Are working married women really financially independent?

For justice and dignity

we say that once a lady starts earning,she becomes financially "independent" and "confident".she can take her own decisions,and so on.that is the benefit of education and economic independence.

 

but i doubt that in india,working women really have any such independence,whether they are researchers or clerks.

 

when prospective boys come to see them,they prefer the one who's earning well,over non-working gals.

 

they want her to bring monthly earnings,so that they lead a lavish lifestyle,and also expect a good dowry and a good marriage.

so the arguments given by learned members here,that education and economic independence of a woman is a sure shot way to eradicate dowry holds no logic.

also, real problem starts after marriage.in many houses,the families expect the new bride to hand over her salary to her mother-in-law.

 

now her husband must already be contributing to his parents.they are already well off.then why is the newly wed also expected to hand over her salary to her MIL?

 

Isn't this a way to control her?they keep her jewels also under their control.and want her salary too.

 

the bride must spend her earnings in household expenses.there's no harm in that.but i dont digest this when she is asked to hand over her salary.this is too much of suppression.

 

suppose her parents become needy some day,and she needs to help them financially,if she has made her in-laws habitual of eating away her monthly earnings,she will have a hard time asking them to compromise since her own parents are also in need of her money.

 

there will be lots of opposition from in-laws.

 

 

please share your opinions over this


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house wife

I agree with you Roshni.

there is a no independence of earning woman. when i was earning at my inlaws home.they took all my salary & did not give me my earned money for even my expences. i was asked to bring all my needed things from my parents' home.

& i was helping my father in his business. & after marrige i was not allowed for that.it was like earn money only for us & spend money of your father but dont earn money for him.


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practicing advocate

Nice article to debate.

 
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Hidden

Very sob-sob story. Bahut na-insaafi hai.;(

I didn't appriciate those man who take there wife's income.

But then , Why do women ask of compenstion, alimony, maintenance ?

Life is the name of sacrifice & adjustments. Not only complaints.


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Once u decide to enter into the institution of marriage, the question of MY MONEY, HIS MONEY, HER MONEY, HIS PARENTS, MY PARENTS shud nt come in between. Trust & affection shud be deep enough to submerge these feelings. The boys/girls who nurture these feelings are not living in true matrimony.........my view


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For justice and dignity

Originally posted by :galsober@yahoo.co.in
"
Once u decide to enter into the institution of marriage, the question of MY MONEY, HIS MONEY, HER MONEY, HIS PARENTS, MY PARENTS shud nt come in between.
"

i agree.

 

but i raised this issue becoz in most indian families,DIL is pressurised to hand over her salary to in-laws.you cannot force a person to love u or respect u under pressure.whereas in her own house,she may hand over her salary to her parents out of love,as they have nurtured her all her life.herein lies the difference.

 

if in-laws are so loving like parents,why do most of them rebel when they get to know that their laadli "daughter" wants to financially support her parents?is this their true love?

 

 
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advocate

I agree with @roshni to some extent beacuse the situation you are explaining is in joint families and usually during starting days of marriage ,in-laws expect a lot and frame there own rules.to show to youth that they are the controllers and law framers.But things change after kids and years pass by.When a woman is questioning about her financial independance,or if the thought arised,then its sure that frame work is done in her brain,how to break these rules.

It depends upon individual woman how she handle her family,if she is mentally a supressed creature than it is 'she' herself letting the strings in other's hand.we can work these things ,first in between the couples and then letting the family know.

 
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none

A very good question: galsober has raised a great point.I don't think we should be talking about this as if this is happening in all families-because it is not.

1) Parents have made sacrifices, usd their well earned money on trying to educate their sons, taken risks, cut back or complete forego vacation and other enjoyments in life. Now that he is married to a woman should the son completely neglect them? Should they be left to fend for themselves? Since their bank balance and their support structures could be meagre and their expenses including but not limited to medical is growing as they get older!

2) The same may apply to daughter in law and her parents as well. However if a wife is BSc and husband is BE could you say that their parents have spent equal money- maybe not! If husband's parents are in the beginning  poor or middle class maybe their percentage of spending on their son is far highre. This almost prevents any savings or may in fact they maybe in debt. Now which parents are better off?

3) Now wife in many families may control the money. The parents of husbands are left holding a coconut shell! Is that acceptable?

The discourse seems focussed on wife and daughterin law. The NCW and MCD wants everything to move around this. But hell there are other people in the country-hello!!!!

4) All right wife is earning and husband is earning-the question is shouldn't each control part of the money individually to help their own goals such as supporting their respective parents?

The dynamics are not that simple. The question raised could be relevant in some families but in others the wife/ daughter in law is the tyrant. We cannot let those go unaddressed!

How about the wife/ daughter in law then filing false cases of domestic violence and 498a?

Now the other question is-are men who earn independent? On one hand wife wants to control the money, then on the other mother and father  in law, then their own parents and hell even their daughters later. So can you say men who earn and educated are independent?

 
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none

That is why we need prenuptual contract-not agreements but contracts in India! Define everything right from the start so neither husband nor wife may abuse each other!

 
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what is being independent?

my wife is working in a big firm and earns a more than decent package. Me and my family had a lot of dreams when I got married to her. We were looking forward to good future as the famly's income would almost double with an additional member in the family.

we had so many dreams

1. my brother's education abroad

2. my sister's marriage.

3. finally a home for my parents who have done so much for me

 

but she bluntly refused to contribute to any of the above. She wanted to have a lavish and comfortable lifestyle for us at Bangalore and that her salary is to be used only for us in Bangalore. She even refused to take up the responsibility of helping with my personal loans which I had taken only for our wedding expenses.

she says I am free to give as much as I want to my parents. b*tch..she knows most of my salary goes away into savings for our future...so my old parents and young brother and sister are left to their fate and me being their son can do absolutely nothing for them..,While they suffer in misery and struggle for every paise, I was living in a lavish home with that b*tch...you can only imagine how painful it is....I was so depressed and fights came up...

 

my six months of marriage with her have literally been hell..

 

and now this lady just like everybody else has filed a fake 498A and DV on me...and these stupid biased indian laws say that a guy should give girl the maintenance...but they completely fail to mention the responsibility of the girl towards the in-laws...isnt it the responsibility of the girl to accept husband's family as hers own............................would her behavior be the same if it were for her parents

 
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