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Kabir Pandit (Designation)     06 January 2014

Want divorce

Hi !  I have been married for over good 3-4 years now. Ours was an arranged marriage (hindu family). 1 year down the line I realized that  Me and my wife are completely incompatible, she is full of negativity, she has unnecessary doubts on me having an affair outside marriage which i dont ! I want to file a divorce, I have had enoughts its been over 3.5 years and this drama is going on and on and on AND we dont have any s*xual or love relationship for over 2 years now plus we dont have kids. she still keeps saying that she loves me and wants to work out the relationship, but then on the other hand goes cold and numb and saying utterly wrong things, also 4 times she has threatened that she will commit suicide hence about 4 months back  I left her to her parents place. we both dont go along well, i speak north she speaks south and she keep manipulating and analyzing me, and i hate that, then she tops up by saying that she loves me, then after few weeks another set of suspicion remarks....i have grown very depressed and sad due to all this that i have stopped talking to everyone, cut of from family, friends i dont perform well at my job, my health is suffering....i know that a relationship should be continued if there is enough care, understanding, respect and love....not just merely saying those words, one has to do !  I am seriously done with all the dramas at home , multiple counselling sessions, numerous counselling sessions with my dad, mom, my sister, my relatives and with her to one on one .... i want to file for divorce, a lot of people tell me that i dont have a srong ground, her family thinks that I am cruel by not talking to her....i gave her all facilities and everything in life ...there is no lack of comfort and luxury in our house  but still ! 

Please guide me as to how I should go about this ... would prefer if anyone could suggest step by step methods to follow or any alternative....I am growning old day by day month by month...i dont want to look with a feeling of regret and weep thinking how my life got messed being with this ignorant woman. I want a way out ....Please please ....guide me what should I do ....I am getting depressed day by day !!!  :( :( :( :( 

If you say mutual then I know that ... but like i said she doesnt want to separate thats the problem ! 



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 13 Replies

Dr J C Vashista (Advocate)     06 January 2014

Mr. Kabir,

1. There is no smoke witout fire, do you agree?

2.  Settle the matter amicably on either side.

3.Engage a local lawyer.

Rama chary Rachakonda (Secunderabad/Highcourt practice watsapp no.9989324294 )     06 January 2014

Please recollect your promises at the time of wedding at the moment of Seven Steps / Vows in the Hindu Wedding Means:

  • The couple takes the first step and promises that they will take care of each other and pray for abundant blessings and prosperity in their life.
  • In the second step, the couple promises and prays to the Gods to bless them with physical and mental powers and lead a healthy married life.
  • During the third step, they promise to protect and increase their wealth by proper means.
  • With the fourth step, the bride and the groom pledge to share happiness and sadness together.
  • With the fifth step, the couple promises to be responsible and care for their children.
  • The sixth step is taken by the couple to be together always.
  • And while taking the last seventh step, they promise to be truthful and trustworthy to each other and pledge to be united always in friendship and harmony.
1 Like

Y P Sharda (Sr. Geologist)     06 January 2014

See it can't be a one sided problem! Maybe she do really love you but now you have seized to see that love because of all these issues that keep creeping your mind. Try and start seeing things from a different perspective. Take some time off from all the negativity that you have in your mind regarding this relation. You do not have to end a marriage just because you feel so. Take the other person's point of view too and try ask her if there is something she feels you lack and then work on yourself also.  Maybe she is expecting something out of you and you are not able to give that to her and so these misunderstandings are cropping between you two. Start spending more time with her, go out often, take short outstation breaks, do things you think would make the two of you happy. Perhaps the lack of interest you show in her must be making her feel that you have relations outside the marriage. Start giving her priority and things will also start looking up. I know initially it would be difficult but time you put your ego aside and put your heart and soul into working things out. You will have to initiate the steps to make her feel confident in you. Every marriage goes through its down period, maybe your's is going through the same. So try save it and not ruin it for your one sided thoughts. 

1 Like

Biswanath Roy (Advocate)     06 January 2014

It  transpires from your query that you are very much eager to proceed with a Divorce case. Then why you are waiting . Go to FAMILY COURT and file a divorce petition against your wife.  No problem.  Why you are crying before  this Forum experts ?

SRINIVASA PRASAD Warangal A.P (LEGAL PRACTIONER )     06 January 2014

I agree with Sharda madam. Break the link is easy then netting it. Take help of Psychiatrist, your problem may solved.

good luck

Kabir Pandit (Designation)     07 January 2014

Every human being is different, and its not necessary that one should agree with the other. I dont believe in right and wrong. Because what is right for me might be wrong for you. I believe in two things..... Things I should do and things I shouldnt and here I do feel that I should get a divorce. I came here to get a feedback I thought this is a   www so called lawyers club dot com THING. I expected something mature and  better detailed replies on how to proceed; besides a couple of understandable replies I just see a normal chat forum kind of pinch hitting comments. The fact that each one of you replied with a different remedy clears out how different we all are. AND the SAME thing happens in marriage too !   This is not the 50's or 60s where things were all about adjusting....now a days each one is for themselves ! ....and thats why there are more number of divorces now a days...People dont have time, patience and tolerance anymore... I am a 100 % sure if this was a foreign (US,UK) forum I will get responses as per my query....not pin pointing on my character, my personality ....  ou might find me stubborn and  egoistic. But at least I know what I want and I say it. Nobody amongst you have gone through what I have. My partner threaten to commit suicide. Now how does that sound to you. Just for no particular reason, just on a small fight which turned little loud.... Sometimes in life you fall back so alone that you need some expert advice from a 3rd party too... hence I came to this forum.

 I had consulted a lawyer and like any lawyer he is asking me to sign some papers and acting like a typical sales man who is assuring me that I will get the divorce. Dont yoy worry it will take max 3 years no matter what etc etc. Is it that easy ? he didnt suggest me and ask me if I have property , what should i do about it .....I dont live in india hence I came to this  FABOULOUS website  ..... 

before I file for divorce  I want to go to my in laws place and tell them why and what has happened ! I want them to know, I need to convey it to them. I dont know if i should do that or not ? Or should I just file for divorce straightway ...this is the point I am stuck at !!!!  ....I want her parents to know .... should I just say it to her parents on their face that I need to seperate. Will that be dangerous ?   .... I am at the verge to take a call....simple !    See the point is I came here is for an advice on how to kick start this besides hiring a lawyer who probably doesnt understand the sentivity of this case, family and society bonds. I dont love her, i dont see any future with her... I am a 100 % sure about this. I am like 38 now. So I spend another few years to mend things ? I have gone through many marriage counselling sessions already and things didnt improce. whom I had a confusion because each time I talk to this lawyer I am supposed to hire, he says...dont worry everything will be alright, dont worry I will take care of everything ... but never reveals the actual step by step motion.... anyhow I am coming to India in a months time and will have a face to face meeting with him and see what he has to say... may be he is not speaking much coz he needs money and only then he will reveal his secrets on how to go about it .Feel free to curse me back and insult me....I might sound difficult but a couple of you guys didnt get my point ....its easier said !  coz you havent gone through what I have in the last 4 years of my marriage Thank you kindly  !

Kabir Pandit (Designation)     07 January 2014

...forgive me if i hurt anyone with my words. I am sorry  :(

Dr J C Vashista (Advocate)     08 January 2014

Get divorce as soon as possible engaging a local lawyer and relax.

Biswanath Roy (Advocate)     08 January 2014

As to my experience in Federal Laws and  English Laws your statement of facts indicates that it is a case of mental cruelty and the decision of the case 'Squire  vs. Squire ' as reported in All England Law Report is applicable in your case. Following the same principle  Patna High Court also granted divorce in favour of the husband applicant which is also significantly applicable in your case for mental cruelty.  But prior to file a case for divorce on the ground of mental cruelty you may disclose the conduct of your wife to her parents if possible in writing so that it can be used in your case as a piece of evidence.

vijay (M)     08 January 2014

Panditji,  Being on this forum for quite sometime, I have learnt that in India grant of divorce to a Male is a rarest of rare happening.  lititgating in India is not easy.  you are free to not take my words. 

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     09 January 2014

Many people have given many advises/suggestions and some people's advises/suggestions were very valuable especially suiting to your expectations. First thing in your case, your wife appears to be too possessive about you which has turned out to be a depression.  Suspicion is the nature of female and there is no surprise if your wife is also one, but the continuous torture due to this natural defect can be termed as  a depression syndrome.  Of course before the eyes of law it is an act of  cruelty.  The continuous threats to commit suicide is also termed as cruelty in the HM Act.  In your case you have stated that there is no cohabitation between you two for more than two years, this can also be a very strong ground for divorce.  Well, if you have decided about discarding her forever, you have no option than to file divorce case.  Your apprehension about the possible danger in the event of informing her parents about her character, habits, behavioral attitude,  and all other things beyond tolerance, there are possibilities of retaliation in the form of some other cruel acts which are named as laws protecting women and her well being, namely POWUDVA, Section 498A of IPC Dowry Prohibition Act, maintenance laws etc. But by informing her parents about her activities and other things in writing under Registered Post, may provide you with some good grounds to defend and justify your cause for divorce and it may come handy to defend yourself from the above evil laws as well. 

Despite all these,see if there are chances for an amicable settlement either way,i.e., to live together or to divorce by mutual consent.

great india (manager)     09 January 2014

1.why she feels u have an affair....? 2. why she doubts...is sm thing fishy...? 3. if your clean.....go ahead and first validate grounds in divorce.... its not a cake walk...courts are stern. 4. now here's a hint.... take and alternate accommodation for a year n stay apart ....realise your needs n faults by self analysis....now incompatibility persists.... even her parents would agreee for mcd... if husbands file divorce... its cruelty in indians courts towards wifes.....but if wife does...it shows a cruel husband either ways.....thats the melodrama... 5. shift in other house, let her decide for herself...you can go for a judicial seperation.... based on mental cruelty by wife doubting your character n then go fir mcd 6. be ready to shell maintenance to her in eithwr cases..... all the best......!!!

SRINIVASA PRASAD Warangal A.P (LEGAL PRACTIONER )     10 January 2014

Hello Mr. Great India the author needs only legal  suggestion  to divorce his wife nothing more than that.


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