Since my marriage in Jan 2007, my marriage has been a mess. My wife paid little attention to our marriage and has always been attracted to the world outside. At the time of marriage she was working, and in my opinion she was incapable of balancing her work and marriage. There used to be a lot of quarrel between us.
Later she resigned from the company due to other reasons but certainly not to manage her marriage since the essentially the problems remained in other ways. After a few months of unemployment she joined another company and required to frequently go out of the city.
My problems have never been that she was working - but that she neglected her life with me. The neglect took several forms. In many atimes I found her excessive indulgence with male friends offensive, however she turned deaf ears to resolve the differences.
In Jan 2008, after several weeks of absence from home - on duty in another city, during which our communication was next to nothing as she was almost always unavailabale even on phone and finding some really objectionable material on certain social networking sites about her - I was really very frustrated. I insisted, with support from some of her close relatives but not her parents, to return immediately. Her parents meanwhile provided no emotional or othr forms of support to me and seemed to perfectly fine with the way their daughter was leading her life.
Let me mention here, that our family structure was like - my mother, my wife and myself.
In April this year, she one day suddenly left home - leaving an email and accusing my mother of making her life unbearable. She insisted that she would never again return home and demanded that I should either firget her or move out of the home with her. I asked her for some time to move out permanently, as I could not afford two parallel establishments. I tried to whatever I could for her during the next few weeks. She moved to a rented flat, but hardly started living there as she again started going out of town to accompany her sister etc. After a few weeks when we met again she started becoming almost hysterical and accussed me of not being supportive and mentioned that our paths were since that night different. Thsis was in June. From that time till last week we hardly had any contact, but I was desperately trying to make her understand that I dont have any problems to move out but she had to talk reasonably and stop falsely accusinbg me of ruining her career and life. I sought help from relatives and friends so that she would atleast come over meet in a collective way with family elders etc and thrash out issues and chalk out plans for the future. But she refuses, adamantly and hysterically pushed my pleas aside.
Last week she collected all her remaining items and jewellery from my home and I mentioned that atleast lets keep contact open and think of something together in future. I asked her for two signed documents - one to declare that she has collected all the items and jewellery and another to basically state that I am no longer responsible for anything that happens to her. She refused to do that...and then just last week I heard from other sources she has left the city, moved to another city. When I asked her parents for her whereabouts they refused to provide any contact details. She wrote me an email, but has not provided any other details, like phone number...
Now my questions are...
isnt this desertion?
do I have a right to her presence in a gathering to come to a mutually favorable settlement - together or through a divorce. Either way my life can not be held hanging and be falsely accussed
as a husband I think I had a right to a more fulfilling marriage. Though I can not quantify, what are my rights here?
doesnt the court suggest counselling or spending more time to bond?
I am scared - she had actually threatened me with police and her father mentioned vaguely of some 'action'. I think to prove me guilty they wil represent facts, turn and twist the truths. I have seen that trait in the way she talked with me during our quarrels/arguments. Are they considering police/legal action? Do I have preventive measures?
Finally let me mention, that I am not particularly seeking a divorce. We got married after 4 years of courtship and somewhere I still love her. But I have seen her change from being a nice girl to a kind of a woman I would never have married. What I really want is to be settled with her. I am not a violent or abusive person, but because of her behavior and attitude I have often been suspecting and angry many times. She has surprised me many times - by moving out of home and then out of the city completely. And I think all this is very calculated. I am looking for fairness, and I am looking for a compromise. I am ready to certain terms and I think so should she be. Dont I have a right to being treated fairly? Since she and her parents are not cooperating, I am planning to channel my appeals through the judicial system. How should I proceed?
