devyani lamba (xyz) 24 January 2013

DIVORCE - how to crack the test?

Hi all,

I'm seeking legal advice for divorce. I live in UK but my parents and brother live in India and I wish to gain knowledge on these matters for family reasons. I think if i get correct and accurate information here, it'll be helpful for my parents who deal with only a couple of lawyers back in the city and may get limited information. To give perspective, this is regarding my brother who wishes to get a divorce from his wife. I'l give the story and then ask my question.

My brother married his long term gf almost 2.5 yrs ago, my parents were never in the favour of the girl as they could foresee she's not right for many reasons, nevertheless, they accepted her with love and respect after my brother married her against my parents wishes initially.

from day one, she was unlike a traditional bride and daughter-in-law. in her family... her dad, brother passed away at diff times in freak accidents and her elder sister who wa married n had a son died due to illness. so, it was only her mum n her in the immediate family, then other relatives. also, she has some mental health issues which she used to her advantage always and very cunningly.

anyway, as time flew the relationship between my brother (who loved her to bits) and her grew strained as she was unable to behave like a wife. a daughter- in-law and a mother (she gave birth to a baby boy in the first year)...she could not take care of the baby and the baby was most times looked after by either her mother, my mother or myself when I was visiting home. my brother is in the Army and he was initially staying on his own where he was posted and she stressed on staying at her mother's to groom the baby as she was clearly not comfortable staying with her in-laws even though my parents were really nice to her and put up with her misbehaviour and disregard for evyone...they wanted to take care of their grandson too.

sometime after, my brother asked her to join him, she did but with her mother who wud still take care of the kid like a nanny. the wife used to just create scene at home which my brother was facing going to and comin back from work... she didn't have any specific issue or complaints...she just created negativity and disrespected my brother, hit him, shouted at him infront of his sub-ordinates from work.

finally, when it was beyond him...he approached my parents saying he wants a separation and that she has hurt him a lot with her behaviour. my parents tried to approach her mom and even tho she knew her daughter was wrong, she did not go against her and blamed my brother. meanwhile, the baby was growin up in such bad atmosphere and she knew tht my parents loved the kid so she stopped letting them meet the kid to torture them during separation. my brother started living on his own busy with his life in the army.

now months have passed and the evil in her has risen cause now she has filed a maintenance case and she has put complaints in the women's cell for dowry, domestic violation and the like. The thing is, there was no dowry, no domestic violation ever. my brother married her in a filmy style in a temple without telling my parents and even after marriage, there was never a real wedding ceremony at home. my parents accepted her as it is.

my parents did not want involvement of my brother as it would damage his career in the army even if he goes to jail once and comes out on bail, so they keep him at bay and avoid him getting too many leaves to come home. so my dad and mum are at the forefront of this and have hired a lawyer, who advices them. so far, they have tried to negotiate in the women's cell but the Police is desperate to a get a piece of cake too, they talk about doing an out of court settlement as they also want to get fed in this transaction. the lawyer has advised my parents to avoid the maintenance case court hearing by showing as not present at home. SO THAT'S THE STAGE OF THE MAINTENANCE CASE. they haven't been to a court hearing yet and when I ask why don't they just go and deal with it, from what the lawyer has told them...they say it'll be a big mess and she'll drag it...they don't want to get in the chakkar of court.

now the situation of the complaints in women's cell initially was that she agreed to settle by accepting Rs 1 crore and not take the cases further in court. The police are also in facour of it, my parents are like we'll have to do it to get rid of this problem once and for all but then she has filed a maintenance case too. she wants this 1 crore so she doesn't file other false cases, but on top of that she wants regular maintenance too. she claims that she will have a portion of every asset that my brother has over and above his salary and any that he acquires in the future too!!!! IS THAT POSSIBLE?? does a man have to pay a share of every asset he buys even after he gets a divorce???

Some months ago, when the situation was this, she started making phone calls to my parents luring them with talking to their grandson, initially dad totally avoided but then she started insistin on paying visit at home on my parents' birthdays or a festival with her son so my parents could play with grandson...dad was hesitant but they let her and she did this a few times...she would come with her mother and bring her son...while my parents played with the grandson, she would sit and talk about the situation and talk rudely and blame my brother and threaten sometimes...so my parents were like...wht the hell do you come here for using your kid as a way to talk to us.... the lawyer told dad to totally stop her from coming and avoding her calls and stuff... gradually, she started saying she'll withdraw the complaint and she did but the police did not inform my parents as they wanted it to get dragged and they told her that even if she withdrew, if later she wanted to reopen it, she could.!!!! is the POLICE for helping people resolve matters or for bl**dy sucking the last drop of blood from victims!!!! this is shameful....

anyway, when my parents got to know that she withdrew, they just lay low for a while, trying to work out a way for the maintenance case.... then she came round saying, she only withdrew cause she thought they would accept her back in the family and my parents were like, we never said that. so what I've heard is that she threatened to reopen it. my parents have tried to approach her relatives to put some sense in her time and again but they said she has cut off ties from eveyone and doesn't listen to anyone. they say, her mother n her have lost it....

my family is facing three enemies:

- The girl (who is supported by weak and ridiculous law)

- the Police (who wants to increase the drama and sufference for their vested interests)

- The law - which is sooo F@##*d up!!

Pardon the long story but once I put the issue out on the forum, I don't have to drop information in bits and pieces and can expect accurate guidance after one reads this.

I am aware our law favours the girl no matter what, but I my level of frustration is so high and seeing my parents suffer at the hands of rich spoilt woman (yeah, she is from a stinkingly rich family and she has all the time in the world)... she can feed people to drag this case and have her play time. her mental health issues that my parents are aware of, how do they prove that?

I need HELP!! A LOT OF DESTRESSED SOULS HERE NEED HELP...the insane number of posts here call for a BIG CHANGE IN THE LAW

is there anyone who can help with how to deal with this???

Thanks

Vani

Reply Follow

14 Replies

Chetan Joshi (Advisory/Advocacy) 25 January 2013

A bit of stumbles on google and you will have a clear stats of females filing false cases..

Let me tell you that out of the court settlement does not necessarily means some fishy practise although it end up being one, it is meant to avoid litigation....

She has a intention behind filing false cases, try reading it!..As the litigation will progress her liveliness derived out of courtrooms will start fading away...Do not give her the money and contend the maintainence case well supported by various points going against her demand for maintenance...

What needs to be done is to strategise legal actions to be taken and win it...There is a high probability that she may file a 498a, so watch out!!!.....

Regards

Chetan(dot)7679(at)gmail(dot)com

1 Like

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner ) 25 January 2013

1. I withdraw my opinion from this thread post.
1.1. I donot wish to give any explanation.

1 Like

ANAMIKA VICHARE (LAWYER) 25 January 2013

pl send test email

i wll send u the form for basic dtils

So that I can guide you at one go

Email : anamika_vichare@rediffmail.com

Lawyer Purush Hakka Saurakshan Samittee

devyani lamba (xyz) 25 January 2013

1. Finally I again ask; what you people want? As in Divorce OR one time settlement OR continue as is where is??? – divorce

2. Why he wants divorce? - He is asking for divorce because having her in his life would mean, social humiliation; disharmony at home, constant spousal abuse from her side, frequent dangerous threats from her, regular humiliation and disregard for my parents in their face!, indecent and uncaring attitude on her part, and blurt out shockingly impolite taunts time and again and for my brother to not lead a peaceful, normal married life! Your husband/wife is your better half, someone to support you…she obviously doesn’t love him. She lied about her past life to my brother who innocently believed her and after marriage, in one of her ‘mental fits’ she said to my mother that she said n did everything to get my brother married to her. I don’t know myself the details of events and moments but I am trying to my best to portray the kind of woman she is…

3. Are you saying that brother’s absence is making it worse?

4. You said you can link both medically – that sounds like a hope, if you can guide, I can speak to my parents about the approach. Is it tough to prove in court or tough to prove unless the lawyer is very good?

5. When a divorce is filed, can it not be on the grounds of cruelty by her??

6. I’m sorry you misunderstood the not living together part: The couple lived together from day one of marriage. It was only after birth of the baby that she moved to her mom’s. Her mum and my parents live in same city so she was initially living with her mum where my mother also went and stayed for nights to take care of her and help out her mom. After a few months, my parents expected her to join my brother… but instead she chose to stay at her mums. Then my parents suggested that she could move in with them. She stayed few weeks at my parents, few weeks at her mum’s for a while and but gradually her stay at my parents grew weird and harder. She was going out of control. She would wake up at 1 pm in the afternoon and my mum used to take care of the baby totally and my parents didn’t complain looking after the kid cause they loved their grandson. …evytime he was on leave, she would create a scene in the bedroom and then evytime, he asked her to come back with him she refused. Finally when she agreed, she took her mother along and then the worse started to unfold there. The maid working in the house, the sahayak working in the house would see her misbehave and shout at my brother, when he’d take her out to unit parties, she’d embarrass him in front of other officer’s wives and say weird stuff. It was just too much. IS THIS NOT CRUELTY???

7. 1 crore is a BIG amount by any means possible, there is no way that my parents are fine to do that – they only said that they may not have a choice, still I would never ever let my parents pay that amount of money… no matter what even if I have to quit my job here and move back to India to fight for them. I will not let her get away with this.

8. Legally I will share with you one thing; till a couple remain legally bonded such withdrawal of complaint matters for police station / women's cell does not matter much by which I give you another legal hint, that anytime – any day she can ask her such Complaint’s revival and it is not time bound / limitation based as such Complaints are considered as “continuous (domestic) offence”. – so are you saying her complaints don’t mean much currently?

9. I also read here that the lady has some unfinished issues about certain property / properties. Here if a mediatorfrom your side who had some above average knowledge of Hindu Succession Laws / Joint properties post – during marriage under Hindu Laws (S. 27 HMA) and knowledge of how to close the utopian issues would have been roped in to make sense to both sides of families, in my reasonable opinion this Lady’s case would have been closed long time ago. – the only property that my brother bought was together with my parents after marriage, a flat which he has rented out. I think the rent of that goes all to my brother, my parents don’t need it. If the maintenance amount is set by court, will it include share from this property? And is the market rate of the flat that is taken into consideration or the rent that he gets every month?

10. The facts also talks about some live maintenance case still on your brothers head. The service of this case is not being done properly by your side is also the essence coming from your rather long brief –True! I agree. Even I don’t favour the delay and avoidance.

11. In my opinion what the lady is acting is not actually wrong socially – Looking at every moral, ethical, humane angle, what she is doing is wrong and should be punishable and if she’s truly ill, then her mother should take control and apologise for her behaviour and seek proper medical attention for her.

12. An Army officer’s wife can approach his Units CO and under Army Rules straight away 30-40% is ordered for wife / child upkeep out of the salary he gets. She has not approached his CO as yet and I say why wait till then? In maintenance cases Courts have discretionary power and may award 1/3^rd. or nearly half of his salary too if wife says she is not working and such Orders of court are from date of Application. Here I have no knowledge which dd/mm/yyyy she filed the maintenance case! If tomorrow Court decides maintenance then huge arrears will pile up then you will come again running here seeking legal opinions blaming all rats to elephants as you typically express in your brief on behalf of your brother. – True, will look into this

Javed (CA) 25 January 2013

Hi Devyani,

I am not a lawyer or expert but with my experience with 498a and DV i can only give you some simple advice.

About myself people may comment that i am a runaway or whatever but i had the advantage to get a US citizenship as i don't have anything more left in India and i also did not want to waste my life fighting for biased Indian legal system as Indian law can really screw up the life of NRI so i would not advice any NRI to waste money to fight against it.What i see is 498a is the bread and butter of not only lawyers but also many 498a harrased Indian men member of SIFF etc who opened up 498a consultancy shops.So i really don't see that anyone really fighting against these gender biased laws other than few IT nerds organizing street protest in Bangalore or gathering in Delhi gardens :) 498a will stay and new gender biased laws will come up and keep harassing men.I feel really sorry for Indian men.

Now about your brother he had a love marriage and things changed with your bhabhi because of all those accidents and she seems to be a spoiled rich girl who got mentally unstable.I am sure her relatives and lawyers took advantage of the situation and wanted to file criminal cases so they also watch the show and get a share out of the settlement.

I think your brother should keep his CO and Adjutant in loop about his family life and consult the SMO and get some medical treatment for your wife and if she is mentally unstable things will be in records.If still things don't work and only option is divorce then your brother should be ready to fight and he should never be worried that he will be fired from army for 498a case and i never heard anyone being court marshalled for matrimonial case :)

Your brother only need to give PO to your father i am sure he is retired and have enough time with him so he just get a good lawyer and get a AB if any dowry case filed and then keep attending the court hearing and be calm this will keep on for years and your bhabhi needs to prove everything.She can file as many false charges against you or your brother or your parents but finally she has to prove it and never agree to give a single penny and yes its fair to give maintenance to the child but nothing more and about 1cr she can dream for 100cr.I am surprised how one get this amount as even if your brother works his entire life he would never be able to save 1cr.

Indian legal system is full of loopholes and the best example is with Delhi Incident as you can see how lawyers manipulate the law and the criminals could not be charged even if the President wants to hang them.

Jo dar gaya wo mar gaya so give a tough fight and there is nothing to worry about these 498a and DV cases.I never heard wife of a rikshawpuller filing 498a even if he beats and ask for dowry.I never heard 494 against DMK leader or bollywood celebrities whereas 498a,494 etc laws are made for IT nerds who get ready to pay any amount and not ready to fight.

Believe me if you people give a tough fight then finally she will be the one who will ask for divorce without any settlement.

All the best

1 Like

devyani lamba (xyz) 25 January 2013

@ Chetan,

Thanks for the advice, definitely helpful. you're right in saying out of court settlement is to avoid litigation and to make it quicker. it's sad that our law is so weak that we prefer to use alternative methods. but the demands of this girls are way beyond rightful.

She has a intention behind filing false cases, try reading it!- what do you think it is? I don;t think it's anything more than wanting to hurt us and damage as much as possible.

.Do not give her the money and contend the maintainence case well supported by various points going against her demand for maintenance...- points like? and will strong points bring down maintenance amount or totally cancel it?

What needs to be done is to strategise legal actions to be taken and win it...There is a high probability that she may file a 498a, so watch out!!!..... - parents are aware of that and are working on it.

thanks again,

Vani

devyani lamba (xyz) 25 January 2013

@ Javed,

1. Thanks for ur reply, really insightful but when you started using some abbreviations, I got a bit lost. :)

2. I don't know what is SMO, PO and AB....sorry for being thick but I've never had to learn about law in detail.

3. no one's here to judge anyone, half of us are victims, the other half advisors so I'm not thinking anything of you.

3. your brother he had a love marriage and things changed with your bhabhi because of all those accidents and she seems to be a spoiled rich girl who got mentally unstable. - her father and brother died long before the marriage, it was only her elder sister who passed away while my brother n her were married. We as a family have known has as my brother's gf for years before they got married, she was always strange even before her dad's n brother's death. my brother never shared the truth about her conditions and tantrums up until their marriage started falling out. he always took her mood swings before that as mood swings of a woman. I mean, I get temperamental, we all do but who can say that after marriage how awful and worse the person can get.

4. I am sure her relatives and lawyers took advantage of the situation and wanted to file criminal cases so they also watch the show and get a share out of the settlement - maybe they did, may they didnt. my parents have contacted her relatives a lot of times and they are totally against her and agree that she's wrong but have no say in decision making. it is possible that her mother coaxed her, but that's insignificant now.

5. I think your brother should keep his CO and Adjutant in loop about his family life - his CO is aware, earlier this month, she along with her mom had reached his unit to meet CO cause she wants to stay with my brother now but my brother was on his way in train and had already informed that not to entertain her at any time. the CO refused to meet her and later, her mum gave a threatening call to CO saying she'll complain to station commander that he refused her entry in the cantonment...now no one would want smeones domestic issues creating any problems for themselves so the CO asked my brother to sort it out and not involve him like that. Though the entire unit is on my brother's side... still how many people actually will get involved hands on...practically no one.

6. get some medical treatment for your wife and if she is mentally unstable things will be in records- they don't even talk to him, even if he calls, she hurls out abuses at him so taking her for medical treatment is a dream. my parents probably have records of her previous medical records that they got as wise parents way before this mess started when she was living in house. they probably anticipated this. but her doctors are private docs and obviously if she fed them with money, they will manipulate records. when she lived with my parents, whenver my mom tried to go with her to doctor, she'd refuse and be very secretive. she was/is on medication too...it's when she doesn't take her pills that her worse form comes out.

7. If still things don't work and only option is divorce then your brother should be ready to fight and he should never be worried that he will be fired from army for 498a case and i never heard anyone being court marshalled for matrimonial case :) - I dunno much about it as I've never spoken about my brother's divorce with him. I only get limited info from my parents who don't want to worry me as I'm living here in UK by myself. but I AM INVOVLED, as its my parents who are suffering and I cannot see injustice happening. I really am shocked that things they show in movies about people getting harassed happens in real life.

8. Your brother only need to give PO to your father i am sure he is retired and have enough time with him so he just get a good lawyer and get a AB if any dowry case filed and then keep attending the court hearing and be calm this will keep on for years and your bhabhi needs to prove everything.She can file as many false charges against you or your brother or your parents but finally she has to prove it - dunno what PO is but yes, dad's retired now, he was in army too. my grandad was an advocate, so he's consulted him too, a lot other people and my dad has probably seen this website too, i think he has, but he hasn't created an account like I have. I really want to quit my job , join my parents in India and put up a fight. and yes, don't wanna pay her a single penny...she doesn't need anything, there is no dearth of money in her family. she's just being malicious. my parents are working out something for divorce currently, they told me but haven't given me details, there's only so much info I can get on skype from them...they always say it's a long n complicated situation. I've made them aware of 498a and that divorce should be filed before she slaps a 498a.

9. I am confident that once my family goes all out for this fight, she'll have nothing to save her and attack us with. and don't worry, there is no way on earth I'm letting my parents do an out of court settlement by paying her. as far as maintenance goes, it's ok and right but it should be justified and should only cover child support. and once this is over, my parents do intend fighting for custody of the child as the environment he's growing in currently is bad.

thanks again for your time to reply and read my essay like post.

Vani

Msk-need -nuetral- laws (self) 26 January 2013

Ok Vani, Simply you and your family are unaware of what is hapening to Indian men through various one sided laws as many others like in India.

Your sister -in -law may not eb actual extortionist, but their family, if aware of sec498a through any means, will aim for extortion. You can see it from making huge demand for out of court settlement

What ideally happens;

1) Women who behave erratically is easily influenced by misguiding lawyers saying that they will gain compensation of hefty amounts and take the estranged wives their side for two reasons (1) fo their own bread and butter and prolonging that case to maximum for monetray need. In such cases weak groom family tend to give up and come to middle settlement to move on with life. Thats is if wife demands 50 lakhs and finally husband compromises it for anywhere with 30 -40 lakhs, wife gets 20 lakhs and lawyers eat remaining (2) even if wife side looses the case, still lawyer makes good money by prolonging the case, remember once 498a filed , it was non compundable, meaning they cannot take the case back which was sweet fact for lawyers, (3) Wife later realises it but as left with no option she will have to continue fight 498a as in most cases men never take them back.

2) This is logic behind her demand of 1 crore, and if you sit still calmly , sure your brother will end up in facing 498a.

3) Please got throgh few materials fact about 498a in 498a.org or in SIFF sites, then you will understand this.

AB means anticipatory bail, for your family in the vicinity of expecting 498a, sure 1 crore demand always lead to 498a situations if not met.

1 Like

Chetan Joshi (Advisory/Advocacy) 27 January 2013

Any point which show that the wife is capable/already earning....If she has shown tailored version on what she lays claim on, salary etc...Then the correct version,,,Virtually everything that indicated that she doesn't deserve it....

1 Like

JASWANT VIJAY AGNIHOTRI (AIR ARMY) 29 January 2013

CO or STATION COMMANDER has no power to grant any maint to wife, he may take disciplinary action on proofs not on blind allegation, complaining to CO or creating drama is also cruelty, i also have letters which is directad to many civil authorities including CM the reports on increasing suicides in armed forces. It is not a rape where any justice verma may announce.....? Army also can take action against them via informing local plc stn. Legal cell is made to handel all these.

1 Like

devyani lamba (xyz) 29 January 2013

@Chetan,

what about the wealth and richness of her family? She belongs to a very well to do family with only her mother as a surviour. Quoting that she has enought family wealth to support herself, will tht help?

devyani lamba (xyz) 29 January 2013

Thanks Mani, very insightful....will have a read through those sites..parents are warned against the impending danger of a 498a.

devyani lamba (xyz) 29 January 2013

@Jaswant,

Thanks!! Good reply....i agree with the cruelty point..thats exactly what i think can be the basis of this case. Cruelty on the part of woman.

(Guest)

@Javed- I have seen a case in Women cell where girl is asking for 30 lacs as 1 time settlement from his husband who is a VEGETABLE Hawker :)

Poor Indian laws....