Very much disappointed husband want to leave wife.

Dear sirs,

I got married to this girl in june 2007. We had a relationship from 2000 ( just we live in one roof but no s*xual relationship). During the period of 2005 to 2007 we were outside of india and what ever we earn we gave to her family to close their loans.

Ok.

While we get married we didnt asked for dowry but we asked to share only the food expenses. Even that too they agreed first and after marriage they didnt accept to give. we left that too. The same day of marriage one of the elder from her family called me and said that dont stay long time in their house as its a love marriage so that there will be a problem for their family. That too the very next hours of our marriage they told me. even she is also insist to me. After marriage also she is not willing to have s*x with me. hardly we didnt 5 to 6 times in 9 months. When ever we are in the bed she used to find some reason to stop. Also she refused to have kid but with the force of her family and my family members she got pregnant on feb 2008. She is not willing to go to india for delivery by stating that their family will not care her as they only care the money from her.

So i do all the delivery and post delivery formalities.

Very commendable !

We went to india in 2008 december with the kid and we did the baptism in my chruch. all expenses borned by me only. Even that too their family pushed to put the hindu name for my kid. (note : she was a hindu sowrastra girl before marriage.) That gave lots of tension between me and to my family memebers. She started to fight with me for this and telling that i never discussed with her family and with her.

After delivery she started to write to my office mail id regularly stating that we have to send the baby to her parents. She gave lots of reasons like my mom is not doing good with baby, she is very tired, she cant sleep, she cant work. (i told her to change the job also she doesnt want to leave the job).

Then with the conditions that my daughter should be practiced in tamil language only, and she should be taken to chruch every week, and keep the baby in good manner. she agreed first.

later after sending there her father called her and they speak in their language only i cant understand. and what ever decision about my daughter they both talk (she and her father) and finally just inform me that they are going to do this. only thing they need is i have to spend the money to them. On top of that every month they asked us to give money to their family expenses. we were giving. but it was raising.

When ever my daughter speak to me i need a translator to tell me what she speak to me. So i insist my wife to tell her family to practice tamil. even they can speak tamil well as they live in tamilnadu. but instead of they she and her family started to fight with me. They made a big mess during the ear piercing ceremony of my daughter.

Her father blackmailed us to give money to bulid their house. i gave it. even after also (more than budgeted amount) he asked more and more and i refused because i dont have any savings for me and my daugther.

she is not ready to do any house holds, not willing to go fr the office function, not willing to go to my colleques get together, but i have to go for her office functions. When ever time permits she wanted to sleep. from 2005 till 2010 i was cooking and very rarely she cook.

Very commendable.  You could have hired services of a maid/cook for cooking.

even her sisters marriage also they didnt give a single respect to me or my family. in every aspects she goes hand on hand with her family. so in 2012 i told her that instead of fighting everyday and it give mental pressure we will go seperated. she agreed first. Then later after discussing with her family she started to resist and asked me to file the petition. Even she told me to find a lawyer to file mutual , she asked for the drafts, i prepare the drafts. she talked to the lawyer also. But once her family said not to give she refused now.

Now i put a petition after discussing with my lawyer in jan 2013, even after that she put so many conditions, like my moms visit to my daughter will be restricted. my mom had to move frm the current house(we are near  by living), i should not give money for my daughters expenses, she will not give the gold i saved for my kid, my relatives should not visit my daughter, i should speak to my daughter regularly, and so on. so that we will file a mutual settlement.

Ok.

i accepted all these then she said she will put a counter fit. Now she is making mess of all these and put me in mental stress. note that not even a single day we live with out fight. everyday some issues she brought and she cant control her anger any more. With her anger when i told her one time be my wife or be your dads daughter she spit on my face. this humilation made me to take strong decision. i never hit her. when ever iget anger i puched the wall of hurt myself only.

Punching the wall?? It wont do any good to you nor to the wall.

please tell me what to do. i am so stressed.

In love marriage, one has to listen to each other, not third party.  Like husband should listen to wife, wife should listen to husband.  Your wife has listened only to her parents.  And your in-laws are the main culprits here who are responsible of breaking down of marriage.  And even partly you, you should have control over your wife emotionally, as love marriages work only this way, through emotions.

Done is done.  Now that your wife is refusing to give MCD or sign on the dotted line, only option left is contested divorce which will take time to get over.  Try to convince her for MCD and make her understand that going for contested divorce is nothing but a waste of time and energy.  Neither you will gain anything, nor will she gain anything, only lawyers will gain fees out of your case.

As you have already helped your inlaws a lot financially, there is no point in again giving her money for coming to one time settlement for MCD.  If  your wife does not agree for MCD at all then contested divorce is the only option if you want divorce.

If you think going for divorce is such a waste of precious time, then better listen to what her parents keep telling and keep listening to what your wife tells [anyway its your wife, not somebody else’s wife, so nothing wrong in listening to what your wife wants and how she wants].  That way the marriage will be saved, the baby will have a father, and the baby will not be put into exceptional hardship in the society when she grows up, of not having a father.

Thinking about this all the time also wont do any good to you, but will deteriorate your health.  All these N number of possibilities you should have thought about when you tied the knot.  Not now.  Now only thing you can do is face the music !

Thank you helping hand. Even though you slash me some points you gave some options. I filled the case on cruelty grounds. she told she will contest.

help me what are the evidence i have to produce.

All of the above stated from the day of marriage, till today upto not teaching your kid Tamil, everything you have to tell, and all that amounts to  mental cruelty.

For mental cruelty, no evidence is required.

Now she is telling what ever we gave to her family is she earned not by her. I dont want to loose my self esteem and also the attitude of her will never let me live with her peacefully.

Ofcourse she is my wife and i can listen to her and do what she wants. But mean i cant do what ever she says.

This is pure attitude.  There should not be any kind of attitude between the two love lorn couples.  Perhaps out of repeated insults [read as she listens to her parents all the time]  you are telling like this.

I am not asking you to agree to what I say, but love marriage means sacrifice, one would have married against the wishes of the elders/parents.  When that is done, one should always stand by each other.  Here most of the fault is your wife’s, as she has become a puppet in the hands of her parents, and this kind of constant interference of her parents in your married life also amounts to mental cruelty.