Aarthi (xxx) 19 August 2010

Cheated in love and marraige

I am a resident of Hyderabad, India but working in Singapore since 5yrs now. I got married when I was 19yrs old but now got divorced and have a son of age 7yrs. I came to Singapore with the impression that I should live for my son overcoming all the suicidal tendencies and also not to be a burden for my family. My father had actually got me married forcibly saying that the family is good and all but later after seeing the torture and violence I had to go through he regretted his decision and supported me to go to Singapore and stand up on my own feet. Thinking and feeling guilty about his decision in my life, my father even passed away in 2006. Somehow, With God's blessings I was leading a rather peaceful life if not happy but still I was content with my job and my life also I had the great satisfaction that I was bringing up my son without being dependent on anyone and could provide everything for him making him happy. In the meantime I also got my divorce settled.

Suddenly in 2007 while still in Singapore, there was this person from Tamilnadu who became friend with me and he started liking me and said he was in love with me and thereby wants to marry me. Then itself I told him what had happened to me and what are all the difficulties I had faced to come to this stage of life. I told him I was not up to any casual flirting and not interested in anything as such. But he said he was also not trying to take advantage of me but was genuinely interested in me and wanted to marry me. He also embraced my son which gave me even more confidence to trust him. I thought God had sent this person to me to be my companion and is giving me another chance to have a stable family. We were also living together while in Singapore for nine months. He made me believe that I am his wife and I also confided in him thereby allowing him to be my husband. We went to Chennai to our friend place in Mar 2009 and had a simple marriage ceremony. He applied vermilion (sindoor), exchanged garlands and we exchanged rings said that I am his wife and he will tie the thali (Mangalsutra) after convincing his parents. My Friend and his family were also present with us while all this. We stayed three days there and after this he went to his home town to inform and speak to his parents. Once he went he changed his number and stopped interaction with me. Later he sent me a email saying his parents are not accepting this marriage and are going to die if he is accepting me. He doesn’t want to loose his parents so is ditching me.

First my parents without thinking about me had pushed me into marriage at a young age and that person took advantage of me, abused, tortured, humiliated and ruined me bodily and left me to fend for myself. Forgetting all that and accepting what life had given to me, somehow I got courage to carry on in my life, again this person entered my life I don’t know with what purpose but yet again ruined and devastated me physically, mentally and emotionally. I hope you can imagine the pain, humiliation, mental and emotional turmoil I am going through. I am unable to think about tomorrow. My self esteem is hurt, confidence is lost in life to live. I feel being a girl is a disguise atleast for me. How much ever I manage to pick up the pieces in life and get along that much people keep hurting my values and emotions. I feel my life is cursed and being born as a girl is even more cursed. I feel there is no justice in this world. Can anyone help me what how i will get justice for my situation. plssss

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8 Replies

Daksh (Student) 19 August 2010

Respected Ms.Aarthi,

I empathise for trouble faced by you in personal front but still would like to quote your own lines "I got courage to carry on in my life, again" which shows your own conviction and strong will. Let by gone be bygone yes it is torchrous but also the worst is over and now it is time to put up your chin take a deep breath and fulfill your obligation towards your real self your own child and be optimistic in life. The loss is of those who have ditched you not yours mind you.

God has for reason beyond our comprehension has taken two samaritan on whom you have put trust and confidence but now you have come to a new family which including me and you have in total 80281 members and none of us want to see you unhappy and tormented any more.

May God bless you with all the good virtues, mental toughness, strength and humility.

All the very best

Best Regards

Daksh

Jebaraj Jasper Jacob (Advocate) 19 August 2010

It is very sad to hear u .But don't loose ur heart and u can get justice. Now there are canteane of decisions pronounced by the Apex court of the land and various other High court. Now days courts r very strict in implementing punishment with regard to matrimonial offences,provided if u have proof inrespect of ur marriage with the said person who cheated u.Further the provisions of Domestic Violence Act is well defined enough that a women living in a relationship of living together shall also intiate proceedings under DVAct if the said women had shared the house hold with the male who indulges in violence.

D.V.RamaKrishna (Advocate) 19 August 2010

Aarthi,

Praying the god to give you lots of courage and confidence in dealing with the situation you are in, I would like to suggest you to lodge a complaint with Women Police station at the place where you exchanged garlands and rings provided you have necessary documentary or oral evidence with you.

For any further clarification you may contact me in person if you are in hyderabad now.. or write to me at dvrkrishnas@gmail.com

D.V.RamaKrishna,

Advcoate, Hyderabad. Cell: 9963099555

(Guest)

@ Author,

Everything considered, some takes are there by ld. experts to your posts and we all here as educated people understood and sympathies with your past and knowing your vulnerability understood the present untried issues of facts too but the question here is what exactly you want out of your life is the only question you need to answer to yourself then some guidance or a light could be shown? Simply saying in confused state of affairs that "is there any justice in this world" and asking "anyone here for help for justice" will not solve in longer run your emotional disturbances clubbed with mind, body and soul constant injuries and yet "blaming yourself to be a girl" whereas you are now "a women of your own destiny by chance or destiny by choice is the correct way to describe your past, present and may be future course of things to come……… "

There are several legal and or societal steps which could be availed of based on current bad taste in a persons mind, body and soul, but also think of constant nurturing of those legal steps for years together if and if you get motivated to take them at the end (means it is going to be your pure call) and then contentiously carry forward the more present trauma till what………etc. etc.

So decide first what you want out of your life knowing fully well that you are vulnerable from your past relationship (an experience and for which you already took step to go to SINGAPORE and you also say its effect by narrating with sad demise of your father) and this was a past lesson which was unlearned in practice naturally which happens in many a cases and then I suggest probably opt to teach a lesson to faith tricksters in society and simultaneously carry the suffering with a hope that Justice will be done one day by Indian Courts (who have more than 1 crore pending cases) OR take another life changing path and become strong with two really bad past experiences and resolve once for all to focus in life for only yourself and your child by being pure selfish to yourself !

Make a good present choice for long term future with wide open eyes yourself first options do exists and each as per once capacity and experience and exposures are tailormade in this lifetime..................

(Guest)

Agree with arun ji, first u decide wat u want from life, wat u want from him? u want to live with him or u want to have him punished or none of two . after u have decided go ahead knowing well how courts speed in india is . will u like to come to india to fight for ur cause, will remind u everytime u come to attend the court or just forget and start life afresh. choice is urs wat you want from life.....................

Aarthi (xxx) 20 August 2010

respected sirs, thank u for ur comments and advises. when there is a query on divorce and seperation everyone suggests to go to a court and can even get speedy trial. All I am asking is for a justice to help us get reunited. I have been taken for a ride twice but this time whatevr it takes i want to standup against the injustice. I am not bothered about the amount of time it takes as I beleive atleast in God that He is with me. I have not done any thing wrong. All I have done is still believing in Love, Marriage and moreover on the people. I still belive that there is goodness in this world and if I am good and my love is true definetly I will get the justice no matter what it takes. and I am going to fight until my last breath.

DR.SANAT KUMAR DASH (Eye Specialist) 20 August 2010

ARATHI, U'R CASE IS VERY PATHETIC. PLEASE HAVE FAITH IN GOD & FIGHT FOR JUSTICE.

(Guest)

1. Not even an act of GOD can execute RCR (Restitution of Conjugal Rights) Decree if other partner is unwilling.

2. For justice (since that is what you are praying now) you may sincerely try this route - that is file RCR against partner no. 2.

All the best.