Top 10 Mistakes Women Make in Divorce
Info; https://www.scfamilylaw.com/2005/11/articles/divorce/top-10-mistakes-women-make-in-divorce/
1. Assuming that the man must support you in the lifestyle to which you're accustomed. "Dynasty" went off the air years ago.
Comment: Family Courts in
2. Demanding "vindication" or "revenge" for misconduct such as adultery. It's not a factor in child support or property settlement at all.
Comment: Fault grounds are not a factor for child support, but they are in other issues, such as equitable division of assets, spousal support, and attorney's fees. Wanting revenge is certainly a natural emotion at the time the misconduct is discovered, but the sooner that feeling passes the better. The court will do what it determines is fair and appropriate under the circumstances, and punishing one's spouse is certainly not on its agenda.
3. Taking the house instead of income-producing investments. Sure, you want the house if there are children, but you want income, as well.
Comment: Whether to focus on income security or asset preservation varies somewhat from case to case. However, in most cases, wives should be more focused on the income aspect for two reasons: (a) many wives earn less income and/or have a lower (present) earning capacity than their husbands, and (b) husbands generally focus on asset preservation and will often make financial concessions to achieve that goal.
4. Failing to review credit cards and other obligations that are held jointly with the husband. It's going to affect your debt-to-income ratio when you apply for credit in your own name.
Comment: It is extremely important to know whose names are on the various debts. The credit protection aspect of debt distribution is one that is frequently overlooked, and one that can cause significant problems after the divorce. All other things being equal, you want to take responsibility for payment of a debt if your name is listed on a debt (whether solely or jointly with your spouse). Your spouse will not have incentive to be as diligent in making sure those payments are made in a timely manner.
5. Assuming you're going to get custody of the children, as if by default. The judge will decide what's in the best interest of the children; that may not mean the mother.
Comment: Again, courts are growing increasingly gender neutral, and fathers have taken a much more active role in parenting over the last ten years. The main factor the court looks at is who as been the primary caretaker, and that is no longer assumed to be the mother.
6. Underestimating the cost of raising children. Men may think they're paying too much, but many women don't know how much it really costs.
Comment: Child support in
7. Failing to appreciate the value of co-parenting in the children's lives. You may hate "him," but the kids may benefit from having a father heavily involved in their lives.
Comment: Divorced parents must make the transformation from relating to each other as spouses to working with each other as parents. Parents should understand that children do not understand this distinction, and they want to be close to both parents. The sooner the parents understand and accept these facts, the better off the children will be.
8. Using the children to punish the other parent. This mistake is not gender-specific; both parents do it.
Comment: Children should not, under any circumstances, be placed in the middle of disputes between their parents. This is the main type of misconduct I see occur in Family Court. Whether it is something as seemingly innocuous as having the child relay messages back and forth to something more sinister as actively trying to destroy the other parent's relationship with the child. Both mothers and fathers are guilty of this type of appalling behavior, and it almost always ends up harming the child.
9. Failing to know your overall, pre-divorce financial situation. You can't divide the assets if you don't know what the assets are.
Comment: In many households, one spouse is responsible for handling the finances. It used to be the husband doing so, but in recent years wives have increasingly taken this responsibility. If you see a divorce coming, you should begin collecting as much financial information as you can. This information will help your attorney get a better view of the marriage's financial situation, which will lead to you getting better advice.
10. Thinking with your heart, not your head.
Comment: When first faced with the prospect of a divorce, emotions typically take over. Shock, fear, resentment and other similar feelings usually cause the hear to rule the mind initially. As time passes, divorce cases become less emotional and increasingly similar to a business transaction. The sooner you can make this transformation, the better off you will be. Having a qualified attorney advising you as to what will happen in your case and what you can expect will aid in this are
