OPR (SM) 24 August 2012

Please help

Dear Experts,

I am from Delhi and retired from my job. My son got married in December 2008, it was an Inter-caste love marriage which happened in Delhi though the bride side is from eastern UP. They have a 1.5 years old daughter. Everything was going fine till May 2012, one day my daughter in-law had altercation with my son and left for her home with her father who was in Delhi during that time. While leaving for her parental house she was only complaining that her husband doesn’t give enough time to her. We all tried our level best to stop her going in the bad mood to her parental house, but she didn’t listen and left house without anybody’s permission. After reaching her parent’s house we all tried to contact her many times but she didn’t respond to our phone calls and sms. We were very much tensed and helpless. Meanwhile we came to know that she was in regular touch with my son-in-law on phone with whom we have strained relationship from last several years (we have his call details as proof). When we called her and tried to ask about this she got angry and started calling our relatives on phone and defaming us, and levelling baseless allegations. She called my son for a meeting after he returned to Delhi to her relative. The conclusion of the meeting was that she was ready to come back. Next day my son-in-law had a quarrel with my daughter and he started beating her, we called police and during the interrogation by police, he also confessed of talking to my daughter-in-law and in the compromise letter he said he will not repeat it again. On the other hand same day my daughter – in – law refused to come back to my house and also put an allegation that her life will be in danger if she returns to my house.

Finally on her complaint we got a notice from CAW cell, we visited same day to see what all allegations were put against us, IO didn’t tell us except that Dowry and DV, and also asked us to come on the date.

We were present on the date and most of the allegation that were levelled were proved baseless/wrong, we have furnished facts with documentary proof like call details, bank details, etc.

We have received a letter submitted by my daughter in law, putting forth following conditions for returning:

- My son will have to live far from us in a rented accommodation

- She will never give him divorce as she has no other relatives

- He will have to pay rent and other expenses whether he stays with her or not, till she is jobless.

- My son has to keep his salary on her hand.

- She will work as she has no trust on my son financially. My son would not have any right on her salary.

- My son’s family member will not visit their house, he can come and meet us but not for long durations.

- She can meet her parents and family member whenever she wants. My son can not interfere.

- She has attached false streedhan list and want it back, She wants to takecare of it.

- In case my son is not willing to stay with her, then her request us to take care of the child for 6-9 months under my son’s supervision. She will meet her on regular basis, and we have to inform her about child’s wellbeing regularly. We can’t take her out without her written permission etc etc.

I need urgent advice in the matter and on the above conditions, we want her to come back to our house as we have independent floor where they were living earlier.

If you need any further information I am ready to provide.

Thanks!

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7 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner ) 24 August 2012

Some of the syntax in your query confuses understanding the brief; like some place Son in Law is mentioned some place Son is mentioned

To me you are from girls side in this query and be it so, suggest to re-draft this query with correct Son or Son in Law mentioning to get opinion is my view.

However, if any other expert understood the query better than what I tried understanding it then feel free to provide remedy!

See below; few paras picked from your own above query which confused me;

XXX Meanwhile we came to know that she was in regular touch with my son-in-law on phone with whom we have strained relationship from last several years XXX

XXX The conclusion of the meeting was that she was ready to come back. Next day my son-in-law had a quarrel with my daughter and he started beating her XXX

XXX I am from Delhi and retired from my job. My son got married XXX

XXX She will never give him divorce as she has no other relatives XXX

XXX She can meet her parents and family member whenever she wants. My son can not interfere.XXX This para condition of her contradicts just above para J

OPR (SM) 24 August 2012

Dear Tajobsindia,

This query is on behalf of my son. In the entire episode my son-in-law is also involved who has poisned my daughter-in-law and instigated her to take all steps against us. (Me and my family have bitter relationship with my son-in-law and his family)

XXX Meanwhile we came to know that she was in regular touch with my son-in-law on phone with whom we have strained relationship from last several years XXX

After she left our house, we got to know that she was in touch with my son-in-law.

XXX The conclusion of the meeting was that she was ready to come back. Next day my son-in-law had a quarrel with my daughter and he started beating her XXX

After the meeting she agreed to come back to our house with child but on the very next day when she was suppose to come, my son-inlaw had beaten my daughter and police had to handle the situtation. When my DIL came to know about this she refused to come back.

XXX I am from Delhi and retired from my job. My son got married XXX

It was just an introduction, this query is on behalf of my son.

XXX She will never give him divorce as she has no other relatives XXX

This is one of the condition that my DIL has mentioned in the terms & condition letter to my son via CAW cell.

XXX She can meet her parents and family member whenever she wants. My son can not interfere.XXX

Yes this is an contradictory statement by her : but she actually means that she has no relative to support her in Delhi. Her parents are in eastern UP.

Hope I am able to explain it better.

Thanks

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner ) 24 August 2012

Originally posted by : OPR

We have received a letter submitted by my daughter in law, putting forth following conditions for returning:

My son will have to live far from us in a rented accommodation
Take: Agree but tell DIL to consider job avenues should also be available for your son otherwise what is the point in living far far in Kanyakumari when there is no job avenue available for your son to give his salary in hand to her J

She will never give him divorce as she has no other relatives
Take: Yes initially all metro women say so but when their hair start tutning grey running here and there in various Courts corridors they change their mind blaming Judges and Law that bze of these two they are not getting justice J

He will have to pay rent and other expenses whether he stays with her or not, till she is jobless.
Take: This is how insecurity of metro woman best illustrates. One side they have josh of their so called women empowerments and other side they know from their bottom of heart that jobs are now-a-days given on merits to either genders and before merits do such woman who are used to free ka maal khao wala attitude do they stand a chance this only Tata and Biralas can guide your DIL correctlyJ

My son has to keep his salary on her hand.

Take: Yes why not this is how in today’s women empowerment times metro women turn simple husbands into lapdogs just like their mother times.

She will work as she has no trust on my son financially. My son would not have any right on her salary.

Take: He he this is good infact, allow her to work because she is forgetting that previously she was asking son’s salary in her hand so normally after getting a job she should have asked the same this is where she fumbled in logical thinking but nevertheless agree to it J

My son’s family member will not visit their house, he can come and meet us but not for long durations.

Take: Fantastic till date what we say in such CAW cell terms and conditions paper was that metro wives normally puts one way condition i.e. husband will not visit his parents, but here she is not saying that so agree to it gladly. I pitty who her advisors are !Also ask her duration as in hours of visitation and see her confusion writ large on her face J

She can meet her parents and family member whenever she wants. My son can not interfere.

Take – Agree to it otherwise tomorrow she will again approach CAW cell saying your son and you all tried to kill her by kerosene stove whereas now-a-days in times of piped CNG times such kerosene stoves one sees mostly at Museum of Natural Arts, Delhi J

She has attached false streedhan list and want it back, She wants to take care of it.
Take: Sir the moment you used the word “take care of it” I suggest give her back the last loin cloth she brought as her stridhan under signed receiving with two witness especially at CAW cell as no point like archial times head of the family used to keep all expensive items in his room as safe keeping. Now a days times have changed now an empty bottle of Johhny Walker consumed that also at reception night is converted / included as brand new vintage bottle into stridhan list of such lost case metro woman’s.

In case my son is not willing to stay with her, then her request us to take care of the child for 6-9 months under my son’s supervision. She will meet her on regular basis, and we have to inform her about child’s wellbeing regularly. We can’t take her out without her written permission etc etc.

Take – Very good you should agree to it and then could have kept a mobile phone ON 24 X 7 and she would have heard baby farting too and BTW ask her if you should inform her if baby farts 3 times or 6 times a day J I mean what is limit lower or higher of baby well being and as a mother she should spell them out as in a list donot you think your major age son should have asked that to her in front of CAW cell IO ? Your son missed that opportunity it seems.

I need urgent advice in the matter and on the above conditions, we want her to come back to our house as we have independent floor where they were living earlier.
Take – never ever offer such property options in today’s time and do re-read Arab and Camel analogy from yore in case you forgot about the fables which your grandfather may have narrated to you when you were kid J

However above takes being stark relaity of today as in material to this reply I would add OK understood the unfortunate marital state of both of your childrens.

See as far as your Son's issues with your DIL is concerned one thing that emerges out is that your DIL wants to alienate your Son as well as grandchild from old parents.

Now having said that I have gone through the CAW conditions she specified at CAW cell and there are two ways to go about the emergign situation and you have to turn practical and not have 60 years back mindset to such modern days gender legal issues (indirectly I am saying your time has gone long ago now see modern times through eyes of a DIL);

One - Contest her unreasonable demands in various Courts of Law and at the end she will succeed in not only alienation but leave a large dent into peace of mind of the family and most probably you all will loose the grandchild too at the end.
Two - Agree to her i.e. set up separate residence for her in her own name rent agreement drawn and pay by cheque the rents. Agree to paying salary in her hand deducting reasonable private expenses of son. As she says it is not necessary for your son to stay there so initially your son can juggle staying there for the sake of child meeting and visiting you as parental obligations on his part and she says that she has no restrictions on that. As far as her meeting her parents / relatives and your son having no say is concerned leave that.

With above two what will happen is that present sword of CAW cell will be compromised and case gets closed at CAW cell and anyhow when children become major they should now a days be left to start their own nests as soon as a metro DIL arrives otherwise old parents peace of mind gets spoiled at their old age and they end up making their son divorcees too. You as parents have given enough 'sanskars' to your son now let him face his matrimony and juggle up harmony and donot think he may not be capable of that as lifelong you as parent cannot spoon-feed son no matter CAW case was there or not. A grown up children should also take some independent responsibilities of acts of omissions / commissions which comes with arranged marriages.

Forget about independent floor of yours. The moment you start pressing it she will claim it lifelong as her matrimonial home and you will end up loosing it too with certificate of divorce on sons name and false stridhan will become a real list of stridhan which you will end up paying too.

I would have suggested to contest tooth and nail to you on presented facts but then I say your daughter is also not well off in her matrimonial status clubbed with the case is of UP (Ulta Pradesh) read with you being old parents from Delhi so lots of running around here and there and total breakup of harmony in family would make you as parent too dishearten at the end of the day hence a social reply I suggested which to me is rare departure to advises I give here if you see my old replies in the forum and I admit the same particularly for this brief.

2 Like

ADV S PATHAK (lawyer) 24 August 2012

ask ur son to use this term and condition letter as proof of mental cruelity and desertion by her as the basis for divorce to start his life afresh

OPR (SM) 09 October 2012

Dear All,

Thanks for your suggestions! Latest development is that my DIL has stopped attending the CAW cell dates, she has not appeared on last two dates given by the cell. she was contacted by them on phone by she is not attending the calls as well. My son has given all the proofs against her falset allegations to IO and IO has agreed that my DIL has done this to harass us. IO says that they will send the notice to the complainant for appearing in the CAW cell.

IO also assured us that as per the latest rule no SHO can register a FIR untill the ACP of caw cell give their closure report and recommend for the registration of 498a FIR. IO also suggested that the best way to get out of it is filling a case u/s 9.

please advice.

Thanks

OPR