Dark Side of Online Marriages
Things to Consider Before Tying the Knot with an Online Prospect
Source credits: Anwar H. Danish, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Match making was once considered a heavenly duty by the seniors of the family. In the good old days, everyone knew just about everyone in their respective communities. Who the prospective bride of grooms parents, grandparents, great grandparents were, what they did for a living, what they did in their personal lives, etc, etc. Well, that was the advantage of a close knit society or community. Today with all our malls, high rises and hectic schedules, knowing our next door neighbors itself is a daunting task, leave alone society and community members. Hence there is no sure way of enquiring about a prospective bride or groom. Most of us are aware and almost ignorant of the pages that appear in the local newspaper advertising for brides and grooms. Some of us just skim through that page. Today, match making is not just a duty but also one of the biggest and fastest growing businesses.
Who would have thought the likes of shaadi.com, bharatmatrimonial.com, etc, etc would be not just household names but also splashing right across our tv screens. Today the community is online. But just how safe are these prospects. How safe is it to choose and marry the boys and girls listed online? Well, the chances are you can be as easily be duped by those advertised there as by your car mechanic. Always remember, Marital Websites only provide the platform and are in no way whatsoever responsible for the people who post/host their profiles online.
So you just log on to one of these matrimonial websites, conduct a search with pictures, choose a good looking girl and click on "interested" buttons. And presto! You are on your way to meet the girl and make her your bride. Really, its that simple .......... Or is it ?
Here are a few tips you should consider before signing the deal and tying the knot be it first time or second time J
Check to see if the profile is genuine
These days when even the most admired and respected job of the aviation industry is under the scanner and with fake degrees coming out like cockroaches. Be careful while reading the profile. Most people just give the common elements like hobbies are reading, listening to music, etc, all these are signs of carelessness and a laid back nature. Also check if the date of birth is matching with the educational degrees that they claim to have.
Education
Always be ready to cross check the educational degrees of the prospective match. If the boy/girl claims to have done their education from say
Personality Check
When you come across a profile you like and the girl claims to be well mannered, well natured, cool, hip, fun, etc, etc.... chances are you can very easily Google and find out their Facebook, Orkut, Linkdedin, Hi5, etc accounts and judging by the friends and their posts therein you can find out if the person is really being honest there. If you see the girl in a club or pub with a group of guys, which may just be a warning sign. Or of the boy is in a disco with girls, well..... you get the picture. Always do a personality check on the prospect.
Picture Perfect
Chances are that you will be conducting you search and opening the profile with a pretty face. Yes, we men judge girls by their beauty. So be careful that the picture is not photoshoped. Chances are you'll find a few pics that are just too good to be true, clean skin, no marks, etc, ...... yes there are people like that who are naturally beautiful, but don't you think if someone was that beautiful they would be already married instead of a listing on a matrimonial site.... Think about it. When checking their Facebook accounts also check if the pictures are true to the profile. Also if the picture in profile resembles a studio picture, well take that as a hint of things.
Age Factor
This is a tricky part. Be sure to check that the girls are not overage. If a girl is beyond a reasonable age as per society norms chances are something is off about her. In
Divorcee
Now this is the mother of all issues. Why ? The usual claims of a divorcee girl is that her ex-husband was an impotent, alcoholic or abusive or demanded money or tortured or cheated on her. Stay clear of divorcees as far as possible. If the first person rejected her, then he probably did it for a reason other than those mentioned here. Do not get fooled by that teary eyed long face. Make your assessment. Yes I'm sure you'll say that women are tortured upon and closed behind doors of the house in
Court Cases and Police Records
Recently there has been a sharp rise in domestic violence cases. There was an article sometime back that showed that a girl had 17 husbands. Each time she married someone she filed a false IPC 498a, Domestic Violence case on the family, extorted large sums of money and then divorced the man. And then repeated the whole con job again. While doing a background check on the girl, file an RTI in the girls local police station and the Head Quarter of Police of that city with her Name and Address to enquire whether there is anything on record even in the form of a General Diary. Enquire in the Court of Law if there is any mention of that name and address. Do a Google search of her and her family name in the news section. Please be very clear that it is currently a trend especially in
Children
If you prospective girl has children then absolutely make sure that you know who the father is. Since the father would have probably filed either for child custody or visitation rights, you'll be the one caught in the middle and more than often you'll have to take the kids to their father's place. So know everything about him also. Personally I love children, but remember, children are made by DNA, if the father or mother is fishy so will be child be. I'm sure you don't want to get stuck with children of the corn style kids.
Prenuptial Agreement
This is by far the most Important thing you should do while marrying a girl from a matrimonial site. Since you don't know their background, make sure they agree to sign a prenuptial agreement before the marriage. The Prenuptial should compulsorily contain elements of what happens in breakdown of the marriage. Sharing of property rights, fixed monetary relief, etc, etc and most importantly that incase the marriage is broken down irretrievably; she will not file any false cases in court and will not demand any maintenance beyond what you agree mutually. Trust me, it is a very common feature in broken-down marriages that the wife files false cases against the in-laws just to harass them. Sometimes, wives file for maintenance and as per Indian law the husband has to pay the wife money forever after divorce till she gets married. So if you have a nice pay package, she'll get a nice chunk of it for free while never marrying at all. And in case you are saying that you won't pay a cent, well... as per law you can be arrested and sent for 1 month in jail for not paying maintenance to your estranged wife. These are situations where a prenuptial agreement comes very, very handy. I know right now you are saying, "this will never happen to me...” well.... I sincerely hope not but it is more common than you know.
Know the Laws of the Land
It is of utmost importance that you know the Indian Law on Marriages. Do a research on Hindu Marriage Act, Guardianships and Wards Act, India Succession Act, Indian Divorce Act, Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act, Indian Marriage Act, Special Marriage Act, S. 125 CrPC, IPC 498A, IPC 406, Dowry prohibition Act, Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, etc, etc.
According to all these and many more laws, from the day you get married to the girl of your dreams, if she wants she can really destroy your life and your families. As per the date provided by the National Crime Records Bureau of India in their website, in the year 2009, the Male:Female Suicide Ratio is 64:36, out of a rough estimate of 1,27,151 people who committed suicide in
Hire Private Eye's
The most common thing which people do is hire private eye's to find out about the girl/boy. So here is a brief of what they do, recon and intel (i.e. follow around and gather info) and background check. Well on a overall scale it doesn't help much, but atleast something is better than nothing.
Meet her Friends
Birds of a feather flock together. try and meet with some of his/her friends before finalizing the deal. A person usually keeps the same company what they are made of. So if the friends are rude and snobs... well you get the idea. Meeting the friends will let you into his/her minds set.
Eat Together
People usually let their guard down when they eat. So take your prospect to either lunch or dinner and observe them eat their food. The way a person eats can tell a lot about how they are in reality. Without the other understanding, note the body language, voice tone, eating habits (big or small bites), chewing habits (open mouth or closed), note if they are sharing the food with you equitably or not. if you are alert then you'll certainly see their nature take over them.
Walk Together
Take a walk down a street and see whether the person is fast or slow paced, is walking ahead of you or behind you. All these are signs of personality and personal mindset. In a crossing, is he/she taking your presence into consideration while crossing the street or just running off by themselves. Everything you observe will reveal their true nature since their minds are distracted.
With this article, neither do I intend to scare you from the institution of marriage nor do I imply that all men and women in this world are bad. For all you know, you may just find the one true soul mate. But it doesn't hurt to do a little research before jumping into decisions. There are many people out there who are living perfectly normal married lived lives and I wish the same to you too.
Good Hunting minus no rainbow glasses pleaseJ
