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DPT (ENGINEER)     20 May 2014

Law for sexual abuse in the pretext of marriage

There's a friend of mine. She loved a colleague. He dint respond her and suddenly he kissed her one day. The next day they had s*x. After 2 days the guy said he doesnt love her but he isnt like other guys to have s*x and walk off. He would marry her. The girl kept pressing for marriage and he told her he was unsure and needed time. The girl dint press much as he used to get annoyed and she feared he would walk out on her. Whenever she asked him what if his parents dont agree, he used to say they would agree for his happiness sake. After 6 months into the relationship, he started living with her in her apartment. Then he talked abt marriage to his family and family clearly denied. The guy then immediately stopped talking to her. Now he says he never said they "would" agree, he had said they "might" agree, and said he tried and thats enough. He said "I am not God, I dint know they would react like this, so I wont marry you and will marry wherever they say". The girl now feels cheated. And when she accused him of cheating her assuring her he would marry her, he says he dint force himself, it all happened with her consent. My friend went to his parents and begged on her knees saying its about her integrity and future but they disregarded her pleas and said they will never allow intercaste marriage because of their "prestige" in society and they both can get married but if they do, they will never be allowed into his house. The guy knows all this and still says he will not marry her. My friend is shattered and attempted suicide. Now she has recuperated and wants to know if there is any law to help her? Their company knows about the affair and she feels humiliated working there. She feels cheated and hurt by his change of words. Can this be registered as a case of fraud? The case needs to be taken in family court or criminal court? Please provide your opinions asap.

 

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 10 Replies

Laxmi Kant Joshi (Advocate )     20 May 2014

in this situation police will registered The fir in the rape section i.e u/s 376 ipc its a criminal offence and the trial will take place in the criminal court , she have to prove he raped her in the name of false assurance of marriage, he give the prove she wilfully and with her wish lived with him , she had all her concent , in totality both will loose their name and respect , better they forget each other change their companies never get in touch with eachother , no need to file any case against anyone because both had commit wrong , now don't do more wrong both of them will feel humilation tell them forget everything and start new life ,a sweet long life awaiting ahead .

DPT (ENGINEER)     21 May 2014

My fren wants to marry the guy, she is feeling humiliated and she would have never gone this far if he had not said he would marry her and that "I am not like other guys, to walk off after s*x. If I can have s*x, I can also marry". Now he says "I had said, I can, I dint say I will". Thats ridiculous. How can we let go? Its for our lineancy that guys do like this. When they sleep, they dont remember family and parents, but when its time to marry, they think of everyone! Is a girl's modesty higher than "biraadri me prestige" of parents? In our male dominated society, hasnt the girl's character been marred forever? And if its a mistake by both, she is ready to take responsibility. Why is he hiding? He dint take her to meet his parents, refused to meet her parents also. It means clearly he used her as per his convenience. Everytime she talked of marrieage, he kept saying he needs time to be sure that he wants to marry her, even after staying with her and been s*xually involved with her. isnt this fraud? Should they really let go and start new life? Its easy for the guy, but the mental trauma for the girl is greater. Should we encourage guys to sleep with gals and then ditch them in the name of family? They are not teenagers to be passed off as immature and inable to understand their rsponsibilitites. Sorry, but I dont agree to your saying that fearing social stigma, they should forget and move on.

Sugam Dayal (Business)     21 May 2014

both the girl and boy are equally involved. they both are ignorant about what they can control and what they cannot.

Girl was tempted to marry him. On this pretext, she had s*x with him so that he does not run away to other girl. I don't think s*x is the right way to find love and hold it for life. She took wrong decision to retain love.

Boy was tempted to have s*x with her. On this pretext he said yes that he will convince his parents will marry him. Boy took the wrong decision to have relation with girl because of her emotional affinity towards him and won trust by providing statements which he can or cannot achieve. 

Girl can feel as if she is cheated and Boy can be punished.

but RAPE!!!...as mentioned by respected lawyer above, will take too much to prove

 

 

DPT (ENGINEER)     21 May 2014

My fren doesnt want to file rape case, but just wants to know if law can help her get married to the guy as she fears social stigma, if she doesnt get married to him, since she belongs to a very small town and if she marries someone else, and he finds out her past, he will definitely divorce her. The boy till date says he will marry if his parents agree. I wonder when will India really get rid of people who dishonour a girl's integrity for their "social prestige", ridiculous and disgusting and too low moral values of the family I must say.

DPT (ENGINEER)     21 May 2014

My fren doesnt want to file rape case, but just wants to know if law can help her get married to the guy as she fears social stigma, if she doesnt get married to him, since she belongs to a very small town and if she marries someone else, and he finds out her past, he will definitely divorce her. The boy till date says he will marry if his parents agree. I wonder when will India really get rid of people who dishonour a girl's integrity for their "social prestige", ridiculous and disgusting and too low moral values of the family I must say.

Sugam Dayal (Business)     22 May 2014

Dear DPT, yes your friend has being cheated. But it will be hard to press charges of fraud on her bf, since her bf didn't roped her in with tactics that he will marry her so have s*x with me.


Its your friend who went to him...and when he said he does not love her, but will marry her by convincing parents...it can be said that he tried to take up the responsibility as well but not full responsibility since he clarified from start that he does not love her.( don't know what he has in mind).


So even if you talk about a hypothetical case of cheating/fraud...i don't think it will be a strong case.

As suggested by the learned lawyer. also he is quit elder and has experience of life and cases like these....its better to move

...the girl is as guilty as the boy...she allowed the boy to abuse her when she knew his words were not that of commitment but that of moral support....

- i am no expert but this is what i feel. do not take my comments to heart, but try to analyze it with your mind and do the best of what you think...and you will be the winner

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     22 May 2014

The villains in this episode are neither boy nor girl, but the obstinate parents of the boy, who spurned the girl on the ground of caste.  They did not teach their son how he should be morally rectitude before marriage, but sunk so low that even their son had physical relationship with the girl, they are refusing the girl on the ground of their "holy caste".  There is no law to punish such caste or religious bigots, even though the Constitution is shouting aloud that there should be no caste and religious discrimination in the society.  These very parents with their obsurantist phylosophies demand hefty dowry from daughters-in-law and harass them to swindle as much as possible in the name of custom and culture.  I strongly advise to your friend that just leave them as good riddance.  Even the boy is not worth to be adored, who has no spine of his own and is a mama's boy and unabashed to turndown the girl with whom he has physical relationship. 

The narration of the facts by you clearly indicate that there is no legal case.  Go through your narration in the first post itself, where you yourself admitted that the first day the boy kissed her and on the next day he had physical relationship.  By that day he had never given any promise.  His promise for marriage came only two days after that.  That indicates the girl willingly had physical relationship with the boy before getting the assurance of marriage.  Now turning and twisting the facts may not bring fruitful result in emotional relationship.

Going through the legal history of rape cases, in a very few cases the women succeeded to convict the boys on taking the plea that in the first encounter, she was forced or beguiled to take spurious drinks laced with sedatives and after that in her stupor, advantage was taken.  On later occasions, on the basis of false promise of marriage, further advantages were taken.  In a very few cases, it was seen that the girl was blackmailed on the basis of photos and videos taken in the first encounter. All these later encounters were tantamount to rape if threat, duress or enticement was a factor after first consentual episode.  As the copious judgements on rape won't come to rescue and further, both the parents and boy are not worth to be regarded, my sincere legal advice is to throw them out of the hair. 

DPT (ENGINEER)     23 May 2014

Dr. Diamond: I understand your point but seeing her condition, I really want to help her. As it is, I have seen her relationship since the begining. To put it in short, the case with my friend is she is feeling bad for herself. She had proposed the guy first. He had denied. After 3 months, when he kissed her, she thought finally he is in love with him and given the personality and attitude he projects, she assumed he is man enough and will definitely marry her. She dint stop him the next day. But she was shocked when after crossing the limits, he said he doesnt love her and just lost control. She was shocked as she never expected him to turn out to be so careless and irresponsibe. Here, the point I see is the guy would have never dared if he dint know she loved him, am I right? My fren was hanging on to the relationship because she thought, now her future & dignity is at stake, so she should try her best to save the relationship. She had voiced this to the guy also and he kept saying he isnt like other guys to hv sx and walk off & "I cant play with someone's life". He said his parents would agree and he would have to convince them since so much had happened between them. Now he is changing his statement saying "I never said they would agree, I always said they 'MIGHT' agree". Should we really let go of this? Just because we live in a male dominated society and the gal has to face social stigma if things come out in open? Its because of  such guys and parents that many girls commit suicide in India. Is trusting someone so wrong?  

DPT (ENGINEER)     23 May 2014

Advocate Chandrashekhar: Even worse is that, in a desperatioln for her life and integrity, the girl went to the guy's house. His father asked her to get out but aftr her request let him in, closed the doors so that neighbors don't hear and asked her to speak. She kneeled down and requested them, but they said being a girl, she should have protected herself and if she can allow 1 guy inside her house, she can allow 10 guys! Isn't this ridiculous? What kind of a country are we living in? Does women dignity exist only in print? Further, his mother told her "before starting the relationship, you should have called us and asked if we will allow you to marry our son"! How valid is her statement? That means, a girl should call up the parents of a guy and ask "Hello, will you allow me to marry yuor son, then I will let him hv sx with me."? To be honest, if their social prestige is at stake, same holds true for the girl. And parents like these will be encountered by the girl if she plans to marry elsewhere who will insult her for havin lost her dignity before marriage. What will she do then? Is social prestige of a family, of parents who have lived their lives, more important than a woman's dignity? More important than her future 40-50 yrs? On a personal note, I feel like goin to the guys house and standing in front of the house and telling all the neighbors what their son has done and how their prestige is higher than a woman's integrity. Such people should be taught such lessons only.

Sugam Dayal (Business)     23 May 2014

Sent you PM. Please read


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