Effect of wife pleading for re-joining in 498a

It appears reconciliation may still be possible.

Hi Never give up!!! I want to tell you something here...my lawyer also adviced me to file 498a on my husband. I asked him why should i file that case? he says only then he will come for talks and mediation will happen and he will take you only when you put him under pressure. Many times people buy this....and act accordingly. Believe me it happens.... nearly 2 cases of such kind happened infront of my eyes in the last 3 months. One girl was muslim and she filed 498a and her husband instead of giving talaq..took her back in his arms...that was surprising. But thats what the lawyers feel. I did not do that becoz...my family member is a very senior lawyer in mumbai dealing with criminal cases and almost all the HC judges right now have started their pratice under him. You will be amused ...to hear that the judges have said one thing clearly that if a girl doesnt file false cases ....then they make sure that the guy doesnt get divorce. But at the same time court is there only to help the couples mend their ways and if they dont then some day they definitely get divorced. Hope your wife understands this thing now. And if you are unwilling to forgive... then its better to part ways. But if she is really feeling guilty...then give her sometime to realise her mistake and think over the episode once again.

But Charu, the reality even if they take their wife back, it is always in the mind of husbands. May be cases where woman willfully acted thinking husband may reuinte and may work in few cases, but largely, husband will wither the wife who filed 498a. Hence it is advisable not to file 498a for threatening purpose.

@never give up you have spent enough in understanding basic nature of laws and 498a cases. so trust yoruself and see what best suits you.

@Mani ...correct it all differs from case to case.Becoz my lawyer also said that few cases lawyers only try to patch up things under the threat of 498a. And for this they need to have little contacts with the PS and tell them before hand that its just councelling and not ask them to register an FIR.Police will just ask them to come to PS and the way police approaches is scary for anyone. Only in cases where wife wants to break the relation or just wants to get her things and money back...they file FIR.Becoz...then the effort is not to save the marriage.

Well after stepping into police station once, i decided i will never take my 498A wife back. I am very clear on that front, no confusion in that.

 

My question was "What impression does it create in judge's mind"

 

@Charu latha

 

Real man does not bow upon this kind of pressure tactics.

 

I follow a principle , that you can not put a gun on my head and keep on threatening. I will ask either to shoot or keep the gun down.

 

Saving marriage is responsibility of either side. Getting into police station for filing complaint (true/false immaterial) does sends signal that relation is over.

 

Taking back 498A wife depends upon how their relations were prior to 498A , if it was small tiff which can be forgotten then its fine. If its continous abuse from either side for longer period then its time to be alert and fight back.

 

Finally, i hope my wife would have taken some lessons from you and may be my marriage would have been saved.Its too late now...
 

@ Charu - I have a question for you, being a woman i think u can answer better.

You just said above>>>>>>>.Only in cases where wife wants to break the relation or just wants to get her things and money back...they file FIR

Question is :- Wife wants to break the relation, thats OK........But what about things, if husband does not have a single penny of her with himself and above all she is carrying gold given by boys side (of worth 3 lakh rupees) with her and still she file FIR with damn 406. I dont have even a single piece of her cloth button with me..........

How would u analyse this situation, may be u can tell it better being a woman and hope i get to know why the hell my lovely is behaving like this. 

 

You are right to say that

Real man does not bow upon this kind of pressure tactics.

 

But it is the totality of circumstances that will lead you to a decison whether it is bowing or reconciliation from both sides.

 

It may be possible  both of you have suffered then it may also  be possible that god has become kind on both of you and given strength to both of you so that you could re-unite.

Never give up my opinion is that she is making a tactical move and you should also respond similarly to negate any favourable impression she might create in judge's mind(though I think without proving beyond reasonable doubt aboutwilful crueltyto abet suicide or dowry harassment.its immaterial) You may ask her to sign a compromise deed wherein she will admit she filed false dowry case under influence of some friend etc. and she undertakes to not to repeat it.Thereafter you both shall file joint petition for compounding and both will withdraw all civil and criminal cases against each other. then itwill be forgive and forget from both sides and she will be welcome back. this I believe will expose her posturing.

@ 498a wedding gift: I agree with sudheer sir and ashok ji their versions will also help you. Coming to your question that your wife filed 498a and you do not have a button of her clothes also with you. Can you please evaluate your situation if i ask you the following questions: 1. Is it a love marriage? 2. What was your equation with her from day one you met her? 3. Does she has any affairs? Or is she the apple of her parents eye? 4. Have you examined her intention? Does she want only money from you...so that she can secure her future? Or is she willing to join you? 5. Is she in two minds as in unable to deciede what is good and bad for her? Evaluate her personality first as a person how independent she is ..in terms of taking decisions? You can consider whatever ashok ji has said..legally you can make yourself secure that way. And in your case kindly let me know who has blown the legal horn? And dude i am telling you one thing ...which you may not like, but please always in a relationship especially husband and wife, please take out your family and her family from the equation. What she says about your parents or siblings and what they say...shud not effect your relationship with her. Every family finds it difficult to adjust with a new member in the family. Are you able to balance your family and wife emotionally?? ask this question to yourself. Many times i have seen that parents from both the sides try to pamper the egos of their kids and that spoils the relationship. Ok..finally to conclude. Take a decision keeping the below said things in mind. 1. Life is uncertain. Who knows you will leave her and get married to some other girl and she also files 498a....fairly possible. 2. Your new lady may try to take advantage of your situation also. 3. If legally you can secure yourself and forgive her....pls... note i am saying LEGALLY SECURE YOURSELF. then its better to forget the past and start your life a fresh with your wife. 4. Every person has inherent weaknesses and short comings. All ladys come with their own qualities and tantrums....no one is sati savitri or parvati...ganaga..jamuna ...saraswati. 5. Forgiving your wife will never make you small infront of the society or court of law. I will personally appreciate this quality. BUT again your security is equally important, i dont deny this fact. all the best, Any help needed...feel free to contact.

 

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@ 498a wedding gift: I agree with sudheer sir and ashok ji their versions will also help you. Coming to your question that your wife filed 498a and you do not have a button of her clothes also with you. Can you please evaluate your situation if i ask you the following questions: 

 

1. Is it a love marriage? 

>> No arranged one

2. What was your equation with her from day one you met her? 

>> Equation was fine bfore marriage....she keeps on saying before mrg, i will do this and that for u after mrg. But after marriage, when we shifted to new place where i was working, on that very 1st day she created scene in a mall

and threatened me of calling 100 no and implicating me in false case.

3. Does she has any affairs?

>> No idea on this, i am not sure actually.

 Or is she the apple of her parents eye? 

>> Yes, ankhon ka taraa........her mother keeps on poking her nose every time and then.

4. Have you examined her intention? Does she want only money from you...so that she can secure her future? Or is she willing to join you? 

>> Yes definitely she is after money, she made some property documents to get them signed from my father which my father said in due course of time she will be a part of property as legal heir, but she was so 

entusiastic to include herself in property that my father was not able to cope up her behaviour and evetually died after her constant tantrums in front of our neighbors, in her school, in her neighborhood......damn everywhere

5. Is she in two minds as in unable to deciede what is good and bad for her? Evaluate her personality first as a person how independent she is ..in terms of taking decisions? You can consider whatever ashok ji has said..legally you can make yourself secure that way. And in your case kindly let me know who has blown the legal horn? 

>> I think she needs property and money......from the very 1st day, she started keeping pressure to include her as legal heir and i yes she is an independent person, working and her father expired 20 yrs back, so she has never

adjusted with any male person in her family. GIRL has blown the legal horn and not me.

And dude i am telling you one thing ...which you may not like, but please always in a relationship especially husband and wife, please take out your family and her family from the equation. What she says about your parents or siblings and what they say...shud not effect your relationship with her. Every family finds it difficult to adjust with a new member in the family. Are you able to balance your family and wife emotionally?? 

>> Charu, i understand ur point here but do u think is that possible if one sides parents never visit and never calls and girls side mother constantly visits, threats me, pokes her nose always and wants me to behave like their

slave and whatever they says i have to do. And on the other my parents never visited me where i was working........I took out my family from this relation, but she never did that........Its effects ur relation when Mother in law comes

and behave with u like u r a slave to her and ur wife keeps mum and is still seeing and in fact accompanying her in all her deeds. WHAT U SAY, my stand shud be in this situation ?

 

ask this question to yourself. Many times i have seen that parents from both the sides try to pamper the egos of their kids and that spoils the relationship. Ok..finally to conclude. Take a decision keeping the below said things in mind. 1. Life is uncertain. Who knows you will leave her and get married to some other girl and she also files 498a....fairly possible. 

>>> Not at all, i am not going to marry again for sure........NEVER EVER.......

2. Your new lady may try to take advantage of your situation also. 

>>> New lady will never come in picture now

3. If legally you can secure yourself and forgive her....pls... note i am saying LEGALLY SECURE YOURSELF. then its better to forget the past and start your life a fresh with your wife. 

>>> Never this cannot happen at all, not even her single rupee with me stil she thinks filing 498a/406 on me will bring me back to her then she is wrong here.......If she wanted to settle her life, then she shud have discussed with me and not with her lawyer........After climbing the stairs of a Police station, for me its a point of NO Return for her and i cannot forgive her for this deed.

4. Every person has inherent weaknesses and short comings. All ladys come with their own qualities and tantrums....no one is sati savitri or parvati...ganaga..jamuna ...saraswati. 

>>> This she shud commit . But in court she keeps on saying, i am a abla naari......main inki sewa karna chahti hun and the next moment she and her mother abuses me and my mom. NOT at all acceptable.

5. Forgiving your wife will never make you small infront of the society or court of law. I will personally appreciate this quality. BUT again your security is equally important, i dont deny this fact. all the best, Any help needed...feel free to contact.

>>> How many times do u think i should forgive her. This had already happened 6-7 times and meanwhile, i lost my father because of all these tanrums and she still feels she is always right. Then let her be right and i dont consider now to give her undue advantage of being my wife , as i was earlier doing.

@ 498a friend ...i can understand what you are going through. See your wife has never had a male in her family right???? thats the reason these two ladies your MIL and wife have become like rotten eggs. Sorry to use such language but...your wife shud understand that her mother will die some day. what will she do then? With your property and maintainance and alimony she can only survive and not live. Life is not for surviving. For money minded people ...i can say that nothing can satisfy their greed. Believe me, i am totally agreeing with your stand here. Tell the judge once to councel her mother first. Your wife should have seen her mother without husband ...how she might have lead her life ...in lonliness without moral support. Why does she want to continue the family legacy.Someone should make her understand the practicalities of life. But we cannot change her over night. One thing friend dont get upset. Not everyone in the world is alike. Dont say that you wont get married again. I just gave you a possible situation to make you understand. Never meant to hurt you by this. You may find a better partner next time. May be this was just passing cloud. If you dont bend and bow infront of her now...slowly she will realise. She will realise when you start moving away from her...slowly the pressure will start building up on her and she will repend. And yes...her mother should not interfear b/w you both.Let her burn for some more time. If she is really regretting then she will only open her mouth and vett out one day on her mom. But you start living your life and try to keep yourself out of stress and by looking at your mental peace she will loose hers.

Judges are immune to such theatrics.....

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

Dear Charu,

Its not always true, those who dont have men in their lives behave the way you mentioned...at times having men in your life that have caused damage can make a female's life more painful......

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As for counselling its too late, as a woman-wife, is she is so immature that due to her mothers say, or parental say walks into legal issues/police, then by the time she matures she will kill the man....unless she genuinely has been mis-treated then nothing will stop her nor push her, but her inner self....will move....if she/he sees any legal act as a mere weapon to hurt , on small issues, then Im afraid, by the time they both learn that this weapon is dangerous...all that will remain is ashes...

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Man womans problems are to be solved within the bedroom...once its out in the streets, police, legal issues, where is the trust left that is the core of the bond? How often will both live with peace and happiness? One will fear she will strike the other will fear he may get even? The series of negative points invading their daily life, its easier said than done....those who want to save the bond...actually do it within themselves not with anyone...human bond and emotionall links are bonds beyond statistics, not puppetry hai na? That If this thread is pulled he/she will behave in this and that manner...how long?

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I feel sorry for the Indian system somewhere, where parents take the reigns of their children and lead them in their marriages, shaadi kar letei hai...usmei maturity hui...decision mein dono kabil nahi...ye ajeeb silsila hai humarei society ka...

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As for marrying again dont deny yourself love and emotions...why should you? Once fallen aint mean you cannot rise again, and why not??

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'The same fire that Hardens the egg, Melts the Butter too' Smiles....

@shonee

thanks for the comment, i hope it is more clinical in the courts than dramatic.

it will save a lot of poor husbands (who can't shed a drop of tear) from overdramatic 498a wives !