Meandmylife (Pro) 22 March 2011

Trying to save my marriage

Hi All,

I am a married girl and wish to save my marriage.

I had a bf in my teenage years and was involved with him emotionally and physically. However, soon I came to know that he wasnt serious about me and he ditched. I tried my very best to get him commited for marriage, however failed and gave up for my family. After a painful course of a broken relationship I managed to stand up and establish myself in my career and life. I agree that I had made a huge mistake and resented from getting involved with anyone else thereafter.

I met my would be husband for only few times before we got married, as we got married in an arranged marriage fashion. He gave me little hint that he had not had s*x before marriage, however I wasnt sure about it. I am a matured girl and I understand that being involved with someone in your past is a situational issue and should not be a reason to dislike someone for marriage, and shouldn't be the top most priority for choosing a partner. Infact, I believe that if both are loyal towards each other, this issue should not be discussed a lot and cause a distance creator between the couple. I also had hope that in case he asks in details, I would explain him in a proper way.

However, situation changed and very soon I got to know that my husband is obsessed with virginity as he never got a chance to get involved. It wasnt about having a girlfriend, it was just that his x refused to do so and he too had a mixed feeling of fear + insucurity + keeping his virginity for his wife. He is still unsure about my non- virginity as we havent come close physically. After a lot of struggle, he has managed to come to terms where we would sit down and decide for ourselves. However, he doesnt trust me at all and keeps attacking me with his baseless doubts and harsh words.

I completely understand his feeling towards virginity as i too had a similar thoughts years back, however my life has got me to a level where I am unable to do anything. I do feel respect for my husband and wish to have a happy married life. I respect my marriage vows and I know that I will never cheat my husband by betraying.

I have following questions:

1. Can he file a case of cheating against me if he finds that I am non-virgin ?

2. Can I openly tell to him about my mistake in my past and ensure that he will treat me properly ? As far as I know, the legal system now allows a man and a woman to have s*x without marriage, however does that stand as a support in my case ? ( I dont support this thought, however might use it to save my marriage )

Thanks

P.S. This is not a post for discussing virginity issues, I dont support any particular idiologies. All I am trying is to save my marriage and ensure a bright future for both of us. Reply expected only from lawyers

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4 Replies

Damayanti (Unemployed) 22 March 2011

1. Yes, He can.

2. Yes, You can.

Amit Singh (Updating) 22 March 2011

1) No, he can't

2) You Should better do. You Should Confess and get out of his life Without Claiming Maintenance and save his Life which is becoming more & more Miserable with you.

P.S. Not a Single Virgin Man on this Planet will accept that His Wife has Slept with Other Man unless and untill he is a Pervert.

You are NOT Eligible or Qualified to live with a Sane or Decent Man.

Divorce him and remarry a pervert.

Adesh Kumar Sharma (Senior Associate Lawyer) 22 March 2011

Well dear,

I would suggest you one thing that your non-virginity cannot be a ground for divorce directly, however it may be cause for mental cruelty and that is a valid ground for divorce. If your husband chooses to file a divorce petition then obviously a lawyer would not stress on the issue of virginity directly. There may be a background and grounds for divorce like your immorality, adultery and all such issues, all would be made up by a lawyer. Because its not easy to get divorce without making false allegations by either party. Therefore in the same manner you can counter his claims, but remember one thing that don’t confess anything otherwise he may record or make some evidence against you and that would be very difficult to rebut before the court.

You cannot take this plea that open relationship is valid these days therefore you did not commit any wrong being physically involved someone else before marriage.

Now, I come to you last question, whether you can tell to your husband openly or not. Well I am not giving you any advice or suggestion as a lawyer, but as you narrated the story, I think your husband is not of open mentality that is why he is giving so much stress on your virginity. But, neither, I am saying that he is wrong or right, it depends mind to mind and person to person. One may be so obsessed for virginity and for other it may be nothing. In your case I think if your husband is much obsessed about virginity then I don’t think that you should discuss all this with him. Because I am sure of it that it would not suffice your cause but would entrap you into trouble. Further it may be a evidence agaisnt you being your confession. Rest is up to you.

At last, I would say that it was my personal opinion and I don’t want any further discussion thereon. As I said it may vary from mind to mind and person to person.

Thanks

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