Dear sir,
My name is Jagadeesh. I have a very frustrating marital problem. Before going to the actual problem, I wish to give you the details of our relationship and the events that led to this situation.
My wife and we were neighbours. We fell in love, she used to come to my house for tution. I am eight years old. At the time of our relation developing she was 17 years old. I got a job in 2009. My parents immediately started looking for matches. I was not the brave kind, but I usually refused any matches. I failed to tell my parents about my relationship. Added to that I was afraid of what her father and his friends would do as they have political and police influence. So, I came to a decision to break-up with her. One day I told her the problem and my fears. But her reaction was very violent. I started avoiding her and she would do some things like drinking surgical spirit in front of me, cutting on her wrist and such things. Meanwhile my mother took the liberty to arrange a match for me. I was in a fix. I did not know who to turn to. One day my wife went to the railway track nearby and called me. It was at night around midnight. I hurriedly went there to find her standing in the middle of the track. I persuaded her and somehow brought her to her home, but avoided explaining the situation to anyone. Later as my parents finalized my marriage and the date was fixed. In December of 2010 my marriage was fixed. I even explained my situation to that girl, but she said her parents would take care of the problem. But little did I know I would have to pay a hefty price. It continued like this. On the day of the marriage, she came to the venue and created chaos and the marriage was cancelled. My relatives paid some hefty amount to avoid humiliation and came out of there. After that I told my parents that I am ready to marry her as I do not want any more trouble. But no body agreed with me. So I ran away for a few days and through one of my colleagues talked to her father and tried to persuade him. He seemed favourable and I asked some time to settle things with my parents and I will marry her after she became a major. They agreed to my proposal and so I married her on august 11, 2011 after she became major, but our marriage was kept secret in my family and her relatives as well. My only reason was I will have to pay up the money they helped me to get out of that situation immediately which I could not accumulate even if saved every penny I earned for 3 years. Their reason being they had some problem with her grandparents and aunts and her cousins’ marriages etc., which was what they told me so, I got some relief till her completing graduation.
She completed her graduation in 2014 and got a job in a call centre. I was ready to tell my parents but my father suddenly fell ill in November of 2014. He almost died, but recovered somewhat after being in ICU for a month. During all this time our marriage was not registered. But for her and her parents’ satisfaction I gave all the photographs and other evidence of the marriage to them immediately after the marriage.
My mistake of not telling my parents boomeranged on me again. My mother started looking for matches again. I refused all the matches that came my way. My mother and my relatives took the liberty to arrange a marriage with one of my relatives without my consent in march 2015. Being the coward I am, instead of telling my parents the truth, I went to that girl to ask her to call of the marriage. She refused and said whatever my problem is, she cannot refuse. Meanwhile, they fixed the marriage date.
All my travelling and my tension raised suspicions in my wife. She pursued secretly my call histories and message histories through her office. She traced the girls number and called her and all hell broke loose. That girl was reluctant on backing off and told that the marriage was already done. My wife refused to listen to me and with her father gave a complaint in the police station. It was not registered but he used his influence to threaten me instead of coming for the meeting that my parents proposed. I was away from the town, so they took my brother to the station and retained him there without any valid grounds till I went there. So even after asssurances from my relatives that they will handle the situation, I went to the station myself and explained everything to the Circle inspector. He called on my wife’s family and asked their opinion. Then, he instructed us to get the marriage registered immediately and set up a separate family. Statements were taken from me. And they had my father in law sign something. My parents threw all my belongings including my dogs out of the house, called me and went away to my native village for a while. I was asked to immediately pay all the amount I owed. So, I took a loan from some lenders I knew for a bit heavy interest. I was instructed to stay with my in-laws and get a separate house for the two of us as soon as possible.
Even though everything was being done as the inspector said, arguments and quarrels were still going on between me and my wife. I began searching for a separate house. I found one where they also allowed dogs. But as I was about to pay the rental advance, my father in law started becoming involved. He suggested that I stay with them till things get settled among me and my wife. I though that was a good idea. Later she began to prepare for post graduation entrance exams. I asked her to continue her job for atleast a year till I get financially stable and she can resume her studies. My father in law started saying that I should not be wishful of my wifes money and started arguing that she is losing a year of studies. I gave in to the argument and agreed for her studies on condition that he will be paying the fees. I thought as she was willing to study she should study a good course that she in interested in. she got a seat in Andhra university in Visakhapatnam which is 400km from my town. So I went with her when she was joining the hostel. To my surprise, they declared her as unmarried for scholarship reasons. I asked her that it might cause problems later if someone found out but they said they can handle it. So I left that matter alone.
Meanwhile I had another financial problem. I helped the family of my wifes friend. They used to give me gold to acquire gold loan on someone elses name. at the time of all these problems with my wife, they gave me some money to clear the loan and release the ornaments. The money was used up somehow and I had no resources left to acquire the money. My mother in law, without the knowledge of my father in law, offered to give some of her gold to pledge and raise some money and I also used some of my wife’s gold to raise some money and release their gold. I returned their gold and they counted the items and said everything was there. I went away and after a few days I received a call that I did not give some two small items and started receiving threats that they will ruin my job and my marriage. I went to the police as I was being harassed by some CPIM activist regarding the issue and the issue was never to be heard again.
I fell ill for some days and I had to stay at home on leave. All my leaves were exhausted and my salary was stopped without any intimation regarding my leave balance in my office in july 2015. Later I joined on duty, but my salary was not being paid. I gave representations regarding the same but the process was still delayed.
After my wife went away to hostel, and I was sick and witout salary, my father in law began frequently to go to stay with my parents. When I asked the reason, he said he is finding it difficult to hide me in front of their relatives, who till date do not know of any of these incedents and even marriage. Situation became worse, my health condition became worse. I was given prescripttions for anxiety and told to take rest.
I told my parents of my situation and they said they will allow me to stay with them till my salary resumed and then I should leave to a separate house immediately. I agreed thinking that salary will resume at least from the next month but it did not happen. My salary was resumed only in may 2016 after much fight with union and management.
Meanwhile, after I went back to my parents house, I was frequently being asked about when I will take my wife with me. I was also desperate to do the same, but I had no to little money. I was eating at home and my commutation expenses were being taken care by my brother.
I started to realize that I was talking less and less to my wife. When asked for the reasons about the same I could not convince her and she began becoming more distant.
my wife went to my union office (as told by my union leader), to complain something about me in November 2015. I was called there to the office. They did not tell me why. I was surprised to see her there and asked for the reason. She told that she was asked to come there by my DGS(Deputy General Secretary) of the union and they told her that I was about to lose my job they showed me the police complaint papers and started saying that I could lose my job if my wife gave a written complaint. I asked her why she came without telling me and how they got hold of those papers in the first place as not case was filed and it was almost 7 months after the incident happened. She looked at me somewhat disappointed and there was a slight argument and she went away. From then she stopped talking to me. Even when I called her, she would behave irritated and put down the phone. Later in December she changed her mobile number for which her father gave reason that she lost her previous mobile. They did not give me the number till I kept asking for it. Later during the year that number also was not reachable. I thought she would be busy preparing for exams. In may 2016, she came for vacation. Even after she came to home, I was not intimated. I went there one day and the first thing she asked me was when I will take her with me. I told her I will get salary this month and arrange for the house immediately. She looked irritated and disappointed and stopped talking to me completely.
Now coming for the present situation. I rented a house in June 2016 and intimated my wife and her parents the address and all. I was asked to wait for auspicious day till july 14th. So, I waited and moved in to the house on july 14th 2016. I repeatedly kept tryng to call my wife, but could not reach the number. I later fount through one of her friends her new number. My father in law never gave me the number. I tried calling her and messaged her. She immediately blocked all my numbers. Now I could not reach her on her phone. If I went to talk to her hostel, I was afraid that would ruin her studies as she did not declare her marital status. I asked her father to send her with me, but he was giving lame excuses that it was not auspicious time at first. Then later he told she was gone for a university project work. Later when I asked to let me atleast talk to her, he began saying that, I will have to intimate at the police station regarding my address and the reasons for delay in renting a house. Later he said that he will send her only if my parents came to take her, which they will never do.
I put down the phone and I received a call from him a while later. He started saying that I should wait as long as they tell me to otherwise there will be consequences. They said if possible they will have a chat about it in October.
I want her in my life. My parents will never get involved as my father’s health is delicate. I do not have any friends in police department or any political acquaintances. I at least want to know what her opinion is. But if I pushed more, I am afraid what more damage could these people do.
I have always loved her and had no intention to let her feel otherwise. But, now I am losing hope, as I cannot live without her. And I do not know what I should do. I am posting this in hope that I might receive some guidance.
I have explained the issues briefly and I could go in to the details if required. Please help me.
