what should i do?

Mr sunil

When you are writing so wrong things about females, did you think about your mom and sisters ?

This is the hardcore truth about joint family, and i know you will never agree with it, but iam not here to convince you. You were too big things about your so called joint family, sanskaar and your gurukul, so just thought to give the real picture of joint family. Yes you are absolutely right girls should never marry such men who live in a joint family.  But what if girls are made fools . When my husband and inlaws came to my house to fix our marriage, they were too good, and also said that as they don't have daughters so they will keep me like their lovely daughter, but soon after marriage i got to know that iam their new educated servant , not their daughter. My inlaws have never given me the respect and love which i was supposed to get. So what more i can say.

This is the hardcore truth of so called joint families, thumps  down for them.   I know the pain what iam going through, but i have no one to help me, i have no shoulders where i can keep my head to try cry.

So i absolutely agree with lekha ji and her post. 

And you are saying that you want to see the full version of the story.

we will write our stories so that you can read and enjoy. sorry i don't want that, and won't accept that.

Men who are mature and loving deserve good wives, and partners and they make their marriage beautiful.

If you will give love and respect to a girl , its obvious you will get back the same. Wherear if you will open a rule book, and pin point her everytime saying this is the gurukul and you have to listen this, then she won't. Marriage is very sensative and should be taken care of very nicely with due respect .

And mr sunil. Even i want to ask you

Your grand parents stay with you and your momdad or not ???? just tell us.

I wanted to click a thumb down for Sunil and I happened to click a thumb up. And I do not know how to rectify this mistake!

We are on the same page Komal, the only difference is that my mother in law cheated me by acting good! I I trusted her so much and gave more love to her than my mom, but came to realise later that she was keeping my husband in her house with his lover. Ofcourse it was not a joint family, but she would often come to my house when my husband would remain away for months together! And later to my shock I found out that he would be away tucked in in his mom's house with his girl friend! So disgusting!!

I do not need a shoulder to cry on, I have become so solid from within because  I saw the depth of hell when I realised how cleverly I was cheated in the name of love from my mom in law! And when you see the heart of darkness, either you break down or you hasten your footstep towards the gates which open on to the space where you can breath free and heal yourself....

Hatts off lekha ji, my god you have immense strength, and thats the reason i respect women like you so much. Don't give up mam, don't ever think of death & darkness. You are surely a survivor.

Thumps down for @ mr sunil.  I certainly don't agree with your statement that parents of a girl doesn't teach any manners etc, and all the manners is taught by parents of husband. Oh really ??? Iam not surprised at all that your wife left you and fled, if this is your thinking then iam sorry whatever you are suffering is just because your so conservative, and male dominating thoughts, it seems you are very dominating kind of person who loves to impose their own thoughts on their girlfriends & wife by saying its tradition and your duty as you are bahu of this family.  And i want to ask you, do you smoke, do you drink, watch p*rn movies, have slept with several girls ??? If you are a boy then these answers are certain, and if yes then where were parents, and their gurukul, they are an institution of manners and as per according to you only parents of a male can teach and advice good manners, then why we men landup doing such things, whereas our sisters are far far more caring towards our parents and think 1000 times before doing anything disgusting.

I have two sisters so according to you my parents are idiots and they cannot teach good maaners to my sisters, but when i will marry and them a bahu, suddenly my parents will become an institution of good manners and advice, gurukul. Oh wow, lovely.  Wonderful thoughts. i cannot stop launghing, what kind of immaturity and male ego you have, if these are your thoughts and values then i hve no words, and i feel extremely sorry for the girl who got married to you. 

I very much agree with lekha ji, because i have seen my aunts living in a joint family,  so the hardcore truth which lekha ji has mentioned is very much close to my aunts. May be this is the reason i respect woman so much because i have seen their sufferings from close.

If a person wants to support joint family concept, then firstly he will have to stop blaming females and their parents of not teaching them this that, and should tear and burn their complain books. They should stop expecting a female to work like a servant , a maid , a labour, just on namesake of tradition and duty.

If we want equality in judiciary then at first we have to learn giving equal rights to a female, our wives. Male dominating society will have to change its rules first, only then they can expect and have the right to ask changes in judiciary system.

Very well said Rajeev! 

Hats off to you too!! 

@ Sunil

Thumb down for you. No need to say anything else.

@lekha ji.

Feeling very sad for you. But don't think of die don't give up. Be brave. Stay on for your kids. You can take advise from experts by this site.

@Rajeev Singh.

Hats off to you sir. Some dominating males should learn from you something.

@Lekha jee

I'm sorry to know about you.But now you have to decide what you want.

If you want to save your marriage minus mother inlaw's intereference,first take the help of your kind hearted friends,relatives etc. who can make your husband understand how cruelly his mum behaves.They should also counsel him about his own duties and kind heartedness towards you so that you have a good mental health and your kids get good parenting.

If you have no such people to help you,please visit any psychologist or counsellor who can give you both marriage counselling.If you live in Delhi and can't afford such services,let me know.I will give the the names of several NGOs which provide free counselling by trained professionals.

If marriage counselling is also not possible,file DV case against your hubby,mother inalw and other abusive family members.But state true facts only.Don't exaggerate or add anything false in anger.Otherwise even if you are genuine,you'll be immediately taken as a liar in court and you may lose your case.

You tell me the city where you live and I will provide you list of NGOs that can help you,if you decide to pursue DV case

In DV case you can ask for a separate residence where only you,your hubby and kids live,minus inlaws interferenece.Or you can request to live in the same house minus interference,and with respect.Protection orders will ensure that you are not harassed again.

Remember that you have the right to live in dignity.Tolerating injustice does not make marriage better..This silly notion has been taught to Indian girls that tolerance and agni pariksha taken by husband and inlaws makes you respectworthy in their eyes after few years of marriage.

Now whether you decide to file the case or settle the problem with help of relatives or marriage counsellor is upto you.

BUT you should start taking psychological counselling from a trained psychologist or counsellor.As I can sense from your posts,your emotional health is getting affected and you have no parents also.Counselling will bring back the lost confidence and make you hopeful and emotionally strong.

Thankyou verymuch meenal ji, for your kind advice.  i kknow their are ways, but our judiciary system is too slow, and rightnow i have lot of liabilities, i don't want my kids life to get affected.  Iam helpless dear, sometimes things pull you back. anyway but iam thankful to you for your kind support & advice. i hope you will understand me & my point of view.  god bless you meenal.

You can file DV,Dowry case against him and his family, and torture him, get his hard earned money and give it to you brother and father to enjoy..like your other indian sisters...thooo

@Basavaraj

Firstly u r not expert. I asked my problem to experts of this site not to you.

Second first solve ur family problem then give advice or any statement to others. 

@Basavaraj

And Third one Don't compare your problem with other's problem.

Sorry Priyadarshini,

I think i have over-reacted to your post, sorry again.