Exclusive HOLI Discounts!
Get Courses and Combos at Upto 50% OFF!
Upgrad
LCI Learning

Share on Facebook

Share on Twitter

Share on LinkedIn

Share on Email

Share More

Hemant Sharma (Group Manager)     19 January 2012

Confused what my wife wants

 

Got married to my wife on 26 Oct 2007. It was love marriage and she had eloped from her home. My parents were supportig the marriage.

28 Oct 2007...she filled a complaint in the local police station against her parents stating that she is being blackmailed and forced out of this marriage.

07 August 2010, we were blessed with a baby girl.

18 Dec 2011, she left home after a fight. Went to the police station to get an FIR logged against me. She claimed that I had beaten her up. When the police asked her to come for a medical, she refused as nothing like this happened. It was a verbal fight. Then she changed her statement that she was beaten up in past and was tortured. There has been no complaint in the police station prior to this...infact she never approached police prior to this. We only used to have arguements over things like that she wants to go out with me to watch a movie or wants to go for shopping. However, her mother has managed to elevate her misunderstanding against me by brainwashing her whenever she used to have an arguement with me.

19 Dec 2011, she came with lady constable and an ASI to take our baby and took her away.

19-30 Dec, friends and family approached her to make her understand that I am not a wrong person and that she should also look at our daughters future. She told everyone that she will take me to the court for divorce.

She went to the police station and filled complaint against them as well (only a written complaint) that I am sending people to her place to force her to come back.

30 December, she approached Delhi Mahila Ayog (Delhi Comission for Women) and I recieved the summon to appear before them on 8th Feb 2012. I somehow managed to contact the lady member before whom my complaint has been filed. The very polite and aged lady told me that she had filled a complaint claiming that I had used her debit and credit cards without her consent and taken a loan on her name, which now she does not want to pay of and wants me to pay of.

13 January, she approached the police station again to follow up about the complaint that she had made against my friends and seniors. The SI and IO of this case called me and showed me her statement. It said "As of now, I do not want any action against my husband and I just want you to scold him so that he stops disturbing me by sending people to ask for a compromise." The IO also told me that she has not filled a case for divorce yet, however, on asking what she wanted, her reply was still the same that she wants a divorce. 

I do not want to spoil our lives, she has been brainwashed by her parents, she is a little immature of her age and hence acting in such a way.

Will Delhi Comission for Women be effective in counselling her? And what is her intent of all this, she says she wants a divorce, but is not going to the court, she tells the police not to take any action against me, but to scold me, she approaches DCW not for marriage dispute...but for loan...



Learning

 43 Replies

Ranee....... (NA)     19 January 2012

you have admitted that she is immatured . I think you have taken all advantages bcoz of her immaturity.

You are accusing her parents for instigating her.Did you instigated her  to file cases over her parents just after her marriage??

She elped with you and not filing cases in such a way that you get arrested.That means she is soft hearted.

Yet she want divorce..why?

1 Like

Shashank Kumar Mishra (Student)     20 January 2012

Sir, in my view if it's about saving your marriage then you you really need to get the answer for "what your wife wants." and also you need to be clear about what you want; then may be you people can come to an agreement.

secondly, about the lones and credit/debit card use etc perpose of the loan, on whose name the loan was taken , who signed the cridet card slips,your income, her income all that'll matter.

If nothing works out option for litigation is always open but I have this feeling after reading the whole story that  none of you really want to go for that . you may file in a family court for a decree of divorce if nothing works out and for that consult a lawyer because I guess you can not give all the informations on web and thereby no one will be able to give you an accurate suggesion.

 

1 Like

Ranee....... (NA)     20 January 2012

truth is always bitter.

Hemant Sharma (Group Manager)     20 January 2012

@human being: Ture...totally buy your advise.

@shashank kumar: There is no option for divorce from my side as I very well know the fact that our daughter can only have the best upbringing and future with both of us. Even if by chance I am able to get her custody, I know that she will require a mother and nobody can give that to her apart from my wife...and vice-versa. 

I already have consulted my lawyer along with the IO at the police station. Both of them, after reading all the complaints told me, that she has no grounds for taking divorce and she will be unable to prove anything.

Even I do not want to get into litegation as I know it will take unneccessary time from both our lives and want to patch things amicably...the only problem is that I am unable to meet her or even speak to her over the phone. Hence, am hopeful that our date in DCW will give me that chance...the only thing I am curious to know is that how well are they at counselling...I admit that I have scolded her numerous times, however, all the time it was to make her realise of her responsibility towards home and nothing else. As my mother is quite old, I cannot expect my mother to take care of all the things any further and she should also understand that. That was the only reason for our fights 95% of the times. Her mother only used to elevate her anger whenever we used to have a fight and never told her to pay attention towards the house. Infact, she never wanted her to marry anyone as she was expecting her to earn and give away all her earning to her mother.

Even the IO had confirmed that the entire society....neighbours and relatives have boycotted her family for the same reason and that my daughter's future is in jeperdy if my wife does not understand the future consequences.

As far as loan/card is concerned....everything is in her name....

Ranee....... (NA)     20 January 2012

if she earns it is her duty to maintain own mother.Again if she earns how it is possible to look after everything of your house. Shasank kumar asked who income is dealt with those credit cards..which you avoided tactfully.

Hemant Sharma (Group Manager)     20 January 2012

My appologies...what she was earning was being spent on her own...as for the cards and loans...I was shelling out a good amount from my salary...she never started earning before she got in touch with me. She had learnt about the industry from me and then started working...apart from this...she was not working regularly. She has not stuck with one company for more than 6 months...apart from one execption where I was the client and the company had no choice but to promote her and give her preference....

Hemant Sharma (Group Manager)     20 January 2012

Again...as said by @human being...will appreciate if you can adivse on my current situation which will help me my wife and my daughter....kindly don't make any presumptions based on your bias towards men....again sorry to say this, however, have seen a few of your answers and it seems that you have some problem with men...I will appreciate answers from experts or people who will guide me on how to save the relation rather than breaking it PERIOD.

1 Like

Ranee....... (NA)     20 January 2012

These things are not clear in yr first post neither i have any problem with men like human being has for women.


  Do according to  as Shashank adviced


If nothing works out option for litigation is always open but I have this feeling after reading the whole story that none of you really want to go for that . you may file in a family court for a decree of divorce if nothing works out and for that consult a lawyer because I guess you can not give all the informations on web and thereby no one will be able to give you an accurate suggesion.

Ranee....... (NA)     20 January 2012

I got irritated when you told her mother is instigating your wife...do women file cases just because her parents instigate her..if so what about the case she filed against her own parents just before marriage..dont get irritated with y replies..It has become a rule of family forum of LCI if women comes for legal adviced she is ill behaved and suspected and vice-versa..
1 Like

(Guest)

hi utpala............. sam's back after extended Christmas holidays . I hope you missed me :-) I am the biggest fan of your consistent smart arse comments ¶  @hemant , as the matter of fact a wife who involves police for resolving family issues is not worth staying with . this is my personal feeling .... you know your situation best and you only have to decide what type of life you want to live . do make sure that someone is not taking you for a ride in the shadow of biased laws !! good luck 

2 Like

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     20 January 2012

@ Author

 

Have read your facts. Agreeing with your last observations on few time pass non-legal metro women writers squatting in legal forums.


I as one of the professional from legal fraternity have following observations to make on your facts;

 


You seems to have shown 'societal maturity' in handling your about to become volatile familial situations till now, yet, you somehow overlooked most crucial culprit from facts of your experience till date in your marriage.

 

 

1. Continuing from where I left in abv. para the overlooked culprit is called 'postpartum blues' and in layman's language and or as per DSM IV manual of psychiatry it is expanded as Postpartum depression (PPD). Reading down your narrative briefs it shows your wife comes from a very in-secure background and at one point of time you gave her your tough shoulders and thus quickly love marriage was performed and immediately the first child out of wedlock was also born. Understand that women from in-secure background takes lot of time and efforts to feel that they are now in a secure environs. The trick here is to have postponed her first pregnancy for a later date !. But then many married men in India unknowingly are not trained to read the signs of PPD blues due to cushy homely atmosphere and lack of social female dating culture while growing up. Nothing wrong - nothing right in all these but then this is the damage the relationship showed which you have converted into few writing before us seeking may be legal remedy. Well not all situations can be converted into legal for a simple fact Law says "come with a solution" we will give verdict and the person who matures to bring solution is the winner of h/er situations in life. So solution is within you just need a tunnel vision without prejudice of upper story wisdom.

 

 

2. It also shows from your briefs that she is converting her expressions of in-security into ink before various Authorities instead of solving with help of neutral men and agents common known to both of you and or even with face-to-face talk. The few reports before PS and Women Cell are illustrations of the same yet show several indecisiveness of a married women with a tagging minor child who is probably end up bringing in a in-secure home and this is the history which shall not repeat is the goal you need to target upon. In such cases Authorities mediate between couples upto certain level to diffuse the situation and beyond that they tell parties to approach Court for contesting as per facts all their personal issues. As you asked us what happens in mediation before such Women’s Cell then what they do is they convert such written complaints (especially in Delhi n NCR) with written permission of DCP into Complain matters to go before Court only if enough prime-facie evidences / pressure from feminst lobby are shown by the complainant (i.e. your wife). As you say reading the complains that they are not having enough grounds / evidences / factual matrix therein then it shows she is simply fishing and indecisively creating muddy waters courtesy her so called current advisory circles. Further your willingness to participate into PS and Women Cell impromptu enquiries / when called for and the personal leads taken therein to grip the situation is reflecting positive attitude to save a marriage.

 

 

3. A small effort you now have to make and it is called neutralising her ink effects before Law; i.e. you are presumptuously required to file a cross application as milder version from a husbands as his statement say before same authorities i.e. before the next date of counseling (before Feb.) do it and take a receiving (stamped / signed) copy of your application from same authorities. If they refuse to give same then send it by Registered AD post and file a RTI to Postal Department to give you receivers name and date of delivery for this RPAD application. Now the matter / content of your milder ink version is; plea for not breaking your marital home and informing her to come back to matrimonial home with minor child ! The opening of such application shall start with thanking the authorities to have given you opportunity to hear your (verbal) say upon calling you on such and such dates before them on complains of your wife. Immediately after this opening para mention your genuine plea for helping the mentioned couple in re-uniting in the name of minor child safety, security and best interest. Since you seems to be mature person I need not have to spell out exact verbatim of this application but essence is mentioned above and same should be crisp and short simple 1 A4 page. This is also trickily called evidence generation of good practice of a husband followed as societal expectations in such troubled situations and comes very handy in Court.

 

 

4. Take copies of her complains against you as well as your friends and family members roped in as mentioned in your brief(s) who went to her to help both of you on societal harmony point of view. She did make a mistake to rope in men and agents of yours by name as you stated in your brief as that is what a husband is supposed to show cause who believes in maintaining marital harmony and cannot be allowed to expect to ideate his breaking matrimony for long as is Court expectations also states same in case future course is Court and no other options is left between! This is perception of Court of Law in case in future if any case falls before Jurisdiction of Court.

 

 

5. Concerning Credit Card / Loans facts I can only observe that it is between two people in matrimony who are supposed to look after helping each other in finances and even if you have used her card(s) for any loans or withdrawals, amicably settle the same as top priority point of adding few more giving sense of security to her already in-secure background which is still continuing as is given to understand from several briefs of yours.

 

 

Lastly do socially interaction with female elders in family to understand postpartum depression and invest time in unilateral consultation with sr. psychiatrists from a reputed Hospital to understand safe handling of postpartum depression and break the ice, it is all doable and married husbands in India in such situations shall not feel ashamed to have sought such professional helps.

 

 

I shallnot write a Judgment and or predict the future course you and/or your wife may take legally if any. It all boils down to her environs and battery of ill-advised advisors company she may be forced to keep for long as "idle mind is devils workshop" so take faster pro-active steps as responsible husband if marriage is needed to be saved as you reiterate in several of your briefs. You see, a married man derives maximum solace in life once he creates positive vibes and by his actions to save his own marriage and gets a really ‘good night sleep’ after doing all he can and if he can’t get THAT sleep then destiny has something else in store for that man so trot positive in life and all clarity comes with it.

Finally you have been on right track taking help of a Lawyer and tagging him/her to PS and or probably going to take him/her in future to Women’s Cell and probably are getting basics of marital Law understood as advises from him/her - visiting legal forums which you keep in mind as educative inputs but pay less attention to legal mumbo – jumbo legal inputs if marriage needs to be saved and minor Childs future needs to be protected.   


Keep a healthy positive outlook to your marriage with few tweaking here and there after all indian marriages demands such tweaks from time to time.


All the best it is all doable social practice procedures in marital life of a Indian husband.

Hemant Sharma (Group Manager)     20 January 2012

@TAJOBSINDIA

Thankyou for the elaborated reply, this is indeed what I was looking for as it not only consist of legal advice, however, hints on probably why my wife is behaving in such a way...and I totally agree as I also believe that none of this is her fault...it is the in secure and unfit enviroment that has led to all this. Being her husband and the person who dearly love her, I will do everything possible to not let all this past hamper our lives. 

There are certain things that I will like to mention:

  • She has not approached the women's cell yet. What I was refering to is the Delhi Mahila Ayog, a legal body which has the power to summon anyone from any part of India and investigate. Yes, counselling is their very first step, however, after that they will just forward a report that they will create to the court. That is about it.
  • I am still holding on to the payments of the loan. Also, I am still holding the bank people as they do not know where my wife is. My reason is that if she has not gone to court and CAW cell against me, I think I should not aggitate her much further. Although, if after our hearning in Delhi Mahila Ayog, if things are not even a little positive, then I will be forced to give her address and details to the bank guys. I am will not do this as I do not want to pay. I will state the same in the Delhi Mahila Ayog that as long as she is willing to come back, I will take care of all the monetary resposibilities. However, if she does not, then probably just to let her experience that how hard life can be, I may take this step.
  • It is true that I am educating my self through such forums, however, I have a lawyer who has been a faithful family lawyer for years and am considering his advice as first hand. Based on my discussion with him and all the police officials, I have very strong grounds to contest.
  • Finally, to take care of the mental and emotional syndrome that you had mentioned, I have already taken an appointment with a well know psychologist Dr. Nisha Khanna (Website referance: https://www.byetense.com). Her profile is quite impressive and that is also what I felt when I spoke to her. It is not only for her, but for me as well as I am sure that there are certain things that I may have done unintetionally which had contributed to the current situation. The only worry I have is that how well she will be able to convince my wife to join the same.

I really appriciate you answer as it has provided a very detail insight of certain things nobody would have told me. I am quite positive and as I said, divorce is not in my dictionary...and if it comes to fight...as long as I am alive....I will only fight to get my family back and not break it!


(Guest)

 

 

 

Now,i agree with my sister's statement;

"It has become a rule of family forum of LCI if women comes for legal adviced she is ill behaved and suspected and vice-versa.."

@utpala

Professional person gyan started;:P

  

@Hemant Sharma

 The root cause of your marriage is this ;you and your family members supported the marriage but here family members against you since your marriage .Her immature behavior shows, you said, Got married to my wife on 26 Oct 2007....28 Oct 2007...she filled a complaint in the local police station against her parents stating that she is being blackmailed and forced out of this marriage.

 

Just only in 2,or 3 days she filed  a complaint ? that’s shows her immaturity at that time you have to tackle the situation with the help of your family members  or just take a divorce at that time but you  extended the time till she  further make some steps .You said ;I admit that I have scolded her numerous times, however, all the time it was to make her realize of her responsibility towards home and nothing else. Now what she wants? You own reply; she tells the police not to take any action against me, but to scold me.

 

now first level when her immaturity and your failure of handling this situation make this family matter goes into second level. Now she is controlled by her parents.

 

 

You said, however, her mother has managed to elevate her misunderstanding against me by brainwashing her whenever she used to have an argument with me. she has been brainwashed by her parents, she is a little immature of her age and hence acting in such a way.

 For this read my earlier thread; Parental intrusion ruining couples' marital life: Delhi high court

https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/news/Parental-intrusion-ruining-couples-marital-life-Delhi-high-court-12423.asp

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Now here she is controlled by her parents and right now parents are taking care of her baby so if you anything speaks against her parents then wife will react more.

 

Right now dont make any harsh step just wait for some time. Counselate this family matter i.e,Wait for the Authorities  who mediate this matter.Take care of yourself.

 

 

1 Like

Ranee....... (NA)     20 January 2012

Welcum back to Sam, Tajobindia and Kushan bro.....!!

tajobji you must be fine ...i got my reply....;)

 

Dont stop your free gyan again....you are the the head of the male soldiers here who like to attack women victims in this forum.

BTW author, did you ever think her habit of filing  cases may backfire you when U DID NOT RESIST HER TO FILE CASES ON HER OWN PARENTS JUST AFTER MARRIAGE.....HOW THE PARENTS ACCPETED HER AGAIN IF HUSBAND CAN'T IF WIFE FILES CASES????

Sam I am also impressed with your nutral replies...:D


Leave a reply

Your are not logged in . Please login to post replies

Click here to Login / Register