Help to save marriage

Dear All,

Thanks a lot for your contribution. I tried a lot to calm things down. I have spoken to my immature friend extensively. I told her that she has first to decide if she really wants to save this marriage. She said yes. Then I told her that the only way out will be to withdraw the DV & 498A cases against her husband and his family. She was just immatured in taking these aggrasive step fuelled in by some of her family members and her lawyer. Lawyer did manipulate things here and there. Athough some of the incidents are factual.I told her that mistakes do happen but she is matured enough to realize the consequences of this that her marriage will only end once she goes for DV and 498A.

Her family is now presuuring that why did husband filed for divorce in first place.Also his version has some manipulations. If these cases are withdrawn and if he still wants divorce then their daughter cant get justice to her true version of facts. I tried to convey one message to their family that marriage can sustainn on love, trust and faith.

Since these bonds were broken in husbands view probably and he filed for divorce. Her foolish family instead of calming the situation by re concilation approached police and court with counterclaims and their side of allegations. they should have said that ok husband has sent divorce petition but does it mean divorce is granted ? The answer is NO coz it takes time for judiciary to act may be 2 years and in that if i am correct the court gives a chance for parties to re-concile. I explained to them that DV & 498A has ruined this marriage.

Now I tried to speak to husband but he says that once shes filed for DV & 498A everything is finished. There is no looking back. I can understand what he and his family has been through. I know one thing that we are just human beings and law is for justice designed by humans. I guess the family law is just worsening matrimonial cords and provisions of DV & 498A has broken marriages instead of saving marriages. I do not know the statistics of how many marriages with DV or 498A are successful ? Maybe TajobIndia can throw some light on this. I do understand that there would be genuine cases where DV & 498A shud be implemented. Probably there should be a statutory layer before anyone has right to file DV /498A.

Now guys please help me how to convince the husband and his family that the trust in marriage can be re-built by withdrawl of RCR, DV & 498A ? Also in return how to convince husband to stay DIVORCE case ? Girl does'nt want divorce so what is expected from her family to save this marriage ??

Dear Women Activists in the group please explain me how DV & 498 A help save marriages ? Whatever I have read in this forum and interacted wth lawyers all point to END OF MARRRIAGE when DV / 498A are filed. Also RCR does'nt help because it is another version of DV & 498A just a name change and contents are exactly the same.

Thanks & Regards

Janhavi

@ Author

1. Since you named me in you last post I suggest to ask them to approach Hon'ble SC and let any Bench of Lordships unite them. If Hon'ble SC fails then encourage them to contest MP Elections as independent candidates voicing good and bad of these family laws in their respective constituencies and become MP’s later on. Now from the Well of Parliament let them individually convince other MP’s to amend and or scrap some of the Sections of the various Family Laws and from Parliament let them set a national eg. i..e got united as social example and they will do all of us a great favor.


2. As far as stats. que. which you raised is concerned out of 4000+ cases whose interaction I have 3 patched up and out of these 3 two are in really rough waters means have broken up with mild cases in Courts and of 1 news is not much convincing. These happened in five years keeping tracking of these three cases which are only known to me out of some 4000 + cases where IPC Family Laws were misused by wifes’.


Now, others if know better practical first hand stats. then me they may help you.

I close my replies to this post.

4 janhavi

filling of dv act and 498a doesn't cause the marriages to break, it the execution of those that cause the marriages to break. they should only be used by a wife if she is seriously traumatized by her husband and inlaws. if women files those on lies, then it's over, unless the husband and inlaws are very forgiving.

Overall attitude of your friend is questionable.

Rather she is the culprit of "misuse of DV and 498aby a female" seemingly and on the contrary she herself is complaining about DV and 498a acts  ....

Even after saving the marriage it may not last unless there is complete change of attitude and complete repair of the damage done.

@Janhavi

Just get rid of the advocate who suggested to file cases and who brought a crack in the divine glass of marriage.

Then try to console the parents and make them understand that life of both spouses depends on their situation. Let the girl sit with the boy and give a final try.

Only genuine and true efforts with conviction to be faithful in future could save it!

//peace

/Saurabh.V

The wife has decided first to punish Hasband and in laws with weapon of 498a which is the last & non returnable on call weapon for Indian woman.

Husband & family has suffered enough through 498a Bhramastra even after in some points they were innocent and has to loose social respect, waste of time and  money.

Not only your friend but every modern Indian women who get so excited to use 498a by following others provocation who is not going to buy as single piece of bread for you and forget the man's may be small but true Gold ornament. When two people agreed to marry, they never plan to use 498a or divorce however the situation either parties force to do that.

Even our religion says that there are four way to solve any problem which are SAAM, DAAM, DUND & BHED.

If your friend has tried first two steps then third then she might right however Dund & Bhed is mostly to end up thing.

Now only one thing is love or attraction of her husband to your friend may cancel divorce however the husband has over punished for any of his mistake will never love anymore.

Now she should talk to the same people who forced here to use 498a to find nice, descent & stylist life partner. I am sure they enjoyed entertainment of your friend and now boared with this family serial as they know end. They had better & live entertainment than family tv serial.

Now not only your friend but her husband has to live life with compromise throughout life. It would be better to compromise casually with one partner or family, isn't it?? In Life, Business, Sport etc, you have to tolerate & compromise with at least one person.

When gender think " we are equal" then this is what happends

God has made us with different nature/ resposibilities that we must understand then diffenetly we can live our life happily

Allah likes most "who forgives another who did harm them"

Now no one is prophet here to forgive

she did mistake by listening people who ill-advised her ( its not like she listen to people by innocens but she choosed the people who supported her act) and ignored/ took advantage of the people who actually loved/care her

Now her act is not innocense she played game and getting result ( now she is in final game) but winning a cup here is no use rather you stay in league matches

Same Story repeated here,

1. Husband files divorce.

2. Wife files DV & 498A

4.Wife expects husband back after filing and harrasing husband on Criminal grounds.

JANHAVI can u pls explain. After criminal charges a husband is bound to loose complete trust and how can one he back a wife on whom he can't trust anymore !

In fact if wife was genuinely interested in saving marriage then she shud have resorted to counseling / mediation efforts through court. she and her family could have gone for a 3rd party counseling to be suggested by husband/wife whatever was to be mutually decided. If husband files for divorce does'nt mean that divorce is granted. She shud have waited and resorted to other efforts if she was genuinely interested in saving this marriage. Instead she files criminal charges. Its all an afterthought. Just imagine if husband had a right to file criminal charge against his wife. Will wife still be interested in this relation. The answer is a big NO.

5. After the cases u say Wife still wants her husband. Thats just because now she is fainding it difficult to find a prospective partner like her husband. In fcat that is precisely what has made her to think of withdrawing 498A & DV. This women can't be loyal. Even if she takes cases back or mutually quash 498A in HC its difficult for me to consider husband accepting her. If husband does'nt agree divorce is eminent. He has lost all trust and faith in this women. All your friend can now EYE IS BIG ALIMONY / MAINTENANCE since you said husband is doing well. I guess she and her family wanted EASY MONEY. Else tell me can girls parents support her in breaking marriage by filing 498A & DV ? The answer is BIG NO. All her family members are at fault in framing husband. A person who genuinely wants to save institution of marriage dooes'nt go to the extent of booking him under criminal charges (false/true court can decide). Love is all about giving and what ur cfriend  has done is called as REVENGE. Instead of love it was hatred. So please don't fool people in this forum and try nd gain sympathy of supportes of women eccentric laws. In my opinion just because there is a biased provision made in law for women they are misusing it against men. If husband does not want to stay with wife due to matrimonal discord means women has right to file DV & 498A ?

I am sorry to say in this case Divorce looks eminent. Since husband filed for divorce. it could/could have not been granted. There was 50-50 possibility. Wife out of revenge files DV & 498A chances of husband staying with wife are remote henceforth. Unless husband is some generous RISHIMUNI who can forgive all the evils.

Also, the womens in this forum DV & 498A supporters do not know the other side of the story ie Husbands side and they start giving advises as if they r fightiing a case for these women who always polish their side of story to gain sympathy and help from respected lawyers in this forum.

I think when someone asks for a genuine help...lawyers be4 replying shud know the facts viz at least case no if in family court/ in DV court. I know its a difficult nd thankless job of giving advise. My thought is that if genuinely someone is in trouble then please help whether a man or woman. However try to ascertain the facts before helping them with advises. Itss difficult but atleast you can be sure that you are not helping people who are real culprits and just come here portraying false stories (True may be ascertained) to gain sympathy and help from eminent lawyers.

The fact remains that aggrieved party has his/her own competant lawyer in most cases. But still they come up here for more ! Nothing wrong in that. However eminent lawyers before replying pls try and understand genuiness of a case coz at the end if thats not ascertained  then they r doing indirect crime by helping a criminal........

Thanks & Regards

DEAR ALL,

THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR HELP IN THIS REGARDS.

LATEST UPDATES ARE THAT WIFE HAS PULLED BACK SOME CASES AND DECIDED TO MAKE 1ST MOVE.

TO MY DISBELIEF HUSBAND WHO SUFFERED HAS ALSO TAKEN A FOOT DOWN.

BOTH ARE NOW ON TALKING TERMS. I HAVE INITIATED DIALOGUE BETWEEN THEM AND ALSO MANAGED TO CONVINCE HER PARENTS ABOUT THEIR WRONGDOINGS IN MISGUIDING THEIR OWN DAUGHTER.

ONCE THINGS ARE SORTED BETWEEN MIYA - BIWI MY NEXT TARGET IS HOW TO TACKLE FAMILIES.

MY FRIEND IS ALSO THINKING OF QUASHING THE 498A WEAPON IN HC.

THINGS HAVE TAKEN A DRAMATIC TURN IN FEW MONTHS. ITS REALLY AMAZING

LCI IS AMAZING WITH AMAZING EXPERTS IN TAJOBSINDIA, PALNITKAR SIR AND OTHER EXPERTS WHOSE GUIDANCE IN EXPERTS FORUM HAS REALLY HELPED ME BACK IN PULLING THINGS BACK FOR MY FRIEND. I WISH THAT ITS INDEED SOME GOOD DEEDS BY SOME REALLY ANGELS AROUND HERE WHO HAVE MANAGED TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE ON EFAMILY.

I AM VERY MUCH GRATEFUL TO LCI AND OTHER EXPERTS IN THE FORUM FOR THEIR GUIDANCE IN HANDLING A VERY COMPLICATED CASE WHICH WS ON THE  VERGE OF A COMPLETE BREAK-UP.

NOW I NEED FURTHER ADVISE AS TO HOW CAN I FURTHER IMPROVE ON MY EFFORTS. TAJOBINDIA IS GR8 AS HE INSTIGATED MY ROLE OF A WOMEN IN STARTING A DIALOGUE WITH THE BOY.

ITS LATE NIGHT BUT I CUD NOT RESIST MYSELF BY DISCLOSING THE HAPPENINGS AND EXPRESSING MY SINCERE REGARDS TO LCI FORUMS AND EXPERTS.

LONG LIVE ALL TGH EXPERTS AND LCI FORUM.

THANKS & REGARDS

JANHAVI

Hi Janhavi, first of all i would like to thank u for your sincere efforts to save ur friends marriage...

I am undergoing somewhat same situation from my in-laws side. They are not acting to resolve matter mutually and just harrassing me by not letting me talk to my wife at all.

I wish you would be her friend and let her understand the things in right way...

Kaashh..aap..

Regards

suraj

>> Filing false case equivalent to breaking divine (so called) bond of marriage. And you say girl wanted to save marriage ?? Why did she file false cases then ?

She already broke the beautiful glass decoration. Which adhesive is currently available to re-stick broken glassware? I don't think Saint Gobain has innovated on it still.

Jokes apart -- Life is on the trust and mutual understanding which has been brutally challenged and mercilessly butchered in this case. How do you then expect a calmer sailing further?