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Vijaya (MBA )     11 July 2013

Is this my fault being black........?

Hi sir/mMadam

I am 25 years old and I was married on 24-11-2012. I am very sad to say that my husband doesn't like me only becoz I was black in color. I just came to know the thing only after marriage that he was forced by his parents to marry me. The reason why his parents forced to marry me is only for the sake of dowry. But even after marriage we doesn't have any physical relationship for upto 3 months and then I explained the entire thing to my parents and then due to their force he then had a physical relationship with me. But from that moment he and parents started harassing me mentally and even they forced me to have an abortion. I can't accept this any more, so please can any one suggest me what should I do now. But I am not expecting a divorce fom him. I just want to warn them legally and want my husband to accept me in his life again. 



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 7 Replies

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     11 July 2013

First of all accept the fact that acceptance cannot be legally forced upon someone..  So if you want to gain genuine acceptance then, instead of thinking about color groom your personality. Work upon being a good wife and DIL, handle the strained relationships skillfully but do not take insults or torture. Be strong and confident.  Maintain a happy and cheerful atmosphere at home and your husband and in-law's attitude toward's you will change and they will start liking you for what you are.  Take the help of marriage councellor if possible to work upon your relationship. If your husband and inlaws are mentally torturing you then you can use domestic violence act against them but this may further worsen your relationship with them instead of patch up. So first of all try by amicable means and use dv as a last resort.

Dr. Jyothi Vishwanath (Associate Professor of Law)     11 July 2013

I agree with the expert. 


(Guest)

 

Originally posted by : Vijaya

Hi sir/mMadam

I am 25 years old and I was married on 24-11-2012. I am very sad to say that my husband doesn't like me only becoz I was black in color. I just came to know the thing only after marriage that he was forced by his parents to marry me. The reason why his parents forced to marry me is only for the sake of dowry. But even after marriage we doesn't have any physical relationship for upto 3 months and then I explained the entire thing to my parents and then due to their force he then had a physical relationship with me. But from that moment he and parents started harassing me mentally and even they forced me to have an abortion. I can't accept this any more, so please can any one suggest me what should I do now. But I am not expecting a divorce fom him. I just want to warn them legally and want my husband to accept me in his life again. 


Family become family not by skin colour. It takes a lot to build a family.  Love, affection, and most importantly gaining confidence of your spouse and in-laws.


Warning etc when something someone wants to do against rules, then warning is given.  Look baba, you are evading rules causing pain in the arse to people who are concerned, then you give warning.  


If you give legal warning like what you are thinking, then say tata bye bye to your marriage.


First you take your husband into confidence.


Then everything will fall in place at the right moment.


Legally if you give warning then first of all the husband is away from you due to skin color, if you give legal warning, he will get more scared and will never cohabit with you.


So think and take step, as I do not want you to roam around court halls for the rest of your life.

Vijaya (MBA )     16 July 2013

HI Experts 

 

thank u very much for u'r reply....:-) 

 

But what is the procedure  if i want to proceed legally(if I decide not to patch up with my husabnd again), can I punish him and my in-laws under DVC Act and

can I get my dowry back...?

Please help me

Dr. Jyothi Vishwanath (Associate Professor of Law)     16 July 2013

yes if nothing you can do to patch up, you can file case for domestic violence and demand all dowry back.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     16 July 2013

Madam vijaya.  Before putting down these few lines, I thought a lot how to answer your querry.  I also put myself in your shoes and tried to understand what other legal experts were advising to you and how practical it would be to follow their advice and unfortunately, I have not satisfied .  Three most abominal incidents happened to you in your matrimonial life - your physical relationship with your husband happened only at the behest of your parents, forceful abortion and repeated remarks about your body colour.  But the real problem is that you want to proceed legally and at the same time want your husband to accept you as you are.  The second part of your wish is niether in your hands nor in the hands of court as it is their mindset that is creating the problem and which cannot be moulded so easily by force of law.  If the illogical human traits can be changed so easily then there will be no caste, religion, race and national conflicts and the entire human race can progress rapidly.  But the prejudices rule our minds and we hate other castes, other religions and other nationalities.  We all Indians are "dirty blackies" in the eyes of whites, but here in India, a little bit less blackey - he/she himself thinks whiter than whitey european - starts to humilate other people calling them by names.  What a pity? I do not have answer how to change the mindset of your relations who insult you, but in law, the following recourse is available to you, without resorting to divorce from your husband, as you do not want it:

1.  You can file domestic violence case -  for continuously remarking about body colour, which is mental cruelty.  For that you can seek compensation.  This case can be filed directly before the magistrate.

2.  Forced abortion is an offence in penal code.  You can resort for such step, if you are very, very, very angry against them.  For that you have to file a criminal complaint against your husband and in-laws(if they are also part of this offence).

   

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     16 July 2013

If you have got sufficient proof of paying the dowry, you can get back dowry by filing complaint under Section 3/4 of Dowry Prohibition Act.  Once you think of taking such a step, people around you give a warning that "dowry giving" is itself an offence and so do not resort to such an action.  You need not worry about that.  Under S.7(3) of the Act, dowry givers are protected from any prosecution under the Act.  If it is "stri-dhan", you can recover it by filing application under DV Act or by filing civil suit.


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