How can an rcr help me in getting my wife back to my home?

https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Why-not-to-file-restitution-of-conjugal-rights-43385.asp#.UZoaBaLTz2s

Originally posted by : Dev
	Hi All,   I really appreciate your support and suggestions. I am a husband who regards the bond of marriage very highly and piously.  Yesterday my maternal aunt went to my hometown to  visit my wife at her home. So she called her parents that she was coming there but her parents gave excuses that they were going out for a marriage ceremony and that they did not want to talk about the matter. They said "It's all over. We don't want this relationship." Her mother said: "I will not send my daughter. Return our furnitures. Be grateful that we have not sent you any notice yet. Who says he earns this much salary a month... he never gave my daughter any money, used to lock her in, tortured her in so many ways... ... blah... blah..." My wife also said she would not come back to me and she would marry some other guy her mother would choose.   My aunt told my mother-in-law that there was no Suhaagraat (marital intercourse). That lady replied: "So what? I also did not have suhaagraat for 3 months with my husband."   Mein rishte ko bachane ke liye jukna jaanta hun. Sahta raha hun. That lady is saying: "Dev has talked to our relatives and has spoiled our image so we will not spare him now."   Gentle People, I waited for over 2 months without talking to anybody. Then I talked to the three brothers of my mother-in-law who are of good nature. They said that they would talk to my mother-in-law but also commented clear words that she is a bad-behaved lady and that she wants to control everyone and can do any harm to them as well. So they did not put much effort. I talked to my father-in-law's elder brother who was also informed in details by my aunt and uncle and he said he would set things right and would take the responsibility of getting to a happy ending. But he also disappeard from the scene and became unreachable. People, please tell me was my approach wrong? They all said the same thing that my wife's parents are very egoist and have no social interactions with any of their blood-relatives. They all live close by still they never meet.    This lady who is my wife's mother says: "All my relatives are saying Dev is a bad guy why did you get your daughter married to him? He is approaching us and shamelessly telling us that there was no physical relationship between him and his wife. Blah! Blah!"   So, I am not talking to them now. I called them only once or twice and requested if they could help me and make my in-laws undersatnd that marriage is not a dolls' game.   I must be boring you all of my story. I am a helpless husband and lover. I know I can start a new life and there are many fish in the sea. But how am I going to trust my own eyes when I see someone for my next life-partner? How am I going to beleive her words 'I Love You' when I hear them again from someone? How is it going to be confirmed that I will have a better life hereafter? Marriage does not come with a life time gaurantee is the answer/   I am ready to change myself for my wife. But where did I go wrong?   What is there to change, perhaps they want to tie a dog belt around your neck and tie you to the gate of their house, you should be knowing better. She slapped me so many times and I did that only once and all this made me completely wrong as presented by her and her mother.  Either she is suffering from OCD or you have some weakness due to which you were silently eating those slaps?   I am still not convinced that my wife is to be blamed. I am to be blamed that I trusted her. Next person to be blamed is her mother. There is no one else that can be called the main culprit.

She does not want to come back, and that's for sure.

The allegations levelled upon you maybe baseless but are the one's which attract nice cases which can run for years.

But I still do not understand why are you hiding certain things?

Nobody cannot get instigated to do something which is disastrous to one's own daughter's life.  Either you have done something, or these are nuts who really did not want their daughter to get married to someone of your stature or their daughter was in love with someone else, just to avoid social disrespect they found you, got their daughter married off to you, only to break the marriage a few months later.

My weekness was I was afraid of losing her because I loved her so dearly. 

Your words have encouraged me to be a man and be strong. I have shared with you what I know and understand and have observed about my wife and her family. I know nothing else. The only wrong thing that I did was slapping her after tolerating it from her many times. Well, she would not actually slap me. She would hit her fists on my chest and hold by my color and say: "If you force me for an intercourse then I will call my mother and mind it that she will never let me be back and I won't be able to get back to you."

My wife''s words as quoted above still echo in my mind and remind me that she was right. I sincerely had no intention of slapping her. It just happened because she was taking advantage of my simple nature and was threatening me all the times. 

By the way, I have sought help from a lawyer and he will file an RCR tomorrow. I have talked to some elderly people such as our Samaj Adhyaksh who would gather 2 - 3 other people and visit my in-laws as he is the president / adhyaksh of our Brahmin Samaj in our hometown he will be accompanied by some renowned people with him. He knows my family and my wife's family very well. He will go there next week. The eldest brother of my mother-in-law also suggested me to do that.

I have learnt now that marriage is not a pious or lifelong bond any more as it is told by elderly people and I have heard from my very young age.

Originally posted by : Dev
	My weekness was I was afraid of losing her because I loved her so dearly.    Your words have encouraged me to be a man and be strong. I have shared with you what I know and understand and have observed about my wife and her family. I know nothing else. The only wrong thing that I did was slapping her after tolerating it from her many times. Well, she would not actually slap me. She would hit her fists on my chest and hold by my color and say: "If you force me for an intercourse then I will call my mother and mind it that she will never let me be back and I won't be able to get back to you."   My wife''s words as quoted above still echo in my mind and remind me that she was right. I sincerely had no intention of slapping her. It just happened because she was taking advantage of my simple nature and was threatening me all the times.    By the way, I have sought help from a lawyer and he will file an RCR tomorrow. I have talked to some elderly people such as our Samaj Adhyaksh who would gather 2 - 3 other people and visit my in-laws as he is the president / adhyaksh of our Brahmin Samaj in our hometown he will be accompanied by some renowned people with him. He knows my family and my wife's family very well. He will go there next week. The eldest brother of my mother-in-law also suggested me to do that.   I have learnt now that marriage is not a pious or lifelong bond any more as it is told by elderly people and I have heard from my very young age.

All these signs are not that of a person willing to lead a married life, forget the word happily here.  To lead a married life, it requires something else which is amiss here.

Now your approach is a good one.

Gather elders seek intervention.

But to be on the safer side, do make sure that everything is recorded secretly, such conciliation process by elders.

Good luck and keep in touch.

With respect to my case as exaplined in the first post by me, can my wife get married before getting a divorce from me? She keeps telling people that her mother says she (her mother) will get her married secretly from the society.

If that happed, would I be able to take an action against her and her family?

Originally posted by : Dev
	With respect to my case as exaplined in the first post by me, can my wife get married before getting a divorce from me? She keeps telling people that her mother says she (her mother) will get her married secretly from the society. If that happed, would I be able to take an action against her and her family?

it would be fantastic ... you will be a free bird.

Ah! I got your point, Amit! I think I am thinking too much and am being really controlled by them even if I am resisting not to . I think this all exists in my mind that I am emotional and that I am a helpless husband. I am not the exception on the earth. I just did not know that marriage could cost me so much emotional and mental loss.

I am a helpless husband

LAW has made each and every husband helpless ... no exceptions.

Amit, 

I want to fight against the law. Can you people show me how to go about it? From where should I start? Why is there no law for the protection of genuine husbands? If we keep blaming the law then who wrote those laws? It is we Indians who did it. I can guess this is all politics but then we need to fight for our rights which are just.

Dev. 

I am ready for any trial! I have buckled up now. I will not tolerate my mother-in-law's tyrany or even be it of my wife's own planning to use me as a puppet.

I want to first secure my parents from this trouble. Shall I ask my father to notify in the local newspaper that any businesses or reltionships or money matters related to me shall not be entertained by him and I am no more part of the family?

ok

prepare for long battle

first decide what u really want ?

restitution / divorce ?

file application in court accordingly.

proves the grounds made out in petition and get desired order.

remember that after u file a case, ur wife can also file 498a - DV - CRPC 125.

though the cases may be false, u have to undergo TRIAL.

Originally posted by : Dev
	With respect to my case as exaplined in the first post by me, can my wife get married before getting a divorce from me? She keeps telling people that her mother says she (her mother) will get her married secretly from the society. If that happed, would I be able to take an action against her and her family?

If she marries of secretly, the burden of getting proof that she has gotten married before getting divorce, rests on your shoulders.  One more headache if she does get married without obtaining divorce from you.

Today I had a chat with the eldest brother of my mother-in-law and he said tha he was silent all these days because he knew his sister was stubborn and would not listen to anyone. He suggested me to talk to a colleague of my father-in-law as that person is very close to the family. So, I talked to him and him and requested him to pass this message to my father-in-law:

"Uncle, her father is not picking up my calls and without any discussion we can't arrive at any solution whatever he chooses. I am okay with his decision but I must know what to do next. Before completing 1 year of our marriage, we can't file a divorce petition and anyhow I will be required to be present there. So, why not sit together with some elder people and settle down everything? If my father-in-law and mother-in-law keep threatening me through different channels and do not directly talk to me or allow me to talk to them or their daughter then there is no way to get out of it easily."

The uncle said: "Her father has said his say. Now, what do you say?"

I said: "Well, I am not in the favour of divorce as marriage is not a doll's game and I only had 1 month of time with my wife. I never forced her for anything and tolerated all the insults and harrassment of which you are also aware. Still, I admit my mistake and I apologise to you and through you I also send apologises to my in-laws that they pardon me and give me a chance to prove that I will follow their conditions and will do whatever they will want me to. I want you, uncle, to make things just right as you are the only person very close to them and you can do something about our relationship. Tell them that I will from my side keep sending their daughter to their home every other weekend and will let her stay there for as much time as she will like to. I will not ask her for the phsyical relationship until she is ready for that. I will take care of all her wishes or conditions."

Friends, following the adivices from you people I took this step of being polite to them. I know I can't bow down completely before them but today in the morning I got a call from my father and his voice saddened my heart. I was deeply hurt and was crying in my room badly. So, I can't put my parentsin trouble and will do just anything to bring them relief.

I just pray to God that my wife be back. I will then consult some counsellor to bring changes in her and how to go about brainwashing her gradually-gradually.

I even told that uncle that my wife is very nice and takes care of hourseholds greatly. He said that she makes mistakes but she puts the blames on me. He took one such example according to him it was a serious mistake on my part but the main culprit was my wife. There was some puja function and I was suppposed to go there but as I was getting affidavits for my wife I asked her to wait but she went there with her brother without my knowledge and locked our room and took the keys with her so I could not change my clothes and it was already getting late and she said it was okay and that she was coming back. But her parents and relatives took it otherwise and said that I was showing attitude by not attending the puja function. According to him, things started going against me from the very beginning and that I was not aware of it but her parents were having evil minds towards me.

People, what do you think my conversation with the colleague of my father-in-law would have effect on my in-laws' minds? I talked to him in a polite way and showed that I cared for and loved my wife and am willing to have her back and am willing to say "sorry" in fron of the family members.

Please share your views and guide me to develop a creative mind or though or plan to have my wife back. I have realized that anger or revenge is not going to help me ever in my life. I am not perfect and but will better myself if required. 

Offence is the best form of defence.

@ Dev,

After going trough your all post, I had come to the conclussion that you are really an Insane guy who is not in love rather than lust. Don't take it in other sense but it is true. As physicaly you are more tempered to her till now and you need to satisfy with her.

But their is a universal truth made in the eye of law that " court can't force her to stay with you.So, wining the RCR is nothing to you here rather than divorce which is definite, becz she will never turned up for another 1 year after your decree of RCR.Here you are a coin which has the same face either side i.e RCR = Divorce.

Better try your luck which comes first your wife or divorce.........!

My dear brother to have such irresposible and rigid wife it's better to have one night stand with other girl who is ready to sleep with you......sorry dear LCI,plz forgive me for this comment but it's hard truth for such a deprived husbands whose marraiges ends within a year due to these distressful ladies.

It's wise to end this marriage as soon as possible bcz No law can make her sleep with you or give you  nice food,give you a nice hug rather than a nice 498a and DVA 2005.

thanks & regards,

A sufferer......