Wife left home. not ready to live with my parents.
Shiv raj
(Querist) 25 May 2020
This query is : Resolved
I got married in July 2018. We both work in Pune. It was an arranged marriage. We had a baby boy in June 2019. After delivery, I tried to get my wife back to the Pune, but she never told me exactly what she wanted. Always I do not need anyone, I look after myself, she used to give this type of answer. After all, I had a meeting with his family members and some people, then she said that my mother cannot live in my house in Pune. Only her mother will be with us. Even during pregnancy, his mother came to live with us for 3 months. I am the only son, I cannot leave my parents. But in the meeting, people said that take it for a few days, her mind will be changed.
And on December 19, my wife came to Pune with her mother and brother. I sent my mother to the village. My wife had said that only her mother would be with us, but her brother also stayed with us. My mother in law's behavior was also not right. I did not even let me see properly with my child. I was tolerating everything, yet after a month my wife's father came and my wife said that she is going to leave the house. And she needs a divorce. I felt like this is frightening. But one day when I came from the office, I saw that they left home with all the furniture that was got at the wedding [january 20]. When I called her, she did not even give me the address and said talk to my maternal uncle. His uncle did not tell anything properly.
I have not received a single phone call from her for six months. I messaged her a couple of times to come back. Now I came to hear that she does not want the divorce and wants to come back.
But now I need a divorce only. Because she can never keep my family happy. She has a habit of lying. Her mother always threatened to send me to jail.
Inevitably I have to stay away from my son. Only once or twice a month after the divorce, I will be able to meet my son rightfully. My wife and her mother are very arrogant. They always insulting me for my salary because I used to earn less than my wife. Even after suffering so much, till date, I have never given any trouble to my wife. But my wife and her family members can never be changed.
Can I get divers on this basis? If the wife refuses to divorce in court and my wife is ready to live properly with my family members, what should I do?
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 25 May 2020
You can arrange a meeting with her family or friends and yours and settle the terms.
Ask her that if your parents would not live with you, her family members would also not live with you.
Try to record all threatening from her or her family.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 25 May 2020
Presently she is ready to live with you, try to save the marriage.
Do not file divorce case from your side.
If possible, explore the possibility to live separate from your parents.
Meanwhile tell her in clear terms that she is employed, and it would be in the best interest of child that your parents stay with you.
Shiv raj
(Querist) 25 May 2020
Thanks for this comment.
Shiv raj
(Querist) 25 May 2020
I have some call recordings.
Shiv raj
(Querist) 25 May 2020
Thanks Rajendra sir for this comment.
Yes After this lockdown I will arrange a meeting with her family members. But what if she is not ready to live with my parents. Her mom dad supports her for this, that's the main problem. I would agree to live with her mother but she is very rude and arrogant. I can't handle her anymore. My wife is also same.
Shiv raj
(Querist) 25 May 2020
Thanks Rajendra sir for this comment.
Yes After this lockdown I will arrange a meeting with her family members. But what if she is not ready to live with my parents. Her mom dad supports her for this, that's the main problem. I would agree to live with her mother but she is very rude and arrogant. I can't handle her anymore. My wife is also same.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 25 May 2020
Marriage cannot be run on conditions. You are sole son of your old age mother and morally as well legally, you have also responsibilities towards her. where shall she go if you shall leave her at the mercy of others.
You need to put your issue effectively and vigorously before the attendees of the proposed meeting and should also give example of your brother in law, who cares for his mother. Untill and unless you perfectly put your case, no permanent solution may arrive.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 25 May 2020
It seems that over lenient behaviour of you towards the family members of your wife has contributed to reach the situation so complicated. It was not expected from you to leave your mother on the asking of someone.
Anyways, try to save your married life by perfectly insisting upon the truth. You may apprise the outcome of such meeting and may seek guidance of the experts thereafter.
Shiv raj
(Querist) 25 May 2020
Thanks sir.
Let me attend this meeting. Then I will get back here.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 25 May 2020
You are always welcome Mr. Shiv Raj. We shall be eager to know from your side.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 26 May 2020
I agree with the experts advise.
Try to save the marriage institution, divorce is easy but it will leave many wounds in life which may or may not heal properly.
Discuss the issues (in private) with your wife to find out solution/ reconcilliation and mutually respectable understanding.
You may rope in some common relatives / friends / elders / respectable persons of the Society to persuade your wife to save the marriage "unconditionally" and without interference of her mother / brother / father.
P. Venu
(Expert) 26 May 2020
Yes, the priority ought to be in saving the marriage, However, deserting the husband just because of his parents, in the absence of aggravating facts and circumstances, amounts to marital cruelty based on which divorce could be sought.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 26 May 2020
You said:
Yes After this lockdown I will arrange a meeting with her family members. But what if she is not ready to live with my parents.
Reply:
You should try to convince your wife to have positive attitude. Please try to accompany with one, two witnesses and recording of meeting conversation.
If she is not ready to live with your parents, you can try for separate living near house of your parents. You should ensure a daily visit to your parents if living separate. Do not allow any of her parents to live with you in case you are living separate from your parents. In fact, this can be her ego for not living with your parents rather they would take care of your child when both of you are in office.
You said:
Her mom dad supports her for this, that's the main problem. I would agree to live with her mother but she is very rude and arrogant. I can't handle her anymore. My wife is also same.
Reply:
Do not compromise beyond justification and away from your self-respect. You can live separate from your parents, never allow her parents to live with both of you. If allow, problem would multiply.
Shiv raj
(Querist) 26 May 2020
Thank you Rajendra sir for this valuable guidance. This means a lot for me.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 26 May 2020
You are welcome, may revert in case of further question.
