Really fedup of my marraige....please help

Mukesh @ Few suggestion, I could give you here -

1. Try to console her on every small and big occasion. Try to think about the love which was there at very first place. It seems to me that she is suffering from Bipolar Disorder, which is quite common in Indian society. Such patients need more love & care than ordinary people.

2. It seems to me that she has some kind of suicidal tendency. Call someone from her family to stay with you for sometime. This way, you would not be alone in case anything happens to her. You would be having her family member to support you incase something goes wrong.

3. She has gathered sufficient evidences for 498a case and in any given point of time, looking into court will give you a bumpy ride than anything else.

4. Focus more on your married life and stop thinking negative about her. May be it could be "you" who is scared from court/police station that you've stopped thinking about your future life. Stop dialing 100 number for family issues.

5. Since she is divorcee, she will not ring the court bell first. She knows what happen over there.

Further, lawyers would suggest you to record the married life moments and live a monitored life. You may pursue such life but will not have any content and peaceful life then! Find a situation where you can have win-win situation for both of you. Thanks!

Mango

i am not ready to advice u, what u r expecting from us. Take her to a doctor and explain the  position clearly and give her  treatment. If at all some one suggest u to go for Divorce, this is not a proper ground, confirming this recently Honourable Supreme court had struck down a case in this regard. If you want to take a call, take this as a challenge and bring her back to normal life.

@ Querist,

After reading your statement's it's quite contrary to depict as what you want from life?

do you want to solve your problem through doctor's?

Or,

Do you want to solve your problem through lawyer's?

as both can be effective in your case............

The first option through which you will come to know her exact reason,some disgrace ,mentally not fit and up and down behaviour of your wife.

The doctor will tell your wife as what's wrong with her and you will get the medical evidence in backsupport if she revolt's against you by any stupid act's.

Secondly, if her activities let you down at every minute by thinking her abnormality and disturbances which prominiently causes a continous mental cruelity due her behaviour then you can seek the help of lawyer if you want to get rid off her.

So,my sincere advice to you give some space,time and treatment for her if she still recalls you wantedly then No other option's left than Divorce.

regard's.

Mr. Mango,

Thank you for ur reply but i  have been compromising every time as whenever these situation arises i stop talking to her and she start apologising that it will never happen again....i forgive her but after few days same thing is happening....there is limit to everything

i called 100 number because she had taken 20 pills of citrizine ...if anything would had happened u can imagine my situation at that time.

As you agree ...she is having suicidal tendency...but she just threaten me by doing this ...she hopes i will be afraid of all these.

 

What should i do now?

 

Dear Mr.Querist/raghavan

 

I have always insisted her to visit a doctor...but she reluctantly refuses saying "you are mental, i am not"....you need a doctor and again fight starts from here.

 

how difficult is for a man to get a divorce in these situation?

Mukesh @ To answer your question on "how", here are few suggestion -

1. In order to live a happy married life, both the parties have to make a lot of sacrifices. Court, police complaint and divorce is not at all solution of these matrimonial disputes. Your inclination towards the divorce should not put you in any kind of trouble. If she gets really mad on you and sue you big time under various charges of 498a/DV, you would be either spending your life running on courts and paying hefty fees to lawyers OR behind the bars. Better to make compromises in these situations than escalating it to further level.

2. First learn something about the woman psychology. Stop talking to her is not at all solution here. You’ve to stop talking only when there is a dispute. Once dispute is over, you both should sit together and find the solution (don’t discuss about differences). You’ve to come-up with a plan how to avoid such situations again. It’s good that your wife was coming to you so far for apologizing in all situations. Don’t make it bitter.

3. It’s common practice for all women to complain and tell some stories. Have patience and listen to all these complain & stories.

4.  Keep saying "YES" to all matters/complains, no matter what if it’s regarding parents, friends, brother, family or sisters. This will give a clam feeling to woman who is presenting these stories. Learn to say "yes" in all matter. "YES" is NOT just a word for woman, it’s their world; you need to learn how to keep your woman in her world.

5.  Only if she has real suicidal tendency, call someone from her family for the time being to just sit at home. This would keep her in some control since someone from her family would be watching her actions.

6. Consult some "marriage counselor" not doctor on how to live a happy life. I can assure that both of you would be happy to consult on this.

 

Mango

YOU MEAN TO SAY......WHATEVER THE SITUATION IS ITS ONLY MEN WHO WILL HAVE TO COMPROMISE, KEEP ALL THE SELF RESPECT ASIDE AND DANCE ON HER MUSIC AND SHE WILL ONLY ENJOY WHILE WATCHING ME DANCE ON HER TUNE....

 

IS THIS NOT VERY UNFAIR

Mukesh –

Giving some respect to your better-half does not really mean that you're losing your self-respect. If I change the wording of your question and ask you the very same question again i.e. should your wife dance on your tune? What would be your opinion on this question then? Last night itself, there was a lady who was talking about self-respect. Self-respect which she said is more important than her bread-&-butter and livelihood. In daytime, there was a manager who was screaming over her head and she countered that argument by screaming more loudly than him. At the end of day, when I asked this lady what’s the net result of this counter argument, were you really able to maintain your self-respect by screaming on manager back? She had no clue. She was not aware that there is no respect left for both of them in the company now. So, to answer your question, should I dance on her tune and lose self-respect? Is/Was never a question, it’s more or less the way you understand the thing.

We don’t have to take all the situations as life-and-death situation. You know, you can’t compare apple with mango. Stop spoiling your married life in the name of society, self-respect, family, colleagues, religion, values and mankind. If these things can’t give you a happy married life then better drop-away these things.

Live a happy life and forget about these minor things. Where there is a love, there would be fights indeed. Love is relationship which need time to flourish and spread its aroma of fresh peach. Starting 2-3 years of married life is hard to digest afterthat everything becomes normal.  Spending 3-4 years in court to get a divorce decree would be much more painful than giving time to your relationship.

Since past few years, I am hearing divorce cases where people complain about their wife as characterless woman, had extra martial affairs, had relationships with many boys in past, run to her mother every month, her family does not pay much respect to him, is a greedy woman, is a cruel lady, does not respect elder at home, is a fraud and so on. At the end of this conversation, I ask one simple question –

How and why "third person" & "third thing" in two people’s life become so much important when they are better-half of each other?

You’re seeking divorce and you would get the divorce one day but, ask this question to yourself now –

Is it really important for you to live a divorced life than a married life?

All the best for your future life...

Mango

1.it was so soothing ti read the innovative article by mango. The point is in todays life its not followed. 2.all sacrifices n everything go in vain once fight starts. 3.females have started taking undue advantage of men's patience. 4. Call a doctor home...don't let her know he's a psychiatrist.... Take her for normal check ups and consultation in a convincing manner. 5. Still no remedy then if you fed up stay seperate for few days away at some other place....give time and space....it will reduce tension to some extent or will aggravate hidden vengeance.... But at least you will come to a stand. 6.thus helps in future decisions. Good luck.

I agree with Mango's advice or at least most of it. CREDIT TO HIM!  I must admit that I did not read all his posts here or any of them in detail but I get a feel for what he is trying to say.  

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This is a situation where your wife needs immediate psychiatric treatment.  Consult one immediately. They will provide you with nurses to put her to sleep and then wheel her over to a psychiatric ward. I had a friend taken away this way and he is now so much improved. She needs real medical treatment. The earlier the better. Please give this possibility a chance. 

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Do not take advice from advocates on this matter. They do not have the IQ to understand anything other than a few sections of CPC and Cr.P.C. and some parts of a few Acts in areas they practice. That pretty much forms the beginning and end of their intellectual boundaries which, in their own bizzare world, they believe entitles them to be treated like Einsteins! One post here corroborates my opinion.  

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hi...

u have many mixed answers from various people here..

Mango saying that you shud try compromise and sort things out with all ur intelligence and patience..  but then u have to decide if thats possible with u.

All i can say is... first and foremost safeguard urself...for any future incidence...install cctv camera's in ur house...which covers the kitchen, the lobby , the balcony or any other open area. first u can make stores with ur wife that thr are thefts happening in the locaity hence we shud do something etc etc  and then... after she agrees , install it the next day. keep all recordings with u... safe. !!!!! Then at all times...she wud be recorded shoouting, abusing etc etc...and even if she commits suicide.. u will have proofs that u have'nt done anything....

once, u have ur ass saved...then u can try to sort things as mango said... OR else, after few months of recordings... go for a legal battle...... the recordings will help u proving that she abuses, fights etc etc...and u better not loose ur pateince at any time.. handle this very calmly and intellegently...

best of luck

Do not go for CCTV, recording, etc now. If she finds out, and she will most certainly do, it will worsen her situation. Some problems are to be handled delicately. Make sure that the local cops are aware of the entire situation and give them information in writing, with acknowledgement. Send registered letter if they refuse to acknowledge.  Update them on a regular basis. Keep in touch with in-laws, her friends and others known to both of you and apprise them of the problem. you sound like a reasonable person.  Mental illness is not well understood in our culture and often interpreted with ill-feelings towards the sick. Please...

I have experienced this, it is very difficult to live with a psychiatric person. Its not anybody's job to change a person and certainly husband need not be punished for a few kind words that society expects.

 

Whatever u r going thru in your life is mental cruelty on you, you should get enough evidence to prove the same. Take help of a criminal lawyer.

 

Some advocate was mentioning that don't think of divorce, even supreme court turned down such and such a petition and so on and so forth. That's all bullsh*t!! You are facing the heat and you are only the best judge but not that advocate. Its very easy to say but in practice you cannot even spend a good 5 minutes with a psychiatric patient.

 

More importantly it is not expected from a wife for sure, marriage is not a one-way...certainly such a relationship never stands and its not called marriage...so get relieved from her by a divorce. Don't ever try to change ever, you will never succeed and it would be foolishness to even attempt such an act. Life is precious don't waste it on others.