I got married in April 2012 and initially my husband used to travel a lot after marriage. He used to be out of country for about 21 days in a month and then back to Mumbai. For the period we were here (say 7-10 days) he wished to stay at his sisters place for sometime and rest of the couple of days we had on our own. We obviously did not get enough time for each other.
In August 2012 we went for our honeymoon. We did not have intercourse and I did not see our relationship in this aspect moving forward. I started to get frustrated about this, started feeling insecured and also about we not spending time with each other. I wasn't sure where my life was going. We started having fights over small-small things and he got into the habit of involving his family, almost all the time we fought irrespective of how trivial or small the reason of fight was. By involving his parents a small fight became big and I was by default the person who was the culprit. I kept getting sadder and unhappy with all this.
After sometime we had a period of about 6 months when my mother were extremely unwell and I had to break from my job and take care of her full-time, when he wasn't around. During this time also I did not get any emotional support from him nor did he speak to my mother or ask me about her. Sadly she passed away and then we both moved to Switzerland as he changed is job. I quit my job and thought that maybe if we are alone, things will get better as we will have more quality time with each other. And in terms of the fights it did get better. We talked a lot and shared a lot of our thoughts and day to day activities with each other. But still I did not understand why we were not having a physical relationship. Whenever I spoke about this to him he would say that either he needs more time, or he remembers the fights and hasn't yet got over those, or is not yet ready, or would say give a week or so, etc. etc. Also whenever I approached to touch him he said he was very uncomfortable and did find it strange.
Then once we came to India from Switzerland for 15 days to spend time with our families. Given the circumstances, I suggested that he show himself to a doctor. But he disagreed and said that he isn't impotent and was irritated on me. Then I suggested lets atleast see a marriage counsellor. Till then my family did not know our problems but his family did. We stayed at his parents place and there he got into a fight with me when I discussed with him when can we go and see my family. He told me, you go if you want, I am not going and seeing them. He told his parents about this fight and they told me that just divorce her and so was his thought process.
At that point I involved my family and they were shocked to hear that, till date we never had any relationship. Today, they are entirely supporting me and say that I should not only divorce him but also file a case against him for cheating on me, for domestic violence, for impotence. They feel he has spoiled about 3 years of your life and you shouldn't let him go just like that and should demand a decent alimony. First, I did not want to get divorced out of social pressure and out of hope that maybe some day it would get better. But now, I too think getting divorced is best, which is not a problem as he and his family also want this, but I am not sure about the charges that I should file against him or even if I should file any. Right now I am staying with my family and he is going back in a few days back to Switzerland as per this previous schedule. My questions are:
1. I do not know if he is impotent as he never got himself tested. But I know he is not a bit guilty about this weakness in him. Can I charge him against anything based on not having relations with me and just dragging it?
2. All my stuff like, certificates, documents, and things which have more sentimental value are in Switzerland. My passport is with my father-in-law as he did not want me to go back to Switzerland. If I file any case against him I fear I would not get it back.
3. His family has told me that we will give you Rs. 50,000 per month, so that you can settle back in your life. Initially I thought I don't want a penny from him but I am not sure what should I do as my family is angry with him and want him to pay back on legal grounds.
4. What about alimony? What are the basics I should be knowing about it. I just want to do some ground work by knowing the legal things before I decide to take any step.
5. When I charge anyone against domestic violence, what does it mean? Does it mean only beatings and physical harrassment or it is something else?
Please advice! Thanks.
