mu mind for divorce and on hearing that they took a UTurn and now she says to everyone that she wants to come back but i am not letting her come back. while the reality is she doesnt want to come back for any genuine intentions

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     29 January 2012

u must specify (if u have) valid grounds to apply for divorce.

pl go through sec. 13 which deals with divorce.

 

https://punjabrevenue.nic.in/hmrgact(1).htm#Voidmarriage


(Guest)

 

Case background

- Marriage of 2 years, of which wife lived separate for 1 year - cohabitation duration approx 1 year.

- Double income family, Wife turns into DRAMA QUEEN after marriage

- Wife co-erced, seduced husband by causing husband to beleive her being potentially infertile. Concerned and caring husband gets wife impregnated and is deprieved of marital bliss which would have been otherwife possible if not for a rushed pregnency following soon after tying the nuptial knot. 

- Child is born out of the wedlock and is  approx 1 year old at this time. Child is separated from father causing further aggravated emotional distress to the new father. Wife asserts her financial independence and superiority and demands the already injured father to leave her and the child alone. Furthermore, wife asserts she will raise the child by herself, insinuating that the minor child does not need a father. Mother displays all attributes of a selfish human and unfit parent. 

- Father applies common sensibilities, realizes his role and responsibility as father and husband and attempts to reconcile with wife and begs wife to reunite. 

-Wife on her own accord moved our of the marital residence and living separate for past 1 year,wife has intentionally inflicted emotional distress to senior citizen MIL. Interfereing FIL , husband is concerned of new mother and childs health and expressed desire that mother should take time to recover from post delivery medical trauma - wife doesnt care but is motivated to resume her work from home. Husband alleges wife has undisclosed income nearing 6 figures.

-Wife and her family has expressed no intention to reconcile or restore discord. Matter of fact, all evidence and testimony points to the in-laws malicious intent to break the family and increase the discord between the newly married couple. 

-Husband has attempted to reconcile but the wife and her party has been evasive and undecisive. 

Tentative analysis

1. Selfish wife is financially driven and seeks independence. 

2. Minor child is being neglected and abused by the unfit parent. Child is being raised in a high conflict environment. 

3. Wife has s*xually and emotionally deprieved a loving and caring husband. Furthermore, wife has inflicted emotional distress to over 70 year senior citizen MIL.

4. Marriage has broken down irretrievably and husband, in the interest of his health, childs well being and future seeks divorce.

Probable Root Cause Analysis

- Wifes desire to work. Perhaps the wife wants to work and has the education and her family support to sustain a good income compared to living the life of a stay at home housewife. The desire of the wife to work is more overwhelming compared to the role of being a mother. 

- Daughter-Father attachment.  Daughter may be suffering from elecra-complex, a disorder where the daughter desires to be close to the father

 

Legal and non legal courses of action 

 

1. Attempt marriage counselling - Husband could attempt living close to the wifes family or renting a place where there is no in-law interference. Her desire to work, run business perhaps is one area where she expects or expected her husband to be supportive and perhaps overlooked by the spouse

Pro:In the interest of the child and family. May help the parents develop their maturity to handle family conflicts and differences. 

Con:Wife could put up a show of being a wife and mother to the child and drag the husband to live a unfullfilling life. Wife may well belong to the upcoming breed of metro wives and may set a trap from where the husband may not be able to extricate himself with the state of current Indian family laws. 

2. Legal separation pending settlement.

3. Divorce. 

Disclaimer - I do not practice law nor provide legal advice. Do consult a licensed proffessional advocate in good standing in Indian bar before making any decisions. 

2 Like

goldsurfer (abcd)     30 January 2012

She is a doctor with her own successful practice I have allowed her to work post marriage and infact supported her and increased her confidence. Infact i am of the mindset that if you have studied so much its not good to sit at home and waste one's talent, skill and potential. I told her forget working for money, run it like a no profit no loss clinic.-it will keep you occupied in your field so that you remain up-to-date what latest happenings as well as give you outside exposure, at the same time whatever money you earn will be handily add to the savings kitty for future. Helped her to nearly double her monthly income by some smart management, time and technology techniques. Now her increased income has gone to her head and its like maine mere pereon pe khuladhi mar di.

Her clinic and my residence is at 15 minutes distance, so there is no question of need to shift to a nearer place, and frankly speaking thats not a problem.

Till recent past she was threatnneing me with divorce and not wanitng to come back from her parents place blah blah. The day i conveyed my stand that i also want a divorce, she took a UTURN and now says she wants to come back and live with me. Knowing her and her family i know its just a drama to enter my home and trouble me from inside my home.

My probelm is sheis NOT agreeing for MCD and if i file a contested petiton court will just see that "lady will willing to come but the man is not willing to take her back" which is just the wrong tip of iceberg. I am like between devil and deep sea.


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