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Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     03 January 2011

Divorces in India are doubling..

Not so happily ever after as Indian divorce rate doubles

 


 

Indian models display bridal wear during a bridal make-up workshop in Amritsar, August 2010

Most of those splitting up are members of the thriving, urban middle class

 

It is wedding season in India, the time of year when astrologers say the omens are best for a long and successful marriage.

Traditionally these were arranged by the two families and the weight of social pressure ensured divorces hardly ever happened.

But as it grows wealthier, so India's old taboos are being challenged, and the chances of this year's newly-weds staying together for the rest of their lives are slimmer than ever.

"There has been a huge change, a drastic change and divorce rates are increasing," Dr Geetanjali Sharma, a marriage counsellor working in Gurgaon, a wealthy Delhi satellite city, told the BBC.

"There's been a 100% increase in divorce rates in the past five years alone."

Dr Geetanjali Sharma, marriage counsellor, India, December 2010

They don't want to put more efforts into a relationship to fix the issues”-  Dr Geetanjali Sharma Marriage counsellor

Most of those splitting up are members of India's thriving, urban middle class whose lives have been transformed by India's boom, and whose aspirations are radically different to those of their parents and grandparents.

Nowhere represents those changes better than Gurgaon, which only two decades ago was little more than a village.

Its buffalos and mustard fields have now made way for shopping malls, coffee shops and multi-national IT companies. A state-of-the-art metro line connecting Gurgaon with Delhi, 25km (16 miles) away, was only recently opened.

And while millions of Indians might aspire to live in Gurgaon's high-rise apartment blocks, they are, according to Dr Sharma, populated by many unhappy couples.

Escapism

The pressures of the modern workplace make a bigger difference, she thinks, than whether it was a traditional arranged marriage, or a so-called "love marriage".

"I feel people are concentrating more on the careers and less on their personal lives," she said.

Application of henna or 'Mahendi' to a girl's hand in a market in Jaipur, India, October 2010.  Like wedding henna, Indian marriages are not always permanent these days

"I also feel they lack patience and tolerance. They don't want to put more efforts into a relationship to fix the issues, and they feel that escapism is the solution."

India still has one of the lowest divorce rates in the world, with about one in 1,000 marriages collapsing, according to recent studies.

But the courts are now seeing so many new cases that the government has proposed making divorce easier and faster, in line with other countries.

As things stand, contested divorces can drag on for years.

Delhi High Court is the only place where Mohit, who works for a successful IT firm, now gets to meet his wife.

They fell in love as teenagers, married in their early 20s and separated three years ago when she walked out.

Honeymoon's over

While he awaits a final court settlement, Mohit (who did not want his surname to be made public) has been left contemplating what went wrong and why.

"I was way too young to realise that being in love and being married are slightly different - in fact humongously different," he told me.


Mohit says, ""We Indian males want our wives to be really progressive, but at the same time to cook food for us”.

We used to fight about pretty much everything, you know. Let's say that the first fight we had was pretty early, as in just after we got back from our honeymoon."

Mohit puts the failure down to a culture clash between the old India and the new.

For a start, he says, his mother-in-law disapproved of their marriage, and his family also interfered.

He admits that sometimes he too found it hard to accept that his wife had her own career.

"Today the Indian male, as opposed to earlier, is a very complex entity. We want our wives to be really progressive, modern, so to say, which is why we married them in the first place," he said.

"But at the same time we still want our wives to cook food for us. We want our wives to be there when we get back home."

Stigma

Swarupa (who also did not want her full name revealed) finalised her divorce in December.

She too left her husband - which she says is only possible for women who are financially independent or who have the support of their parents. In the past this would have been more or less unthinkable.

Traditional Rajasthan bridal wear in a shop in Japiur, India 17 October 2010 Aisle be damned: Some blame broken marriages on the culture clash between the old and new India

Swarupa believes that divorce has certainly become more socially acceptable in India, but there are still problems.

"Personally, I don't feel scared to tell people that I am a divorced person but stigmas are still there and it comes out in very odd places," she said.

"I've been house-hunting near my ex-husband's [home], but you know it is very difficult to get a house because people are very sceptical about giving it to a single woman."

It seems inevitable that the divorce rate is going to continue to rise - which is good news for some.

Vivek Pahwa, for example, runs a Mumbai-based matchmaking website for divorcees called Secondshaadi.com.

He claims to get as many as 4,000 new customers every month.

"Ours is a relatively young website, but in the three years since we have started, I have seen a remarkable shift in people's perceptions about divorce," he says. "It is not only limited to metros like Delhi and Mumbai. Business is good."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-12094360



Learning

 7 Replies

N.K.Assumi (Advocate)     03 January 2011

This forum is filled with matrimonial problems and it exhibit increase in divorce in the country. Yes, India has developed to a great extend but there is also decadence of National morality and the responsibility of the spouses have been thrown in the dust bin and nothing is gonna stop it. The rate of divorce will go on increasing and there should be National  Law to make divorce proceedings easy and faster.

Bhaskar for SOCIAL JUSTICE (Legal & Social Activist)     03 January 2011

 

IT IS SAD THAT DIVORCE RATE IS INCREASING IN INDIA.

THE MAIN REASON ARE:

NON-ADJUSTING ATTITUDE OF COUPLES,

EGO AND ADAMANT NATURE OF ONE OR BOTH THE SPOUSES,

EXTRA MARITAL AFFAIRS,

INTERFERNCE BY THE IN LAWS AND LAST BUT NO THE LEAST

EASY MONEY AVAILABLE TO WIVES IN THE FORM OF MAINTENANCE AND ALIMONEY. 

 

 

1 Like

(Guest)

 

 

 

Not so happily ever after as Indian divorce rate doubles

"Caturvidha Bhajante Mam Janah Sukrtino'rjuna
Arto Jijnasurartharthi Jnani Ca Bharatarsabha"

This Sloka says that there are four kinds of good people who worship god, those who desire earthly gains, those who are suffering, those who seek knowledge and those who possess wisdom.

 Jo hua accha hua, jo ho raha hai accha ho raha hai, aur jo hoga accha hoga.-BHAGVAD GITA.

Vakil ke liye accha hua.;)Ha Ha !!!

This is the reality not fantasy and we all in this world have to accept it.

 

Solution as Bhasker said;

ADJUSTING karo,

ego mat karo,

extra relation na rakho appi life yane husband se ya wife se pyar karo,

And if separated  wife ke prati aapni jimeedare se mat mukro,give a maintainance to wife if she or he is unable to maintain or not enough earning to meeet the daily expenses or to their children expenses.

1 Like

EZHILARASU (Legal Executive)     04 January 2011

There is a process to provide divorce faster and easier through mediation out of the court. This will be the best way to get divorce for the couple who wants get the divorce mutually. An agreement  can be entered between the parties in the mediation and mediation will certify the divorce to the court. After the certification is given, court will order the decree of divorce

Bhartiya No. 1 (Nationalist)     05 January 2011

The attitude and temperament of people is fast changing, patience has gone down. 

The best way to save marriages is to set mediation centers, and people seeking divorce should not be allowed directly  to approach to court, they must go thru the process of the mediation center.

Instead of making divorce easier, it is better to tighten the norms, and walking out of the marriage should not be allowed as  this will make marriage a fun. people should think many times before entering into the marriage. Also, for ten years no divorce should  be granted by any court of India specially to men. 

For women, they should not be forced to live with anyone.

JAYESH (Sr. Executive HR.)     05 January 2011

what is this going on everybody is talking to divorce only....

just think about the childrens what they face, what are their questions, how other will treat them, did any of you think about this all. Sorry lawyer this is your business but you should think about humanity. I'm totally against divorce. In some cases if really males are cruel then its ok. but now a days with the help of lawyers & law like DV & 498a its become a busines to get money. when female don't want to live with her husband they why they claim maintainance from them. if they want maintanance then they should start live with her husband only as husband will maintain properly.

see real need is to make our law in such a way that no females or males can misuse it. then only divorce rate will come down. The day will come soon if we did not change our law that females start taking divorce in numbers & start claming moneys & be wealther. SORRY FEMALES I DO RESPECT ALL FEMALES. FEMALES CAN BE DAUGHTER OF SOME ONE, MOTHER OF SOME CHILD, WIFE OF ONE HUSBAND, SISTER OF BROTHER & SISTER SO I NEVER WANT TO HURT FEMALES ON THE SAME TIME PLS FEMALES DON'T HARES MALE.

LIFE CAN'T RUN ON ONLY FEMALES OR MALES. BOTH ARE NEEDED. MY DEAR FORUM MEMBERS, BROTHERS & SISTERS, FRIENDS THINK OVER IT AND TRY TO REDUCE DIVORCE RATE & INCREASE THE RATE OF HAPPY FAMILY.

IF DIVORCE RATE KEEPS INCREASING LIKE THIS THEN IN FUTURE INDIA WILL NOT GET A GOOD LEADER BECAUSE HOW CHILDRENS WILL GROW UP. THEY WILL HAVE SO MANY QUESTION IN MIND AND DOUBTS IN MIND. SO FRIENDS THINK OVER IT.


SAVE INDIAN FAMILY

Bhaskar for SOCIAL JUSTICE (Legal & Social Activist)     07 January 2011

Ashutosh Ji

 

I also agree that no divorce should be given easily but it should be applicable equally to men and women and they must stay together and fulfill each others requirement.

If anyone deserts for continuously 3 months or more than other spouse should have right to take divorce .


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